For Love or For Papers

This post is very tongue in cheek and should be read with some sense of humour

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Now that I have the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get down to business…

So you live abroad, this hot guy who lives in Nigeria sends you a friend request or maybe you met him on your recent trip to Nigeria. You have no mutual friends/acquaintance with him but you think you may have found the one. He is tall, dark, handsome so even though you have concerns about his rush towards marriage,  you go ahead to take the risk and then he ‘suggests’ moving to be with you because he is ‘considerate’ of your career and wants to be by your side.

Girlfriend, before you take that plunge, please note he may only be in it for the papers! (Yes I said it!)

Once upon a time wives were being exported to ‘the abroad’; during that time, relatives would find a wife for their son living in America (for example) and then send him pictures/contact details of the lady or ladies in question. Of course these young ladies would have been briefed of this development and she would then wait patiently for his first call and the start of their very own love story.

It is now 2014 and the tables have turned a little bit, instead of potential wives being picked from Nigeria, young women who live abroad are being targeted by men who are in Nigeria as potential wives. The criterion is pretty simple, you must have no adult ties with Nigeria (and by this I mean a potential career/business here), which also means you have no plans to move to Nigeria in the nearest future. Luckily social media plays a huge role as it gives certain ladies a sense of ‘familiarity’ through pictures and end up falling for these men in search of love and ‘a happily ever after’.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to fuel the already existing paranoia with some people who have foreign passports neither am I saying it is impossible to find true love but I am tired of hearing stories of ladies who have fallen for men that are obviously after them for anything other than love. So Oh Ghel before you decide to emotionally commit yourself to that man in Nigeria you barely know here are a few things you should do:

  1. Find a mutual friend/acquaintance – it is very important that you know someone who knows his guy in question and can vouch for his character or maybe lead you to someone who can. It helps you know a bit more than what he tells you because at this point, all you both are doing is ‘selling market’.
  2. Don’t believe everything you see on social media – this is a no brainer but all that ‘luxury’ and title you see could be lies, so take it with a pinch of salt and hold off bragging on how your boo in Nigeria is an Electrical engineer when he really is an electrician.
  3. Ask questions – this is very important because when you ask him what he does and he says ‘business’, you should be able to ask what nature of business it is and expect to get an understandable answer not ‘general contractor’ or ‘hustling’. Still on this, ask how his day was, know what he has been up to, ask about his family…get as much information as you can get out of him.
  4. Do your due diligence – this goes with #1 but you need to have some level of FBI skill in this matter before you marry someone else’s husband. If possible, have a friend or member of family you trust meet this guy, there are things those of us in Nigeria see that you will not (your eyes are not sharp like that…sowwy)
  5. Talk less about your immigration status in the beginning – for obvious reasons.
  6. Do not entertain conversation on relocation – Yes it is important and Yes it will come up but try as much as possible not to be the one to bring it up. If he is quick to bring up relocating under the pretence of being with you then back to #3 (ask questions) what is he going to do for income? Has he done any research? How is he going to cope? Answers like ‘when we get there we will sort it out’ should not be tolerated, he should have a plan, after all he is the ‘man’ in the relationship unless of course you are interested in having a house husband.
  7. Don’t be in a rush – I know you are getting older but marrying a man the second time you are seeing him in person is suspect. Don’t be in hurry, visit him in Nigeria, see him in his own comfort zone, let him visit you as well; if you can, relocate for a bit, evaluate your lives and then you ‘both’ decide what would be best. These things take time and all of that won’t happen in 3 months.
  8. Do not send MONEY – This is open for debate but I believe that before he comes to you for funds he must have exhausted all his options in Nigeria so lines such as ‘my clients are owing me’ ‘I’m having issues with the bank’ ‘I need this real quick, I will pay you when you come to Nigeria’ should be scrutinised…again ask questions!

It’s amazing that in a country like Nigeria where there are so many single women claiming not to find men to marry, some of my Nigerian sisters living abroad are able to meet, date, marry and ship their men over. It’s obvious that those of us in Nigeria are missing something or our oversabi is causing us to strike out a lot of potentials.

Whatever the case, ladies, when in doubt…ask questions!

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Love and Running Shoes

I strongly believe that Lagos must have the highest number of potbellied ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These potbellied runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, dressed in their matching gear (some with face caps) and all have the arm bands showcasing their variety of expensive fitness gadgets.

