Last week, I was going through some of my notes and I stumbled on one of my many lists of questions to ask a dude. I’m not joking, I have different types of lists and this is the one I use to determine if a dude is worth going ahead with and also sift the wheat from the chaff.
After finding the list, I decided to post it on my group on Telegram (if you are still using WhatsApp, all I can ask is why??) for laughs. One of my homies (@eccentric_sky) made the list into images and replied a tweet asking for “first date questions”. This received a few likes and retweets so I thought why not share with my beloved SIGs and help my fellow human beings (I am all about sharing love and light).
Note: This list was compiled by me (a woman) for men but you can tweak where necessary and use as a questionnaire for women too.
So here is my list, I think it is hilarious and somewhat extreme but trust me almost everything on this list was influenced by true life occurrences. I also spoke with a few people and they helped expand some questions in there, as well as suggest new ones to add to it. I will put an asterisks ** on those questions I had help with.
Here are the definitions of some of the words used in this list to avoid any “confusion”.
- Girlfriend: a person’s regular female companion with whom they have a romantic or sexual relationship.
- Boyfriend: a person’s regular male companion with whom they have a romantic or sexual relationship.
- Fiancé: a woman to whom a man is engaged to be married.
- Wife: The woman who you are married to.
- FWB: A friend in which you are allowed sexual activity but no true relationship is involved. Not a girlfriend or boyfriend.
- Scum: It is hard to define the word, but it is basically used to describe someone so disgraceful that they are seen as the lowest form of life.
- Yoruba demon: A Nigerian guy (transcends the Yoruba tribe) who goes after a young lady’s heart with no intention of loving her. They are typically met at parties, and would mostly wear white agbada (clothing).
- Possessed: (of a person) completely controlled by an evil spirit.
- Wedding: A marriage ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities.
So here is my list of questions to ask a guy. This list is for someone you are talking to, looking to date or just for asking because you never know…
Disclaimer: You may take the person’s answers to these questions at your own risk, I will not be held liable for anything that comes off this questioning process. Don’t even come for me because I remember asking someone some of these questions and dude answered no to them but was in a strong and committed relationship with a beautiful damsel. So proceed with caution and discretion. However, you may use the answers as proof in the court of law should you decide to
break destroy scatter their life.
Ehen back to the questions……
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Do you have a girl who thinks/believes she is your girlfriend based on actions from you or smoh bae-ish activities?
- Do you have a fiancée?
- Do you have a girl who thinks she is your fiancée because you gave her smoh ring or said it verbally?
- Do you have a wife?
- Do you have a girl who thinks she is your wife because you people did smoh intro/wedding/registry ceremony?
- Do you have a Friend With Benefits(FWB)?**
- Do you have children? Seriously though, are you certain you don’t have any children running around somewhere? **
- Do you have someone who believes they are pregnant with your child because smoh accidental discharge or someone who believes their child is yours because of small big head (like yours)?
- Is there someone who has vowed that you cannot leave her? maybe out of love or obsession or because of abortion? *
- Do you have a boyfriend (because we have to be inclusive innit)?
- Do you have a guy that thinks he is your boyfriend based on actions from you?
- Are you on your way out of a relationship and/or is someone on the queue to be the next bae?
- Are you taking a break from your girlfriend, wife, partner, boyfriend or husband?**
- Is there someone who does not think your relationship should end and looking for a target to practice their acid throwing, baton wielding and face bashing skills?
- This “best friend” that you say you have, is she or he by any chance in love with you? **
- Did you at one point ask her/him out and she/he said no but somehow she/he is still acting like your girlfriend/boyfriend? **
- Just to be clear, can you explain your friendship with him/her? Does it include benefits that are more than friendly? **
- Do you have any generational problem? I mean, are you an unfortunate somebody?**
- Are you a fuckboy? Like how many plaques in the hall of Yoruba demons is dedicated to you? Seriously are you scum? **
- Are you possessed? I mean does being with you require relinquishing my life and destiny?**
Please note, these are not to status-shame you but to allow me make informed decisions as well as protect my life and destiny from Holy Ghost prayers and to have as evidence when I decide to act on your lies.
That’s it people, I have shared my list with you and yes I know you feel like you know me a lot now (-_-). Okay, you know the drill, leave your thoughts in the comment section and also share some of the questions you have asked or have been asked by someone and let’s all learn how to ask the average Nigerian man/woman questions.