Miss Gidi’s guide to Surviving the World Cup Season

Incase you’re stuck under a rock somewhere, it’s World Cup Season..yayyyyy!! -_- and if you happen to be Nigerian you know that Nigerian MEN love football, the exception is meeting one that does not (and that’s like one in every thousand).

I am not a football fan, actually I don’t watch any form of sporting event but I understand that in order to date a Nigerian man, you need to know the basics especially how to tolerate a few games for the remainder 26 days of the World Cup Season (who’s counting really?). So here is Miss Gidi’s guide to surviving the World Cup 2014:

1. YOU ARE A PATRIOTIC NIGERIAN

That is if you are Nigerian, as much as our Super Eagles have set the record of the first goalless match this world cup season, it is important to note that you support Nigeria. You should get a customized Nigerian Jersey, take a few pictures and share on all social networks. When Nigeria is out of the game, then you are African!

2. KNOW THE GAME TIMES

Today's lineup

It is important that you have an idea when the teams will be playing to avoid unnecessary arguments, that way you know when not to bother him or be heartbroken when he switches date times so he can watch the game. or worse, go on a date with him and notice how he’s not listening to anything you say because he is either watching the match on the TV behind you or checking his phone for updates.

3. BE  PART OF THE GAME

If you choose to watch a game with him then please be prepared to be a part of the game. Be there! Be enthusiastic! I’m not saying scream and yell because it would be obvious that you are trying too hard, but be able to have a conversation or 2. The last thing he wants is to notice that you are bored and you’re making him look like a terrible guy for subjecting you to 90 minutes of torture (that’s if he cares of course)

4. HE WILL HANG OUT WITH HIS BOYS THIS SEASON…A LOT

I don’t think I need to explain anything here.

5. HAVE FUN WITH IT

Or at least try…whether it’s making fun of the fans on TV, or drooling on the hot guys playing (*cough*)…the point is to have fun. My way of having fun is  occasionally picking the teams to support based on the number of cute guys I see on the squad…you can say whatever you want but it works for me. :p

6. BE READY TO PLAY HOST

This may be a bit extra for some ladies but if you are already in a relationship and you know he’s going to watch the game with a few friends at his place, then make provision for little bites like small chops or cocktail bites and drinks of course. Playing host is usually better when it is Nigeria playing (or it’s the final) and if some of his friends have girlfriends/wives that you can gossip with while the men  be their usual arm-chair analysts.

7. DON’T BE CLUELESS

It’s 2014, Google is your best your friend. Simply type in World Cup 2014 and you can get anything you want to know, times, scores…e.t.c. Asking the question ‘Did you watch the match?’ is usually a good way of starting up a conversation, remember to change the topic though before you are drowned with terms that you know nothing about.

That’s it, my 7 tips to surviving the World Cup Season …if you care to know…… as for the ladies trying to impress a guy this season well kudos to you and happy viewing 😉

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If you have additional tips of survival, please feel free to drop your comment below…

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We’ve got mail: Is Lagos for me?

A special shoutout to everyone that reads from the ‘diaspora’…most times I am amazed when I check the stats and notice visits from places such as Kenya, Uganda, Malaysia and Italy… you guys absolutely rock! Anyway, today’s mail is from a reader in the diaspora who needs our input, so here goes:

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dear miss gidi

Hi Miss Gidi,

I’ve been up for a few hours reading your posts and I absolutely love you! I’ve never lived in Lagos but reading your posts makes me feel like I can trust you to always say the truth of what is going on in Lagos.

I am writing because I need your advise and maybe those of the readers who live in Lagos about my current situation. I got introduced to my current boyfriend a few months ago by a mutual friend and after 2 weeks of getting to know him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It’s been 4 months now and even though most people think he is only interested in me because of my passport, I like to believe otherwise. This is the first time I’m dating a Nigerian who lives in Nigeria because I was born here and have lived here all my life.

Recently he started complaining about the distance in our relationship and has asked me to relocate to Nigeria so we can be close to each other. He has his own business in Lagos so him moving to America is not an option and he has promised to help me get a job in Lagos once I agree to move down. I’ve never been to Lagos and most of my friends who have moved back to Nigeria are in Abuja so if I moved down, I would be on my own and dependent on him which makes me a bit uncomfortable.

As someone who lives in Lagos, I would like to know what you think. It seems like you have lived outside Nigeria before even though it’s not clear from your posts so maybe you can compare both worlds for me and how you were able to adjust.  My family thinks it’s a crazy idea and disagree with my relocating because we have no family in Lagos but I have been giving it a lot of thought and I want to make this relationship work.

