#BYSYSERIES: ARE YOU STILL YOU?

Change is THE only constant thing…that’s quite a popular saying.

As we grow older, our thoughts, opinions and ideas change. The woman I was 10 years ago and the woman I am now are 2 different people, however, regardless of experiences over the years, some things have remained the same.

These things that do not change over time define who I am as a person. Your personal traits may modify a little bit but someone who knew you 10 years ago and now should be able to identify these things that haven’t change, like your beliefs, values, what you like to do and possibly opinions on come topics.

When entering into a relationship or sometimes while in a relationship, we occasionally lose ourselves and become someone else. I say we, because almost everyone at one point or another has lost themselves while dating. We adopt a different personality in a bid to please our partners and become the ‘ideal’ girlfriend/boyfriend.

A little change is fine, a little compromise acceptable, however, there is a problem when we become someone else and our friends/family can no longer recognize us.

This can happen for so many reasons. Sometimes it’s our own fault, we really want to make this relationship work so we get lazy and neglect areas of our life because it is easier that way.

Other times it can be because our partner is insecure or mistrusting so they may make us feel guilty for doing the things that are important to us. The problem with this is that we lose a big part of ourselves and soon enough we want out.

So before you say yes, are you still you?

Here’s how you know if you’ve lost yourself:

  1. You change your opinions for peace sake – Once in a while, your partner may say something that genuinely changes your mind however if you find yourself ALWAYS agreeing or changing your opinions because you do not want to have an argument then you may be sacrificing yourself. One thing you should ask yourself is, if this relationship is over, would you still agree with your partner’s view?
  2. You sacrifice your interest for theirs – It’s normal for people in a relationship to try to understand each other better by engaging in each other’s favorite hobbies. But ask yourself whether if you’ve taken up their hobbies or researched their interests to understand them or to impress them. Are you also downplaying your interests to be with them? Are you pretending to not like the things you like just so you can be accepted?
  3. Their problems become yours –  It is okay to feel for your partner and want to be a pillar of support when they are having one issue or the other, however, you find yourself taking on their problems like yours and not being able to separate yourself from their situation.
  4. You allow your partner choose your friends or you sacrifice your friends for them – You have cut off from a lot of your friends because your partner is uncomfortable with a few. As a matter of fact, the only friends you have at the moment are his/her friends or people you met through them. Initially, it wasn’t anything serious because you wanted to spend more time with your partner however now your friends no longer reach out after months or maybe years of trying and you are left all alone.
  5. You seek their approval before making simple decisions – Are you afraid to make decisions without their approval? Do you worry that they will be unhappy with the decisions that you make? Are you constantly seeking validation from them?.
    As humans we need to feel as though we are capable of making our own choices – we need to feel like our own person in order to not lose ourselves in our relationship.

In conclusion, the problem of being someone else is that soon enough you will lose the act and the real you will come out, sometimes like a ticking time bomb.  Be truthful to yourself, and to your partner, are you really being you or are they about to marry a complete stranger?

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-21 at 9.05.09 AM

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