Hide your boyfriends, Hide your girlfriends, the IJGBs are in town!!!!

It’s that time of the year again…

That time when Lagos is heavily saturated with accents from far and wide, that time when there are more complaints on social media about the weather,  the traffic and most of all, that time when true Lagosians (those who live and work in Lagos) are almost paranoid about losing their loved ones to these foreigners.

Welcome to the ‘I just got back?’ season

Everyone who lives in Lagos knows that the month of December is not just about Christmas and family, incase you have been living under a rock, the month of December is also regarded as the highest hookup season in Nigeria especially Lagos.

Most singletons roam the city with the hope that ‘this year’ would not pass them by after all. And who can blame them? with the number of ‘testimonies’ shared on popular blogs, almost every single lady is on the mission to bag that ‘correct’ guy before the year runs out.

Salons are congested with ladies trying to look their best and malls become strips to showcase your God-given or human enhanced beauty, whatever the case, this is the season where single ladies do not dull because we live by the motto ‘you never know who is watching’

Guys are not left out of this, they are often occupied with thoughts on how to look better and by better, I mean how to look ‘richer’ because they are under the impression that ‘foreign’ babes only like men with money and class. So they borrow money and  luxury cars just to ‘please’ these ladies until the season is over and then they can  go back to keke napeps and one square meals.

For some in relationships though, this is the time when they begin to question the ‘seriousness’ of their relationships because young men get missing at the sound of  foreign accents and young ladies denounce all relationships like a plague at the sight of ‘hard’ currencies and buff bodies (there has to be a reason why all these ‘returnees’ seem buff anyway)

Don’t get me wrong though, it’s not that we do not love to see our IJGB family & friends but the Lagos obsession and fascination of ‘bagging’ a foreigner especially in December is what amazes me and one I may never understand.

On that note, the SIG would like to wish you and yours a fabulous Christmas and as they say you never know sha so keep your eyes open, your future husband/wife may be around the corner (maybe with a foreign accent LOL)

 

Much love,

 

P.S – If you have to ‘question’ your relationship because of a few weeks of distraction then maybe it’s not meant to be #justsaying #missgidishrug

TICKET TO FREEDOM

‘You’re too old to be living with your parents’

That’s the voice you probably hear in your head on that Saturday morning when you just want to sleep and your mother decides it’s the best time to send you on errands. It was tolerable when you were younger, say when you were in your late teens and early twenties but now you are in your late twenties and you cannot stand it anymore because you thought by now you would be out of your parent’s house but guess what…YOU’RE NOT!

From a young age, you’ve been told that you would move out of your father’s house to your husband’s house so even though you are old enough now and you could probably afford rent, you find that moving out of your parent’s house as a single woman is a controversial debate in the Nigerian society especially when you’re not moving out of state/country.

Having to live with parents after a certain age has to be one of the most difficult things in life, especially as a young lady when every comment, statement, conversation and question all boils down to marriage and when you would get married. Typical examples would be:

Scenario 1 – serving a well prepared meal
Comment –  ‘your husband will enjoy o’;

Scenario 2 – forgetting to do something
Comment – ‘is that how you will run your home as a married woman?’;

Scenario 3–  getting home late
Comment –  ‘is this how you will live in your husband’s house?’.

Truth is, at this point all you may ever hear are constant reminders that you are ‘ripe’ for marriage.

Then there are the rules and if you come from a strict home, the curfews. As someone who has lived away from home for a while before moving back, I often find this to be one of my major challenges because after having so much freedom and being able to plan things around my own time I have come back to hear things like ‘no responsible woman is supposed to keep late nights’ or ‘you cannot do what you want while under my roof wait till you get married’ and I get it, well the roof part I get, the others I still struggle understanding.

Source: Datereport

Anyway, if you’re from a very laid-back and liberal family you may not understand what I am blabbing about but you must realise that not all Nigerian parents are ‘understanding’ or ‘liberal’ so they often believe that these rules and marriage reminders are what will shape you into being a better wife and mother while the idea of moving out of your parent’s house as a young woman is almost considered a taboo.

