FORKED TONGUE

What are you doing up?

I asked Rolayo when I saw her status change. It was 01:42.

After the meeting at the wedding Rolayo and I kept in touch. It was almost as if two years had not passed since we last bonded.

My brother, na sleep no gree catch me o.

Welcome to Insomniacs Anonymous. Does this happen often? I asked her.

Well, I have been finding it hard to sleep for about a week now. I go watch tv reach midnight, take hot drink and then sleep go begin catch me, but once my body touch bed peren, na so the sleep go disappear. Come see as your sister go dey shine eye till day go break.

She replied.

Mehn, this can’t be funny. I get bouts of insomnia from time to time, but I find that sharing my bed with someone helps. Like, when my girlfriend comes around, I sleep through the night. When I’m by myself, I’ll pro’ly sleep at 9, wake at midnight, and not sleep again till 4 before waking up at 5am.

I’m just tired, Rolayo typed. I have tried different things to help me sleep, but whosai. Not music, not working myself to exhaustion during the day nothing.

No bobos? I asked her.

Hmmm… my brother that matter get as e be.

How you mean? I was curious.

There’s bros o, but he’s not always in town. We don’t see that often.

I could hear the sadness in that text and it made me feel wan kain, like I was throwing my relationship in her face.

Na to find at least cuddle buddy be that nau. I said.

Which one be cuddle buddy?

Someone to share your bed. I don’t necessarily mean sexually o, I quickly added. Just someone to hold you and cuddle with on cold lonely nights. Better if it’s someone you feel comfortable with. It’s been known to work.

Hian! Where I go come find cuddle buddy? Dem dey sell am for Shoprite?

Rolayo abeg no wound me with laughter.

Ah, na true nau. Very valid question.

It was when I started awake that I realised that I had dozed off. Her last message was twenty minutes ago.

Are you there? I asked. Sorry I dozed off.

It was not until the following morning that she replied me.

When I didn’t reply she Skyped with a friend of hers in The Abroad. He asked her to set her laptop down and the bed and lie there while they talked, and that was how she was when she woke up and saw my messages.

Two days later we were both up at night and the talk came back to cuddle buddies.

In case you dey find cuddle buddy. I dey queue o. #JustSaying.

Yeye boi. Came her reply.

When I finally visited her after weeks of her inviting me to come and know her place, I was about to leave when we heard the first clap of thunder.

“Na rain be that?” I asked.

“No, I no tink so.”

I walked to the window and pulled back the curtain and giant drops of rain beat against the pane. The staccato rhythm soon changed as it became a torrential downpour.

“Shit.” I cursed.

“What is it? Somewhere you have to be?”

“Nah, not really.” I replied. “Just thinking about the crazy traffic. I’m going to have to face tonight,”

“Must you go? I have two spare rooms. And then there’s my bed – if you’re not afraid to share it.”

“I kuku don’t mind sharing your bed. As long as you won’t mind me snoring.” I said.

“Snoring bawo? Wo, if you snore peren, I’ll kick you out of the bed.” she threatened.

That night as we lay in bed and talked, I was trying to work on an article I had to submit to a friend who asked me to write something for him.

“I’m tired jare,” she gave an exaggerated yawn and stretched. “I think I’ll turn in for the night.”

“Okay then,” I said.

She squirmed and shifted till she was nestled under the covers, her back turned to me.

I carried on working on the piece I was writing.

“Bobo?”

“Ehn?”

“Are you still working on that piece?”

“Yes.”

“Will you drop that computer right now and hold me!”

I wanted to argue, to defy her, but the little boy in me mumbled “okay” before setting the laptop on the bedside drawer, turn over sideways and press against her till we were spooning, put one hand over her side and tucked it under her breasts.

GRILLS IN AND OUT

I feel like a kid in a candy store whenever I discover new fantastic places. I am sorry this is coming to you late, but my new find will make it all worth it I promise.

