HOW TO DATE WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN

I know what you’re thinking, like Aunty eskiss me, what’s the point of dating if you’re not ready to settle down but before we go ahead let me point out that dating is one of the often misunderstood terms. For some “dating” means being in a serious relationship with someone, whereas for others–like me, ‘dating’ is seeing multiple people to discover your perfect fit. If you want to take it further, some people think dating around is another excuse to sleep around but hey that’s a personal choice and I do not personally subscribe to that school of thought.

As we are at the start of the new year, I am certain that there are probably a few people who have decided to take time off a serious relationship, maybe they are coming out of a messy breakup or just want to take time to rediscover themselves. Folks in this situation often find themselves caught up trying to figure out how to go about their desires without hurting someone else in the process.

If you are not ready to settle down but are open to dating, here’s how you should go about it.

BE UPFRONT ABOUT YOUR DECISION – in most cases, the problem begins when you are not upfront about your intention and where you are in your life at that moment. This very important ‘withheld’ information makes it difficult and awkward for you. You should tell the person that you’re really just trying to get to know them better and are not ready to settle down. That puts the ball in their court and takes the pressure off you. If they really want to get to know you as well, they’ll stick around, if not, then at least you were honest.

BE OPEN TO ALL YOUR OPTIONS – Forget about your ‘spec’ during this phase and just get to know people. During this phase, other than finding what you want, you will also discover what it is that you do not want in a partner and possibly what turns you off in someone who may be interested in you. That is the art of dating, that is being able to connect with different people to find that missing puzzle piece.

REMEMBER YOU COME FIRST –  You should put yourself first in this process and by that I mean you are striving to learn more about yourself. That’s the point of being in this phase, of discovering what it is about you that may attract who it does or what makes you tick as a person. Your discovery at this time will help when you decide to have a serious relationship.

DO NOT BE RUDE ABOUT IT – Do not do the disappearing act or stop returning calls and messages abruptly, that’s not only rude but immature and believe me you do not want to be remembered as that fellow because no matter what you say in future, you will be remembered as the guy/girl who just dropped off the face of the earth.

KEEP SEX OUT OF IT – Dating different people doesn’t mean sleeping different around. When you take sex off the table, you will find that you will be a lot more clear-headed in making decisions. Sex always complicates things, people will get hurt in the process.

Finally, note that it is perfectly okay to not be ready to settle down, being in a serious relationship and ultimately settling down is a big decision.  However, it is NOT okay to use it as an excuse to be a player, to be unfaithful or to hurt people in the process. If you are not ready to be in a serious relationship, don’t feel awkward about it, make sure you are being honest and of course safe.

Happy New Year Guys!!…here’s to 2018 filled with the very best for us all.

 

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