It some cases it becomes so difficult living with parents and trying not to have a war on moving out that some ladies actually see marriage as their ticket to freedom. I have heard some married women say things like ‘they could not wait to get out of their father’s house so they got married early’ or single women who compare marriage to ‘breaking out of prison’ and of course discussions on how society frowns at the idea of a woman living alone (*rollseyes*)

I know parents care and no matter how hard you try, they still see you as the little girl with ponytails and the puffy Cinderella dress on her first birthday who has no clue that the world is filled with wolves in sheep clothing and maybe they are right or maybe they are paranoid…

At the end of the day, if moving out is not an option for you then how do you deal with living with parents and the pressure of  seeing marriage as your ticket to freedom? 

I really want to know what you think

Love,

MjAxMy05MzA3NDcyMzI4MzBmMDdk

P.S.- The only reason I am yet to move out is because Lagos rent is on the rise and mehnnn the bills are plenty…

 

We’ve got mail: I don’t trust her – Chi

TGIM!!!!! , yes I am one of the few people who thank God it’s Monday (don’t hate!) or maybe it’s because I’m just naturally hyper. Anyway today we’ve got mail from Chi and after the last Dear Miss Gidi post, I’ve decided I shall leave the floor open for my lovelies (you guys) to respond 🙂 

******************************************************************************************************

Source: GalleryHip

Hey Miss Gidi,

This is a bit weird for me because I’ve never sent an email to any of these kinda agony aunt things but I can relate with most of your posts and I think the comments are usually practical so here goes

I started dating my current boyfriend about 3 months ago and we’ve been good except for one thing that seems to bother me, he has a female friend that I am not comfortable with.

He spends a lot of time talking to her (like almost every day) and she always seems to know what’s going on with us. The thing is I have never met her in person but I know of her and she knows of me as well and according to my boyfriend she is not harmful because he has known her longer and if he wanted to date her he would have but he didn’t.

She always comes up in our discussions, and when we have arguments it’s usually gets worse when he says what she thinks which of course makes me even more upset. One time we argued about something and he didn’t apologise to me until she told him to because she made him realise he was wrong.

I just fell like she has a lot of control over my boyfriend and I do not want that happening because I don’t trust her, I just don’t.

So what do you think? Am I being paranoid? Or is there something I should do?

Regards,

Chi

******************************************************************************************************

Chi is a very straight forward kinda chic sha, she didn’t even try to toast me before letting me know  her wahala LOL …(I still love ya for emailing Chi!).  As usual I have my thoughts on dealing with the female friend BUT do you think this female friend is a problem or should Chi just relax? 

Use the comment box below and let’s discuss 🙂 

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

Love,

Miss Gidi’s guidelines to being a Gidi Hot Babe

It is a well-known fact that Lagos has a lot of beautiful women either by genetics or by acquisition,; no matter how ‘hot’ you think you are, there’s always someone hotter. If you think you have curves, then you will meet someone curvier or maybe you think your claim to fame are your long, chocolate legs wellll you will soon find that you are not alone on that wall of fame. (#teamlonglegs).

I guess that’s general knowledge for all beautiful women but I’m sure you want to know what makes a gidi hot babe so different from the others?

You don’t? Well I am telling you anyway

Being a Gidi hot babe is not easy, to be honest, some of us have tried and failed in this matter because it takes a lot to be that ‘established’ kind of girl (or we just have other priorities in life). But I do understand that a lot of other women are curious to know how to become one because let’s be real, this city has a lot of competition and you have to stand out in whatever way you can. So here are the guidelines of being a Gidi Hot Babe:

