I apologise for the break, Lagos life got the best of me but now I’m back so let’s kiss and makeup…*muah*
Last time, I wrote on the influence of outsiders on your relationship and how the people with the most influence could be the ones with the most control. If you didn’t read it then, click here and check it out, if this is your first post then you should go through the series.
SOOO, let’s talk about MONEY!
Personal Finance is one of those topics that is often overlooked in a relationship. As a matter of fact, in the Nigerian society, the evaluation of a partner’s finance is how much stuff he can get you. You know, the iPhones, the trips, the laptops and so on, for some reason we are made to believe that buying you everything you ask for is what makes a man financially attractive.
I’m not saying getting gifts is a bad thing, that you should return all them and run for your dear life. All I am saying is, you need to look beyond the gifts and deep into his/her financial responsibility. Money or the mismanagement of it, is one of the major issues in marriage that could lead to a divorce if not handled properly.
So, before you say yes, how is (s)he with money?
How do you know when someone is a financial mismatch or a nightmare, especially since there is the unwritten rule of keeping money related matters ‘private’. You don’t say what you earn, you don’t ask for money, you don’t ask for their debt e.t.c. Well here are a few red flags to look out for:
They spend like there’s no tomorrow – At the start of your relationship, this may be quite fancy, you know, the dinners, vacations, expensive gifts and so on, however, you know that they do not have the ‘Otedola kind of money’ and they may be sacrificing other ‘needs’ for the luxury.
Only the best for the big spenders. And those things are great if you know there is money to pay for it all after the needs are met. But if they’re popping champagne on beer money, then you need to be asking some questions, you need to know that there is a plan for ‘tomorrow’.
They don’t have a budget – As a matter of fact, they don’t know what a budget is. In some cases, they have a ‘faith’ budget. Nothing wrong with believing God, however, there is a line when it becomes financial irresponsibility than having faith.
They forget crucial bills or don’t plan for them – You don’t have to be living with your partner to notice that they’re not paying their bills on time. It feels like they are constantly worried about paying one outstanding or the other, and when rent is due, all hell breaks loose, like they never knew rent was going to be due (in a year).
They borrow money A LOT and hardly pay back – Whether from you or from someone else. They always need money for a short period of time before the next big deal pulls through which in most cases never happens. And in some cases, they get a loan to pay an existing loan.
You’re not sure what they do with their money – We all have our vices when it comes to spending money; when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of my money on CDs (thank God for Apple Music now), my then boyfriend always knew when I got paid because there would be a new CD in my car, so he KNEW where my money went to, just like I knew his went to fine dining.
When you are with someone, you should be able to tell where their money goes to, or what they do with it. I didn’t say check their alerts every day but you should be worried if one minute they have money and the next they cannot account for 80% of what they spent their money on. It means they are not accountable, even to themselves.
They are quick to sell their property – Anytime they need money, the first thing to do is sell something around them. First cell phone, then Television and soon enough they’re selling everything they own to raise money. Besides being financially irresponsible it also proves that they do not value anything. It means once money is involved they will be willing to let go.
That’s it for now, there are a lot more financial red flags however these are the most obvious in a relationship. If you have noticed any of the above patterns then maybe you need to evaluate, discuss financial matters with your partner-to-be as these can or will affect positively or negatively your relationship. Nobody is perfect, we are all working towards being better people.
Are there other financial red flags you’d like to share? Leave a comment below and let’s talk about it. If you have any questions, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next time,