Please help me out

Tee

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Hey Tee,

Thank you for stopping by the blog and I really appreciate the trust you have in lil ol’ me, I try to be as unbiased as possible even though it’s very easy to only talk about the good things in Lagos.

It’s common knowledge that long distance relationships are not easy at all, so kudos to you for giving it a try. However, moving to Lagos is a tough decision, there is a lot of difference from what is projected in the media (fancy blogs included) and the reality we face here. Besides the usual poor power supply, bad roads e.t.c, you also have to worry about the cultural differences, expensive living, occasional angry drivers and many more.

It seems like you really care about this guy so I would recommend you visit  for about 3 months and have a feel of what it’s like living here. If you are a bit more adventurous then you could consider doing NYSC for a year, that way you will make friends, you won’t be completely dependent on him and most of all you get to experience the real Lagos while figure out if you can live here or not.

I know it doesn’t seem like I gave you enough options but that’s the best I can come up with. I grew up here, was only away for a few years for my university education and I came home every holiday so moving back was a smooth transition for me. I am sure there are a few people who may have been in your shoes and would be in a better position to give their opinion so I will put it out there  and hopefully you find the answers you need.

At the end of the day, please remember these are just opinions and the final decision is yours and yours alone.

Regards,

Miss Gidi

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I must confess this is a tough one for me so what do you guys think Tee should do?

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

Are we outnumbered?

On Monday, there was news all over the web about the experience of Miss Kemi Adetiba, a popular music video director, on her experience in a certain restaurant called Spice Route, located in the ever bubbling Victoria Island. The story is that Kemi was not allowed to go in without a male ‘escort’ because she happens to be single and in the eyes of management could also be a ‘prostitute’. Eventually she went in and like most millennials she turned to social media to rant about her disgust on the unfair treatment she got at this restaurant.

When I read about her story, a part of me was upset and somewhat irritated because it implied that every single woman in Lagos (including yours truly) could be mistaken for a runs chic (a.k.a escort, prostitute, cheap hoe e.t.c). I have been to Spice Route a few times but never had to experience this unfair treatment, well maybe because 2 of those times were for early dinners and the third was for an overpriced event but I have heard of lots of places (especially restaurants in hotels) in Lagos that do not allow single women to come in after a certain time for fear that they would be entertaining women of ‘easy virtue’.

On the other hand, I tried to imagine what I would do if I owned a restaurant in Lagos. To be honest, the number of ‘runs chics’ has increased exponentially, I mean who can tell these days? We all wear the same clothes, same weave and in some cases live in the same neighbourhoods. The only difference is that some of these runs chics are ‘free spirited and occasionally hang out at odd times, I say some because others are masked under ‘proper jobs’.

If you are a novice in Lagos, you probably wouldn’t notice this but those of us who live here can tell a mile away when a runs chic is in the area. So what’s a restaurant owner supposed to do to avoid having these kind of women coming into their restaurant and not lose their reputation as a classy spot in Lagos? Please do not get me wrong, I am in no way trying to justify the actions of the management of Spice Route or supporting gender discrimination but instead of knocking them down for their failed attempt maybe a coalition of decent single women living in Lagos can offer them a logical solution.

I remember when a friend called me ranting about her first encounter with a nosy neighbour, my friend had just moved into the penthouse of their building and was taking out time to know her neighbours (a very oyibo thing to do by the way). Anyway, Madam Nosy not caring about where my friend worked or what she did for a living, simply asked ‘Who is the man that paid for this place?‘, a subtle way of saying ‘Who is your sugar daddy?’ .

Of course we both laughed at her experience but with restaurants banning the entry of single women after a certain time, one can only wonder if the ‘decent’ single ladies who do not have to offer their bodies for any source of income are being outnumbered by runs chics.

This is actually disturbing or maybe we all just need to invest in false rings when we want to hang out after a certain time…I don’t know really, what do you think?

Work, Life & Love

Today’s post is a bit late because I didn’t have any post planed and  I’ve been caught up trying to get myself together…don’t worry I’m not moving out of Lagos (because that would mean closing down the blog) but today will be my last day at my current job. Yes, I am saying goodbye to the life of late hours and working on weekends to face one where I control my time to an extent. In a way, I am happy yet nervous at what life has to hold; although, if there’s anybody more excited than I am then it would be my mother.