  • You must be active on social media – specifically Instagram. I mean that’s like the easiest way to show off your God-given/acquired beauty. There are additional rules to this, like having only fully made up pictures, not throwing back to more than 3 years (except cute baby pictures), having at least 10 bikini shots and so on
  • You must have celebrity friends – like how else will you be popular if you don’t have other famous people who have worked hard for you to latch on?
  • You must never admit to knowing commoners (in public) – so that friend you were once close to, that’s not famous? You don’t know him/her in public settings. You must know how to pretend like you didn’t see them and then act surprised but not too surprised when they say hi so you are not confused as being fake.
  • You never say HI/HELLO first – Unless of course it’s a celebrity that can help you up the ladder
  • You must be a snob – as a Gidi hot babe, you can’t be talking to anyone you see na? learn to have a straight face when people ‘below’ you try to talk to you.
  • You must be busy or fake being busy – especially at events so BBM/Whatsapp chatting at weddings and parties is totally allowed for a woman of your calibre because you will be ‘busy’
  • You must have an accent – preferably American or British
  • You must use celebrity hair stylists/fashion designers/makeup artists and salons – as a Gidi hot babe, you only go for the expensive and popular …don’t forget to take a picture and mention on Instagram
  • You must have everything expensive – shoes, bags, cell phones, outfits, exotic trips, spa treatments e.t.c. As a gidi hot babe you must be seen as someone who is ‘chopping life’. Are you wondering how you can get all of these? Easy! You don’t spend your money or you can save towards it (but never admit to saving)…oh and remember to post it on Instagram too (you may want to skip the part of who gave it to you though so you are not confused as being a ‘run’s girl’)
  • You must be HOT – because none of this matters if you do not have the right foundation as a ‘hot babe’

So there you have it, Miss Gidi’s guidelines to being a Gidi Hot Babe

Shout out to all the Gidi Hot babes I see doing absolutely nothing except being ‘hot’ because that in itself is a lot of work and y’all need some recognition for your hardwork.

Till we meet again

Love

Before I forget, it’s important you have a job or a business, something to show that you have other priorities.

Convenient Relationships

If you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?

That my friends was the question I was asked a few days ago while having a conversation/argument on long distance relationships and everything that has to do with it. We all know the usual arguments against long distance relationships such as proximity, trust and the typical ‘body no bi firewood’ points but at the end of the day, does the fear of being hurt and/or infidelity cause most single people to choose what is convenient over what may be ideal?

I must admit that some relationships are birthed out of convenience without considering the necessary factors required for a successful relationship which should lead to a lifetime together. For example, certain people in Lagos would not date anyone that lives over 5 miles from their place of residence (*cough* Islanders *cough cough*) but the question is, would you turn down the opportunity to be happy with someone who is everything you want and more for what is available?

Source: Elite Daily

It is very easy to develop a connection with someone who  you have easy access to, even when you know there is no future in it and they’re not adding any real value to your life; and it’s a lot easier to stay in a relationship that’s not working because it’s convenient and being alone or starting a new relationship is not easy…but then again nothing good comes easy right?

Recently, I have come across a lot of relationships that have been birthed out of the availability or over-availability of the other party, like the guy is always there to give the young lady a ride, he’s always around when she calls him, he gets her everything she wants; and for guys it’s that the chic is always there, she helps him around his house, cooks, cleans, gives him the ‘cookie’ when he needs it and so many other selfish reasons. Sometimes they settle and then after marriage, one or both parties ends up regretting their convenient decision and tries to figure out a way to work it out or walk out of it.

Convenient relationships go beyond distance, sometimes it has to do with other factors such as availability of the person in question, filling a lonely void, if he/she fits what is required of you (in the case of unreasonable lists from third parties) and many other reasons which do not answer the question of ‘seeing a future with that person’.

Soure: RotteneCards

I once had to steer clear from a certain someone because it was obvious that the only reason he actually considered dating me was because I was the available/convenient choice not necessarily his ‘ideal’ choice. It was so obvious that even when I asked the typical ‘why me?’ question, his second reason was because I was ‘available’ while his first was that I was the most compatible fit. I pretty much felt like he had a check list and I had ticked most of the boxes especially since he missed a vital point of if he actually cared for me and saw a future with me.

Please note that I am not saying relationships must be difficult and/or problematic but if you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?

 

 

BEST FRIENDS….till she gets married

In Nigeria (and I suppose everywhere else) getting married is a big deal, so it’s with no surprise that when ladies finally meet their potential husbands, get engaged and then married, it becomes a huge ceremony and achievement to be celebrated (and I am not even trying to be sarcastic). What I have also observed is that when some women get engaged and/or married, they decide it is the best time to cut off a lot of their single female friends, it’s almost predictable and somehow worrying.

