City of Boyfriends

Guest post by Briticoyemo

When I moved to Lagos I decided to put my romantic life on hold, after the last horror show of a situation I was in, I figured I needed a break and to put any signs of premature ageing that mess had caused me to bed. Moving to another country was upheaval enough and I had no interest in further complicating my life by trying to understand Lagos men and what made them tick.

When I told a friend about my decision, she laughed and told me not to worry about a boyfriend because soon I’d have boyfriends. Boyfriends?! As in plural? That was absolutely not part of the plan. Dating multiple men in Lagos, she elaborated, was standard procedure.

I laughed it off of course, until I got here and saw for myself how fluid the term relationship is and what it means to have multiple boyfriends. For every situation there is a boyfriend. The one who sends recharge cards, the one you call when you’re lonely, the one you actually like, the one who sorts out your car, the one you eat dinner with, the older one, the younger one, the rich one, the not-so-rich one, the cute one and so on and so forth.

It’s fascinating to see how these women handle and ‘compartmentalize’ all these guys without a second thought, it’s just part and parcel of being unmarried in Lagos.

I remain boyfriend-less, even though I’m not a romantic person there’s something about dating more than one guy I just can’t get into, perhaps it’s all the Disney I watched as a kid. Studies say women are good at multi-tasking but is it meant to extend to juggling people too?

I get the logic behind it; I mean there’s nothing worse than putting all your eggs in one basket then discovering the basket is a horrible, cowardly, City supporter that you want to set adrift far, far, down the Niger river.

Why not have backups? Backups make sense. Backups are smart. Except yuck, the term ‘backups’? Really? Like I said, I’m no romantic but ‘You’re one of many items on the menu this evening,’ is kind of a buzz kill. I mean really, how can you really get to know someone or invest in something if you’ve got other things on your agenda? Even if you’re multi-tasking, something will always take precedence.

And what happens when that happens? When you find the Thierry Henry among the Ashley Young’s, how do you extricate yourself? Maybe a polite ‘thanks for playing, better luck next time’ notice? How awkward. What’s the etiquette? Do you tell each guy he’s one of many from the beginning?  If you don’t, then isn’t there a lot of dl-ing/strategic avoidance going on?  What happens if there’s an identification mix-up? It all just seems rather tiring and Lagos is tiring enough as it is.

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing, in London, the ‘dating culture’ is really a big deal, people tend to fall into relationships courtesy of a Student Union night or a Christmas party and having one boyfriend at a time is pretty much the status quo. But the game is different here and not even necessarily in a bad way.  From what I’ve observed the girls dating more than one guy are almost always the ones comforting those hung up on just one. Maybe the key is not to invest until you find something worth investing in.

So maybe I’m doing it wrong, Disney got it twisted and Jasmine secretly had a bunch of dudes on the side incase Aladdin messed up.  Perhaps it’s a case of ‘when in Rome do what the Romans do’ and when in Lagos date a bunch of guys until you find the right basket.


Miss Gidi here

Like Briticoyemo, I have often wondered how any lady could date more than one guy at a time and I would like to say a huge thank you to Yemo for sending this in. If you have any stories or experience of living single in Lagos that you would like to share then send an email to But for the topic at hand, do you agree with the concept of multiple dating? what are the advantages of it and how different is it from cheating? share your thoughts below

We’ve got mail: Confused and in love

I had something else planned for today’s post..actually some interesting gist but when I got this email from Miss D, I knew I had to put my gist on hold. Before I go on, I would like to say a huge thank you to everyone that has shown me so much love since SingleinGidi started, it feels good to know that other people can relate and also find my ramblings interesting …*group hhuuggggg* on to Miss D’s email


dear miss gidi

Hello Miss Gidi, 

I came across your blog from a post on Instagram, decided to check it out and since then I have found it interesting. I don’t even close the page, I just keep refreshing it hoping for an update.

I decided to reach out to you and other readers concerning my present relationship because there is really nobody close to me I can talk to without being misunderstood and also my story is related to your previous post concerning dealing with the past.