This place is probably not new to our readers in Abuja a.k.a Abujans because they started there, but to my fellow Gidi people, this is a burst of fresh air from the usual. I was first introduced to “Grills in & Out” by a friend while it was still being put together. I was intrigued by the idea of it because I’d only read about such places but sadly never been.

Imagine my delight when my friend asked me to lunch at Grills in & Out. This place is a delight for all of us “MasterChefs” on instagram. It offers two options to diners: choose your own ingredients and have the chef cook it right in front of you, or cook it yourself! All those #Foodie #iCook hashtag fiends, time to prove your mettle!!

So, there I was beaming at just about everything! It was absolutely lovely. I was quick to jump on the swing chair outside. As tired as I was (I’d just left the office), the swinging motion helped soothe my frazzled nerves. Then they brought me this fantastic strawberry daiquiri that I kid you not, had me floating to the land of Happy.

The chef gallantly allowed me take his picture while he prepared my food from the ingredients I chose (shrimps, calamari, chicken, chili sauce, schezuan sauce, pepper, onions, and mixed veggies). They served it with some fried rice and for the amount charged, the food was A LOT!!

I even got to meet one of the owners. Grills In and Out is owned by a husband-wife duo. I met the wife who is a total sweetheart. When I go out, I’m looking for a total experience. This is exactly what I got. Good food, good service, lovely atmosphere and not a lot of damage to my wallet

I’d write an epistle, but I need to make a flight. So, toodles!!

IMG_20141127_064932 IMG_20141127_065524 IMG_20141127_065530 IMG_20141127_065536 IMG_20141127_065547IMG_20141127_065053

Grills In & Out is located at 7a, Admiralty road, off Admiralty Way, Lekki phase 1.

Until next week….lots of love,

Miss Wakadugbe

ROMANTIC MALE WITH AN UNRIVALED OHA SOUP

Today is Thursday and this time it’s a gentleman in Lagos that is single and searching.

sigm002

If you are a confident single lady and would like to try his unrivaled oha soup someday (LOL) then simply fill out the form below and your details will be forwarded to him.

BEFORE YOU GO AHEAD WITH THE FORM, kindly consider this as a semi-formal interview and this is your chance to convince him to meet with you. Not all profiles submitted will be approved by the SIG team so it is advisable that you put in the effort as well.

If you would like your profile to be published please click here (serious people only o!)

EDEN

‘Hello stranger.’

The drawl made me pause – I was regaling some friends with stories from my airport office. The voice could only be one person.

‘Hey you,’ I turned round and hugged Rolayo, brushing my lips across her cheek. She hugged back, held the embrace a little long and rubbed my back like I was some child she was reassuring – I hated it when people did that – but I didn’t mind; it was Rolayo.

We broke the embrace, leaned back and regarded each other before hugging again. This time a short one.

We were at a colleague’s wedding reception. I almost didn’t make it because Keme, my girlfriend, was held up at work. She worked in the accounts department of a beverage company and it was the end of their fiscal year so her department had to work over the weekend. It was a choice of Saturday or Sunday and she chose Saturday so we could have Sunday home alone together. She didn’t see the point in taking Saturday off only so we could share it with friends, acquaintances and random people.

‘Go Bobo,’ she said when I told her I didn’t feel like the wedding without her. ‘You better go before your guys will say Ijaw woman has washed put for you and turned you into a mindless zombie.’

‘Wash put? I need you to wash put? Is it not the same place I dive into every chance I ge…’

Why are you like this?’ she tossed her damp towel in my direction. ‘Abeg make I ready go work. We’ll see when we get back, okay?

And so I had gone to the wedding. Alone.

From the moment I saw Rolayo, I didn’t leave her side for the rest of that day. We played catch up: she told me about her daughter – small madam, she called her – and how she would boss everybody about at home, her grandmother more indulgent than Rolayo remembered from her own childhood.

About her love life there was nothing to say. She was dating a certain someone who was based in Ghana.

‘You would think that Ghana is close and that we would see more often, but I was lucky if I saw him for one weekend in two months.’ Her smile was sad, but it cleared up quickly. ‘So Bobo, tell me about your adventures,’ she said perking up. ‘And don’t leave any details out.’ She wagged a finger at me.