In order to understand this better, I decided to ask a few questions as to why some married women ‘break up’ with their single friends once they earn the Mrs title and here are a few responses I got:

  1. Ideologies change – obviously since the women are now in different phases of life, there are certain things that the single female friend may not understand .e.g when a married woman has to take permission from her husband before having lunch with a once female best friend who is still single.
  2. The husband does not like the single friend – this is explanatory but when the husband says he doesn’t like his wife’s friend then that friend has to be cut off for the sake of the marriage.
  3. Nothing in common – I guess this is the same as #1 but for obvious reasons single women and married women no longer have anything in common to talk about once one of them gets married.
  4. She could steal the husband – apparently some married women feel insecure when their single female friends come around their husbands because they could be ‘jealous’ of what the married woman has and therefore try to steal the husband in question (too many dang Nollywood movies I tell ya). So it’s a lot better to get rid of the single female friend before they get any ideas

I’m not trying to start a single versus married women debate here but  it amazes me that when in the midst of a lot of married women in Lagos, it turns out that their major concern is their husbands leaving them for another woman, especially the single ones, so they start out by weeding out the obvious single ladies they know and possibly do not trust.

I’ve never been married before (duh!) but for those who have or are engaged, is there a special reason for letting go of your single female friends? Especially since the husband/engaged brother does not cut off his single male friends…and for the single ladies who may have been cut off because their friend got married, how did it feel and what did you do?

As for me sha, none of my married/engaged friends have cut me off yet…what can I say?…everybody loves Miss Gidi

When love is not enough

You’ve met someone, a few dates, hour-long conversation on the phone, social media stalking and you think you’ve found ‘the one’ until you face one or more of these annoying ‘deal breakers’.

*sigh*

Having to deal with deal breakers is one of the toughest things in this whole dating experience especially when you are the one with the deal breaker and are faced with the decision to cut loose, try harder or ignore. While you may be certain that your deal breaker makes complete sense, the other party involved may be wondering what could be wrong with your mental state…and they may be right.

Over time, I have come to learn how to differentiate between my preferences and my deal breakers; preferences being what I would like but are not deciding factors and deal breakers being things/traits I could not live with for the rest of my life.  Needless to say, that I as I get older, my list of deal breakers have become shorter and more specific compared to 10 years ago when my deal breaker list was just a long list of physical qualities I preferred in a partner.

We all have deal breakers but having to deal with them is not as easy as it appears. Some people may choose to ignore them and latch on the concept of love (or getting married) and façade of the happily ever after that comes with it but the real question is, when it comes to deal breakers, is love ever enough?

I once listened to a friend rant about how he met the perfect girl but had to stop seeing her after 3 months of dating because they both had the AS genotype, meaning they had the sickle-cell trait and it would affect their future forever. He was devastated but at the end of the day, he chose to let go for the sake of the ‘future’. At that moment, I felt bad for him but I understood because it was something that bothered him from the first day he found out but could not find the strength to end the relationship.

On the other hand, I know of a lady who ignored her deal breaker and married a man who had a different belief system from hers. Two years into the marriage and a kid later, she wants to leave because she can’t seem to find a neutral ground with her husband on their beliefs. Truth is, this issue was always there but she ignored it hoping things would change after they got married…something I find that a lot of women do (i.e. ignoring significant issues that should be sorted before marriage).

So again I ask, when it comes to deal breakers, is love ever enough? Can you overlook significant issues that could affect your life forever when you meet who your heart says is ‘the one’?

I still have ‘should have a broad shoulder’ on my deal breaker list….it affects the future …right? #dontjudge

 

Don’t worry, be happy!

This week has been very busy and I have not had the time to sit and write…okay that’s just an excuse for being a slacker especially since we had one day off (Happy Independence Nigeria!!)) and we have a long weekend ahead woohooo! As most bloggers/creative people, I believe I am in my season of having a ‘writers’ block’, you know that time that you can’t figure out what to write or the right words can’t seem to get to your fingers from your brain…what I’m trying to say is that I am sorry for dulling this week (I guess I should have said so from the start)

2014 has been an amazing year so far, almost all my friends (male and female) have gotten engaged with some getting married and I am usually the first one to scream for joy and post pictures on all social networking sites I can think of including picking the perfect hashtag for the wedding (because obviously ‘hashtaging’ is the new black). To show support, I have actually spent quite a bit buying aso-ebi this year despite my rant and I still have 5 more to buy before the year is over (that’s if no one else gets engaged this long weekend and sets their date in December). But the real highlight of my year so far was last weekend when I got the news of the engagement of a friend who means a lot to me.