I have been courting someone for about 8 months now, he lives in the U.S while I am here in Nigeria. Truth be told, I am yet to see him face to face but I intend visiting next month. We met through his cousin and started talking, I talk more with him than any boyfriends I’ve had in the past, from calls, Skype, BBM,Whatsapp and whatever medium you can think of. I know he cares about me and we both love each other even if both families think it’s not safe to have a relationship with someone you’ve never seen in person. I understand their worry but I choose to go with my gut, I have promised myself that if this doesn’t work out then I would try something else. We’re  both young so there isn’t any rush; he’s doing very well for himself with a good job in the U.S while I’m just doing my NYSC; even with all of this, he wants us to get married and start our lives together and I am very happy about that.

Back to the main issue, I happen to be secretive by nature … I don’t know if it’s even a curse or if I unconsciously keep things to myself but my fiancé expects me to tell him everything because he does. He wants to know everything even the unimportant details and when I choose not to say, he ends up thinking I am deceitful. The worse part is that he thinks my words do not match my actions and even when we make up, he ends up looking for ways to find out what I am doing (he is into IT and I don’t know if he bugged my phone because he finds out somehow). He also claims he has people who give him information on me and when I get angry about it, he then says I am bothered because I am not doing the right thing so I’m scared of what he might find out. 

Since we were ‘engaged'(committed to each other) he wants to know everything about my past. I told him all the important ones I could remember (that’s the first step right?) but then he came up with some rules in the name of making our relationship better; he said I cannot give any new guy my number, I must stop all contact with my ex and toasters and I cannot have more than 6 male friends (and all of these male friends must be in serious relationships, engaged or even married.)

I have a problem with this and I am very confused, I wonder if this is what it means to be committed and I’m not ready to be serious or is it just my fiancé and his “Oyinbo” mentality.

On one hand, I don’t want to lose him, because he is all I want in a man, and on the other hand I feel he is dictating everything about my life and I would end up doing all these things just to have him rather than doing them to make my relationship work. Don’t get me wrong, I know being friends with an ex is not healthy for the relationship, but still…all the other rules should be my decisions not him mandating it. 

Please let me know what you think  because I am very confused.


Miss D


Hi Miss D,

Thank you so much for following the blog, I really appreciate it when people find time to read the posts. Posts are usually up on Wednesdays so you can save your refreshing for Wednesdays (at about noon time, that’s if my life offline does not take up my time). Anyway to the topic at hand..

Long distance relationships can be tough especially in a case like yours where you are yet to see him in person. Communication and trust play a huge role so it is very important to be open and work on that trust that you both need. From what you say, it seems your fiancé doesn’t trust you yet which is why he wants to know so much and also moderate the number of male friends you have. If I am to be completely honest with you, most Nigerians in diaspora hear all sorts of stories about girls living here and somehow they do not trust anyone who happens to be here. (sadly)

What I recommend though, is that you make peace ’till you get to see him in person and then you can talk about it face to face. At that point, you’ll be able to observe his body language and much more.

On that note, I do not think I am the perfect person to respond to this because I have not gone through this situation before so I will be putting it up for others to contribute because some of the readers could include people who have gone through this situation as well and would have the perfect advice for you.

Once again thank you so much  for reaching out and I hope you will be able to find the answers you need.


Miss Gidi



So there you have it, what do you guys think Miss D should do? Please help a sister out.

Just so you know, my response was sent earlier and Miss D has given permission for her letter to be posted on the blog. If you want to reach out to me or share your own story, you can send an email to Also remember to follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 



As a single lady you learn to deal with a lot of things, one of which being the ability to deal with the past…your past. The words ‘tell me about your past’ could be a nightmare for some because it means recounting tales that she may not be proud of. I’m not saying we are all ‘high track record’ holders but you have to admit that sometimes referring to the past brings memories that you may prefer to keep where they belong…in the past.


In a society of pretence like ours where women are assumed to be saints and men suffer from satyriasis,  it’s no surprise that a lot of Nigerian women are afraid of talking about their history; in some cases, young ladies brag about their ‘pastless’ life or their ability to keep secrets in the dark because they have been made to believe they own trophies and may have earned a high premium on their bride price. Once I was having an open conversation with a group of ladies about childhood crushes, first kisses et al….  until one of the ladies said ‘I thank God, I’ve only had sex with one man so I don’t have much to talk about’, as much as I could see her innocence in that comment, she failed to realise that she had just opened a container load of drama. As you would expect, a few of the other ladies felt slighted while the others retaliated with questions on her abilities to please a man in the sack due to her ‘inexperience’.

