The truth about finding a husband ‘back home’

‘I just moved back, you know I need to settle down and tap into the opportunities back home ‘cause there’s nothing out there for me’

This my friends is usually the first line you hear from one of these ‘I just got backs’ (IJGB) who just moved back home especially to Lagos looking for greener pastures because for some reason most people who live abroad are told of how Nigeria is the land of untapped opportunities with the chance for fresh minds to come tap into. I do not disagree with that fact but with all of the opportunities wasting away on the streets of Lagos, a lot of IJGBs move back with one more motive and that is to ‘catch a good man and get married’.

I mean can you blame them?, with the number of engagements/weddings springing out of Nigeria on a weekly basis with some being featured on BellaNaija,  it’s very easy to believe that Nigeria is the land of milk and honey with ‘good men’ roaming the streets and not enough single women to satisfy their crave to be ‘settled’. They probably have some Aunties who call to tell them of all their cousins who are now married and then end it with ‘Nne you need to come back, there is one Obinna working with Shell that is very eligible, his mother is my very good friend and the two of you will be perfect for each other’ so sista gurl goes about planning her relocation to Nigeria so she can join the league of girls that are enjoying the freebies from all these men that love to ‘spend’, expect nothing in return and then have an elaborate BellaNaija worthy wedding. *sigh*

Last weekend I met Annie at an art expo, because those are the things most IJGBs like to go for, and she mentioned how adjusting back into the Nigerian life has not been as easy as she expected. Annie was very much the Americanah with her stylishly packed braids, her strong American accent and her light makeup which you could tell was her attempt of trying to be a Gidi girl because dem no born you well commot house without war paint (that’s another topic). Annie left a good job in New York to come settle down in Nigeria (thanks to family pressure) and somehow expected that she would be married within a year, well she’s been back for almost 3 years and is still as single as ever because the guys home ‘aren’t like the guys abroad’ and her initial naivety made her an easy prey in this jungle.

Annie is simply a representation of a lot of female IJGBs who venture into this risk for marriage either by media illusion or family pressure without knowing the truth of what the Nigerian dating scene is like. Even though I find it absolutely crazy to relocate just to get married here are some truths that those restless aunties have failed to mention

  1. There are A LOT of single women in Nigeria – women of different ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, income levels and social classes. They do not have spiritual problems, most are drop dead gorgeous and are ‘original’ wifey material but somehow happen to be single. So before you start rambling about how you are the difference that Nigeria needs, think again!
  2. Some single men in Nigeria are spoilt kids – I say ‘some’ to avoid being attacked for generalizing but you will find that a lot of single guys are used to being pampered by women especially guys who may have some kind of money. But can you blame them? They often have different ladies offering to do things such as their laundry, cooking services and occasional bedroom services so coming around and speaking with a foreign accent does not exactly enhance your market, it only makes you ‘exotic’ like the Asian to the average Caucasian.
  3.  It’s a jungle out here – a concrete jungle where ladies would do anything for that ring. Babes are constantly enhancing their selling points; longer weaves, more make-up (with accurate contouring), more acquired accents and buying clothes on credit. If you are ready to be in this jungle, you need to realise your cute t-shirt and jeans with hair in a ponytail is not a selling point (maybe add some ruby woo and you could blend in).
  4. Naija babes don’t trust themselves – so don’t go about blabbing about this new guy with ‘potential’ that you met because the same girl you are gisting with freely may end up getting to that guy before he realises what a wonderful woman you are. Also, do not feel insulted or upset when you realise your friend has kept her man a secret until her introduction, it’s just the way it is. I mean I have a friend who gave me the wrong name until she was getting married then she claimed she calls him more by his ‘middle name’…yea
  5. All na packaging – especially in this Lagos, the cars, the house, the ‘CEO’ title could be real but every original has a counterfeit so do your due diligence before falling in the wrong hands and crying a river because bros was lying to you all along. Don’t say Miss Gidi didn’t warn you o.

At the end of the day, it’s good to be home; to be with family and indeed tap into the many opportunities but if your main purpose is to come back, find a husband and marry then you need to think again because the bad roads, bad water and poor light situation would be the least of your problems when you return.

