Men and women can be friends, as a matter of fact, I like that I have the ability to be friends with guys and girls at the same time. I guess growing up as a tomboy and having mostly male cousins around me taught me how to get along with guys, understand guy jokes, being free with them e.t.c.
Thing is, being so ‘cool’ with male gender brings the problem of being treated as one of the ‘guys’. Just imagine, you meet someone, you like him, you’re getting to know him, before long you’re either talking about cars and video games and next thing you might be the one he’ll be asking for a hook up with some chic or asking you for advice on another chic he likes.
Let’s face it, no one wants to be friend zoned or worse still, sister-zoned and this is an unfortunate occurrence that happens a lot to women. I, personally know how many good guys I have met that have either friend zoned, sister zoned or mother zoned me in the last how many years of my life (worse now that I am a single mother).
So I decided to ask the guys of the #SIGNATION, what a sister had to do to NOT be treated as one of the guys, and here is what they had to say.
- Be yourself – Truth is guys will see you whichever way their brain interprets it and to try to change who you are in any way would mean being untrue to yourself. Guys see through that in a heartbeat and are turned off by it so don’t change who you are for anything.
- Say what you want – Be clear about what you’re about and what you want with the guy in question. I know in our society, it could be mistaken as being forward or desperate but that’s the risk you must be willing to take or you will be zoned out.
- If you end up in an FWB situation, refer to #2 – Being stuck in an FWB (friends with benefit) situation is worse than being friend zoned. Having sex with your crush complicates things further because you most likely start acting like the girlfriend without the ‘commitment’ until they find someone else and then tell you they’d have to let you go. If you ever end up here (because sometimes our bodies can do anyhow) make sure to refer to #2 above and if the person is not on the same page with you, then please walk away.
- Have Solo hangouts – If you notice that he only hangs out with you in groups, especially with his other guy friends, then you need to come out of that by cutting off group hangouts. Invite him for a dinner or a play or stuff that couples would do and if he’s smart enough, he’ll get the hint before long, if not, then my sister I don’t know again.
- Avoid taking charge ALL the time – If you have an independent mind like me, you’ll occasionally want to take charge of a situation. The guys advice against as it makes guys either awkward or they will see you as ‘one of the guys’. Their advice is to allow them to do things and if you want to take charge, do it subtly through suggestions. A man wants to still feel like a man around any woman.
- Don’t be the mother – You might have to turn down your nurturing personality around the guys. He is an adult, so resist the urge to fuss over the guy. Even guys with mom fetishes don’t want the fussy mothers, they want the hot MILF. It’s okay to take care of people and actually be in charge but with a potential “him” you need to be his baby.
And that’s it from the men in the group!. Now you tell me, do you agree or disagree? Have you been treated as one of the guys by your crush and somehow got to date/marry him? Use the comment box below and let’s hear your thoughts.
Categories: Single Journals