Not everything about the past has to do with sex, it could be failed friendships, crushes and anything non-sexual but you have to admit that when to comes to talking about it there is an emphasis on sex and number of sexual partners, especially in a big city. As we know, Lagos is big but it is also very small because everyone knows everyone so it only takes a few questions to get to the juicy gossip, in recent times, all you need is a twitter fight (with or without pictures) and Lagos would be the least of your worries.

Recently in the salon (yes salon!..I see you rolling your eyes), I overheard a group of ladies brainstorm on how to deal with a ‘past’ situation. One of the ladies had started dating a guy whom she believed was ‘the one’, they had been together for about four months and now Oga wants to know about her past in Lagos. As a man with an ego, his rationale was that he wanted to know everything without the fear of getting any ‘surprise gist’ in public, you know the type of gist where his boy goes ‘Oh boy na you dey knack that babe now’ or ‘Isn’t that Yemi’s ex? I didn’t know they had split’  

So here is homegirl in a confused state because she had something to do with one of his not-so-close friends  a few years prior to meeting him and she’s not sure if she should tell her boyfriend or not. I listened as her friends gave their different opinions, their advice ranged from saying the whole thing to saying some and saying nothing at all. To back up their opinions, they expressed concerns on the possibility of Oga being uncomfortable with the idea of his woman having something to do with someone he knows so it’s best she keeps that information to herself.

I could try to understand them because no woman wants to come across as the shitlock that has been opened by every key in the neighbourhood but at the same time I believe there has to be some form of open communication for there to be trust in a relationship (I could be wrong). In situations like these, I often wonder should the past even matter and if it does, how much and when do you tell your partner? I’ve heard sayings like a woman doesn’t say everything she knows to avoid drama that could be avoided.

As for the young lady, she decided not to talk about her past, I really hope that works out for her because mehn it won’t be funny if Oga finds out later.  I also learnt that the magic number is 2 when talking about your past…not more than 2 sexual partners….that is if you want to marry a Naija man….


Hmm the things I learn in Lagos.

The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife (A Response)

New posts are usually put up on Wednesdays BUT in the spirit of the long weekend here’s a response by Sims to a previous post (

I have a few questions sha but I will save them for later

The WordSmith's Journal

When my friend, Miss Gidi, asked me to come up with a male version of this post I actually began by laughing. Of course it was an honour to be asked to guest post, but I didn’t fully understand exactly what was required and of course the title was funny. However, after reading through the comments (cheers peculiarlight) I now know what I need to write.

I have a particular friend who, if asked why he is single, will go on about how it’s quite hard to find a good woman in this Lagos. Note that I said ‘hard to find’ and not that these good women don’t exist and so I fully concur with Miss Gidi’s assertation about there being lots of correct single women. But I also understand where my friend is coming from and so think i need to break some stuff down so y’all understand where I’m…

View original post 959 more words

HELP! I need to change my State of Origin

Or maybe I just need to start claiming another state of origin.

By proper definition, your state of origin should be where you were born even though in Nigeria, we all claim where our ancestors were born as our state of origin, I guess it’s all for uniformity sake but I’m one of the rare people who look at that section of those annoying forms and wonder if I should write where I was born or where I am told my state of origin is…Anyway, that’s not the gist.

A while ago, I was introduced to an eligible young man, you know how these ‘introductions’ go, your friends begin to pity your single situation and decide they could be the cupid in your life by introducing you to every prospect they can think of. in this case, the young man in question was about 33 years old, had a good job and ‘exposed’, by exposed I mean he had lived outside the shores of Nigeria for a while. We were of the same tribe (but different states), same religion, had similar family values, shared lots of interests and had the ability to talk about everything there was to talk about. So obviously everyone (being the introducers) expected we would take this ‘thing’ to the next stage of ‘dating’. Well they were wrong!

Fast forward a few weeks of being friends, Mr Man decided to stop talking to me without notice, I mean there was no fight or misunderstanding; he just stopped calling, stopped receiving my calls and replying my messages. As a sure babe that I am, I decided to move on but not without getting to the root of the matter.

