DEALING WITH WHAT NEVER WAS

I believe I met the love of my life about a year ago, he was everything I wanted in a man, he was smart, funny in a nerdy way, loved good music and had the fear of the Lord in his heart. We fell in love, got married and were going to live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

That was all in my head

What really happened was that I met a guy via social media (we’re in 2014 so don’t judge), we connected in many ways that made me wonder where he had been all my life. He was a Lagos boy as well so we had a lot of Lagos childhood memories to share and laugh about. To be honest, no other man at the time was able to have my attention the way he did. Sadly, it was a long distance thing so we spent hours getting to know each other through phone calls and Skype dates. There was a connection, one I could not understand, like we were meant to be soul mates, you know the kind of stuff that you see in Hollywood movies.

Then I got to finally meet him in person, he was visiting for 10 days and I was determined to spend every day with him and that we did. Our connection was much stronger in person and we enjoyed every moment we had together until his last day. He possessed everything I could imagine in a man, I mean how else do you want a man to look at you? Talk to you? And treat you? With him I forgot all about my insecurities as he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

In reality we spent 9 days together because on his last day he became distant as he remembered he had to go back to his base, to the girl he left behind who loved him as much as I did. Oh yea he had a girlfriend and I had become the accidental side chic, like a cyber-mistress that was too good to be true. So slowly we drifted apart, the phone calls and Skype dates disappeared; we became strangers on the internet with the occasional hellos as our way to say ‘I still have you in my thoughts’

This is not my story but that of a friend, Hadiza’, who told me about a certain guy she thought would be ‘the one’. She, like many others had gotten too close to a guy and started something which she shouldn’t have in the first place. It wouldn’t be her first and I could totally relate with her because I have been there too. Often times in the course of life, we meet people that we believe are our possible soul mates and end up being hurt when it never works out quite as planned or dreamed.

After each breakup of a non-relationship, we find ourselves in a state of ‘what ifs?’ What if we were together? What if he/she is actually the other half of me that I have been searching for all my life? As Hadiza recounted her story I could sense the anger and hurt from the tone of her voice. Even though she was hurt, she often wondered what it would be like if they actually were together and a part of her hopes he will come back to her because what they felt/feel for each other was stronger than what anyone could understand (women and our wahala sha!)

What amazes me though is not the dynamics of a non-relationship but the ‘breakup’ and the impact it has on the person/people involved. In all fairness, do we really have control over the people that we get close to? How do you stop yourself from getting into such compromising situations or maybe dealing with a relationship that was never labelled as one in the first? Is the person involved now an ex or a former friend?

I could go on and on but at the end of the day, if it was never a relationship then what was it?

And the winners are…..

And the winners for the first ever #singleingidi giveaway are RITA LOLLY and FAITH AFOLABI-JOMBO !!!! Ladies, please send your mobile numbers to singleingidi@yahoo.com.

 

I wanted to give 5 gifts away but I only got 2 qualified winners and a bunch of msgs from guys asking for a ‘male’ giveaway (who knew that more guys read singleingidi than ladies…)

 

Now for everyone else especially the guys I promise I have something grand planned and you’ll get to hear all about it very soon but for now remember to share the love by liking Single in Gidi on Facebook and following Single in Gidi on Twitter and Instagram

 

Love,

Las Gidi and our love for brand names

Lagos…..City of dreams, land of opportunity and all the glitz and glam that one could imagine. Seriously, Lagos is paradoxically one of the most ludicrously opulent cities in the world, up there with the likes of Mumbai. And I say paradox because even amidst all the squalor and squelch that is so replete in the city, there is such abundant wealth: the rich in their beautiful clothes stand on the same rain-soaked ground as the poor with their tatters. What a dichotomy – Sims

I couldn’t have started this post any other way, I mean who doesn’t love Lagos? Okay don’t answer that; but after living in this wonderful city for about 24 years now I must say Lagos is one that inspires me and amazes me. No other city has been able to bring out the best in me like Lagos…Lagos is the reason why I write, why I am inspired and why I am sometimes baffled.