#justsaying

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Getting a househelp

About four years ago, my mother chose to stop employing house-helps, her reason was she had a grown up daughter (a.k.a Miss Gidi) whom she believed needed to become a bit more ‘domestic’ in preparation for her husband’s house ummm right!. Four years later and with my crazy schedule thanks to my current job, my mother and I end up having arguments or mini-misunderstandings on what I should or should not be doing at home. I don’t have a problem with house chores but having to go wash dishes every night after a long stressful day at work is a pain, I mean I get home at 10pm on average. And then she wants me to wake up  extra early on a Saturday to clean bathrooms when all I want to do is SLEEP!

Having a house-help (“help”) or domestic worker as I prefer to call them is a necessity to a lot of people, especially in cities like Lagos where most people do not have time to breathe and require extra hands to take care of the home. Helps could be hired (usually the immigrants from neighbouring countries) or in some cases a relative from the village or lower-income level who is in search of a better life. Typically every family always has a help, with some having a help and then a nanny per child but of course that’s a rare case. In Nigeria, it’s pretty normal for single men to get house-helps and cooks because they are not expected to know how to take care of the home or know their way around the kitchen. But what happens when it’s a single lady who wants to get a house-help?

Before I go on, let me differentiate the types of helps we have; there is the normal/traditional help who lives with you and becomes a somewhat extended part of your family, the modern helps that work 9 to 5 daily and the ultra-modern that work only on weekends.

I’ve had this ‘house-help debate’ a few times and usually the conclusion is that it’s okay for married women and bachelors to get house-helps because they need the extra help while single ladies have no logical right to get one regardless of what their work schedule is like. The logic behind that reasoning is, a lady living without a help prepares her for her days as a married woman because her husband could decide he doesn’t want to have any help in the house.

Now my question is, is it wrong for a single lady to hire a house-help when/if she lives alone? And if she does get one, what kind of house-help should she be getting? Is it more acceptable if it’s someone who comes in on a daily basis versus a traditional house-help? I mean Lagos is a busy city and to be honest, with the crazy hours that most people have to put in everyday like yours truly, I see no problem with having someone help with the domestic work whether you are a single guy or lady, as long as you can afford it, then by all means, go ahead!

Anyway as for my mother and I, Kelechi resumed on Monday and I pay her salary. At least I get some sleep on Saturday mornings. *shrug*

Single and Smooth in Lagos (Part 2)

I should have come up with a better title instead of a failed attempt to sound like a badly scripted Nollywood movie but hey you can cut a sister some slack right? Anyway, after the last post I decided to send my profile to Jumoke..I know, scary! but the inquisitive side of me wanted to know how much response and the kind of men that would be attracted to the simple complexity. So yesterday, Jumoke read out my profile on Smooth 98.1, and it attracted a few men but only 10 scaled through the gruelling process that Jumoke put them through which included math questions, what they could cook, and genre of music they listened to.

Sadly I could not use Miss Gidi because Jumoke insisted on having a ‘name’  so I gave her ‘Amaka’ and I got to have a chat with her minutes before the show. Jumoke is really cool by the way and I was surprised by the response the profile received; it was an amazing experience and here are a few things I learned from it:

1. Some men are reckless – I know this is not news but when a certain man called in and said ‘I would like to know that Amaka of a girl’ the first thing that came to my head was ‘oh hell to the no, I don’t speak reckless’

2. Not everyone knows the importance of Google – Even though it is forgiven that most people do not know the meaning of sapiosexual, I  expected that the callers would ‘google’ the word before calling in. Some dude claimed to be sapiosexual, then admitted he didn’t know the meaning when put on the spot by Jumoke before he eventually said he was sexually attracted to my profile #pause -_-

3. Most men can cook  stew – Each time Jumoke asked what meals the caller could cook, they always mentioned stew (and indomie), a few could cook things outside the usual but at least now you know no one can go wrong with rice and stew. There was the one guy that said he could cook everything because he used to work as a chef in a hotel but if I remember clearly,  I said a man who knew his way around the kitchen not one who lives in there. 