After some minor investigation (I only had to ask my friend, who asked another friend who then asked it won’t be too obvious) it was brought to my notice that even though we got along very well and he liked me a lot; he could not go any further because we were not from the same state (of origin)…Yes, STATE!. Which left me a bit confused and surprised, I mean I can try to understand tribal prejudice (even though it’s also a frivolous reason) but choosing not to be with someone just because they are not from your state? Now that’s a new one and definitely needed to be documented.

According to him, his family had an order that their children could only marry people from the same state so he had to go with it to avoid family problems at the expense of his happiness. I know I have heard of relationships not working out due to family/tribal differences, religious/denomination beliefs but being ‘rejected‘ for coming from the ‘wrong’ state is just wow!..

So my question is, should the ‘state of origin’ or tribe of a potential partner even matter in the first place? And should parents be defining the characteristics of the person you should to be with? 

Anyway as for Mr Man and I, of course I cannot change my heritage or deny my ancestral state of origin, it’s all part of the total package, take it or keep walking…his loss not mine


The truth about finding a husband ‘back home’

‘I just moved back, you know I need to settle down and tap into the opportunities back home ‘cause there’s nothing out there for me’

This my friends is usually the first line you hear from one of these ‘I just got backs’ (IJGB) who just moved back home especially to Lagos looking for greener pastures because for some reason most people who live abroad are told of how Nigeria is the land of untapped opportunities with the chance for fresh minds to come tap into. I do not disagree with that fact but with all of the opportunities wasting away on the streets of Lagos, a lot of IJGBs move back with one more motive and that is to ‘catch a good man and get married’.

I mean can you blame them?, with the number of engagements/weddings springing out of Nigeria on a weekly basis with some being featured on BellaNaija,  it’s very easy to believe that Nigeria is the land of milk and honey with ‘good men’ roaming the streets and not enough single women to satisfy their crave to be ‘settled’. They probably have some Aunties who call to tell them of all their cousins who are now married and then end it with ‘Nne you need to come back, there is one Obinna working with Shell that is very eligible, his mother is my very good friend and the two of you will be perfect for each other’ so sista gurl goes about planning her relocation to Nigeria so she can join the league of girls that are enjoying the freebies from all these men that love to ‘spend’, expect nothing in return and then have an elaborate BellaNaija worthy wedding. *sigh*

Last weekend I met Annie at an art expo, because those are the things most IJGBs like to go for, and she mentioned how adjusting back into the Nigerian life has not been as easy as she expected. Annie was very much the Americanah with her stylishly packed braids, her strong American accent and her light makeup which you could tell was her attempt of trying to be a Gidi girl because dem no born you well commot house without war paint (that’s another topic). Annie left a good job in New York to come settle down in Nigeria (thanks to family pressure) and somehow expected that she would be married within a year, well she’s been back for almost 3 years and is still as single as ever because the guys home ‘aren’t like the guys abroad’ and her initial naivety made her an easy prey in this jungle.

Annie is simply a representation of a lot of female IJGBs who venture into this risk for marriage either by media illusion or family pressure without knowing the truth of what the Nigerian dating scene is like. Even though I find it absolutely crazy to relocate just to get married here are some truths that those restless aunties have failed to mention

  1. There are A LOT of single women in Nigeria – women of different ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, income levels and social classes. They do not have spiritual problems, most are drop dead gorgeous and are ‘original’ wifey material but somehow happen to be single. So before you start rambling about how you are the difference that Nigeria needs, think again!
  2. Some single men in Nigeria are spoilt kids – I say ‘some’ to avoid being attacked for generalizing but you will find that a lot of single guys are used to being pampered by women especially guys who may have some kind of money. But can you blame them? They often have different ladies offering to do things such as their laundry, cooking services and occasional bedroom services so coming around and speaking with a foreign accent does not exactly enhance your market, it only makes you ‘exotic’ like the Asian to the average Caucasian.
  3.  It’s a jungle out here – a concrete jungle where ladies would do anything for that ring. Babes are constantly enhancing their selling points; longer weaves, more make-up (with accurate contouring), more acquired accents and buying clothes on credit. If you are ready to be in this jungle, you need to realise your cute t-shirt and jeans with hair in a ponytail is not a selling point (maybe add some ruby woo and you could blend in).
  4. Naija babes don’t trust themselves – so don’t go about blabbing about this new guy with ‘potential’ that you met because the same girl you are gisting with freely may end up getting to that guy before he realises what a wonderful woman you are. Also, do not feel insulted or upset when you realise your friend has kept her man a secret until her introduction, it’s just the way it is. I mean I have a friend who gave me the wrong name until she was getting married then she claimed she calls him more by his ‘middle name’…yea
  5. All na packaging – especially in this Lagos, the cars, the house, the ‘CEO’ title could be real but every original has a counterfeit so do your due diligence before falling in the wrong hands and crying a river because bros was lying to you all along. Don’t say Miss Gidi didn’t warn you o.