It is a highlight because a few years ago we became closer to encourage each other in this journey of life. Through ups, downs, heartaches and my occasional mood swings, we still found a way to encourage each other and found solace in our relationship with God. Even though we hardly see each other we have successfully built a bond like sisters that some days I attempt dodging her so she doesn’t sense that something may be wrong with me….but this post is not about her (I’m yet to figure out what it is about actually)

Recently, a friend of mine said ‘It’s amazing how you celebrate the happiness of your friends…it’s rare’ those weren’t his exact words but it went something like that and I realized that I had spent almost 5 minutes gushing about my friend’s engagement, what an amazing guy she was getting married to and how excited I was. Again this is not about the engagement or my friend.

After that statement, I realised that it is actually rare for women to celebrate their fellow women especially single ones when their friends get engaged. There’s always that moment of silence after the good news, that period of ‘Why not me God?’ or the ‘Na wa o’ which often leads to some form of animosity and subtle jealousy at the engaged friend. If not managed right, it could lead to an obvious rivalry which leads to backbiting and remarks on the size of the rock, the authenticity of the diamonds to analysing the husband to be and finally evaluating the wedding if it was a great one or just average or quite recently, if it was a ‘money miss road wedding.’

I guess what I am trying to say is that we women need to learn to encourage each other and be happy for one another. Whether it is a promotion at a job or owning a successful business or getting married to their life partner, it is important that we learn to celebrate one another and be genuinely happy not looking for loopholes and reasons to downplay the happiness of the other. It doesn’t matter if the man she is getting married to is your taste or not, all that should matter is that she is happy. And if you happen to be a bridesmaid, please don’t whine about what you are going to wear and how it doesn’t suit your body type, it’s not about you, it’s about your friend the bride-to-be so suck it up and be happy in the most horrendous looking way you could ever be.

At the end of the day, the institution of marriage is not a competition, no one is taking attendance of who comes first and who finishes last. Forget the pressure, forget the ticking biological clock, dance your behind off at every wedding and enjoy each day of being single because you won’t be for long.

Love

P.s – You should see my friend’s rock sha…dang! it’s blinging!! And I promise to be back with a bang next week 🙂

Oh and this weekend be sure to check out the stage play MYOPIA by Chidinma Uzodike, which will be staged on the 5th of October 2014 at Swiss International, D’Palms Airport, Ajao Estate, Off International Airport road.

MYOPIA, is about a young girl’s determination to overcome family and societal discrimination against the female gender.

MYOPIA, is about a young girl’s determination to overcome family and societal discrimination against the female gender.

Do you see Single in Gidi on the printed backdrop? 🙂

The Marriage Ultimatum

While driving this morning, I heard the song ‘Marry me’ by Falz featuring Poe and Yemi Alade which basically illustrates the desperation of most single women with a very catchy tune, of course Miss Gidi being Miss Gidi, it made me think about the whole ‘ultimatum’ and how most single women these days have a time frame with the expectation that when it elapses, their partners better be on one knee asking the famous question ‘Will you marry me?’

A while ago, I had the opportunity of having a conversation with a lady who was in a new relationship. Like most women who are in fairly new relationships, she talked about all the wonderful things this man had to offer and how she really liked him but then ended everything with the statement ‘with the way things are going, I’m sure he will propose in another six months’, and in my usual manner I had to ask the reason behind the ‘six months plan’ of which she answered ‘Ah! How much longer does he need? abeg I am not 21 for him to be wasting my time and I already told him I don’t have more than one year to give him’