Mama Gidi (like most mothers) is of the opinion that leaving this job would give me time to have  a social life, a healthy relationship and possibly get married within a year (okay i exaggerate but you get my point) while I am just happy to be chasing my dreams and doing what it is that I have always wanted to do but of course this isn’t about chasing dreams..it’s about having a work-life balance as a single person in a city like Lagos.

I must admit that having a demanding job can affect anyone’s social life negatively. I can recall how many times I have had to call off dates or hangouts because I had to work late and sometimes cancelling last-minute because something unexpected came up which needed my attention. It usually starts out small but eventually it becomes uncontrollable to the point that no one remembers that you even exist because you are now married to your job.

In our world of double standards, men with demanding jobs get away with this because the girlfriends/women always understand especially if it’s a good paying job ( gifts make the women happy I suppose). On one night while working on a deadline with colleagues, I noticed that my team lead (or supervisor) had his girlfriend over in the office, waiting for him before they would head out for the night. I remember leaving the office at midnight, assuring her that he would be done soon and they could go about their business for the night. That encounter made me think because God knows no naija man will wait for his woman to finish from work at almost midnight because wetin happen? Is she the only single woman in Lagos? …again maybe I exaggerate or maybe that one guy that told me I was not ready to settle down because of my crazy work hours was just irrational and insensitive.

If you look around you in Lagos, you will notice that a lot of women who are very successful especially in the financial industry tend to be single, I am not denying the fact that there could be other factors influencing this observation but is it possible that the lack of time for a social life could be a contributing factor? How can single women with demanding jobs find a balance or should we be picking flexible jobs so we can create that time?

I really want to know what the ladies think, please feel free to share your experience/thoughts and of course the men are welcome to share their opinion…

Understanding why you MUST ‘front’

As a young lady, you are taught that the best way to tell a man Yes is by first saying No, *straight face*.

Apparently a man who works harder to get your attention will learn to appreciate you but of course there are exceptions to every rule, like my friend Ama that fronted for almost 2 years and still got treated like crap but I digress.

If you are like me, you’d  begin to ask questions such as ‘why must you say No when you really want to say Yes?’; ‘why must you act uninterested when you are quite interested?’; in summary, ‘WHY FRONT?’

Before I continue, please note that ‘fronting’ or ‘playing hard to get’ in this post simply means making men cross the ocean on foot or jump through hoops for the privilege of spending time with you and/or getting to know you. It does not mean delaying any sexual relationship until emotional intimacy has been established, which of course is the ‘right’ thing to do.

Single women in Lagos take fronting to a whole new level. I am talking pretending to be busy, not picking a call until after the fourth ring, ignoring messages for at least 2 days before responding, giving the impression that she has a lot of guys on her case when in reality she only has that one and so much more. One time, a friend offered me ‘advice’ to tell a guy I was going to see a movie with a few friends when I was actually just chilling at home reading through blogs and another time I was told to ‘offer’ a female friend to a guy I was getting to know so I could observe his reaction (like really?).  It seems that any man looking to chase a Lagos girl must lose sweat, blood and tears in order to get her attention because as they say, good things don’t come easy.

As someone who  prefers to say it as, I often find it difficult playing the dating game…what’s wrong with just being nice? or telling a guy you are feeling him? Do I have to follow the so-called rules that seem to change every year? To be honest, I think there are one too many rules on what to do and how to do it which in some cases make no sense and do not apply to all women. For instance, if Steve Harvey met some Naija boys, he would know that the 90 day rule does not apply to us because the men here will wait for 365 days, get the cookie and still walk away. Let’s not even bring up the short and long-term goals question because in a place like Lagos where hustling is a must, we know how to give those answers on the spot without batting an eyelid; so if you are a young lady roaming the streets of Lagos asking guys ‘What are your short and long-term goals?’ then I sorry for you.

I have tried understanding why women like to front or play hard to get and the reasons I got included

  • Wanting to feel desired – so she will make herself scarce and make the man put in more effort to get her attention either through constant calls or gifts (in Lagos, it’s usually gifts sha)
  • Not looking easy – so she won’t accept the first offer for a date, if she accepts too quick then the guy would think she is easy, desperate and jobless.
  • Men like the chase –   most Nigerian men have huge egos so making them work hard for the lady’s attention gives them the false sense of victory when she finally agrees to spend time with them.