At the end of the day, it’s good to be home; to be with family and indeed tap into the many opportunities but if your main purpose is to come back, find a husband and marry then you need to think again because the bad roads, bad water and poor light situation would be the least of your problems when you return.


Getting a househelp

About four years ago, my mother chose to stop employing house-helps, her reason was she had a grown up daughter (a.k.a Miss Gidi) whom she believed needed to become a bit more ‘domestic’ in preparation for her husband’s house ummm right!. Four years later and with my crazy schedule thanks to my current job, my mother and I end up having arguments or mini-misunderstandings on what I should or should not be doing at home. I don’t have a problem with house chores but having to go wash dishes every night after a long stressful day at work is a pain, I mean I get home at 10pm on average. And then she wants me to wake up  extra early on a Saturday to clean bathrooms when all I want to do is SLEEP!

Having a house-help (“help”) or domestic worker as I prefer to call them is a necessity to a lot of people, especially in cities like Lagos where most people do not have time to breathe and require extra hands to take care of the home. Helps could be hired (usually the immigrants from neighbouring countries) or in some cases a relative from the village or lower-income level who is in search of a better life. Typically every family always has a help, with some having a help and then a nanny per child but of course that’s a rare case. In Nigeria, it’s pretty normal for single men to get house-helps and cooks because they are not expected to know how to take care of the home or know their way around the kitchen. But what happens when it’s a single lady who wants to get a house-help?

Before I go on, let me differentiate the types of helps we have; there is the normal/traditional help who lives with you and becomes a somewhat extended part of your family, the modern helps that work 9 to 5 daily and the ultra-modern that work only on weekends.

I’ve had this ‘house-help debate’ a few times and usually the conclusion is that it’s okay for married women and bachelors to get house-helps because they need the extra help while single ladies have no logical right to get one regardless of what their work schedule is like. The logic behind that reasoning is, a lady living without a help prepares her for her days as a married woman because her husband could decide he doesn’t want to have any help in the house.

Now my question is, is it wrong for a single lady to hire a house-help when/if she lives alone? And if she does get one, what kind of house-help should she be getting? Is it more acceptable if it’s someone who comes in on a daily basis versus a traditional house-help? I mean Lagos is a busy city and to be honest, with the crazy hours that most people have to put in everyday like yours truly, I see no problem with having someone help with the domestic work whether you are a single guy or lady, as long as you can afford it, then by all means, go ahead!

Anyway as for my mother and I, Kelechi resumed on Monday and I pay her salary. At least I get some sleep on Saturday mornings. *shrug*

Single and Smooth in Lagos (Part 2)

I should have come up with a better title instead of a failed attempt to sound like a badly scripted Nollywood movie but hey you can cut a sister some slack right? Anyway, after the last post I decided to send my profile to Jumoke..I know, scary! but the inquisitive side of me wanted to know how much response and the kind of men that would be attracted to the simple complexity. So yesterday, Jumoke read out my profile on Smooth 98.1, and it attracted a few men but only 10 scaled through the gruelling process that Jumoke put them through which included math questions, what they could cook, and genre of music they listened to.