 4. Some men want intelligent women – To everyone that says Nigerian men only love dumb women so they can control well this experience has proved you wrong. Some Nigerian men like women they can have proper conversations with and who know what they want, so if you are yet to meet one of those men,  maybe you need to send your profile to Jumoke. :p

 5. Always be yourself – This experience has proved that you don’t need to ‘edit’ your personality or profile to suit what is in popular demand. Be yourself and those that like you will step up to you at the end of the day. I actually expected no one to call in based on the ‘strict’ demands but a lot of intelligent men did, by the way, 10 has to be highest number of men that has called to show interest on any profile being read on air. (would need to confirm from Jumoke)

Picking a ‘finalist’ was not only fun but a bit difficult; of the 10 that got through, there were a few interesting ones like Frank the documentary film maker, Ayo the singing Accountant, Chris the indomie slayer and Mr Kym the multi-talented. Each of them had striking personalities that made me want to know more but I could only choose one.

I ended up picking the gentleman who was able to have a proper conversation with Jumoke, possessed a good sense of humour, showed the most interest by texting to ask for the station’s numbers so he could call (50 naira for text is not small money), spoke quite well and didn’t see a need to talk down on any of the other callers who called in so he could be picked.

 

I chose Mr Kym, the business analyst by day and DJ by nights and weekends.

Single and Smooth in Lagos

I would like to let you know that Lagos is full of single people..(newsflash right?) especially single ladies of all shapes, sizes, colours, age, background and financial status. The race to the altar is very serious and the competition quite stiff that some of these ladies have turned to  spiritual, physical and unconventional means in the name of meeting ‘the one’. Meeting someone at random is now so old school especially when you have the internet, family hookups (that’s always been there) and my all-time favourite, letting the whole of Lagos know how single you are on the radio.

My favourite radio station happens to be Smooth 98.1, mostly because of the music and the fact that the accent of the presenters is not as overpowering like some other stations in Lagos *cough* heartbeat of Lagos. But what I really enjoy listening to is the Single and Smooth show which airs every Tuesday and Thursday; Tuesday for the ladies and thursday for the gentlemen. I promise this is not an advert but hey I am open to a representative of Smooth fm paying me for this service.

After the presenter (currently Jumoke) reads out the profile of the ‘single’ person, those interested would call in to ‘express’ their interest.  These days I can somehow predict the profiles before they are read, most ladies who submit their profiles claim to love the arts, poetry, jazz, are helpless romantics and they happen to be looking for men who know how to take care of women, are Christian, God-fearing, adventurous,  have a good job, love family bla bla bla; although there was that one chic that insisted the man must live on the Island but then again I digress. (P.S I strongly believe some of these profiles are not completely honest)

Shortly after, the men would have to call in to say why they are interested and why she should choose them. Now this! is the part I enjoy because you get to judge these men by the sound of their voice, how they speak and the ability to sell themselves to this stranger somewhere in Lagos. Some of them promising love, happiness, fun; or that one guy called Diggy Simons (really?!) that promised adventure and a potential gym bud incase the chic wanted to go on a weight-loss program (ha!). I usually imagine what could happen when a friend recognizes a voice and then probably calls the person to yab them like ‘Oh boy e don reach radio, i tell you say i get one fine babe for you na’ , by the way the chic picked Diggy Simons and some other guy (free trainer I guess)

It must be really hard for anyone to send in their profile for Lagos to hear and for someone else to  call in trying to influence the lady/guy into picking them. I personally find it very difficult to write a profile of myself, to be honest if I ever decided to submit an honest profile it would probably go like this:

Hi Jumoke, 

My name is Miss Gidi, actually that’s not really my name but Miss Gidi has a nice ring to it, I play with numbers by day and  words by night. I am taller than the average woman, I’m a lover of good music,  good food, wine and fine things of life (that I can afford); I’m a logical romantic and an observant listener. I speak 3 languages (english and igbo being 2 of them) and I sing occasionally. 