Lagos also has a high number of bra-less ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These bra-less runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, sporting the lightest possible tights and tops and are usually eager to hop jog a few kilometres, showcasing the variety of ‘cup’ sizes and sensitivity to the windy environment.

Welcome to Lagos, where everything is another way to get hitched!

I’ve been told I need to go out more in order to meet potential suitors. If you’ve ever lived in Nigeria, you would know that as a single woman, your mission when you step out of your house is to meet a potential husband (I’m only being sarcastic by the way). Not once did I ever think that working out would be another way to ‘spouse hunt’.

For the record, I’m not a fitness junkie, I run power walk daily to keep fit because I tend to sit for long hours during the day. I prefer power walking outside because walking on a treadmill looks lazy and my naturally competitive self is slightly irritated by the random skinny chic who decides to ‘fly’ on the treadmill right next to mine. I mean why abandon all the other equipment and come next to someone who is clearly struggling with anything more than a powerwalk on a treadmill? WHY? What’s your point? So you think you can fly? … *deep breaths Miss Gidi, deep breaths*

Anyway, being fit has become one of the most popular trends in Lagos, from celebrity personal trainers to Shaun T’s insanity routine, everyone who is anyone wants to be fit and/or have that bikini body even though most of us don’t wear bikinis to the beach and are subconsciously  addicted to jollof rice and eba.

Although this has become a city-wide trend, some parts of the city (*cough* Lekki), have taken it a bit too far by turning it into an avenue to meet their potential partners with  the newly constructed suspension bridge being the perfect location for such matchmaking. I guess the idea of 1.36km (0.85miles) of potential suitors excites them.

As most things Nigerian, there is always someone who has a story of how they got hitched and the story of meeting someone on the suspension bridge is fast becoming a trending topic. I always thought they were stories that could never be true until my size 6 friend who resides in Phase 1 said she only goes for a ‘run’ on Saturday mornings because that’s when the big boys come out to play. Of course, as the curious cat that I am, I decided I was going to experience this lekki bridge transit dating.

My friend and I agreed to meet up at about 9am at the Lekki end of the bridge. Upon arrival,I noticed she had matching gear from top to bottom hugging her well-proportioned curves while I, well I had on an over-sized slight faded t-shirt covering the folds from the twix bars I won’t let go of  and a scarf to put my weave in place. As I walked towards her, I subconsciously prepared myself to be scolded for my nonchalance as I clearing missed the memo on dressing etiquette while working out in Lekki.

After a few minutes of stretching, we decided to start slow before increasing our pace. The bridge was packed as expected with people of all shapes, sizes and fitness levels not to forget the cyclists with top of the line bicycles and all the fancy gadgets. To be honest, it was a sight to behold, seeing so many Nigerians being health conscious or so it seemed.

While some were running the full length of the bridge, others were exercising their eyes on the variety the bridge had to offer. I couldn’t help but notice the occasional pot-bellied runners walking in pairs and smiling at every good-looking lady that walked pass or the bra-less runners passing by in what seemed like hopping instead of jogging; I almost tripped watching a pair of Double Ds have a life of their own while their owner hopped ran towards me.

At the other side of the bridge, there were certain newly acquainted couples who were taking out time to get to know each other while pretending to brisk walk across the bridge. You could tell they weren’t talking about fitness because I am certain  a conversation on sweat, miles and pain is not enough to make a young lady laugh flirtatiously while tucking back the strand of South American hair the wind keeps blowing in her face…or maybe it’s just me.

I noticed my friend had picked up her pace so I got out of my state of shock and focused on burning the twix bar folds I had accumulated. I was only a few minutes into my increased pace when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard my friend say

‘Abeg slow down! How do you expect to get a toaster when you are running?

*sigh* What can I say?  #girlsarenotsmiling

MAN VERSUS AMBITION

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Halfway through a conversation between Miss Gidi and Mr A

Me: Mehnnn I need to make Forbe’ list in this life

Mr A: So where will your husband be?

Me: Ummm Forbe’s list too duh!

Mr A: Abeg Miss Gidi, you need to chill on all this your over ambitious goals, at least play it down because most men don’t like women that look like they want to compete with them

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Well friends, welcome to another day in the life of a single sister in Lagos, today we are discussing being ambitious and how that affects your ‘man market’.