Sadly I could not use Miss Gidi because Jumoke insisted on having a ‘name’  so I gave her ‘Amaka’ and I got to have a chat with her minutes before the show. Jumoke is really cool by the way and I was surprised by the response the profile received; it was an amazing experience and here are a few things I learned from it:

1. Some men are reckless – I know this is not news but when a certain man called in and said ‘I would like to know that Amaka of a girl’ the first thing that came to my head was ‘oh hell to the no, I don’t speak reckless’

2. Not everyone knows the importance of Google – Even though it is forgiven that most people do not know the meaning of sapiosexual, I  expected that the callers would ‘google’ the word before calling in. Some dude claimed to be sapiosexual, then admitted he didn’t know the meaning when put on the spot by Jumoke before he eventually said he was sexually attracted to my profile #pause -_-

3. Most men can cook  stew – Each time Jumoke asked what meals the caller could cook, they always mentioned stew (and indomie), a few could cook things outside the usual but at least now you know no one can go wrong with rice and stew. There was the one guy that said he could cook everything because he used to work as a chef in a hotel but if I remember clearly,  I said a man who knew his way around the kitchen not one who lives in there. 

 4. Some men want intelligent women – To everyone that says Nigerian men only love dumb women so they can control well this experience has proved you wrong. Some Nigerian men like women they can have proper conversations with and who know what they want, so if you are yet to meet one of those men,  maybe you need to send your profile to Jumoke. :p

 5. Always be yourself – This experience has proved that you don’t need to ‘edit’ your personality or profile to suit what is in popular demand. Be yourself and those that like you will step up to you at the end of the day. I actually expected no one to call in based on the ‘strict’ demands but a lot of intelligent men did, by the way, 10 has to be highest number of men that has called to show interest on any profile being read on air. (would need to confirm from Jumoke)

Picking a ‘finalist’ was not only fun but a bit difficult; of the 10 that got through, there were a few interesting ones like Frank the documentary film maker, Ayo the singing Accountant, Chris the indomie slayer and Mr Kym the multi-talented. Each of them had striking personalities that made me want to know more but I could only choose one.

I ended up picking the gentleman who was able to have a proper conversation with Jumoke, possessed a good sense of humour, showed the most interest by texting to ask for the station’s numbers so he could call (50 naira for text is not small money), spoke quite well and didn’t see a need to talk down on any of the other callers who called in so he could be picked.


I chose Mr Kym, the business analyst by day and DJ by nights and weekends.

Single and Smooth in Lagos

I would like to let you know that Lagos is full of single people..(newsflash right?) especially single ladies of all shapes, sizes, colours, age, background and financial status. The race to the altar is very serious and the competition quite stiff that some of these ladies have turned to  spiritual, physical and unconventional means in the name of meeting ‘the one’. Meeting someone at random is now so old school especially when you have the internet, family hookups (that’s always been there) and my all-time favourite, letting the whole of Lagos know how single you are on the radio.

My favourite radio station happens to be Smooth 98.1, mostly because of the music and the fact that the accent of the presenters is not as overpowering like some other stations in Lagos *cough* heartbeat of Lagos. But what I really enjoy listening to is the Single and Smooth show which airs every Tuesday and Thursday; Tuesday for the ladies and thursday for the gentlemen. I promise this is not an advert but hey I am open to a representative of Smooth fm paying me for this service.

After the presenter (currently Jumoke) reads out the profile of the ‘single’ person, those interested would call in to ‘express’ their interest.  These days I can somehow predict the profiles before they are read, most ladies who submit their profiles claim to love the arts, poetry, jazz, are helpless romantics and they happen to be looking for men who know how to take care of women, are Christian, God-fearing, adventurous,  have a good job, love family bla bla bla; although there was that one chic that insisted the man must live on the Island but then again I digress. (P.S I strongly believe some of these profiles are not completely honest)

Shortly after, the men would have to call in to say why they are interested and why she should choose them. Now this! is the part I enjoy because you get to judge these men by the sound of their voice, how they speak and the ability to sell themselves to this stranger somewhere in Lagos. Some of them promising love, happiness, fun; or that one guy called Diggy Simons (really?!) that promised adventure and a potential gym bud incase the chic wanted to go on a weight-loss program (ha!). I usually imagine what could happen when a friend recognizes a voice and then probably calls the person to yab them like ‘Oh boy e don reach radio, i tell you say i get one fine babe for you na’ , by the way the chic picked Diggy Simons and some other guy (free trainer I guess)

It must be really hard for anyone to send in their profile for Lagos to hear and for someone else to  call in trying to influence the lady/guy into picking them. I personally find it very difficult to write a profile of myself, to be honest if I ever decided to submit an honest profile it would probably go like this:

Hi Jumoke, 

My name is Miss Gidi, actually that’s not really my name but Miss Gidi has a nice ring to it, I play with numbers by day and  words by night. I am taller than the average woman, I’m a lover of good music,  good food, wine and fine things of life (that I can afford); I’m a logical romantic and an observant listener. I speak 3 languages (english and igbo being 2 of them) and I sing occasionally. 

