We all know that it is impossible to find something or someone perfect but somehow we all end up with these lists of what we may or may not want, without leaving room for mistakes. You can blame Hollywood or maybe Nollywood, but we cannot deny the fact that a lot of us have this warped idea of what our perfect spouse should be like and end up living in this bubble because we believe we can find the ‘one’… the perfect one.
For women, it is the man who is the ultimate provider, protector, and one who professes undying love from the top of the highest mountains. He has to be rolling in millions or maybe on his way there (fast), he must be a spiritual, financial and not to be left out, physical leader. He must love family (no mummy’s boys), treat everyone with respect, be romantic (Hollywood style), have no anger issues, must have attractive emotions (not too much) , must be great to look at, a GQ dresser, possibly be a member of the beard gang and must be ‘packing’ down below.
For men, it is the woman that has the brains of Michelle Obama, one who can be the first lady- the powerhouse but must come in the body of Kim Kardashian or maybe Beyonce. She must be a second mother but not treat him like a child, be opinionated yet subservient, she must be a great cook, prayer warrior, love kids, have controlled emotions, not dependent but not too independent and let’s not forget, she must know all the positions in the kama sutra.
They just have to be ‘perfect’
It is this quest for perfection that defines our dating society today. This contemporary dating game of jumping in and out of relationships so quickly without getting to know the person before we swipe left. One minute he’s everything you think you wanted until you realise he doesn’t send good morning texts and flowers “just because it’s Tuesday”, so you swipe left… or she’s your dream girl and more but doesn’t like to cook so, Next!
What we call dates are really interrogation sessions, searching for flaws, calling them ‘red flags’ without getting to know the person right in front of you. We ignore their history, we look at the now, walking around with mental checklists, ticking the boxes we believe should be filled.
I am not saying you should settle, or take whatever is available, all I am saying is that the quest for the perfect one is a mission that will never be completed because there is no perfect person.
The problem with seeking perfection is that you remain single, waiting for an illusion to manifest and denying yourself the opportunity to really get to know people and possibly fall in love with who they truly are.
Love, relationships, and marriages are real, not perfect, that is, the ups, downs and everything in between. It is a never-ending process of uniting with someone who connects with you in every way including flaws.
Let’s step back from this fast-paced Hollywood idea of falling in love. No more Tinder-style relationships where you swipe left without deep thought, no more red flag hunting, no more jumping into beds only to jump out 2 days later, just good old conversation and understanding the people right in front of us.
If we all sought perfection, then no one would deserve to be given a chance, not even you.
Categories: Single Journals