One of the things that baffles me in this Lagos is our love for names, who you are, who you know but most of all who you are wearing/carrying…Ah yes WE LOVE BRAND NAMES. Gidi girls (because the term ‘Lagos girls’ is considered derogatory) always want to talk about who they are wearing or carrying. From the international luxury brands to our very own Nigerian overpriced well-known brands, anybody who wants to be somebody which is everybody in Lagos wants to be known to carry or wear the ‘best’ even if they have to fake it. An average Gidi girl would rather carry a Grade 1 fake LV than carry an equally beautiful and better quality lower budget bag from a no named designer. If you doubt me, take a look at most of the stores around, most of them sell counterfeit handbags at ridiculous prices. Before you think I am being judgmental, let me state my disclaimer, I don’t have a problem with certain people choosing to buy counterfeit items (it’s a free world after all) I only find it funny when people buy things for the name and not the design.

A few weeks ago, I experienced two ladies have an hour-long argument on brand names, handbags and their worth. It all began when Lady A couldn’t take her eyes off Lady B’s designer handbag so she complimented it and asked where she got it from and for how much. Lady B, with a sense of pride and with a concentrated indigenous accent (I won’t mention which one), replied that she bought it from a highbrow store and it cost an equivalent for 85,000 naira which made Lady A exclaim and insist that she had been duped because she recently purchased that same handbag from an Instagram seller for about $200. Lady B feeling slighted at the unexpected response then said that Lady A had purchased the fake version of this ‘handbag’ from Instagram and Lady A was the one that had been duped. Of course Lady A wasn’t going to accept that so she said ‘it’s not possible na oyinbo babe dey sell the bag on Instagram, let me show you pictures’ which of course left me startled on how the race of a seller could determine the authenticity of a product (that’s another gist)

Eventually it led to an exchange of brand names, stories of different trips/shopping sprees and how much each of them had spent on luxury brands. Actually it sounded more like stock taking of what brands each of them owned and where they had gotten these items; of course no one could verify their individual stories but hey it was fun listening to them have such a shallow argument because not once did they mention the unique/phenomenal designs of these things they had acquired.

These ladies are simply a representation of some ladies in Lagos, I can’t count the number of times I have heard Gidi girls talk about brands and how much they spent on them or the occasional showcase of our local celebrities ‘instagramming’ empty shopping bags from certain luxury stores while on vacation in the UK, US or UAE. It’s like a disease, as long as you want to be ‘somebody’ in Lagos you must own a few brands and be able to showcase them at all times, even if you cannot afford the original then buy a fake. It doesn’t matter how the item looks, as long as it is a luxury brand then you are fine.

Personally, I am not crazy about brand names neither am I afraid to say I got a beautiful item from Primark or Ipodo market (which is in Ikeja by the way) or that my tailor charged me only 1000 naira for a fashionable iro and buba that some designer is selling for 10,000 naira. Truth is, as long as it looks good then I am happy with it, not saying that I do not buy brand names but for me it has to do with the design not the name. I am yet to understand what the obsession is with brand names especially in Lagos where things are hard and those who obsess over these names cannot afford a year’s rent.

As for the ladies in question, none of them had the original ‘designer handbag’ …in Lagos, you can always fake it till you make it.

Girls just want to have fun

Happy Eid-El-Fitri!…and sadly the four day weekend has come to an end, now we all have to get ready to go back to work and our normal lives *sigh*

Anyway, last weekend happened to be my busiest so far as my good friend got married and I happened to be her maid of honour. This would be my second time being a bridesmaid and my first as the MOH so it was a bit of an experience. In summary, it was a lot of work but I enjoyed every bit of it as I watched her turn from Miss O to Mrs O. But this post is not about the wedding; it’s about other things that need to be addressed.

I love to dance, as a matter of fact, the story is that I started walking at 1yr 3months (yes I was taking my time) because the music player stopped working while I was dancing so I walked up to it and pushed it down so it would work (I mean while mess up with a young lady’s groove). This hasn’t changed much because even at my current age of ‘18’, I still love to dance and when I decide to go dancing, the last thing I need or want is for my groove/rhythm to be messed up, especially by thirsty men who insist you must dance with them!