Even with the above reasons, I still do not get it…what’s wrong with being you and not having to pretend? So once more I ask the ladies, ‘Why do women like to ‘front’?’  and for the men ‘Do you prefer a woman who fronts over one who is straight forward?’ 

 

The Office Crush

I have an office crush

No I don’t have a crush on someone in my office but I have someone who has a crush on me, actually make that 2 people but that’s not the point. The point is, as an advocate of #teamnoofficeromance , having to deal with such things could be very interesting especially in a society like ours where single ladies are expected to accept the advances of any eligible bachelor.

I know office crushes are quite common and if you’re single and your ‘crushee or crusher’ is as well, then you have almost nothing to worry about right? WRONG! Thing is, it could easily turn into something serious or a disaster. Sometimes these crushes get so bad that one of the parties involved would have to leave the company out of possible embarrassment or humiliation; that’s just too much drama to be honest and ain’t nobody gat time for that. Anyway, so I have an office crush, however, the problem is this crush is unwanted and I have no clue how to deal with it.

The other day, a colleague walked up to me and said ‘Ah Miss Gidi, you know Bode likes you right? That’s why he keeps coming around the office?’ I replied with a surprised face like I never noticed the constant visits, numerous compliments and the occasional ‘accidental’ phone calls on the office line. It is pretty clear that Bode has the hots for me but somehow in the middle of his persistence (because Lagos men do not take no for an answer) he fails to realise that I do not want anything personal to do with him.

What irritates me the most is the constant comments from other colleagues; comments such as, ‘Miss Gidi, Bode came by’, ‘Aren’t you Bode’s wife?’, ‘Aww see how he is just smiling because you said hello’, ‘But he’s a very nice guy o, just give him a chance’ and my favourite ‘Bode just told me he likes you, no dull o, so you can collect ring this year’ A constant reminder that due to my marital status of being single I am to jump for joy and accept the proposal from someone I do not like.

That being said, I have tried a few tricks I found on google to get rid of this unwanted office crush. My major issue has been trying to get the point across without hurting his feelings especially since there’s a high chance of seeing him every now and then. I’ve ignored his compliments hoping it would work (of course it didn’t) and recently, I passively yet intentionally mentioned the package delivered to my office was from a ‘boyfriend’ (that didn’t work either).

I don’t want to be mean, I am really trying not to be mean but how do you get rid of an unwanted office crush or unwanted crush in general?

As for Bode, I finally gave him a moment of my time on one of those slow days at work. I watched as he tried to put his thoughts together and suggest different things we could do together like clubbing or watching a football game (-_-) . At some point I found his comportment (or lack of) cute, until I started talking about intellectual blogs I follow and books I’ve read; I recognised the blank look on his face as I spoke, he knew nothing about the kind of things I spoke about, he didn’t even know who Chimamanda Adichie was.

Needless to say, I’ve gone back to ignoring him #missgidishrug

We’ve got mail: Confused and in love

I had something else planned for today’s post..actually some interesting gist but when I got this email from Miss D, I knew I had to put my gist on hold. Before I go on, I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone that has shown me so much love since SingleinGidi started, it feels good to know that other people can relate and also find my ramblings interesting …*group hhuuggggg* ..now on to Miss D’s email

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dear miss gidi

Hello Miss Gidi, 

I came across your blog from a post on Instagram, decided to check it out and since then I have found it interesting. I don’t even close the page, I just keep refreshing it hoping for an update.

I decided to reach out to you and other readers concerning my present relationship because there is really nobody close to me I can talk to without being misunderstood and also my story is related to your previous post concerning dealing with the past.

I have been courting someone for about 8 months now, he lives in the U.S while I am here in Nigeria. Truth be told, I am yet to see him face to face but I intend visiting next month. We met through his cousin and started talking, I talk more with him than any boyfriends I’ve had in the past, from calls, Skype, BBM,Whatsapp and whatever medium you can think of. I know he cares about me and we both love each other even if both families think it’s not safe to have a relationship with someone you’ve never seen in person. I understand their worry but I choose to go with my gut, I have promised myself that if this doesn’t work out then I would try something else. We’re  both young so there isn’t any rush; he’s doing very well for himself with a good job in the U.S while I’m just doing my NYSC; even with all of this, he wants us to get married and start our lives together and I am very happy about that.