I sighed.

‘There’s not a lot to tell,’ I started.

‘Don’t tell me that jare, abi you want to hoard gist?’

‘You won’t believe it, but after you offered to be my Sugar mommy…’

‘What was that?’ she cut in.

‘Sugar mommy, remember? No? Never mind.’ I said. ‘Anyway,’ I dragged the first syllable, ‘after I got posted to the airport I met this girl, crazy girl I tell you, but an amazing person. We’ve been dating since then.’ I tried not to smirk.

‘I don’t understand.’ She held up a hand. ‘You mean to tell me you’ve been pussy-whipped? Excuse my language.’

One of the things I liked and didn’t like about Rolayo was her attempts at ladylike behaviour. She would say “fuck” or “prick” and follow with “excuse my language”, or say something she considered negative about someone – which usually was a statement of fact – and follow with “I’m sorry to say.”

‘No jo,‘ I waved her away. ‘It’s not like that. She’s a really good person.’ I paused to sift through the torrent of adjectives with which to qualify Keme. ‘She gets me.’

‘Hmmm… I never thought I would see the day.’ She shook her head. ‘If she makes you happy Bobo, then that’s all that matters.’

We were silent for a moment to let the damp and fog that had settled on our sunny pass. Soon enough it was warm and bright again.

By the end of the evening I promised to stay in touch and made her promise to do same. We exchanged BlackBerry pins as I walked her to her car. I kissed her cheek before holding open the door for her. She waved as she drove off and I stood there watching her tail lights disappear in the gathering dusk.

I felt a vibration in my pocket and took out my phone. There was a pending request. I frowned.

‘Royal? Who is Royal?’

I clicked accept, meaning to delete and block the person if it turned out to be someone I didn’t know.

Royal is now a contact.

Royal changed display picture.

I clicked on the photo and smiled when I realised Royal was Rolayo.

 

S.A.S: I have never done this before

It’s been less than 24 hours since I made the announcement of Single and Searching and we’ve already received quite a number of profiles from singles living in Lagos, it’s good to know that there are people out there who are willing to meet new people in Lagos.

Before I post today’s profile, here are some things you must know about Single and Searching:

  • New profiles will be posted every Tuesday and Thursday
  • Profiles will be live on the blog until the person informs us to take it down
  • Finally, we are single, we are Lagosians, we are plenty and we are busy (I know!), so Single and Searching is just a meet and greet space for singles like us. Consider this our way of helping with all the chance meeting- like a mall, the cinema, market, streets of Lagos or even church, therefore what you do with the opportunity outside of SIG is entirely up to you. It is important that you do your due diligence in addition to having an open mind, and who knows this might just get you off the shelf .

Now that we have that out-of-the-way, I would like to introduce our first profile (yayyyy!!!)

sigf001

 

If you are interested in meeting this amazing young lady who is obviously trying new things, simply fill out the form below and your details will be forwarded to her.

Introducing Single and Searching

Source: Real Black Love
Source: Real Black Love

A while ago I started Single in Gidi as a way of ranting about my single life in Lagos as well as starting up conversation on the societal pressure and stereotypes with being single. The more I wrote, the more I met fantastic single professionals/entrepreneurs (both male and female) living in Lagos and are GENUINELY looking for their match.

In some cases, those who are really interested in meeting ‘like minds’ have asked if SIG could help them meet interesting people especially since Lagos is such a big and busy city.

After months of working on the logistics, I’d like to introduce to you the SINGLE AND SEARCHING column of the blog, where singles in Lagos will be listed based on how they sell themselves (so save your sexy pictures for later) and interested parties can submit their details for a chance to meet the listed person.