In a country like Nigeria where there are a lot of female entrepreneurs (including your fish and pepper sellers in the market) I wonder why most Nigerian men (not all) have a problem with a woman who is driven. Fortunately, I happen to be one of those women who aim for excellence, to be the best at everything I do. While in secondary school I ran the school’s tuck shop for about a year (or was it a few months) under the Junior Achiever’s program and ended up winning an award for the best company run under the J.A. program that year.

Even in Uni, I was elected the president of an organisation and with the help of a fantastic team, we were able to transform it from nothing to one that was recognised for excellence and I was awarded with the highest leadership award for my efforts as the President of the organisation. I’m not trying to blow my trumpet here instead I am saying that excelling at what I set my hands to do has always been my motto in life and with parents like mine being mediocre has never been an option.

Unfortunately though this trait of mine does not seem to help my ‘man market’ because as a single woman who wants to get married I am told I need to tone down my drive for excellence and never discuss some of my life goals such as being on the Forbe’s list. Apparently, my physical appearance already intimidates men so being an NFA (No Future Ambition) should balance the equation.

For the record, this has nothing to do with having a demanding job, this is about being a woman who is driven to succeed.

Don’t get me wrong, some Nigerian men love a woman that is entrepreneurial and driven BUT she cannot be better than he is or more driven than he is, so while he deals in oil/government contracts, she should stick to selling shoes and bags in the marketplace, never aspiring to have her own brand or expanding into being one of the top shoe producers in Nigeria (heck Africa!) …a few shops here and there should be height of her aspiration.

Each time I have this discussion with people, I am often reminded that most women who are supposedly ambitious are single, divorced or widowed. There is the misconception that a woman who aims to be excellent in anything other than being a wife and mother cannot be ‘tamed’ because she may forget her role in the home while she aims for success in other aspects of her life.

Our society gives me the impression that being mediocre or pretending to be is what makes me more of a ‘marriage material’; I must learn to slow down to be accepted; so don’t be too educated (unless you are a medical doctor), don’t aim for greatness, don’t own properties, don’t drive luxury cars (unless a man bought it for you) and in my case, don’t dream of being on the Forbes list.

My question is with the number of female entrepreneurs we have in our country why is being an ambitious woman a threat to the average Nigerian man? Who says a woman cannot have it all? Or is ‘having it all’ something only men can aim for?

Sadly for ‘our society’, I was not trained to be mediocre, I was trained to be the best that I can be, aim for greatness including being the best mother and wife…surely there has to be a man who can handle all of that.

DEALING WITH WHAT NEVER WAS

I believe I met the love of my life about a year ago, he was everything I wanted in a man, he was smart, funny in a nerdy way, loved good music and had the fear of the Lord in his heart. We fell in love, got married and were going to live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

That was all in my head

What really happened was that I met a guy via social media (we’re in 2014 so don’t judge), we connected in many ways that made me wonder where he had been all my life. He was a Lagos boy as well so we had a lot of Lagos childhood memories to share and laugh about. To be honest, no other man at the time was able to have my attention the way he did. Sadly, it was a long distance thing so we spent hours getting to know each other through phone calls and Skype dates. There was a connection, one I could not understand, like we were meant to be soul mates, you know the kind of stuff that you see in Hollywood movies.

Then I got to finally meet him in person, he was visiting for 10 days and I was determined to spend every day with him and that we did. Our connection was much stronger in person and we enjoyed every moment we had together until his last day. He possessed everything I could imagine in a man, I mean how else do you want a man to look at you? Talk to you? And treat you? With him I forgot all about my insecurities as he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

In reality we spent 9 days together because on his last day he became distant as he remembered he had to go back to his base, to the girl he left behind who loved him as much as I did. Oh yea he had a girlfriend and I had become the accidental side chic, like a cyber-mistress that was too good to be true. So slowly we drifted apart, the phone calls and Skype dates disappeared; we became strangers on the internet with the occasional hellos as our way to say ‘I still have you in my thoughts’

This is not my story but that of a friend, Hadiza’, who told me about a certain guy she thought would be ‘the one’. She, like many others had gotten too close to a guy and started something which she shouldn’t have in the first place. It wouldn’t be her first and I could totally relate with her because I have been there too. Often times in the course of life, we meet people that we believe are our possible soul mates and end up being hurt when it never works out quite as planned or dreamed.

After each breakup of a non-relationship, we find ourselves in a state of ‘what ifs?’ What if we were together? What if he/she is actually the other half of me that I have been searching for all my life? As Hadiza recounted her story I could sense the anger and hurt from the tone of her voice. Even though she was hurt, she often wondered what it would be like if they actually were together and a part of her hopes he will come back to her because what they felt/feel for each other was stronger than what anyone could understand (women and our wahala sha!)

What amazes me though is not the dynamics of a non-relationship but the ‘breakup’ and the impact it has on the person/people involved. In all fairness, do we really have control over the people that we get close to? How do you stop yourself from getting into such compromising situations or maybe dealing with a relationship that was never labelled as one in the first? Is the person involved now an ex or a former friend?

I could go on and on but at the end of the day, if it was never a relationship then what was it?

Las Gidi and our love for brand names

Lagos…..City of dreams, land of opportunity and all the glitz and glam that one could imagine. Seriously, Lagos is paradoxically one of the most ludicrously opulent cities in the world, up there with the likes of Mumbai. And I say paradox because even amidst all the squalor and squelch that is so replete in the city, there is such abundant wealth: the rich in their beautiful clothes stand on the same rain-soaked ground as the poor with their tatters. What a dichotomy – Sims

I couldn’t have started this post any other way, I mean who doesn’t love Lagos? Okay don’t answer that; but after living in this wonderful city for about 24 years now I must say Lagos is one that inspires me and amazes me. No other city has been able to bring out the best in me like Lagos…Lagos is the reason why I write, why I am inspired and why I am sometimes baffled.

One of the things that baffles me in this Lagos is our love for names, who you are, who you know but most of all who you are wearing/carrying…Ah yes WE LOVE BRAND NAMES. Gidi girls (because the term ‘Lagos girls’ is considered derogatory) always want to talk about who they are wearing or carrying. From the international luxury brands to our very own Nigerian overpriced well-known brands, anybody who wants to be somebody which is everybody in Lagos wants to be known to carry or wear the ‘best’ even if they have to fake it. An average Gidi girl would rather carry a Grade 1 fake LV than carry an equally beautiful and better quality lower budget bag from a no named designer. If you doubt me, take a look at most of the stores around, most of them sell counterfeit handbags at ridiculous prices. Before you think I am being judgmental, let me state my disclaimer, I don’t have a problem with certain people choosing to buy counterfeit items (it’s a free world after all) I only find it funny when people buy things for the name and not the design.

A few weeks ago, I experienced two ladies have an hour-long argument on brand names, handbags and their worth. It all began when Lady A couldn’t take her eyes off Lady B’s designer handbag so she complimented it and asked where she got it from and for how much. Lady B, with a sense of pride and with a concentrated indigenous accent (I won’t mention which one), replied that she bought it from a highbrow store and it cost an equivalent for 85,000 naira which made Lady A exclaim and insist that she had been duped because she recently purchased that same handbag from an Instagram seller for about $200. Lady B feeling slighted at the unexpected response then said that Lady A had purchased the fake version of this ‘handbag’ from Instagram and Lady A was the one that had been duped. Of course Lady A wasn’t going to accept that so she said ‘it’s not possible na oyinbo babe dey sell the bag on Instagram, let me show you pictures’ which of course left me startled on how the race of a seller could determine the authenticity of a product (that’s another gist)

Eventually it led to an exchange of brand names, stories of different trips/shopping sprees and how much each of them had spent on luxury brands. Actually it sounded more like stock taking of what brands each of them owned and where they had gotten these items; of course no one could verify their individual stories but hey it was fun listening to them have such a shallow argument because not once did they mention the unique/phenomenal designs of these things they had acquired.

These ladies are simply a representation of some ladies in Lagos, I can’t count the number of times I have heard Gidi girls talk about brands and how much they spent on them or the occasional showcase of our local celebrities ‘instagramming’ empty shopping bags from certain luxury stores while on vacation in the UK, US or UAE. It’s like a disease, as long as you want to be ‘somebody’ in Lagos you must own a few brands and be able to showcase them at all times, even if you cannot afford the original then buy a fake. It doesn’t matter how the item looks, as long as it is a luxury brand then you are fine.

Personally, I am not crazy about brand names neither am I afraid to say I got a beautiful item from Primark or Ipodo market (which is in Ikeja by the way) or that my tailor charged me only 1000 naira for a fashionable iro and buba that some designer is selling for 10,000 naira. Truth is, as long as it looks good then I am happy with it, not saying that I do not buy brand names but for me it has to do with the design not the name. I am yet to understand what the obsession is with brand names especially in Lagos where things are hard and those who obsess over these names cannot afford a year’s rent.

As for the ladies in question, none of them had the original ‘designer handbag’ …in Lagos, you can always fake it till you make it.

Girls just want to have fun

Happy Eid-El-Fitri!…and sadly the four day weekend has come to an end, now we all have to get ready to go back to work and our normal lives *sigh*

Anyway, last weekend happened to be my busiest so far as my good friend got married and I happened to be her maid of honour. This would be my second time being a bridesmaid and my first as the MOH so it was a bit of an experience. In summary, it was a lot of work but I enjoyed every bit of it as I watched her turn from Miss O to Mrs O. But this post is not about the wedding; it’s about other things that need to be addressed.

I love to dance, as a matter of fact, the story is that I started walking at 1yr 3months (yes I was taking my time) because the music player stopped working while I was dancing so I walked up to it and pushed it down so it would work (I mean while mess up with a young lady’s groove). This hasn’t changed much because even at my current age of ‘18’, I still love to dance and when I decide to go dancing, the last thing I need or want is for my groove/rhythm to be messed up, especially by thirsty men who insist you must dance with them!

Someone needs to send the memo across to some men that when certain chics show up at a party or at the club to dance it’s because they want to have fun and not to hook up with men. I refuse to believe that responsible women go to clubs to hook up with men unless of course you are of a ‘certain trade’? So you can sense my utter disgust when my girls and I could not just dance in peace over the weekend.

After the festivities were all over, my girls and I decided we would go out to have fun, we all travelled to be a part of the wedding so this was our way of unwinding before heading back home. I must admit each one of us happened to be good dancers in our own right and the DJ was on point…good music, good dancers and drinks so you know it was bound to be epic. The only problem we had were the men who wouldn’t let us breathe, we were constantly interrupted by men who only had plans to ‘corner’ us. At some point we felt we had to protect ourselves from men who would strategically place themselves behind us for a session of anticipated slow grinding and possibly dry humping. What made it more annoying was that each time we turned these men down we would get questions like ‘Why won’t you dance with me?’ ‘What’s the deal with you?’’Why did you come out then?”Are you lesbian or bi-sexual?’ only because we refused to dance with any of the men in question. -_-

In order to understand the male point of view on this experience, my questions today are for the guys, when you go out and see a bunch of ladies dancing? what comes to mind? do you at any point consider that they just want to dance without being disturbed? Or are all women who come out dancing branded a certain way?…Ladies you are welcome to comment

And for the record, none of us were dressed seductively or even wore heels before someone comes with the outfit debate.

 

 

 

 

 

Two more days to enter the #singleingidi giveaway if you haven’t already

Whose is it anyway?

What won’t I hear in this Lagos? Sometimes I wish I made these stories up but I promise you I do not. Lagos just happens to be a city with all sorts of characters as human beings. Anyway let me go straight to the gist

A few days ago I was having a conversation with a good friend, actually it was more like a consoling session because she just broke up with her boyfriend of about 6 years. She met him and started dating him at the age of 25 and now at 31, he decides that he is not ready for the commitment…that’s gist for another day because we honestly need to discuss the topic of how long you should last in a relationship before walking away due to lack of commitment (or lack of ring and marriage).

So here I am telling her ‘things will get better’, ‘there are many fishes in the sea’, ‘she deserves better’, ‘she won’t die an old spinster’ and all those things you say when a friend is fresh out of a relationship; I also had to listen to her rant about her ex-boyfriend, all he did to her, how she suffered, how she should have known, and everything we women say in the usual man bashing stage we go through after a breakup . Then she said ‘Can you imagine he wants everything back?’

PAUSE! EXCUSE ME?!?!

He wants everything he ever got for her during their 6 years together. He used to buy/surprise her with a lot of fantastic gifts while they were together. I won’t lie, some valentine’s days I would beef her knowing that he must have gotten her something fantastic while I wallowed in singledom but now that the relationship is over, he wants everything he ever got for her. -_-

The shoes, bags, outfits, lingerie, jewelry, Christmas gifts, valentine’s, birthdays, the ‘just because’…he wants it all back and even proceeded to send her messages after a heated argument to know when she would send it all back.

You see there are two sides to this, one side would be to give it back, to prove what a jerk he is, to have peace of mind and get rid of any reminder of him in her life; while the other would be to keep it all, after all she never asked him to get them for her in the first place and at least she would have something to show for the time spent.

Now my question is Ladies, if you were in her shoes, would you give it ALL back and why? And Guys, would you ever ask an ex to return everything you ever got for her no matter how little?

As for my friend, oh boy would have to return 6 years and draw blood from a rock before she gives him back a thing.

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Have you entered the giveaway yet? You don’t want to miss the chance to win one of the amazing prizes 

 

 

 

 

A note to the newly engaged

You just got engaged, you are getting married to the man of your dreams (I pray), you have announced your engagement on all the social networking sites and are currently overwhelmed with the congratulatory messages from family, friends and acquaintances while trying to figure out if your fairy tale wedding will become a reality.

I am happy for you, I have put up a pic of your bling and gushed at how perfect your proposal story is (was probably a part of the planning) but you’ve been acting strange and I need to call you out on a few things that you are doing very wrong which needs to be fixed:

  1. Don’t go all spiritual on me: which also goes for you being ‘highly moral’. The ring on your finger does not mean you have now found God so stop with the constant sermons, offering me prayers and/or giving me moral advice. We both know your track record before you settled for this man so before you start listing different rules that you never followed or constantly quoting scriptures from the bible, stop, think and think again.
  2. Don’t try to hook me up with the next single man you find: You see I would understand if you did this before you got engaged but trying to hook me up with any Tom, Dick or Harry now you have the ring is a bit irritating. Actually, it makes it look like you’ve always known these great guys but you’ve been hiding them from me because you wanted them for yourself (kinda like alternatives). This also goes for trying to hook me up with your fiance’s best friend, brother or cousin or that guy you’ve friendzoned for the last 5 years.
  3. Stop trying to sell my market: By this I mean telling so many guys what a nice girl I am and how I am very down to earth and very available to be plucked. Give them a chance to get to know me first, let me sell my market myself no matter how long it takes me,.
  4. Don’t feel bad for me: Saying things like ‘I don’t know how you will feel’ or ‘I hope you don’t mind because it is a couples’ thing’ or constantly asking me ‘how I am coping’ does not make you a considerate friend, instead it makes you a paranoid friend who believes your ring has suddenly made me unhappy and/or jealous.
  5. Don’t offer me unsolicited relationship advice: which also applies to ‘settling’ advice, I know no one is perfect but stop with the ‘you just have to manage’ conversation because unless you want to give me the impression that you are managing.

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to say that I am so happy that you are about to walk down the aisle with the man you truly love and I understand you care for me but PLEASE I am single not diseased.

Love,

 

 

 

 

 

Remember the giveaway is still going on

“When Boy meets Girl” is no longer enough

‘Miss Gidi you need to call this prophet, he’s really good, maybe he can tell you what the problem is, you need to get married soon’

Those were the words of a very concerned friend over my single status, to her it made no sense how a good girl who had everything going for her was still single, she always thought I would be the first to get married and right now it looks like I would be the last because I am not engaged and I do not have a serious boyfriend to show. Her verdict…it had to be spiritual, there had to be a spiritual force out there maybe from my village or from a rejected lover that has stopped me from moving ahead in this race for marriage, so now she is recommending a prophet, I mean if all the dating rule books have failed then a prophet had to be the answer…right?

I often hear of barren women who visit native doctors so they could get pregnant, young men who join certain cults to get rich quick, single ladies who consult spiritual means with pictures of suitors so they could get married. People now pass around recommendations for prophets, pastors and native doctors like it’s a new snack to try out. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that sometimes certain people may have one form of spiritual issue or the other but most times people are so impatient with life that they would do anything to fast forward events to get what they want when they want it.

Even with all of this in mind, I was shocked that I had to encounter such; I guess it was only a matter of time before someone would recommend a priest in some faraway village like in our Nollywood movies. What even shocked me some more was when I started doing my research, I found out that this has actually become a norm in Lagos, a lot of single women in Lagos are now turning to spiritual means so they could get married quick, some even have some supposed seers on speed dial so when they meet someone new, they simply text the guy’s name to the seer so prayers could begin. They say they are doing everything they can to solve their ‘problem’ …well I call it the highest form of desperation.

Anyway because Lagos is filled with gist, I was told about some girl called Aisha (obviously not her real name). Aisha had been in a relationship with Akin (not his real name) for a while and decided that in order for him to be faithful to her, she would go see some ‘baba’ that her friend Yewande recommended. Upon getting there, the baba tells Aisha that she needed to put something under Akin’s bed so when he falls asleep, he would think of no other woman but her and marry her quickly. So Aisha follows the plan, puts the item under Akin’s bed and then goes back to her home (I guess she didn’t want to keep thinking of herself). Unfortunately for her, Akin didn’t sleep in his room that night, he had ‘company’ over so he fell asleep in the guest room while his friend, Obi, slept in Akin’s room. I’m won’t go into further details on this gist, all I want to know is why Aisha didn’t just walk away from the relationship if she knew she could not deal with Akin’s infidelity, why stoop so low to such means?

Back to my conversation with my concerned friend, I let her know that I was not interested in her prophet. The only form of spirituality that I would be consulting is praying to my God to make me a better woman for the man who I would get married to at the right time and also making that man a better man for me.

So my advice, Ladies you need to stop acting like marriage is what defines your existence as human beings and focus on what is important like being better people to the society and to yourselves. Give yourself some respect and stop being so desperate…

***whoossaaa***

I’m over this…

Don’t forget to be a part of the #singleingidi giveaway, the more the merrier and good luck to all the winners in advance 🙂

The Bad Boy Obsession

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of spending time with one of my ‘little’ friends, I call her ‘little’ because she’s only 21 and ..well you know how old I am. One of the things I like about ‘younger’ girls is that I am reminded of myself at that age, how care free I was and how I thought I could make key decisions especially with men.

At 21, I was done with university so like most recent graduates, I believed I was mature. At that time what interested me the most in guys were their educational status (must have completed uni), height and looks. When I say looks, I wanted what I thought was a manly man, none of that pretty boy look, a man with swag, a bit rough and tough…a reformed bad boy was what I was I was looking for (you know kinda like the ex-convict who found Jesus in prison…I exaggerate but you get my point). My thought pattern at that time was, if he was once bad, then he would have the swag that media makes so attractive but being good means he would know how to treat me well; I thought by having a reformed bad boy, I would always feel protected so I had to find that middle ground, the best of both worlds they call it.

Fast forward a few years later and here I was listening to little Sisi seeking my ‘mature’ advice in picking one of the 3 guys that are on her case at the moment (some girls have it good sha). One of them, BB (Bad Boy), was everything her parents had warned her to stay away from, he hasn’t achieved much at 27 but had the swag, the good looks to go with it and according to Sisi ‘the chemistry’. UB (Used to be Bad) had failed out of Uni in the UK thanks to being ‘bad’ and is now back in Nigeria trying to be better while finding his way through one of the popular private universities in the country. GB (Good Boy) on the other hand has had a crush on her for a while, hasn’t quite made a move but at 23 he is done with Uni and is currently taking his professional exams to be a chartered accountant while working with as a graduate trainee in a top firm; all fingers point to GB as a good choice but little Sisi claims she is confused.

At my age, I’m wondering why Sisi is confused, I believe a young girl who wants something serious will definitely go for GB, with or without the glorified ‘swag’. I mean, he is on his way to being stable while the other guys are neither here nor there at the moment. On the other hand, I can almost see why Sisi is confused, she’s at the age of searching for adventure, having that trophy boyfriend, the man with the rock hard abs that will make all her friends green with envy, you know the one with the extra swag that can lick his lips and make your knees weak…the type that TV tells us is more fun and even though he is bad, he can turn good just for you… #lieswomenbelieve

While listening to Sisi speak some more, I began to wonder who/what was responsible for this female obsession for bad boys? What is the illusion of wanting something/someone that is obviously not good for you? Why do so many young ladies ignore the good guys ’till it’s too late?

At the end of it all, Sisi admitted that she thought the other 2 were more ‘manly’ for her and could ‘protect’ her, her parents of course would never agree for the bad boy so she’s considering the middle ground. Her exact words were ‘I am a strong woman, I don’t need a man that I can push around and GB looks like a pushover, he’s a really good guy but I like him as a friend, that’s it’

*sigh* No wonder they say nice guys always end up being friendzoned….

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Come back next week for details 🙂