Back to the main issue, I happen to be secretive by nature … I don’t know if it’s even a curse or if I unconsciously keep things to myself but my fiancé expects me to tell him everything because he does. He wants to know everything even the unimportant details and when I choose not to say, he ends up thinking I am deceitful. The worse part is that he thinks my words do not match my actions and even when we make up, he ends up looking for ways to find out what I am doing (he is into IT and I don’t know if he bugged my phone because he finds out somehow). He also claims he has people who give him information on me and when I get angry about it, he then says I am bothered because I am not doing the right thing so I’m scared of what he might find out. 

Since we were ‘engaged'(committed to each other) he wants to know everything about my past. I told him all the important ones I could remember (that’s the first step right?) but then he came up with some rules in the name of making our relationship better; he said I cannot give any new guy my number, I must stop all contact with my ex and toasters and I cannot have more than 6 male friends (and all of these male friends must be in serious relationships, engaged or even married.)

I have a problem with this and I am very confused, I wonder if this is what it means to be committed and I’m not ready to be serious or is it just my fiancé and his “Oyinbo” mentality.

On one hand, I don’t want to lose him, because he is all I want in a man, and on the other hand I feel he is dictating everything about my life and I would end up doing all these things just to have him rather than doing them to make my relationship work. Don’t get me wrong, I know being friends with an ex is not healthy for the relationship, but still…all the other rules should be my decisions not him mandating it. 

Please let me know what you think  because I am very confused.

Regards,

Miss D

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Hi Miss D,

Thank you so much for following the blog, I really appreciate it when people find time to read the posts. Posts are usually up on Wednesdays so you can save your refreshing for Wednesdays (at about noon time, that’s if my life offline does not take up my time). Anyway to the topic at hand..

Long distance relationships can be tough especially in a case like yours where you are yet to see him in person. Communication and trust play a huge role so it is very important to be open and work on that trust that you both need. From what you say, it seems your fiancé doesn’t trust you yet which is why he wants to know so much and also moderate the number of male friends you have. If I am to be completely honest with you, most Nigerians in diaspora hear all sorts of stories about girls living here and somehow they do not trust anyone who happens to be here. (sadly)

What I recommend though, is that you make peace ’till you get to see him in person and then you can talk about it face to face. At that point, you’ll be able to observe his body language and much more.

On that note, I do not think I am the perfect person to respond to this because I have not gone through this situation before so I will be putting it up for others to contribute because some of the readers could include people who have gone through this situation as well and would have the perfect advice for you.

Once again thank you so much  for reaching out and I hope you will be able to find the answers you need.

Regards,

Miss Gidi

 

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So there you have it, what do you guys think Miss D should do? Please help a sister out.

Just so you know, my response was sent earlier and Miss D has given permission for her letter to be posted on the blog. If you want to reach out to me or share your own story, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com. Also remember to follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

 

DEALING WITH THE PAST

As a single lady you learn to deal with a lot of things, one of which being the ability to deal with the past…your past. The words ‘tell me about your past’ could be a nightmare for some because it means recounting tales that she may not be proud of. I’m not saying we are all ‘high track record’ holders but you have to admit that sometimes referring to the past brings memories that you may prefer to keep where they belong…in the past.

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In a society of pretence like ours where women are assumed to be saints and men suffer from satyriasis,  it’s no surprise that a lot of Nigerian women are afraid of talking about their history; in some cases, young ladies brag about their ‘pastless’ life or their ability to keep secrets in the dark because they have been made to believe they own trophies and may have earned a high premium on their bride price. Once I was having an open conversation with a group of ladies about childhood crushes, first kisses et al….  until one of the ladies said ‘I thank God, I’ve only had sex with one man so I don’t have much to talk about’, as much as I could see her innocence in that comment, she failed to realise that she had just opened a container load of drama. As you would expect, a few of the other ladies felt slighted while the others retaliated with questions on her abilities to please a man in the sack due to her ‘inexperience’.

Not everything about the past has to do with sex, it could be failed friendships, crushes and anything non-sexual but you have to admit that when to comes to talking about it there is an emphasis on sex and number of sexual partners, especially in a big city. As we know, Lagos is big but it is also very small because everyone knows everyone so it only takes a few questions to get to the juicy gossip, in recent times, all you need is a twitter fight (with or without pictures) and Lagos would be the least of your worries.