It’s not news that most women (and some men as well)  are scared of being hurt, scared of being taken advantage of but most of all scared of the length of time they would spend in a relationship that would not end up in marriage. I once heard that the number of years you spend with someone before you marry them is a sunk cost and should not be considered when making future marriage decisions. If you don’t know, a sunk cost is defined as a cost that has already been incurred and cannot be recovered, which basically means the six years you spend with a partner should not be the criteria for deciding whether or not to spend six more years with him/her, what’s done is done and there’s no going back. Although this example is unconventional, I am pretty sure some of you will never forget the definition of sunk costs for the rest of your lives (sunk cost is an accounting term by the way 🙂 )

The marriage ultimatum (either direct or indirect) is quite popular with the women, young ladies give their men a time frame, requiring them to propose or they walk away by a set time because they cannot afford to hang around with the hopes of getting married. Granted some men need the push and may be slow to consider marriage but should an ultimatum be given? Doesn’t that take away from the excitement/surprise of being proposed to? Or am I missing something here…

I remember when an acquaintance came to me with the wonderful news of her engagement and as expected I asked how he proposed of which she replied Miss Gidi, we’ve been together for a long time now and I told him to propose before December or it would be over, what else is he waiting for?. You can say she replied me in the typical Nigerian manner of replying a question with a question but it looked to me like even though she was ready, he was being pushed to be ready based on her ultimatum.

It’s obvious that the older a woman gets, the more impatient she becomes in a relationship and is often ready to skip the dating stage and run straight into marriage. This impatience usually begins once she has hit her late twenties and as expected the pressure from her family has been turned all the way up. I mean ‘older married friends’ have said statements to me like ‘at your age, one year is too long to date o, if after 3 months he is not talking marriage abeg move on’

Of course the timing of a relationship is relative, for some 3 months is enough while for others it’s too short, but my question is when is a marriage ultimatum important ? why should it be given? or is an ultimatum simply a sign of  desperation? 

By the way, the ‘engaged acquaintance’ is still single and the man is married to someone else

We’ve got mail: He won’t marry me until I lose weight

I don’t seem to get emails a lot but when I do I get very excited…(sad I know). Anyway here is an email from Miss Jay and as usual she needs our thoughts and input

 ******************************************************************************************************

dear miss gidi

Hello Miss Gidi,

I really like your blog and that you come across as a very strong and opinionated woman in this our Lagos that can bring you down. I have a concern and I would like to share it with you and other readers of your blog.

I’m 29, Igbo and the first girl out of four daughters that my parents have, my parents live in Imo but I live in Lagos with 2 of my sisters while the last one is in University. In the last year, my younger sisters have gotten engaged but my parents have refused they get married before me which has brought a lot of quarrel in the family. I have tried to convince my parents to let them get married but that has not been successful because they consider it to be a disgrace on the family. I know you are probably wondering how this is possible in 2014 but this is my reality.

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for about 5 years now and he has said he wants to marry me. He’s a nice guy but has a bad temper which has led to a few quarrels, he never hits me because I will never tolerate it but sometimes he makes me feel bad about myself through his words because he says the meanest things without thinking. I used to complain a lot but I have gotten used to it now and I just ignore him when he says some things because he may not mean them.

About a year ago, when I brought up the issue of marriage, he said the reason why he has not proposed was because I was fat. That became the beginning of our problems and now he is always quick to call me fat whenever we have an issue. For my birthday he bought a dress 2 sizes smaller (I am a UK 14 now) and said I have until December to be that size before he proposes.

To be honest, I have tried all the diets and none of them seem to work. When I lose weight, our relationship flourishes, then he would call me beautiful names and take me out to hang out with his friends and family but when I add anything back, he gets upset and starts avoiding taking me out. I wasn’t always this big, I was a size 10 when we started dating but taking birth control pills has contributed to my weight gain over the years.

Sometimes I am unhappy because it’s not like he’s exactly an Idris Elba himself, he has developed a pot belly but has the audacity to tell me to lose weight or he won’t marry me after all these years.

I know this may seem like too much but I don’t know what to do and I can’t start from scratch again in the dating world.

Help

Miss Jay

******************************************************************************************************

Usually I have a response but this time I asked for Miss Jay’s permission to publish her email on the blog without telling her my opinion. To be honest, it is a tough one and I can somewhat relate to her situation but I want to know what you think of her man asking her to lose weight before proposing or do you think there is more to it ?

Use the comment box below and let’s discuss 🙂 

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram