#BYSYSERIES: HOW IS S(HE) WITH MONEY?

I apologise for the break, Lagos life got the best of me but now I’m back so let’s kiss and makeup…*muah*

Last time, I wrote on the influence of outsiders on your relationship and how the people with the most influence could be the ones with the most control. If you didn’t read it then, click here and check it out, if this is your first post then you should go through the series.

SOOO, let’s talk about MONEY!

photo-couple-talking-money
Source: Single Black Male

Personal Finance is one of those topics that is often overlooked in a relationship. As a matter of fact, in the Nigerian society, the evaluation of a partner’s finance is how much stuff he can get you. You know, the iPhones, the trips, the laptops and so on, for some reason we are made to believe that buying you everything you ask for is what makes a man financially attractive.

I’m not saying getting gifts is a bad thing, that you should return all them and run for your dear life. All I am saying is, you need to look beyond the gifts and deep into his/her financial responsibility. Money or the mismanagement of it, is one of the major issues in marriage that could lead to a divorce if not handled properly.

So, before you say yes, how is (s)he with money?

How do you know when someone is a financial mismatch or a nightmare, especially since there is the unwritten rule of keeping money related matters ‘private’. You don’t say what you earn, you don’t ask for money, you don’t ask for their debt e.t.c. Well here are a few red flags to look out for:

They spend like there’s no tomorrow – At the start of your relationship, this may be quite fancy, you know, the dinners, vacations, expensive gifts and so on, however, you know that they do not have the ‘Otedola kind of money’ and they may be sacrificing other ‘needs’ for the luxury.

Only the best for the big spenders. And those things are great if you know there is money to pay for it all after the needs are met. But if they’re popping champagne on beer money, then you need to be asking some questions, you need to know that there is a plan for ‘tomorrow’.

They don’t have a budget – As a matter of fact, they don’t know what a budget is. In some cases, they have a ‘faith’ budget. Nothing wrong with believing God, however, there is a line when it becomes financial irresponsibility than having faith. 

They forget crucial bills or don’t plan for them – You don’t have to be living with your partner to notice that they’re not paying their bills on time. It feels like they are constantly worried about paying one outstanding or the other, and when rent is due, all hell breaks loose, like they never knew rent was going to be due (in a year).

They borrow money A LOT and hardly pay back – Whether from you or from someone else. They always need money for a short period of time before the next big deal pulls through which in most cases never happens. And in some cases, they get a loan to pay an existing loan.

You’re not sure what they do with their money – We all have our vices when it comes to spending money; when I was younger, I used to spend a lot of my money on CDs (thank God for Apple Music now), my then boyfriend always knew when I got paid because there would be a new CD in my car, so he KNEW where my money went to, just like I knew his went to fine dining.

When you are with someone, you should be able to tell where their money goes to, or what they do with it. I didn’t say check their alerts every day but you should be worried if one minute they have money and the next they cannot account for 80% of what they spent their money on. It means they are not accountable, even to themselves.

They are quick to sell their property – Anytime they need money, the first thing to do is sell something around them. First cell phone, then Television and soon enough they’re selling everything they own to raise money. Besides being financially irresponsible it also proves that they do not value anything. It means once money is involved they will be willing to let go.

That’s it for now, there are a lot more financial red flags however these are the most obvious in a relationship. If you have noticed any of the above patterns then maybe you need to evaluate, discuss financial matters with your partner-to-be as these can or will affect positively or negatively your relationship. Nobody is perfect, we are all working towards being better people. 

Are there other financial red flags you’d like to share? Leave a comment below and let’s talk about it. If you have any questions, send an email to singleingidi@gmail.com.

Until next time,

Mz Gidi

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10 thoughts on “#BYSYSERIES: HOW IS S(HE) WITH MONEY?

    1. LOL…Observation o…You can’t know everything at once, at first you may think they can afford it but when you start noticing other patterns, you’ll know if they’re leaving above their income.

      Just think ‘cut your coat according to your size’,

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  1. It’s a very difficult topic because these signs are not easily seen and it’s not easy asking direct questions…..though I believe after a while those difficult questions should be asked. Very accurate points though

    Champagne on beer income tho’🤣

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    1. I agree with you. Which is why the series is called ‘Before you say yes’ because there is the assumption that some time would have passed and you should have observed some, if not all, of these points by now.

      If you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with this person, you need to know! It’s always good to ask o, so that someborri will not enter one chance.

      Like

  2. Scanning through the topics in this series gave me the sense that I had reached a resourceful and reliable relationship expert.
    Thank you for these priceless insights, Mz Gidi.

    I have questions on HOW IS S(HE) WITH MONEY and would sincerely appreciate answers to them.
    The topic suggests that lovers should endeavor to discuss personal financial related issues but at the same time says questions such as actual earning (this, I suspect is to avert a case where people are judged and categorised into statuses on the basis of how many zeros they bag home, monthly) or what income is spent on, should not be asked.
    How then do we marry these two?
    What should intending couples actually discuss about their finances if they shouldn’t even ask direct questions?

    Thanks in anticipation.

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    1. Hi Precious

      Thank you so much for stopping by. First of all, I am quite flattered but I am no relationship expert. We are all learning in this dating thing to be honest.

      Now to your question.

      I do encourage people to have direct discussions on finances however I am aware that in this part of the world, not everyone is as ‘open’ to talk about their income and this post address patterns incase the person involved may have skipped having the financial discussion.

      In my opinion, before anyone says ‘yes’ they NEED to know how much their partner earns. Once you both are serious and comfortable, that discussion must be had because you are planning towards a future. If the person you are with cannot tell you to the kobo how much they earn then you might have a problem.

      Intending couples who may be shy on asking direct questions (because of whatever reason) should ask questions such as
      Do you have any investments? How much of your monthly income do you save? Are you in debt? …if you can ask for genotype then these questions are quite simple to ask.

      Like

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