So if you are single and searching or you know someone who is and  willing to meet someone new, here’s what you have to do:

  1. Visit the Single and Searching page
  2. Fill out the form (I repeat we will not be publishing photos so how you sell yourself with words is very important)
  3. Wait for a member of the SIG team (yes I do have a team) to contact you and have the details you provided verified before being published
  4. Have your verified profile published
  5. Get information on all verified interested persons sent to you with their contact details (only email addresses will be sent)
  6. You decide the next step (outside SIG of course)

In case you didn’t notice, we do all the work while all you have to do is take a few minutes to fill out the form and a another few minutes at the end to pick someone who also interests you to meet…it’s really not that hard is it?

In addition to being a busy city, Lagos is also a funny one so we will work hard to have the basic information verified before being published or sent to you. You also have the final responsibility to verify the individual further because we could miss something which is important to you.

On that note, I hope SIG will someday be able to share success stories of those who found love or great friendships while enjoying each day of being single.

Lots of love,

 

GIRLFRIEND

I arrived the cinema thirty minutes before the movie was billed to start and she followed two minutes later. That rarely happened.

I was used to being kept waiting, sometimes till the movie had started before a breathless but unapologetic date showed up wanting popcorn and drinks.

This kind of punctuality was strange to me.

We made our way up to the last row of seats – she was walking in front. She stopped at the top of the steps and I almost crashed into her. I had been following the rhythmic roll of her buttocks and when she stopped, it took a fraction if a second to register.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Where will you have us sit?’ she asked waving her flattened palm left and right.

I smiled. This was clearly a test: left to the two seats in the corner would imply a little more privacy and an opportunity to grope her. I pointed right. I couldn’t see her face, but I was almost certain she smiled.

The movie was fantasy and the way she leaned forward in her seat, barely eating her popcorn, her grasp of mythology and the progression of the story impressed me further.

After the movie we strolled around the Yaba area, neither one wanting the evening to end. When I finally put her in a cab, I slipped the driver the fare when she was getting in.

I walked back to my car and drove home, windows down and the warm evening breeze on my face. I knew I was going to see her again.

We hung out five more times before I invited her over to my place.

I spent the morning of her visiting cleaning house; I had walked through the house that day looking at my apartment through a stranger’s eyes.

I gave her a tour of the place and she seemed genuinely impressed. Back in the living room she sat down on the carpet and I laid out the food I ordered from The Place.

When she saw the bottle of wine she joked if I planned on taking advantage of an inebriated woman. We laughed, but there was a look on her face that made me wonder if the joke was on me.

‘Are you afraid I’ll jump you?’ she cut into my thoughts.

‘What?’

‘I don’t bite jare. Abi what are you doing all the way over there?’ she waved with her glass, the contents sloshing about.

She had only taken a few sips and was nursing her first glass, so I was sure it wasn’t alcohol talking. I, on the other hand, was on my third glass. I wasn’t a lightweight, but still I wondered if that was alcohol hearing.

I cleared the plates and sat next to her. We sat there, our backs against the sofa, bare arms and clothed sides touching. Me focusing hard on the TV, her doing what I don’t know.

‘Thanks for having me over,’ she said not looking at me.

‘Leaving already?’ I was embarrassed by the disappointment I heard in my voice.

‘Sadly yes, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself.’ She said. ‘Maybe next time you’ll be less stiff… or not.’ She turned to look at me then and I felt a warmth creep up my neck.

After that, we spent whatever day of the weekend I was off work at mine – we would sometimes sit side by side or facing each other and talk while listening to music, or she would lie in my arms on the carpet as we watched a movie.

On one of those visits, emboldened by how things had progressed, I leaned in and kissed her. I was aiming for her lips, but she moved her head at the last moment so my lips grazed her cheek.

‘Bobo,’ she said, ‘there’s no stealing kisses with me. You’ll have to ask me out first.’

I heard her, through the loud hammering of my heart, as though from a far off place.

‘Don’t do it. Don’t fall for it.’ But even as I warned myself, I knew it was too late.

I heard a voice ask her to be its girlfriend, and it took a moment to realise the raspy voice was mine.