I am looking for a man who is intelligent, preferably someone who can handle numbers and can express himself; tall because I like to see my man eye to eye or look up to him literally (so 6’1″ and above please). He must love good music, such as some Dave Koz, Robin Thicke, Asa, Goapele, Sade, John Legend, Chrisette Michele, Billie Holiday, Boney M, George Benson and some Jay Z of course. He should know his way around the kitchen because even though I love to cook, I don’t like the idea of being in the kitchen all the time. He must know how to treat a woman and how to communicate.  Should be a good listener. Ideally he should be above 30 but below 40, then again they say age is nothing but a number so a 29 year old could pass (nothing over 40 though). He should earn good money, (which could be relative to his age) because most fine things in life aren’t cheap and one of us should be able to afford it. Should be able to have a good and intellectual conversation because I am very much of a sapiosexual (oh i forgot to mention, I also have more than 2 degrees). Finally but most important of all he should love God and family. 

So that’s what Miss Gidi’s profile would sound like, don’t you wonder the kind of men that would show interest in that simple complexity? Hmm I should send it in to Jumoke and we can all decide…..ha! nope! not happening!

MADAM OVERSABI

In every group of people having a conversation, there is always one oversabi (Miss Gidi 2014) . In case you didn’t know, an oversabi is a person who feels the need to act like they know it all, so it’s no surprise that they are also called ‘I too know’, ‘ITK’ or ‘know it all’ if you choose to go the posh way. What’s annoying about oversabis is that true to their titles they assume to know everything even in situations where they obviously have no experience.

Over the weekend, I ‘somehow’ found myself in a group of older ladies having a conversation on being career wives and mothers; the ‘somehow’ part is that I went to a different salon from my usual and soon realised that the top customers in this salon happened to be married women which is very different from what I am used to but that’s not the point of this post. I listened to them talk about having kids, taking care of the home and also finding time to look hot because there is competition that they have to keep up with a.k.a hungry single women. What amazed me though was one lady who had an opinion and unsolicited advice for every topic raised.

I listened to her tell the other ladies how to treat their husbands, splitting home chores, training children the right way and at some point,  she was advising a woman who had been married for 30 years on how to handle her marital home. As in, O ghel was vast in this field and was dishing out free advice that no one asked for; the only problem was she had no wedding ring on, and when asked how long she had been married, she admitted that she was still single,(never been married) and had no children. At that point, all the younger married women zoned out while she spoke and turned to the older woman on tips on how to handle a home and bring up children; after all she had been married for 30 years with children in their twenties while they still struggled with managing their toddlers. It was clear Madam Oversabi did not fit in.

If looks could kill

It’s no news that single (and divorced) people often offer the best unsolicited advice and/or opinions  most times based on theories and observation. For example, the book ‘Act like a lady, think like a man’ became a hit with every woman using it as the bible for their relationships without questioning the authenticity of the author, who’s been married three times but what is my own there, the man is smiling to the bank while I’m looking for small change and using him as a bad example. Anyway, I felt bad for lil Miss Oversabi as she was side-lined in the conversation due to her inexperience and it made it clear to me that sometimes single ladies (and some guys) cross the line when advising those who have problems very different from ours.

While you are struggling with just having a date or that guy that picking up your 15th call in the last 15 hours, the married woman next to you is worrying about her husband or her son that is determined to be a spoilt brat. Regardless of how many theories you know or the number of families you may have observed, it is and will never be the same when you have not gone through that experience or currently in a place to understand it. Call it harsh but Miss Oversabi deserved that treatment ..I only felt bad for her because being single like she is, I understand the pain she felt not because I thought she was right.

No one is saying giving advise is wrong, but giving unsolicited advise and acting like you know it all especially on dynamic matters such as marriage and raising children can be  presumptuous . So to all the single ladies out there, when faced with a conversation by a bunch of married women, do not under any circumstance (even if all your siblings are married) become Madam Oversabi.

