WHAT IF?

It was a Sunday and I was visiting Wale. Sly, Scar, and Phantom (I just realized how like a band of pirates we must seem) were there too. I was slugging it out with Wale on FIFA 17 and he had me against the ropes – I was two goals down with less than thirty minutes to play. I didn’t want to relinquish my controller, and with it my title of champion, so I had to focus and figure out a way to counter his quick dribbling and long-range shots. “Guess who I ran into the other day?” Sly asked.

“Who?” Wale responded, and that gave me a break to counter. It was lightning quick with Ronaldo putting a side-footed effort past his goalkeeper.

Yes! 2-1.

“Ehen, so that’s your plan ehn? Distract me while Bobo scores,” Wale said. “Who was it, anyway?”

“You guys remember Siji?”

“Where did you see him? Dude has been M.I.A since he got married what, five years ago?” I asked.

“Ah,” Sly said with a look of surprise, “you didn’t hear that they’re no longer together?”

‘Wait, Siji that likes forming fitfam? The one with the beautiful wife and yellow daughter?” I asked, incredulous.

“The same one,” Sly confirmed. “It’s not news nau.”

I looked around to see the others bobbing their heads. “How did I not know this? You people have been hoarding gist, abi?”

“Shebi you moved to PH and freed your guys?” Scar said.

“Abeg shut up. Sly what happened?”

“Apparently she cheated on him…”

“So?” I asked.

“What do you mean ‘so’?”

“I mean I don’t get how it is almost expected for a guy to cheat, but a woman couldn’t. Like, the guys cheating who do they cheat with?”

“Well,” Scar said, “that’s the world we live in. Though in this case, maybe there was more.” We turned to Sly.

‘The way I heard it, dude didn’t even mind. How did he find out? She was in the bathroom and her phone rang a couple of times. My guy was taking her phone to her, that kain “your phone dey disturb my sleep’, and a message came in. You know all these iPhone things. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He sha asked her what was going on and he was willing to discuss it and see if they could work things out, but babe provoke. Cussed him out and mehn, it just got nasty. Long story short, they’ve been separated about two years now.”

“Oh wow,” I said. “This life is just one kain. What about their daughter?”

“She’s with the mom.”

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“Bobo,” Phantom said, “If you found out Cynthia was cheating on you what would you do?”

“You know what? I have never given this much thought, not because I kid myself that she loves me too much to cheat –though I hope that’s the case – but, because I understand that we’re human and people do stuff for reasons that make sense to them at the time.”

“Nah men, If Ronke cheats on me, she best have a damn good reason,” Sly said with feeling.

“What qualifies as a “damn good reason’?” Scar “And should she expect you to have same if you cheated on her?”

“Say ‘when’, not ‘if’.” Phantom joked.

“Guys, we’ve had this conversation before and I told her if she started feeling like things would go that way, she should talk with me about it. I am open to suggestions on how to spice things up, maybe even try a threesome…”

“Let me guess, another lady?” Phantom said.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” he replied.

“Ode.”

“I haven’t had this discussion with Cynthia, and maybe I should, but how though?” I wondered.

“Shebi you guys have an easy friendship? Slip it in one day.” Scar suggested.

“Hmmm, slip it in? I hear you.” I said with a wink and a nod.

“What is wrong with you? So spoilt. Gosh!”

“On the real though,” I said, “I would rather she was discreet and kept her secret. If, however, I found out, then we’ll have that conversation about what went wrong and how to fix it. If it’s a one-off or something that she needs on occasion so I know what I am dealing with.”

“I reckon if it’s purely physical, you can deal better. If she’s emotionally invested, guy just kiss the marriage goodbye – or you can have an open marriage type arrangement sha.” Scar said.

“And when are women not emotionally invested? Ordinary to off bra you will hear what are we doing?” Phantom said.

“Off bra? You’ve gone far sef. Just check up on her a couple times and then make the mistake of asking “you don chop?” and you’re in a relationship.”

“Oh well,” Wale sighed. “That’s life sha. I hope Siji’s doing okay?”

“Yea, he was actually looking well and he had a babe on his arm. I told him I’ll let him know the next time we’re having a BBQ.” Sly said.

“That’s cool.” Wale said, picking up his controller where he’d left it. “Ready to take what I have to give, babe?”

“Ugh! You’re the worst.”

PS: I drew the game in the 92nd minute, and won the game 2-4 after extra time #Champ.

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