I am looking for a man who is intelligent, preferably someone who can handle numbers and can express himself; tall because I like to see my man eye to eye or look up to him literally (so 6’1″ and above please). He must love good music, such as some Dave Koz, Robin Thicke, Asa, Goapele, Sade, John Legend, Chrisette Michele, Billie Holiday, Boney M, George Benson and some Jay Z of course. He should know his way around the kitchen because even though I love to cook, I don’t like the idea of being in the kitchen all the time. He must know how to treat a woman and how to communicate.  Should be a good listener. Ideally he should be above 30 but below 40, then again they say age is nothing but a number so a 29 year old could pass (nothing over 40 though). He should earn good money, (which could be relative to his age) because most fine things in life aren’t cheap and one of us should be able to afford it. Should be able to have a good and intellectual conversation because I am very much of a sapiosexual (oh i forgot to mention, I also have more than 2 degrees). Finally but most important of all he should love God and family. 

So that’s what Miss Gidi’s profile would sound like, don’t you wonder the kind of men that would show interest in that simple complexity? Hmm I should send it in to Jumoke and we can all decide…..ha! nope! not happening!


In every group of people having a conversation, there is always one oversabi (Miss Gidi 2014) . In case you didn’t know, an oversabi is a person who feels the need to act like they know it all, so it’s no surprise that they are also called ‘I too know’, ‘ITK’ or ‘know it all’ if you choose to go the posh way. What’s annoying about oversabis is that true to their titles they assume to know everything even in situations where they obviously have no experience.

Over the weekend, I ‘somehow’ found myself in a group of older ladies having a conversation on being career wives and mothers; the ‘somehow’ part is that I went to a different salon from my usual and soon realised that the top customers in this salon happened to be married women which is very different from what I am used to but that’s not the point of this post. I listened to them talk about having kids, taking care of the home and also finding time to look hot because there is competition that they have to keep up with a.k.a hungry single women. What amazed me though was one lady who had an opinion and unsolicited advice for every topic raised.

I listened to her tell the other ladies how to treat their husbands, splitting home chores, training children the right way and at some point,  she was advising a woman who had been married for 30 years on how to handle her marital home. As in, O ghel was vast in this field and was dishing out free advice that no one asked for; the only problem was she had no wedding ring on, and when asked how long she had been married, she admitted that she was still single,(never been married) and had no children. At that point, all the younger married women zoned out while she spoke and turned to the older woman on tips on how to handle a home and bring up children; after all she had been married for 30 years with children in their twenties while they still struggled with managing their toddlers. It was clear Madam Oversabi did not fit in.

If looks could kill

It’s no news that single (and divorced) people often offer the best unsolicited advice and/or opinions  most times based on theories and observation. For example, the book ‘Act like a lady, think like a man’ became a hit with every woman using it as the bible for their relationships without questioning the authenticity of the author, who’s been married three times but what is my own there, the man is smiling to the bank while I’m looking for small change and using him as a bad example. Anyway, I felt bad for lil Miss Oversabi as she was side-lined in the conversation due to her inexperience and it made it clear to me that sometimes single ladies (and some guys) cross the line when advising those who have problems very different from ours.

While you are struggling with just having a date or that guy that picking up your 15th call in the last 15 hours, the married woman next to you is worrying about her husband or her son that is determined to be a spoilt brat. Regardless of how many theories you know or the number of families you may have observed, it is and will never be the same when you have not gone through that experience or currently in a place to understand it. Call it harsh but Miss Oversabi deserved that treatment ..I only felt bad for her because being single like she is, I understand the pain she felt not because I thought she was right.

No one is saying giving advise is wrong, but giving unsolicited advise and acting like you know it all especially on dynamic matters such as marriage and raising children can be  presumptuous . So to all the single ladies out there, when faced with a conversation by a bunch of married women, do not under any circumstance (even if all your siblings are married) become Madam Oversabi.