The Art of Subtlety and Doublespeak by SIMS

Today’s post is by SIMS, if you’re  no stranger to the blog then you know Sims but if you are new well Sims is my male voice of reasoning and each time I want to understand what’s going on in a guy’s head (which is a lot of times) I turn to him. Feel free to show him some love on his blog, The WordSmith’s Journal.

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How do you know when she’s asking for it? Like actually asking for it? And by it I mean that stuff Marvin Gaye was singing about. Raunchy bugger he was.

The truth is, with women, most of the times you really don’t know. You women out there might disagree, but keep in mind you ladies are all about sending signals and doing subliminal things to send the message that you want some. The truth is though, that most times men have absolutely no clue. For us there are a couple of default settings: 1) Assume she always wants it or 2) Assume she doesn’t want it until she asks.

Duh, you say, for #2 but again I point to this question: how is a man supposed to know when you’re actually asking for it? Without of course actually asking you verbatim, which from what I understand, is a bit of a turn off. Turn off because a lot of y’all, despite evidence to the contrary, still expect us to be able to pick up signals and understand when you’re trying to tell us that you’re in the mood.

But again I say, we are men. Men, by and large, are not well versed in the art of subtlety and this is where y’all and us are at loggerheads because we are used to coming out and actually saying stuff. Most of the time, men say what they mean. Most of the time, you have to look for hidden meaning with what women say. So for instance, “I’m fine” when asked if anything is wrong, 99% of the time means you’re NOT fine. On the other hand, “no” means no, but any man who doesn’t understand that is a fool because it’s more often than not that if a girl says she’s not in the mood, it’s not code for “try harder”. But often times, “I’m fine”, is code for try harder because, from what I’ve been able to decipher, asking over and over if a girl is ok is your way of showing you care and you actually want to know what was wrong. Don’t believe me?

Men, how many of you have heard or experienced something like this:

“I’m mad at you because you knew I was upset and you didn’t ask me why!”

“But I did. I asked if you were ok and you said you were fine!”

“Obviously I wasn’t fine! You should have known I wasn’t! This is why I say you don’t care enough about me”

I understand trying to cope, but I think it’s a bit wild when you’re asked if you’re ok and you can’t simply say “I’ll be fine” or “Not really” and then have your heart to heart. Why the double speak? Now ladies, am I actually lying? Don’t lie, you know I’m not! Most of the time, y’all engage in double speak, morse code, and braille aka “how the heck was I meant to know that!” Lol.

Then again, there’s the off-chance that I’m fine really means I’m fine, but from my experiences that’s rare. I once dated a girl who chastised me for always asking if there was something wrong, when it was painfully obvious to me that something was wrong. From my experience and in hindsight though, that was simply double speak for, “I’m really not ready to tell you”.

So again I ask: WHY THE DOUBLE SPEAK?

I’m hungry means, I’m hungry. I’m tired means, I’m tired – not I’m pissed at you for something you did. I will speak for myself in saying that whenever I open my mouth to say something, I mean EXACTLY that. If I’m not sure, then I’m not sure and I will tell you. Maybe some men might not admit to saying they are unsure or some form of weakness, but by and large, we do mean what we say.

One of my favorites though, is when a woman says she likes something, but she absolutely can’t stand it. Why the lies? Why the subterfuge? If you hate it, tell me then I can work to improve it or to do something else. The excuse I’ve heard before is, “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”. Well I say it’s better that than lying to a guy. When you’re telling us stuff, don’t think like a woman, think like a man.

Because when it comes to double speak and subtlety, Picassos we are not!

Mr SIMS

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So ladies, Why the double speak? Would it kill to be straightforward? 

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Staying Neutral

Sims finally got to answer my question on being neutral in female drama.

The WordSmith's Journal

Guys, I’m sure this situation has happened to you before. Your female friend who you’ve been friends with for quite a long time, introduces you to another female friend of hers. You all become friends, it’s all good, all of a sudden you have another female friend to hang out with. And then one day, your two female friends fight. Opari.