TICKET TO FREEDOM

‘You’re too old to be living with your parents’

That’s the voice you probably hear in your head on that Saturday morning when you just want to sleep and your mother decides it’s the best time to send you on errands. It was tolerable when you were younger, say when you were in your late teens and early twenties but now you are in your late twenties and you cannot stand it anymore because you thought by now you would be out of your parent’s house but guess what…YOU’RE NOT!

From a young age, you’ve been told that you would move out of your father’s house to your husband’s house so even though you are old enough now and you could probably afford rent, you find that moving out of your parent’s house as a single woman is a controversial debate in the Nigerian society especially when you’re not moving out of state/country.

Having to live with parents after a certain age has to be one of the most difficult things in life, especially as a young lady when every comment, statement, conversation and question all boils down to marriage and when you would get married. Typical examples would be:

Scenario 1 – serving a well prepared meal
Comment –  ‘your husband will enjoy o’;

Scenario 2 – forgetting to do something
Comment – ‘is that how you will run your home as a married woman?’;

Scenario 3–  getting home late
Comment –  ‘is this how you will live in your husband’s house?’.

Truth is, at this point all you may ever hear are constant reminders that you are ‘ripe’ for marriage.

Then there are the rules and if you come from a strict home, the curfews. As someone who has lived away from home for a while before moving back, I often find this to be one of my major challenges because after having so much freedom and being able to plan things around my own time I have come back to hear things like ‘no responsible woman is supposed to keep late nights’ or ‘you cannot do what you want while under my roof wait till you get married’ and I get it, well the roof part I get, the others I still struggle understanding.

Source: Datereport

Anyway, if you’re from a very laid-back and liberal family you may not understand what I am blabbing about but you must realise that not all Nigerian parents are ‘understanding’ or ‘liberal’ so they often believe that these rules and marriage reminders are what will shape you into being a better wife and mother while the idea of moving out of your parent’s house as a young woman is almost considered a taboo.

It some cases it becomes so difficult living with parents and trying not to have a war on moving out that some ladies actually see marriage as their ticket to freedom. I have heard some married women say things like ‘they could not wait to get out of their father’s house so they got married early’ or single women who compare marriage to ‘breaking out of prison’ and of course discussions on how society frowns at the idea of a woman living alone (*rollseyes*)

I know parents care and no matter how hard you try, they still see you as the little girl with ponytails and the puffy Cinderella dress on her first birthday who has no clue that the world is filled with wolves in sheep clothing and maybe they are right or maybe they are paranoid…

At the end of the day, if moving out is not an option for you then how do you deal with living with parents and the pressure of  seeing marriage as your ticket to freedom? 

I really want to know what you think

Love,

MjAxMy05MzA3NDcyMzI4MzBmMDdk

P.S.- The only reason I am yet to move out is because Lagos rent is on the rise and mehnnn the bills are plenty…

 

FOR THE ART LOVERS

Last week I brought you the Art Lovers Haven, today I’m leading you to a ground-breaking poetry event and a Festival promoting all things beautiful about Art. How much do you lovers out there love me now? 😉

But first

AKÉ

Such an intriguing name. It gnawed at me when my friends were discussing attending “AKÉ” and I had zero idea what they were talking about with such an interesting name too. F (henceforth called”The Writer”) kept asking:

“Who will be at AKÉ?”

I no go even lie, I thought it was a place. I kept thinking, “why haven’t I heard of this place?”

To confirm my lastma, I proceeded to ask and was sarcastically replied by The Writer

“Google is your friend”

Shebi una see?

I’m a self-acclaimed nice person, so I’m bringing AKÉ to you.


Taking place in Abeokuta, AKÉ is a celebration and promotion of the Arts.

I will not be a town crier on this one, but just know that it begins on the 18th of November. They have some interesting master classes as well. To register, visit www.akefestival.org.