MY ASO-EBI RANT

We are barely through with the first quarter of 2014 and I now have a total of 10 weddings to attend…not 1, not 2 but 10; make that 9 because I attended the first one last weekend (that’s a whole different story). Before you think I am the wedding Grinch, let me state that I am actually very happy for all my friends that are getting married and I am also tapping into the ‘anointing’ of finding love and the happily ever after that comes with it. However, with weddings come expenses not just on the family but also on the friends of the couple like having to buy the wedding aso-ebi.

It would be unfair to assume everyone knows what the aso-ebi is so let me explain myself. Aso-Ebi is a Yoruba term, which literally translates to family cloth, as Aso means “cloth” and Ebi means “family.” Traditionally, aso-ebi was the fabric which members of the same family wore to identify themselves at events such as weddings and other ceremonies.  At a wedding, for example, members of the groom’s family would wear a particular aso-ebi fabric, while members of the bride’s family wore a different one. Through the years, the aso-ebi tradition has now become something for both friends and family and has spread across all tribes in Nigeria and maybe Africa.

Honestly, I don’t have a problem with buying aso-ebi but I have a problem with the pricing of these fabrics and the differentiation of non-asoebi wearers at any wedding.  In most cases, the family of the couple significantly increase the price of these fabrics with the motive of covering the wedding costs but where do you draw the line from adequate pricing to pure exploitation. Then at the weddings, non-asoebi wearers are treated as the rebellious friends with their presence almost insignificant to the big day

In the past, couples would be buried in gifts of all shapes and sizes but these days friends almost forget to bring gifts for the couple due to many reasons, one of them being the amount of money they may have spent prior to the wedding itself. As a friend of the bride, you are either paying for the bridal shower, or the bridesmaid’s dress or the often overpriced aso-ebi.  I mean after you may have spent a minimum 50,000 naira for a friend’s wedding, what else do you want to buy for them again? Call me cheap but mehn a lady works hard for her money and some of these things are over budget. Let’s not even talk about getting a make-up artist because these days amateur make-up does not cut it, getting new shoes, having your hair done or gele tied by a professional, or requesting custom-made jewellery to match your outfit. The total cost of only being a guest seems to be increasing with each wedding. If I had to spend 50,000 per wedding and with a total of 10 weddings in 2014, I am looking at almost 500,000 naira on just looking good at weddings that are not mine… that’s someone’s yearly salary o.

Gift for the bride’s first meal for her husband maybe?

I often wonder why there is so much hype about having aso-ebi or buying the aso-ebi of a friend when in most cases, the outfit is worn only once and left in the wardrobe for many months to years. Most times, I ask for the colours of the wedding and strategically get an outfit in that colour so I can always repeat it at a later date but the problem with that is when I get to these weddings, I am never identified as a friend of the couple and end up hustling for everything including small chops (imagine!)

On that note, even though I do not totally agree with the aso-ebi hype and overpricing, I am willing to buy if and when the aso-ebis make sense and to support my friend getting married. I must admit though, they make wedding pictures look really nice and rich. 

SISI HOT LEGS

They say ‘if you’ve got it flaunt it’ and that’s exactly what I had in mind when I decided to  wear my burnt orange one-handed short dress on Saturday. After one week of working hard and feeling ‘unsexy’, I decided that was going to be the day I go all out. This may not be a big thing to you but for me it’s huge because I am more of a conservative dresser and I love being comfortable so you’ll usually find me in long dresses and trousers… but last Saturday sha I was not going to have it, I was determined to wear that short dress to go to the salon…yes salon!

With time you’ll get to know that I go to the salon a lot, not because I am vain but because somehow something takes me the salon every week, whether it’s my hair or eyebrows or nails or pedicure, I just end up in the salon for at least an hour every weekend. Also the salon is one of the best places to know what’s happening in Lagos and listen to random gist; plus I have run into a few celebrities in salons and if only I could share the before pictures but let’s just say make-up and weave is very good to some women.

Anyway last Saturday, I walked into one of my usual salons feeling like Naomi Campbell with my sunshades on (because it adds to the ‘entrance’) and gave my signature Miss Gidi smile which has the ability to melt the hearts of anyone (an asset I got from my mama *wink*). The hair stylists were singing my praises and saying things like ‘ah aunty you go dash me this your dress o’ knowing well that it’s not the dress but who wears it, after all if Aunty Uche decided to wear the dress, it would be a blouse thanks to her 40G boobs giving it a lift and Yewande would make the dress look like a maxi but that’s not the point here.