By the way, this is a request by Miss Gidi. I always get excited when she asks me to write, though this is quite late. E ma binu Ma.

Ok back to this scenario. So what do you now do? Easiest thing would be to ignore them both right? But we kind of know that’s not exactly possible. So then, who do you owe your loyalties to? In fact, should loyalty even come into the equation? Maybe not, but it does anyway; these are women we’re talking about, and…

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And the winners are…..

And the winners for the first ever #singleingidi giveaway are RITA LOLLY and FAITH AFOLABI-JOMBO !!!! Ladies, please send your mobile numbers to singleingidi@yahoo.com.

 

I wanted to give 5 gifts away but I only got 2 qualified winners and a bunch of msgs from guys asking for a ‘male’ giveaway (who knew that more guys read singleingidi than ladies…)

 

Now for everyone else especially the guys I promise I have something grand planned and you’ll get to hear all about it very soon but for now remember to share the love by liking Single in Gidi on Facebook and following Single in Gidi on Twitter and Instagram

 

Love,

WALK THE TALK

Talk shows have long been considered a winning formula for daytime television around the world. In fact, by presenting viewers with topics and issues to analyse and debate through the lens of society’s collective experiences, some programs come to represent what society is thinking at a particular time.

The best of such shows don’t just follow trends, they set them. Enter Walk The Talk. Walk The Talk is a ‘chatfest’ that provides a female perspective on the day’s headlines and other contemporary topics, including food, fashion and health. The hosts discuss current events, interview a wide range of celebrities and decision makers, plus, occasionally introduce music performances. The show aims to defy the prevailing stereotype when it comes to women and entertainment in general. “Some would call it the ‘bubble-heads-r-us’ approach whereby many programs in Nigeria today project an image of women as flighty and incapable of ‘real talk’ and sincerity or discourse on real issues that truly matter to viewers and everyday people. The challenge the show sets for itself is to be somewhat different from the average show the viewer is probably used to,” says Tabia Princewill, co-host and executive producer. “It’s a balance between being fun while addressing concerns we all have about our society, not just from the angle of women’s well-being and welfare in society, but more generally, to educate the discerning African man and woman and inspire them to realize their full potential. Our brand combines entertainment with empathy towards the various predicaments our society faces”, says Helene Ibru, the show’s co-host.

From discussing constant competition and the tangible lack of support between African women in “women hating women”, to the effects of religion and globalized culture on today’s modern lifestyle, to living your best-life and chasing your dreams, knowing your rights and the lifestyle changes we need to make to keep cancer at bay, Walk The Talk covers it all. Societies are better when fun conversation meets intelligent analysis: get ready to laugh and reflect, to think about making Nigeria better, whether it’s by talking about so-called “status symbols” and their effect on society or wondering “who’s a man” in today’s modern African society or looking at how men cope with the go-getting breed of “Alpha Females”, or asking questions about parenting (is it ok to give your five year old a mobile phone?), the effects of social media on everyday living (you’re so busy instagramming your food, you’ve forgotten to eat!), this show isn’t just one of a kind in the Nigerian media landscape, it’s set to revolutionize the way we think about ourselves.

On Walk The Talk (as the name itself indicates) the hosts, Tabia Princewill and Helene Ibru—former editor of the Guardian newspaper’s Sunday magazine, Life, and a lawyer turned educationist, with over ten years of experience dealing with issues relating to maternal/child psychology—don’t just talk the talk, they Walk The Talk and are dedicated to promoting positive mindsets through the show. “Do you want honest conversation about the things you see around you—from relationships to social issues and even policies—that you just wish would change? Then this is for you”, says Tabia Princewill.

Walk The Talk premieres this Saturday, on the 26th of July on NTA at 8.30pm and intends to use its upbeat, personally affirming message to inspire the lifestyle of everyday Nigerians. Successful talk shows have the ability to probe deeply into a variety of issues while entertaining audiences and that’s just what WTT is set to do.