Recently in the salon (yes salon!..I see you rolling your eyes), I overheard a group of ladies brainstorm on how to deal with a ‘past’ situation. One of the ladies had started dating a guy whom she believed was ‘the one’, they had been together for about four months and now Oga wants to know about her past in Lagos. As a man with an ego, his rationale was that he wanted to know everything without the fear of getting any ‘surprise gist’ in public, you know the type of gist where his boy goes ‘Oh boy na you dey knack that babe now’ or ‘Isn’t that Yemi’s ex? I didn’t know they had split’  

So here is homegirl in a confused state because she had something to do with one of his not-so-close friends  a few years prior to meeting him and she’s not sure if she should tell her boyfriend or not. I listened as her friends gave their different opinions, their advice ranged from saying the whole thing to saying some and saying nothing at all. To back up their opinions, they expressed concerns on the possibility of Oga being uncomfortable with the idea of his woman having something to do with someone he knows so it’s best she keeps that information to herself.

I could try to understand them because no woman wants to come across as the shitlock that has been opened by every key in the neighbourhood but at the same time I believe there has to be some form of open communication for there to be trust in a relationship (I could be wrong). In situations like these, I often wonder should the past even matter and if it does, how much and when do you tell your partner? I’ve heard sayings like a woman doesn’t say everything she knows to avoid drama that could be avoided.

As for the young lady, she decided not to talk about her past, I really hope that works out for her because mehn it won’t be funny if Oga finds out later.  I also learnt that the magic number is 2 when talking about your past…not more than 2 sexual partners….that is if you want to marry a Naija man….

 

Hmm the things I learn in Lagos.

The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife (A Response)

New posts are usually put up on Wednesdays BUT in the spirit of the long weekend here’s a response by Sims to a previous post (https://singleingidi.com/2014/04/09/the-truth-about-finding-a-husband-back-home/)

I have a few questions sha but I will save them for later

The WordSmith's Journal

When my friend, Miss Gidi, asked me to come up with a male version of this post I actually began by laughing. Of course it was an honour to be asked to guest post, but I didn’t fully understand exactly what was required and of course the title was funny. However, after reading through the comments (cheers peculiarlight) I now know what I need to write.

I have a particular friend who, if asked why he is single, will go on about how it’s quite hard to find a good woman in this Lagos. Note that I said ‘hard to find’ and not that these good women don’t exist and so I fully concur with Miss Gidi’s assertation about there being lots of correct single women. But I also understand where my friend is coming from and so think i need to break some stuff down so y’all understand where I’m…

View original post 959 more words

HELP! I need to change my State of Origin

Or maybe I just need to start claiming another state of origin.

By proper definition, your state of origin should be where you were born even though in Nigeria, we all claim where our ancestors were born as our state of origin, I guess it’s all for uniformity sake but I’m one of the rare people who look at that section of those annoying forms and wonder if I should write where I was born or where I am told my state of origin is…Anyway, that’s not the gist.

A while ago, I was introduced to an eligible young man, you know how these ‘introductions’ go, your friends begin to pity your single situation and decide they could be the cupid in your life by introducing you to every prospect they can think of. in this case, the young man in question was about 33 years old, had a good job and ‘exposed’, by exposed I mean he had lived outside the shores of Nigeria for a while. We were of the same tribe (but different states), same religion, had similar family values, shared lots of interests and had the ability to talk about everything there was to talk about. So obviously everyone (being the introducers) expected we would take this ‘thing’ to the next stage of ‘dating’. Well they were wrong!

Fast forward a few weeks of being friends, Mr Man decided to stop talking to me without notice, I mean there was no fight or misunderstanding; he just stopped calling, stopped receiving my calls and replying my messages. As a sure babe that I am, I decided to move on but not without getting to the root of the matter.

After some minor investigation (I only had to ask my friend, who asked another friend who then asked him..so it won’t be too obvious) it was brought to my notice that even though we got along very well and he liked me a lot; he could not go any further because we were not from the same state (of origin)…Yes, STATE!. Which left me a bit confused and surprised, I mean I can try to understand tribal prejudice (even though it’s also a frivolous reason) but choosing not to be with someone just because they are not from your state? Now that’s a new one and definitely needed to be documented.

According to him, his family had an order that their children could only marry people from the same state so he had to go with it to avoid family problems at the expense of his happiness. I know I have heard of relationships not working out due to family/tribal differences, religious/denomination beliefs but being ‘rejected‘ for coming from the ‘wrong’ state is just wow!..

So my question is, should the ‘state of origin’ or tribe of a potential partner even matter in the first place? And should parents be defining the characteristics of the person you should to be with? 

Anyway as for Mr Man and I, of course I cannot change my heritage or deny my ancestral state of origin, it’s all part of the total package, take it or keep walking…his loss not mine

#missgidishrug