 

On the other hand, if you are looking for something fun yet laid back to do after work today then you should head to Terra Kulture by 7pm as some of Nigeria’s finest spoken word poets will be performing what they say is the first of its kind in Nigeria

Finding Home follows 8 dynamic characters as they tackle the hopes and disappointment of young cosmopolitan Africans in the land of their birth. It features Bassey Ikpi, Titilope Sonuga, Efe Paul Azino, Sheila Ojei, DONNA, Ndukwe Onuoha, Obii and Adesola Fakile as they tell a story of exile through the compelling medium available.

Finding Home is directed by British based director and actor, Femi Elufowoju Jr. and produced by G.R.I.O.T in conjunction with Gbagyichild Entertainment.

For more information on Finding Home, visit their website: www.finding-home.info

 

Late notice, I know, but better late than never.

Until next week,

Love,

Miss Wakadugbe

Stalker Alert

‘Do you like what you do?’

Confused, I looked round to see if anyone else heard the question. When nobody reacted, I turned back to the customer in front of me.

‘There’s a reason I asked,’ she smiled.

‘You’re damn right there has to be a reason why you’d come to the place where I work and ask me that question in front of all these other customers and my colleagues.’

I smiled back.

‘I love what I do.’ I replied.

‘What do you love about your job?’ she asked.

‘Hian. Which kain ting be this?’

‘I love that I don’t work 8 to whenever, that my job’s done in shifts. Above that, I love dealing with people, resolving their difficulties.’

‘It shows,’ she nodded. ‘You used to be at your E-Centre office, right? I recognised you as soon as I walked in here.’

I work with a telecoms company, and during my GT program I worked in the call centre at HQ. Six months ago I got transferred to our office at the E-Centre, Yaba where I worked for five months before being moved again to our office at the Domestic Airport.

The first transfer happened within weeks of my brushing Rolayo’s Sugar mommy offer to one side. She did not take it to heart, making me wonder if she ever really meant it.

So there I was at the airport office attending to customers when this lady walked in. I raised my head to see who made the bell above the door tinkle, and then I returned to the customer whose query I was dealing with.

The new customer walked slowly round our phone display rack, lingering at a phone for a minute or two before moving on.

When I was done serving the customer in front of me, she came and took his place.

‘Good afternoon ma, how may I be of service?’

When she said she recognised me from the E-Centre office I apologised for not recognising her too.

‘I hope I wasn’t rude to you then.’ I said in mock horror.

‘Far from it. I was confused about the different plans you guys offered and you took your time to explain them to me. I would have thought it was my fine girl charms,’ she fanned herself and drew a laugh from me. ‘But you had done the same with the customer before me. And just now see how you attended to that man as if he was the only person in this shop. That’s very good, keep it up.’

I didn’t know how to take the compliment, especially coming from her.

“Keep it up.” I smiled and thanked her retreating figure. She was gone before I realised she hadn’t told me what her complaint was.

‘Oh well.’ I shrugged.

Two weeks later she came into the shop. We exchanged pleasantries and she stood at my desk to talk with me for a while. Before she left she slid a business card across to me. I didn’t even see it palmed in her hand all the while we spoke. The move was so smooth, I was sure she had practice.

Ene, my colleague saw and teased me no end.

‘Will you call her?’ she asked.

‘Nope.’

‘Why not?’

‘I dunno. Just no.’

‘Pride.’

‘Stop it. It’s not pride, it’s just somehow.’ I said defensively.

When my phone rang a few days later, I picked it up without checking the caller ID.

‘Hello Bobo,’ a could hear the smile in the voice.

‘Hi,’ my response was hesitant.

‘When you’re not dealing with customer complaints or ignoring a fine girl’s come-on, what do you do for fun?’

I knew who it was without asking and I could see her behind my closed eyelids, head thrown back, hair cascading down long neck. Her throaty laugh did things for me.

‘Not a lot,’ I said. ‘You, when you’re not stalking… wait, is this you stalking me?’ I asked.

‘Of course. Know how I got your number?’

‘I have a rough idea.’

‘Good. So, about fun things to do,’ she said, ‘wanna go see a movie with me?’

She wasn’t like any girl I’d met. I liked her confidence, and her wit.

‘Sure, why not?’