Follow us on Twitter: @WalkTheTalkTV
Like us on Facebook.com/WalkTheTalkTV
Check out our website: http://www.walkthetalk.com

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I LOVE YOU BABY, TALK YOUR OWN (FIRST SINGLE IN GIDI GIVEAWAY)

SIG giveaway

WELCOME TO THE MONTH OF JULY!!!!! The month of fabulosity and greatness because it is my birthday month!!! yayyy!!!

I’m not going to tell you what day of the month it is but I will tell you that it falls on a Tuesday so I will be celebrating every Tuesday till July is over and as  part of my celebration, I have decided to give 5 lucky winners a chance to get a gift from me (I’m obviously too nice). The gifts are:

A Makeup Makeover from Iposhlooks (Makeup only)
HAIRVEN Weave Care gift set from Hairven (which will include a voucher for a free weave wash)
Beautiful chiffon fabric from Fumi Fumz (5 yards of any design of your choice)

 

A box of customized cupcakes from Gidicakes
A portion of Cocktail bites from Food Inc.

Pretty cool gifts if I may say so myself BUT does this mean I get nothing in return? Ummm NO!, it means you get to give me the best birthday gift by doing the following:

  1. Like Single in Gidi on Facebook
  2. Follow Single in Gidi on Twitter and Instagram
  3. Using the picture below and the hashtag #singleingidi, share the funniest ‘toasting’ lines you’ve heard in Lagos (For Example; ‘I like a woman that is ‘full’ #singleingidi’ or ‘I love you baby, talk your own #singleingidi’ )
  4. To avoid confusion, leave me a comment on the Facebook timeline indicating that you have done #1-3 above. (optional)

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By doing the above, you will automatically get a chance to win one of the gifts listed above for you or for a friend. Here are some additional guidelines

  1. Only entries made between the 1st and 31st of July 2014 are valid.
  2. The funniest 5 will be picked based on its originality and will be announced on the 5th of August 2014.
  3. Everyone is welcome, however deliveries will be made in LAGOS only
  4. Multiple entries are very welcome 🙂

Guys, I admit the gifts are more for the ladies but you are free to join the fun and win the gift for a lady in your life (mother, sister, wife, girlfriend, sidechic).

Married friends of the blog are also welcome to join the fun 🙂

Lots of love,

http___signatures.mylivesignature.com_54492_208_961529AC2C413FB9E351FAF0FA390DED

 

Win Free Data of up to 10GB in the 2nd Annual ReviewNaija Contest!!!

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Nigeria’s premiere online company review website, ReviewNaija (RN), is back with their annual giveaway. The rules are simple. Like their page on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and send in a review of any Nigerian organization of your choice. Ten reviews would be chosen by the RN team, and then readers would get to pick the top 5 reviews via an online voting system.

The author(s) of the 5 reviews with the highest votes win data ranging from 2-10GB on ANY network in Nigeria!

Pretty easy right?

Prizes for the top 5 winners!

1st – 10GB free data on ANY Nigerian network!

2nd – 8GB free data on ANY Nigerian network!

3rd – 6GB free data on ANY Nigerian network!

4th – 4GB free data on ANY Nigerian network!

5th – 2GB free data on ANY Nigerian network!

Other Details:

  • Contest runs from June 23 – July 23. Top 10 will be announced by July 26. Voting opens July 27 12am EST and closes Aug 2nd 11:5pm EST. Winners will be announced Aug 3rd and awarded prizes
  • Reviews sent in prior to or after the submission dates will not count towards the contest
  • Failure to follow the outlined rules as is will lead to your review being withdrawn from the contest
  • Multiple reviews strongly encouraged!
  • Click here to start submitting reviews right away!

For more information, visit our ReviewNaija 2014 Contest page here! Also, check out last year’s winning review here, and view pictures of our 2013 contest winner here!

The Female Fine Art of Fronting

I had to ask Sims to respond to my last post on Understanding why women front. Like most women, I needed to know what men think and what they prefer…so far I am still confused sha, I guess that’s why women would never understand men but here is what Sims had to say

The WordSmith's Journal

Miss Gidi and I agreed we would do a guy/girl duet on the topic of fronting. So here it is.