Someone needs to send the memo across to some men that when certain chics show up at a party or at the club to dance it’s because they want to have fun and not to hook up with men. I refuse to believe that responsible women go to clubs to hook up with men unless of course you are of a ‘certain trade’? So you can sense my utter disgust when my girls and I could not just dance in peace over the weekend.

After the festivities were all over, my girls and I decided we would go out to have fun, we all travelled to be a part of the wedding so this was our way of unwinding before heading back home. I must admit each one of us happened to be good dancers in our own right and the DJ was on point…good music, good dancers and drinks so you know it was bound to be epic. The only problem we had were the men who wouldn’t let us breathe, we were constantly interrupted by men who only had plans to ‘corner’ us. At some point we felt we had to protect ourselves from men who would strategically place themselves behind us for a session of anticipated slow grinding and possibly dry humping. What made it more annoying was that each time we turned these men down we would get questions like ‘Why won’t you dance with me?’ ‘What’s the deal with you?’’Why did you come out then?”Are you lesbian or bi-sexual?’ only because we refused to dance with any of the men in question. -_-

In order to understand the male point of view on this experience, my questions today are for the guys, when you go out and see a bunch of ladies dancing? what comes to mind? do you at any point consider that they just want to dance without being disturbed? Or are all women who come out dancing branded a certain way?…Ladies you are welcome to comment

And for the record, none of us were dressed seductively or even wore heels before someone comes with the outfit debate.

 

 

 

 

 

Two more days to enter the #singleingidi giveaway if you haven’t already

WALK THE TALK

Talk shows have long been considered a winning formula for daytime television around the world. In fact, by presenting viewers with topics and issues to analyse and debate through the lens of society’s collective experiences, some programs come to represent what society is thinking at a particular time.

The best of such shows don’t just follow trends, they set them. Enter Walk The Talk. Walk The Talk is a ‘chatfest’ that provides a female perspective on the day’s headlines and other contemporary topics, including food, fashion and health. The hosts discuss current events, interview a wide range of celebrities and decision makers, plus, occasionally introduce music performances. The show aims to defy the prevailing stereotype when it comes to women and entertainment in general. “Some would call it the ‘bubble-heads-r-us’ approach whereby many programs in Nigeria today project an image of women as flighty and incapable of ‘real talk’ and sincerity or discourse on real issues that truly matter to viewers and everyday people. The challenge the show sets for itself is to be somewhat different from the average show the viewer is probably used to,” says Tabia Princewill, co-host and executive producer. “It’s a balance between being fun while addressing concerns we all have about our society, not just from the angle of women’s well-being and welfare in society, but more generally, to educate the discerning African man and woman and inspire them to realize their full potential. Our brand combines entertainment with empathy towards the various predicaments our society faces”, says Helene Ibru, the show’s co-host.

From discussing constant competition and the tangible lack of support between African women in “women hating women”, to the effects of religion and globalized culture on today’s modern lifestyle, to living your best-life and chasing your dreams, knowing your rights and the lifestyle changes we need to make to keep cancer at bay, Walk The Talk covers it all. Societies are better when fun conversation meets intelligent analysis: get ready to laugh and reflect, to think about making Nigeria better, whether it’s by talking about so-called “status symbols” and their effect on society or wondering “who’s a man” in today’s modern African society or looking at how men cope with the go-getting breed of “Alpha Females”, or asking questions about parenting (is it ok to give your five year old a mobile phone?), the effects of social media on everyday living (you’re so busy instagramming your food, you’ve forgotten to eat!), this show isn’t just one of a kind in the Nigerian media landscape, it’s set to revolutionize the way we think about ourselves.

On Walk The Talk (as the name itself indicates) the hosts, Tabia Princewill and Helene Ibru—former editor of the Guardian newspaper’s Sunday magazine, Life, and a lawyer turned educationist, with over ten years of experience dealing with issues relating to maternal/child psychology—don’t just talk the talk, they Walk The Talk and are dedicated to promoting positive mindsets through the show. “Do you want honest conversation about the things you see around you—from relationships to social issues and even policies—that you just wish would change? Then this is for you”, says Tabia Princewill.

Walk The Talk premieres this Saturday, on the 26th of July on NTA at 8.30pm and intends to use its upbeat, personally affirming message to inspire the lifestyle of everyday Nigerians. Successful talk shows have the ability to probe deeply into a variety of issues while entertaining audiences and that’s just what WTT is set to do.

Follow us on Twitter: @WalkTheTalkTV
Like us on Facebook.com/WalkTheTalkTV
Check out our website: http://www.walkthetalk.com

20140724-093658-34618144.jpg

Whose is it anyway?

What won’t I hear in this Lagos? Sometimes I wish I made these stories up but I promise you I do not. Lagos just happens to be a city with all sorts of characters as human beings. Anyway let me go straight to the gist

A few days ago I was having a conversation with a good friend, actually it was more like a consoling session because she just broke up with her boyfriend of about 6 years. She met him and started dating him at the age of 25 and now at 31, he decides that he is not ready for the commitment…that’s gist for another day because we honestly need to discuss the topic of how long you should last in a relationship before walking away due to lack of commitment (or lack of ring and marriage).

So here I am telling her ‘things will get better’, ‘there are many fishes in the sea’, ‘she deserves better’, ‘she won’t die an old spinster’ and all those things you say when a friend is fresh out of a relationship; I also had to listen to her rant about her ex-boyfriend, all he did to her, how she suffered, how she should have known, and everything we women say in the usual man bashing stage we go through after a breakup . Then she said ‘Can you imagine he wants everything back?’

PAUSE! EXCUSE ME?!?!

He wants everything he ever got for her during their 6 years together. He used to buy/surprise her with a lot of fantastic gifts while they were together. I won’t lie, some valentine’s days I would beef her knowing that he must have gotten her something fantastic while I wallowed in singledom but now that the relationship is over, he wants everything he ever got for her. -_-

The shoes, bags, outfits, lingerie, jewelry, Christmas gifts, valentine’s, birthdays, the ‘just because’…he wants it all back and even proceeded to send her messages after a heated argument to know when she would send it all back.

You see there are two sides to this, one side would be to give it back, to prove what a jerk he is, to have peace of mind and get rid of any reminder of him in her life; while the other would be to keep it all, after all she never asked him to get them for her in the first place and at least she would have something to show for the time spent.

Now my question is Ladies, if you were in her shoes, would you give it ALL back and why? And Guys, would you ever ask an ex to return everything you ever got for her no matter how little?

As for my friend, oh boy would have to return 6 years and draw blood from a rock before she gives him back a thing.

***************************************************************************************************************

Have you entered the giveaway yet? You don’t want to miss the chance to win one of the amazing prizes 

 

 

 

 

A note to the newly engaged

You just got engaged, you are getting married to the man of your dreams (I pray), you have announced your engagement on all the social networking sites and are currently overwhelmed with the congratulatory messages from family, friends and acquaintances while trying to figure out if your fairy tale wedding will become a reality.

I am happy for you, I have put up a pic of your bling and gushed at how perfect your proposal story is (was probably a part of the planning) but you’ve been acting strange and I need to call you out on a few things that you are doing very wrong which needs to be fixed:

  1. Don’t go all spiritual on me: which also goes for you being ‘highly moral’. The ring on your finger does not mean you have now found God so stop with the constant sermons, offering me prayers and/or giving me moral advice. We both know your track record before you settled for this man so before you start listing different rules that you never followed or constantly quoting scriptures from the bible, stop, think and think again.
  2. Don’t try to hook me up with the next single man you find: You see I would understand if you did this before you got engaged but trying to hook me up with any Tom, Dick or Harry now you have the ring is a bit irritating. Actually, it makes it look like you’ve always known these great guys but you’ve been hiding them from me because you wanted them for yourself (kinda like alternatives). This also goes for trying to hook me up with your fiance’s best friend, brother or cousin or that guy you’ve friendzoned for the last 5 years.
  3. Stop trying to sell my market: By this I mean telling so many guys what a nice girl I am and how I am very down to earth and very available to be plucked. Give them a chance to get to know me first, let me sell my market myself no matter how long it takes me,.
  4. Don’t feel bad for me: Saying things like ‘I don’t know how you will feel’ or ‘I hope you don’t mind because it is a couples’ thing’ or constantly asking me ‘how I am coping’ does not make you a considerate friend, instead it makes you a paranoid friend who believes your ring has suddenly made me unhappy and/or jealous.
  5. Don’t offer me unsolicited relationship advice: which also applies to ‘settling’ advice, I know no one is perfect but stop with the ‘you just have to manage’ conversation because unless you want to give me the impression that you are managing.

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to say that I am so happy that you are about to walk down the aisle with the man you truly love and I understand you care for me but PLEASE I am single not diseased.

Love,

 

 

 

 

 

Remember the giveaway is still going on

“When Boy meets Girl” is no longer enough

‘Miss Gidi you need to call this prophet, he’s really good, maybe he can tell you what the problem is, you need to get married soon’

Those were the words of a very concerned friend over my single status, to her it made no sense how a good girl who had everything going for her was still single, she always thought I would be the first to get married and right now it looks like I would be the last because I am not engaged and I do not have a serious boyfriend to show. Her verdict…it had to be spiritual, there had to be a spiritual force out there maybe from my village or from a rejected lover that has stopped me from moving ahead in this race for marriage, so now she is recommending a prophet, I mean if all the dating rule books have failed then a prophet had to be the answer…right?

I often hear of barren women who visit native doctors so they could get pregnant, young men who join certain cults to get rich quick, single ladies who consult spiritual means with pictures of suitors so they could get married. People now pass around recommendations for prophets, pastors and native doctors like it’s a new snack to try out. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that sometimes certain people may have one form of spiritual issue or the other but most times people are so impatient with life that they would do anything to fast forward events to get what they want when they want it.

Even with all of this in mind, I was shocked that I had to encounter such; I guess it was only a matter of time before someone would recommend a priest in some faraway village like in our Nollywood movies. What even shocked me some more was when I started doing my research, I found out that this has actually become a norm in Lagos, a lot of single women in Lagos are now turning to spiritual means so they could get married quick, some even have some supposed seers on speed dial so when they meet someone new, they simply text the guy’s name to the seer so prayers could begin. They say they are doing everything they can to solve their ‘problem’ …well I call it the highest form of desperation.

Anyway because Lagos is filled with gist, I was told about some girl called Aisha (obviously not her real name). Aisha had been in a relationship with Akin (not his real name) for a while and decided that in order for him to be faithful to her, she would go see some ‘baba’ that her friend Yewande recommended. Upon getting there, the baba tells Aisha that she needed to put something under Akin’s bed so when he falls asleep, he would think of no other woman but her and marry her quickly. So Aisha follows the plan, puts the item under Akin’s bed and then goes back to her home (I guess she didn’t want to keep thinking of herself). Unfortunately for her, Akin didn’t sleep in his room that night, he had ‘company’ over so he fell asleep in the guest room while his friend, Obi, slept in Akin’s room. I’m won’t go into further details on this gist, all I want to know is why Aisha didn’t just walk away from the relationship if she knew she could not deal with Akin’s infidelity, why stoop so low to such means?

Back to my conversation with my concerned friend, I let her know that I was not interested in her prophet. The only form of spirituality that I would be consulting is praying to my God to make me a better woman for the man who I would get married to at the right time and also making that man a better man for me.

So my advice, Ladies you need to stop acting like marriage is what defines your existence as human beings and focus on what is important like being better people to the society and to yourselves. Give yourself some respect and stop being so desperate…

***whoossaaa***

I’m over this…

Don’t forget to be a part of the #singleingidi giveaway, the more the merrier and good luck to all the winners in advance 🙂