Shortly after my entrance and usual small talk with instructions on what I wanted done, the owner of the salon who is pretty young, came over to say hello and advertise their new spa service especially the body exfoliation with full body massage package. Now to you it may seem like an innocent advert but this wasn’t my first time in the salon and they’ve had this package for over a month now which he never told me about on any of my weekly visits to the salon but hey who cares right?.  He then offered me a discount letting me know that if I decided to get it done within the next 2 weeks, I could pay 10,000 naira instead of the usual 20,000 naira.

Of course as a Gidi babe, I knew 10,000 was a good deal but I wanted more (you can’t blame a girl for trying her luck) so I told him how I could not afford it with my current salary  and would have to take his offer when I became a ‘bigs babes’. We all laughed about it until a certain gentleman who had been paying attention decided to join the conversation and offered to pay my bill, actually the conversation went like this

Gentleman: Ah ah how can a fine lady like you not be able to afford it?

Me: But I can’t though, is it fine you use to pay?

Gentleman: What about your husband or boyfriend? Just call him and he will pay for you

Me: *laughing* If I had, I would have called him by now but I take care of myself

Gentleman: Hmmm even though I don’t believe you, let me take care of you this once, no strings attached o but tell them the day you want to come in and I’ll settle the bill now 

Me: Are you serious?

Gentleman: Talk before I change my mind

Change which mind? if na joke stop am… Omo I told the salon owner day and time sharply, of course after checking my calendar to form busy schedule; then I thanked this gentleman for his kind gesture as he walked towards the till with the salon owner to pay for my session. After all of this, Yewande turns to me and goes ‘Ah Aunty you don turn Sisi Hot legs, abeg dey wear mini come o’

And this is another reason why I love being single in Lagos…

Have a great week guys

Miss Gidi

Aunty Naomi, my role model

MAD MEN WALKING

Can you imagine? It’s been 10 days since my last update, I apologise o….living and working in this Lasgidi takes a lot of your time and energy without realising it. Anyway, before I begin on the topic, I would like to say that I did not ‘forget’ to post on Valentine’s day, actually I chose not to write about the dreaded day of terrible Lagos traffic with flowers and cupcakes being the most purchased products of the day. Radio stations playing love songs as people called in to dedicate special messages to their loved ones, everybody had something to say about love so why should I? *shrug* Before you think I am hating on all the lovers out there, let me move on to the topic of the day.

One of the cleaners in my office got beat up by an area boy a.k.a agebro a few days ago, the story is that on her way to work, this random stranger decided to chat her up and when she refused to pay attention, he then beat her leaving her with scars and a swollen lip. So for the last few days I have been watching her limp into work and perform her cleaning duties in the fastest possible way which is nowhere close to the rate she used to clean.

Then I came across this, a story of a young girl who was killed because she refused to accept the sexual advances of a few cult members and it reminded me so much of another lady sometime in 2001/2 that was raped  by a cult member in Unilag because she refused to date him, although she was not killed like Odusanya, I can be certain that she was left damaged and hurt and hopefully she has overcome the pain from that nightmare in her life.

It is no longer news that we have lunatics roaming the streets of Lagos, even the way people drive shows there are certain people who should be booked in the psychiatric hospital in Yaba but if you think those are the only kind of mad men in Lagos then I’m sorry for you o.

Recently, I met someone, whom I would call Mr Stranger. Mr Stranger is friends and family to some of my mutual friends so when I got a Facebook friend request from him I thought it can’t be that bad to accept and get to know more people, nothing wrong with expanding your network right? Anyway sha, this brother in the Lord turned out to be good-looking, had a ‘profession’ and was from a good home so there was no way I could have questioned his sanity or wonder if my life was at stake. Before you judge me, let me say that people meet other people online all the time and I have made a few good friends over the internet in all my years of writing and being active on social media sites.