Like many people out there and perhaps some of you readers, I’m of the opinion that fronting is unnecessary and silly. But then again, my complete lack of fronting led me to be so honest and upfront in one relationship, that I ended up going to the other extreme and becoming a victim of my own passion. But that’s for another day.

However, that experience has shown me a few things in recent years and it has led me to the conclusion that although its on the whole quite stupid, SOME level of fronting is required, especially for the ladies. I say some because you don’t want to go overboard and drive a good guy away (as pointed out by the ladies commenting on Single in Gidi), but you also don’t want the…

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City of Boyfriends

Guest post by Briticoyemo

When I moved to Lagos I decided to put my romantic life on hold, after the last horror show of a situation I was in, I figured I needed a break and to put any signs of premature ageing that mess had caused me to bed. Moving to another country was upheaval enough and I had no interest in further complicating my life by trying to understand Lagos men and what made them tick.

When I told a friend about my decision, she laughed and told me not to worry about a boyfriend because soon I’d have boyfriends. Boyfriends?! As in plural? That was absolutely not part of the plan. Dating multiple men in Lagos, she elaborated, was standard procedure.

I laughed it off of course, until I got here and saw for myself how fluid the term relationship is and what it means to have multiple boyfriends. For every situation there is a boyfriend. The one who sends recharge cards, the one you call when you’re lonely, the one you actually like, the one who sorts out your car, the one you eat dinner with, the older one, the younger one, the rich one, the not-so-rich one, the cute one and so on and so forth.

It’s fascinating to see how these women handle and ‘compartmentalize’ all these guys without a second thought, it’s just part and parcel of being unmarried in Lagos.

I remain boyfriend-less, even though I’m not a romantic person there’s something about dating more than one guy I just can’t get into, perhaps it’s all the Disney I watched as a kid. Studies say women are good at multi-tasking but is it meant to extend to juggling people too?

I get the logic behind it; I mean there’s nothing worse than putting all your eggs in one basket then discovering the basket is a horrible, cowardly, City supporter that you want to set adrift far, far, down the Niger river.

Why not have backups? Backups make sense. Backups are smart. Except yuck, the term ‘backups’? Really? Like I said, I’m no romantic but ‘You’re one of many items on the menu this evening,’ is kind of a buzz kill. I mean really, how can you really get to know someone or invest in something if you’ve got other things on your agenda? Even if you’re multi-tasking, something will always take precedence.

And what happens when that happens? When you find the Thierry Henry among the Ashley Young’s, how do you extricate yourself? Maybe a polite ‘thanks for playing, better luck next time’ notice? How awkward. What’s the etiquette? Do you tell each guy he’s one of many from the beginning?  If you don’t, then isn’t there a lot of dl-ing/strategic avoidance going on?  What happens if there’s an identification mix-up? It all just seems rather tiring and Lagos is tiring enough as it is.

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, in London, the ‘dating culture’ is really a big deal, people tend to fall into relationships courtesy of a Student Union night or a Christmas party and having one boyfriend at a time is pretty much the status quo. But the game is different here and not even necessarily in a bad way.  From what I’ve observed the girls dating more than one guy are almost always the ones comforting those hung up on just one. Maybe the key is not to invest until you find something worth investing in.

So maybe I’m doing it wrong, Disney got it twisted and Jasmine secretly had a bunch of dudes on the side incase Aladdin messed up.  Perhaps it’s a case of ‘when in Rome do what the Romans do’ and when in Lagos date a bunch of guys until you find the right basket.

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Miss Gidi here

Like Briticoyemo, I have often wondered how any lady could date more than one guy at a time and I would like to say a huge thank you to Yemo for sending this in. If you have any stories or experience of living single in Lagos that you would like to share then send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com. But for the topic at hand, do you agree with the concept of multiple dating? what are the advantages of it and how different is it from cheating? share your thoughts below