LOSS OF MY LIFE

You meet a girl, let’s call her LOML (Love of my life). You vibe with her on all levels; Sexual attraction ✔ Communication ✔ Friendship ✔ Banter ✔ Intellectual stimulation ✔etc. You guys are a phenomenal duo! RMD and Regina got nothing on you, Will and Jada pale in comparison, Sheldon and Amy? They need to bazinga away!

So you date/hang/chill/whatever until you’re entwined in each other’s lives. I mean, she gets you so it makes sense for her to fit into those hard to reach and mostly hidden areas of your life as you have also fit into hers. Life is good, love is better and LOML, the best.

You’re somewhat successful and the thought of having mini-yous, a home and a wife starts creeping in, you know, the whole “I’m a responsible and respectable man” package; the housewife and 2.5 kids.

You’re still with LOML, however, you realize that LOML doesn’t fit your(read patriarchy’s) idea of what a wife should be, you scored her against the sacred list, handed to you by years of perfectly crafted societal ideals of marriage. She didn’t do well. So you shenk her, give her the usual lines; “it’s not you, it’s me”, “any guy will be lucky to have you”, yenyenyen.

It’s ended, it hurts but “it was the right thing to do” you repeatedly tell yourself, you flash back to her ideologies about marriage and yes it was definitely the right thing to do! She wouldn’t have let you ascend unto your husbandly throne, so you quickly recoup and embark on a search, a search for your perfect idea of a wife or most likely what societal conditioning has told you is a perfect spouse, you don’t search too far because she is that girl who is always around but you never felt a thing for, the one who didn’t make your loins catch fire but defers to you at the slightest provocation, she doesn’t stimulate you but she will take care of the home.
So you make up your mind, he that finds a wife….. You’ve found her, you choose her, life is complete and happily ever after can begin.

The story should end here right? But that’s not where it stops because life can be a Shonda Rhimes script sometimes.

Few months, years down the line…… You now realize that your partner doesn’t get sarcasm, doesn’t get your jokes, doesn’t do it(you can’t explain) for you, no stimulation but still checks all the boxes a partner should have according to society’s manual of marriage, you’re stuck!

You remember LOML, the nights spent talking about the stars, dreams, the ludicrous ingenuity of the shakushaku dance, the ease with which they “got” you. You miss that….. You miss her…..

So, you get in touch, hurray, she’s still single!!! You try to reconnect, a little “hey” here, a little “sup” there before you know, it’s morphed into a “let’s hang”. You meet up, you talk, your heart lights up, you’ve not felt this alive in ages, she still ticks those boxes and you realize you shouldn’t have let her go….

You’re back home and it’s cold.. you perform your societal husbandly duties… Yes, you love your wife and “perfect” life but you need to feel alive….

Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do? Don’t worry you can talk to me about it in the comment section. Do you have an idea on what he should do? Let me know in the comment section.

And yes people, I am back!!! We’ll have a catch-up post soon, but until then let’s not pretend you (yes you) didn’t miss me, tell me how much in the comment section too❤

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3 replies

  1. Yes, I was the LOML to this guy and yes, he dumped me cos ‘his mum won’t approve of my foreign ideas of marriage’, and yes, she was the on and off girlfriend in the corner; the one he’d known since they were in 1st year Uni, so yes, he married her, cos yes, their families know each other and they go to the same church, etcheteram, etcheteram (ibo for etc etc)….he dumped me Friday in Europe and was married Saturday 8 days later in Lagos.
    Broke me. Broke me. Tears, hollow explanations. Broke me. Tears, I forgave and moved on.
    Then comes the ‘hi’, ‘hey’, 3 years later…..’how are you settling into Nigeria’ ‘I follow you on instagram, you’re doing well’. Haha……and I knew it, cos we used to be connected. He’s sad as a mutherfucker, and I am free as a bird. YAAAYYY.
    Now I simply cross mi legs and wait to be found by my King :))…a real man, who knows what he wants. No thanks to the old; find me the new 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so real.

    The instances where men go for the less challenging woman are way too common. Have you ever wondered why your friends ( Those you get/get you, you share your big dreams and ideas and y’all are generally having a good time in life…) they suddenly show up with a patriarchy princess on their arm one who’s temperamental and yells because women are supposed to be crazy and you’re too emotionally intelligent to tick this crazy woman box… I could go on but hey, we move.

    Liked by 1 person

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