Anyway Mr Stranger turned out to be a psycho, a liar, a substance abuser e.t.c and in just a week of knowing him I was subjected to a verbal/written exchange as a display of his mental state. I’ll save the details of what happened within a week of knowing Mr Stranger for another day because the story is long! But I am indeed grateful to God for dodging that bullet. I can’t shout abeg.

I call these men mad because there’s no justification for the way they behave, who really wakes up in the morning and decides to attack someone else especially someone who may not be able to fight back. They remind me so much of secondary school bullies that would go out of their way to hurt you just to prove a point and claim supremacy.

After my experience with Mr Stranger, I think we need a new force to have random mental checks on people roaming the streets of Lagos to certify if they are mentally fit, lots of ladies both young and old are falling prey to these kind of men who are mentally unstable and not all of them survive it. It’s really unfortunate for my office cleaner and for Miss Odusanya that got killed but I encourage more women to be careful and if possible learn to physically defend themselves.

10 SIGNS THAT HE IS A LAGOS BOY

Even though Lagos is a melting point of cultures, there are particular traits that resonate among a set group of men who may have been born or lived in Lagos for a very long time.  From the occasional white kaftans to the Lagos ‘swagger’, a typical Lagos Boy is one that cannot be missed.

Here are 10 ways to know if the guy in question is a typical Lagos Boy:

He believes in ‘packaging’
In Lagos, packaging refers to the way you present yourself, in most cases in a way that should enhance your value to others. A typical Lagos boy understands this and therefore invests in the right outfits, the latest gadgets, luxurious cars and maybe a short course in one of the ivy leagues graduate schools.

He is a hustler
Ever heard them call Lagos the city of hustlers? Well true to the title, the typical Lagos boy is always chasing one contract or the other or knows someone who knows someone who can do something at a cheaper price regardless of size and industry.

He is a spender
A typical Lagos boy believes in enjoying the luxuries of life so he will spend his money on the little things from spa treatments to popping champagne in clubs; although he would tend to do more of the latter than the former.

He is an events animal
No matter his age, a typical Lagos boy will be at almost any party or major event there is in this city. His motive is to let everyone know that he was there and also to mingle with the crème de la crème.

He loves to network
The question ‘So what do you do?’ is not an opportunity for small talk but a chance for him to know how to place you as a person. A typical Lagos boy knows the importance of connections especially in future business deals so he’ll want to know what you do and how you could be of use to him in the nearest future. They usually know someone in any viable industry.

He is an Old boy
Although it may not apply in all cases but majority of the typical Lagos Boys either graduated from Kings College or at some point in their lives attended Kings College for a period of time

He does not want liabilities
Listen to me ladies, if you have liabilities like lots of younger ones that you are ‘training’ or parents that depend on you for a monthly income, then you are not the type of girl who a typical Lagos boy will go after. He wants a woman who comes with no stress and no bills but with tangible assets that could help his overall ‘package’. So the next time you meet a guy that asks ‘What does your father do?’  in your first conversation then know that he wants to figure out if you are an asset or liability.

He thinks the mainland is too far
Refer to my open letter to Mr Islander for more details

He loves to deliver goodies
Whether it is your birthday or just because it’s another day, a typical Lagos boy loves the efizzy of delivery and he will have cupcakes, flowers and other random things delivered to you much to the envy of your colleagues and friends.

He will show you off
It doesn’t matter if you are the main chic or the side chic, a typical Lagos boy will show you off to all his friends and some family. Problem is, only his friends know your position in his life while you continue to believe it’s all about you.

So there you have it, Miss Gidi’s guide to identifying a typical Lagos boy, I know there may be more but these are the ones I can remember for now.

Somewhere in Enugu

Cassandra isn’t alone after all, the marriage by faith fever continues.
Somewhere in Enugu, the pastor of a branch of Winners Chapel during a church service asked all the single women to wear wedding dresses to church if they want to get married this year. The next Sunday, single women stormed the church service in wedding dresses and were asked to sit in front to receive special prayers with some ‘seed sowing’ involved

And this weekend , the exploitation continues: