DECODING THE DATE NIGHT SCHEDULE

Is there a difference if your date falls on a weekday or a weekend? Should you be worried? I don’t think so but from research, here’s what the night of the week says about your date.

Monday Night:
Monday night is the direct opposite of “date night”: people are usually back at work, and back to their weeknight routines, maybe going to the gym or dodging the dreadful third mainland bridge traffic. Really, there is nothing ghen ghen about a Monday night…and that may be good for you. If someone schedules a date with you on a Monday it means they are eager to see you and they don’t want to wait for a more socially acceptable night of the week. If the date turns out great, then you might have a repeat on another date of the week.

Tuesday Night:
A Tuesday Night date can mean uncertainty: sure, they’ll grab a drink or see a movie with you but most times, they’re using you to wait out traffic. If things go well, it may turn into a late night. But really, for Tuesdays, the expectations are not high.

Wednesday Night:
By Wednesday night, most people have recovered from the weekend and are looking for a nice break in the stressful week. The beauty of Wednesday is that there is not much pressure because there is still work on Thursday so you don’t really have to worry how late into the night the date would be.

Thursday Night:
Thursday nights are decent: it’s almost the weekend, and people usually feel freer to stay out late on a Thursday than they do earlier in the week. Most times, a date is scheduled on a Thursday because the weekend might be booked or you both are going for an event scheduled for that day.

Friday Night:
This is the second best date night of the week. Everyone wants to do something on a Friday night and if they like you, you’re probably part of their plans for the night. The lack of work the next day obviously means a greater chance of staying out really late and throwing all caution to the wind. Also, Friday nights dates more often than not start out really late because people might want to stop at home, but not for long, freshen up and get ready to hit the streets. For ladies, Fridays means the freakum dress is out to play

Saturday Night:
This is GOLD in the date night schedule: the one day a week where you don’t have to work all day. Because Saturdays are so important, people often loathe the idea of wasting the whole day on someone they are not sure of. If someone makes plans with you for a Saturday night, they’re pretty sure that they’ll have as good a time hanging out with you. Ladies especially will take advantage of the extra time on Saturday to really get ready for the date, and dress up/face beat far more than they would on a weeknight.

Sunday Night:
Never accept a Sunday Night date. It’s the worst night of the week to go on a date. It’s often an afterthought too because you’ve spent the weekend with other important people but either you or the other party is trying to fulfill all righteousness. Chances are you won’t stay out late,  because you’re thinking of the work week ahead, you won’t drink too much cause you’re recovering from the weekend or you’re not trying to start the new week hungover and won’t spend too much cause you’re probably thinking of how much you spent on Friday and Saturday nights. Keep your Sundays for resting….unless of course there is a public holiday the next day, then really it’s not a ‘Sunday’

Disclaimer: These things are not set in stone and I am not trying to start a dating-days-rule-book/debate here, but think about it though, do you agree? Have you ever put the day of the week into consideration when picking a date or maybe it doesn’t matter to you if you have a date on a Sunday?

5 REASONS YOU NEED A DATING COACH

You’re of the ‘right’ age, you keep being harassed because in Nigeria that’s what we do, you are responsible with a fairly decent job, you’ve been for every prayer service and every asoebi train and somehow you just can’t seem to land a date or even if you do, you can’t find your happily ever after.

The idea of getting professional help seems strange to you, especially in Nigeria. As Nigerians, we’re so used to meeting people at church, weddings, parties, through friend hookups and distant relatives and we’re still not sure of online dating.

Dating, like other parts of our lives, is often neglected and no one ever admits that they need help. You think you don’t need a matchmaker, it just seems too desperate, and we have been taught to get advice from friends, family, and pastors.

Advice is different from getting a matchmaker and dating coach. Anyone can give you advice or match you but not everyone can coach you from start to finish. Coaching address the causes of the symptoms and helps you to make powerful changes quickly so you choose the right kind of spouse. This is where S.I.G.MATCH comes in.

So how do you know if you need a matchmaker or a dating coach? Here are 5 reasons why

  1. You don’t have a problem going on dates; you just can’t meet the right one for you

    You’ve done online dating or you meet people the old-fashioned way, but nothing ever seems right. You have tried to ‘manage’ because good men and women are hard to find and those haven’t turned out right.

    You know the right person is out there, but you just can’t figure out where!

  2. You’re too busy to date or you just don’t like crowds

    You’re too busy or you’re too high-profile to put your picture online on some dating site. Clubbing isn’t for you and you hate the desperation of meeting people at weddings. This is a great alternative because it’s discrete and private and focused entirely on you!

  3. You want to be equally yoked 

    By that, I mean you want to meet someone who shares your values and maybe your faith.  You refuse to compromise who you are and what you believe just to say you found a partner.

  4. You’re back on the dating scene after a long time and you have no clue what to do

    If you’ve been married before or were in a really long relationship you thought would lead to marriage or you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, having to date again sounds like a chore and honestly, you don’t need the drama involved. There is another way! You don’t have to do it alone.

  5. You find yourself in a pattern of dating the wrong ones

    You’re probably dating a wonderful person, perfect on paper and all but you know deep down that this relationship isn’t the best for you. You don’t know if you should stay or you should go and the thought of making a decision scares you! Or, maybe you see a pattern of dating the same kind of person. Every relationship is like dejavu and you end up feeling hurt, confused and disappointed in the end.

Matchmaking or dating coaching does not mean something is wrong with you. It means that you know that the kind of person you want to meet, date and marry is not what you’ve been experiencing on the dating scene and you’re ready to stop wasting time.

If you’re ready to transform your love life then register today with S.I.G.MATCH. and be one step closer to having your happily ever after.

MATCH REGISTER

 

DEALING WITH THE EX’S FAMILY

You’ve broken up with your ex for reasons best known to you, made the decision to cut him/her off and move on with life but you find it hard breaking up with his/her family because somehow you get along better with them than you do with your ex. Unfortunately, being friends with them constantly reminds you of the ex and how hurt you were in the relationship; the family did you no wrong personally, actually they’ve been the sweetest people to you, you just happened to date the ass in the family. Now the question is

What do you do with the family of your ex? 

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This question I have asked and have been asked a couple of times, because sometimes you want to cut off from the ex but you can’t bring yourself to cut off from his/her family or maybe a particular person in the family. And each time I ask this question, I always get one of the following responses/questions:

  • How did you meet them? – Basically did you meet the family of the ex through your ex or did you meet your ex through a family member of the ex? So is his sister one of your best friends? Or is his brother your gym partner? The point is how you met them ‘supposedly’ affects your decision on if you should remain friends or not. Consensus says, if you met the family through your ex, then you should cool off from the friendship but if you met your ex through his/her family then maybe it would be slightly difficult to cool off.. (right?).. It is usually harder to make that decision if you date and break up with your close friend’s sibling….(which I personally do not agree to..but hey that’s just me)
  • Do they talk about the ex with you? – Granted maybe they do not talk about your ex but you know somehow that topic would come out one way or the other. And how do you handle the topic when faced by it? Are you quickly reminded about the relationship that was or do you brush it off? (so many questions to answer)
  • What do you stand to gain by being friends with them? – Now this is the ‘trick’ question and it is usually followed by ‘If it wasn’t for your ex, would you consider even being friends with them?’ …Let’s face it, if his/her family has good contacts that you would need now or in future, I don’t think cutting them off would be an option…maybe not immediately.

Notice I have not answered any of the questions because I don’t think there is an answer to any of them. It’s different for everyone and it really depends on how you ‘feel’. I liken being friends with the ex’s family to being friends with the ex, it’s something that can be done but only when you are ready for it.

There’s no point trying to stay friends with his/her siblings and/or parents when each time you speak to them, you find it hard not mentioning the relationship you had and possibly the pain you may have felt or may still be feeling. I mean what’s the point having unnecessary heartaches and pangs of jealousy or anger when you could be left alone to move on in peace.
My verdict is, there’s no need holding on to the friendship until you have moved on, like when you hear his/her name and your heart doesn’t skip a beat. It’s best to let your heart heal and not re-open the wounds.

HOW TO BE AVAILABLE AND NOT DESPERATE

Hello Mz Gidi,

After reading your last post, I have to ask you how a sister can date and not look desperate because I won’t lie I am ready to settle down but I am afraid that I may be giving off the desperado vibes.

As someone who has left the dating world, what do you suggest is the best way to be available but not desperate?

Love, 

Miss Almost Desperate


Hey Miss Almost Desperate,

I don’t know why I find this message funny but I will try my best to give you an objective response.

1. Don’t Lie : Not necessarily the big lies like you father is the president (unless he really is) but the little lies we tell in order to make ourselves more attractive to the other person. For example saying you love football when you don’t, pretending to be the chef of the family when you don’t know what a pot looks like, the kind of music you listen to or even your spiritual beliefs and convictions.You want him/her to like you for who you are, not the made up you

2. Stop being a stalker: Maybe I should say, stop being an ‘obvious’ stalker because with social media these days, everybody has a little stalker tendency. It may be cute at the start but after a while you become creepy being all up in their grill, knowing everything they do without giving them a chance to tell you (even for conversation sake)

3. Create a boundary: By this I mean stop with the 20 calls in a day or the need to be clingy and be given attention. If they don’t respond to your messages, maybe they are busy and you should be too.

4. Don’t try too hard: If you look like you are doing a lot to get them to notice you, then I’m sorry you look desperate. It’s no fun when only one person is doing all the work.

5. It’s not the end of the world: If you meet every guy/girl with the thought of a future relationship in your head, none of these tips will work. Calm down; make friends, not boyfriends. If they don’t like you back, don’t take it personally. Everybody has different tastes and personalities, so maybe you are not what they are looking for, trying to force them to make them like you is an act of desperation

At the end of the day, I believe there is no right or wrong when it comes dating however there are a few basics that I believe everyone should know especially when you are ready to settle down .

Best of luck

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE DESPERATE

There comes a time in life when you want to ‘settle down’. I mean in a society like ours, that’s your singular purpose in life from the moment you could introduce yourself without the help of an older person *insert sarcasm*.

This ‘want’ and ‘need’ to be married soon becomes an ailment, a disease that follows you, a condition that makes your friends avoid you, a sickness that makes every relationship short-lived and potential friends become strangers.  The problem is that in all of this, the only person who is not aware of the severe Desperado Syndrome is you and when you are told that you’ve become that desperate single person, you often go into defense mode and then have this long speech to back up your points.

Here are a few ways to know if you have become that desperate single person:

  1. You talk about marriage a lot – you would not be a desperado if you didn’t do this. You eat, drink, sleep and breathe marriage; from the first conversation with complete strangers you are already dropping hints as to why you want to get married and the kind of man/woman you are searching for.
  2. You want a title too soon – It’s been barely 2 weeks that you’ve been talking to someone and you are already asking the question ‘so what are we?’ ‘am I your girlfriend?’ ‘where are we headed?’
  3. You make a lot excuses – You are constantly making excuses for yourself or the person you are trying to be with. For example, you make statements like – ‘he’s not that fine but he pays attention’, ‘he’s not that paid but he’s a nice guy’, ‘I’m not sure how I feel about him but I mean I am no longer 21’.….at the end of the day, we have one question for you… ‘Who ask you?’
  4. You try to make him become ‘the one’ – Even though you know the person you are with does not have the qualities you are searching for, you still go ahead with the relationship and then get frustrated with they do not become the person you want them to be.
  5. You are time conscious – and by this I do not mean hours and minutes, I am talking keeping tabs on how long you plan to talk to this person before he asks you out or he proposes. After all you don’t have the patience for anyone to waste your time
  6. You sabotage a lot of friendships – every single person is a potential boyfriend or husband. For clear reasons, you cannot define exactly what you are looking for in your partner and in most cases, you end up destroying possible life long relationships.
  7. You throw the cookie – there’s nothing like waiting to get to know the them better before you get to ‘know’ them intimately with you. I mean how else would they know you have marriage qualities on lock down.
  8. You live in an illusion-induced cinematic world – let’s be honest you don’t know if you will end up being together with this person or not, so try to not envision long-term. Think next date not when you will be walking down the aisle and changing your last name. This is not a Hollywood romcom so snap out of it and take it one day at a time.

I know sometimes, it seems like trying hard will give you a more likely chance of find love but everyone needs to know where to draw the line and not be desperate. You can probably think of a time when you met someone who reeked of desperation, at first it was cute but then you freaked out and ran as fast as you could.

I can hear you saying, “I don’t act desperate, okay.  I just want to settle down” and that is probably true.  I’m sure you are not the female version of who I just described but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t putting off that same kind of vibe.

BUDGET FRIENDLY LAGOS VALENTINE

We all know what February 14 is, there are so many offers available online; trips abroad, expensive dinners, hampers of various sizes and so one. However with the current economic situation of the country, there is something that is not as available as the options for an extravagant valentine which happens to be, the funds for it all.

If you’re worried that your bank account can’t stretch far enough to give your bae (we need to retire this word) a Valentine’s Day to remember, realize that the best experience on Valentine’s Day is having him/her know that they’re loved, cared about, and wanted.

Here are some of our SIG’s budget friendly valentine’s day ideas

Dinner at Freedom Park 

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If you really want to have dinner but on a budget then you should go to a few of the parks or beaches in Lagos. Personally, I recommend Freedom Park, which is in the heart of Lagos Island. Freedom park gives you great ambiance and good food, you should definitely try the grilled fish by Jagzee Chow.

And here’s a trick, if you want to make it even more romantic, grab your table and chairs to a secluded spot in the park, spread out your table-cloth and light up some candles. You may want to stay away from the fountain though, you know what they say about stagnant water

Brunch at Lekki Conservation Centre

lekki-1Lekki Conservation Centre has to be one of the most photographed places in Lagos, after the lekki-ikoyi bridge of course, which makes it a good location for a valentine’s brunch if you are on a budget. Simply pack up your picnic basket, grab a meal and then take a walk around the centre. If you have a board game then take it with you and make that moment your own.

Day Trip to Badagry Coconut Beach

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About 20 miles towards the border of Nigeria and the Republic of Benin, Coconut Beach is accessible through the ever busy Lagos-Badagry expressway. This beach is known for its beauty and breathtaking scenery views which makes it an ideal place to spend valentine’s day in Lagos to relax and unwind.

Dinner and Movie (Your way)

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Dinner and movie at home is always a win but instead of doing the traditional Nigerian meals e.g pepper-soup for starter, jollof rice and vanilla ice-cream, take it a step further and go for the unconventional because it shows that you put in the effort and didn’t just order from your local buka.

With DSTV Rental, Netflix and IrokoTV, you are spoilt for choice when it comes to deciding what movie. For the full cinema experience, get your microwavable popcorn, sprinkle some granulated sugar over it and you are good to go.

As our valentine’s gift to you, Chef Imoteda was nice enough to give us a 3 course valentine meal suggestion (menu pictured above) so if you have no clue on how to be unconventional then simply click here or the thumbnails below.

 

We hope this helps and remember you don’t have to break the bank to show you care, it’s the little things that count for those that truly love you.

5 RESOLUTIONS TO TURN UP YOUR DATING LIFE 

I know the new year hype is over but as we officially kickstart the week in Lagos here is some #SIGWISDOM to try out this 2016 and turn up your dating life.

5. Find your dating purpose. This is very important. What is your purpose for dating this 2016? Figure out what you want and stick to it. If you don’t want a long-term relationship, be clear about that from day one. If you want a long-term relationship, be clear about that, too. No need forming or pretending and acting surprised when the person in question does not match up. Also make sure you figure out the qualities you think are most important to you in a partner. If sense of humor is vital to you don’t ask for a second date with someone who doesn’t make you laugh, if it is financial stability then focus on that.

4. Don’t forget your single friends. Believe it or not, your single friends are NOT your enemy. Be open and honest about your dating experience and resolve to listen to others be open and honest about theirs. You’d be surprised the things you learn just from speaking up. Become a better listener, a better friend and a better person all at the same time. Learning how to talk about emotions with others will, in fact, eventually make you a better person to be with.

3. Let go of the past. If you have any issues from your past, like an ex you never got over or someone you are still upset with, now is the time to let it go. That means letting go of the things in your life that remind you of a retired relationship. It means hiding them from your Facebook feed and taking a vow to stop stalking them online. I’m not saying you need to throw people out of your life, but you do need to give yourself the time to grow without them for a while. Only then will you be in a position to let someone else in.

2. Set realistic dates and keep them. The kind of dates you go for define the potential partners you meet. We all love to turnup but sometimes turning up means going low key. Lagos has a variety of things to do on a weekly basis so feel free to try new things. Don’t change your mind last minute on a potential date because you’re tired or you are all of a sudden not feeling them. If you want to meet someone thoughtful and considerate, you have to be thoughtful and considerate, too…always remember there’s this thing called karma

1. Be present at events. And by that I Mean drop your phone. As much as I love social media, I hate that these days people aren’t giving themselves to be approachable because they spend too much time instagraming or snapchating, I feel like you get to know more about people from their social media feeds than in person. No one wants to feel like they are competing for your attention with your cell phone and 500 followers. Take your life offline for a minute and experience life around you.

AVOIDING TIME WASTERS

Stringing along is such a common thing in the Lagos dating scene. How can we truly differentiate between someone who is trying to get to know us and a time waster so we don’t waste our time or close the doors to other potentials just because we are hung on this guy or girl who is string us along many others to see if we can fight hard enough to earn our place as their “main”?

Well, I am NOT a relationship expert ooooh abeg, I am just sharing things my crazy mind has overtime picked up and assume to be a working formula and so far, works for me.

Ok. so, How do you know a timed-waster?

First of all, to be fair, I speak only for myself, I have been guilty of wasting someone’s time when I was hurt, but they always knew from the beginning because I told them, I wasn’t in a good place emotionally to even consider a relationship. That didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy having someone call me to see how work was or waking up to a text in the morning….. it feels good to have someone. So, I have done it, but it wasn’t intentional and eventually I had to admit to myself it was unfair to take a great guy’s attention knowing fully well my thoughts were blurry and we had ZERO chemistry to begin with. I wasn’t proud of it, my conscience didn’t let me rest…I apologised and moved on.

It happens often, men string women along, women string men along too for convenience or maybe the fear of being alone. Often times stringing along feeds the ego and satisfies that longing in men to get high on the thrill of the chase. Stringing along, completely disregards the lack of intentions of pursuing a relationship with the “bait”.

Identifying time wasters is easier than you think if you are a realistic person.

Some people are master-gamers and have a doctorate at what they do. So how do you know someone is wasting your time? Well, do they ever mention you and them in the context of “we” sometimes? Do they ever plan for a “real date” with you or is it “hanging out” “when are we seeing?” “when are you coming over?” or just texting and phone conversation type-situation? Do they make an effort to REALLY get to know you by wanting to know your background, present and past because getting to know someone is about collecting data, if they are not, then maybe they are just using you to pass time.

Do they disappear for days and then pop back up after a while? Do they have history that they are unwilling to share about past relationships? Does it feel right? I think I can stop here because I think you get the picture.

Avoiding time-wasters starts really by first knowing who you are as a person, what your values are, what values you can add in the life of another and what you are looking for in a mate. Sometimes, people don’t even know why they want in a boyfriend or a girlfriend other than the fact that it’s almost time to get married and they need to find that man or woman.

I feel it’s important to know, that way, you go into it with the right mindset and expectation and with the grace for the faults of another human being as no one is perfect. If you are just looking to hangout, hookup or whatever else they call it these days then you shouldn’t bother when your game meets someone’s game.

If you are looking for nourishing relationships like I am, then, you need to invest your time wisely by only giving people what they give back to you. For men, only pursue a woman who knows who she is and what she wants and make sure she can stand on her own.

I say that because a woman who doesn’t know herself could adjust temporarily to suit whatever you require of her, usually because there is an incentive; you represent something she lacks and is in need of. It’s very easy for a woman to pretend to love a man for the incentive (my taxi driver recently told me a story I can’t wait to share). For a man, if he is not making an effort, he is either newly hurt or not that into you, in other words, time-waster.

It doesn’t mean everything should turn into something serious, some people in the journey to finding love will be used as an experiment to see how it is..just make sure the lab rat is not you.

For example, last year I met this dude who chased life outta me, I just always thought he was too vague, so I put him on “watch and see/too good to be real list” and went into a lot of exploring data collection convos, eventually, this guy, popped out unknowingly saying “gosh is it true what they say? I can’t wait to experience what a Calabar girl feels like” well I dismissed the calabar part with “I’m not Calabar,I’m Ibibio and I am not a car and I will not be test-driven, sorry”. He cut his looses eventually on notice that ImaRose was bad-market.

Girls, until you have had that conversation of understanding the kind of relationship you both want and are currently pursuing, keep your legs closed!, unless of course you too are using the guy for sex or whatever (I don’t support it but I guess it’s a free world). Now that tinder has made it to Nigeria, trust me, to a guy, sex doesn’t mean he is serious so be wise.

What else can you do to avoid time wasters when dating? Here are some more tips:

  • Be clear about your dating intentions and expectations
  • Be selective about who you talk to and date (just because they’re interested or they’re attractive doesn’t make them an ideal partner)
  • Give it time, true intentions are exposed with time
  • Some people are actually just busy, rather than assume, ask questions
  • Assess people on their actions and not their words (time wasters will promise the world and deliver nothing)
  • Pay attention to the frequency and quality of their contact with you (are they actually trying to get to know you in a real way?)
  • Are they more interested in getting in your panties?
  • Do they talk about other people they’re “talking to” in the same way as they’re talking to you?
  • Trust your instinct (it’s your spirit trying to WARN you of something)

Finally, LIVE! Don’t focus too much on the outcome, focus more on the experience in the dating process , every now and then, assess how you feel and only continue if you feel good, the rest will fall into place when it’s supposed to.

Right now, I don’t care if someone sends me a text and if I do get one I’d text back when I can and not wait five hours just for the heck of it.If I have a question, I will ask and I expect nothing in return.

Until then, I’m simply appreciating the experience of getting to know interesting people, whatever the outcome.

Love,

ImaRose

Miss Gidi’s Mingle Guide

We all know that meeting new people as a single professional in Lagos can be challenging. This is because you hardly find the time and when you do get that time, you can’t seem to find that event with the ‘right people’, right being people like you.

Many people who have tried internet dating or meeting people through social media have gotten very disappointed! That is why events like ProConnect are the best way to meet someone new face-to-face and have fun doing it!

For the record, ProConnect is not a speed dating event, we have one too many of those in Lagos already. What we aim to achieve with ProConnect, is to bring upwardly mobile professionals looking to make new friends either for professional reasons or for social reasons. The point is, you get to have fun over good conversation, good music, good art and in the company of good people.

But this post is not entirely about ProConnect, this is about good behavior at a networking event or a party. I have been to quite a few events in Lagos and some of the recurring events include ladies being stuck to their phones and guys ending up talking to themselves.

I am not sure if this is because of the social media era but it’s about time we go back to the good old days of mingling etiquette:

  • Smile – Dear Ladies, ‘boning face’ or acting like something stinks is not the best way to attract people to you. This is the same for guys, a little smile before a hello goes a long way.
  • Compliment – Whether it be someone of the opposite sex or not, a nice compliment always makes someone’s day so why don’t you be the one to bring a smile to his/her face
  • Offer to get a drink – Yes guys! you should be a gentleman and offer the lady a drink. Ladies, this is 2015, so you are not exempt, feel free to offer that young man a drink, it’s not a marriage proposal….and oh we gat chu at ProConnect (unlimited non-alcoholic beverage is included in the bill)
  • Make the best of it – Whether you are looking for love or not, enjoy the night by having good conversation…and as much as possible, stay away from social media
  • Stop thinking about Mr or Mrs Right – The whole point of coming out is to meet new people, expand your network and ‘maybe’ find love. Walking around with a Mr or Mrs Right checklist is the easiest way to turn anyone off.

If you do click with a “special someone” at the event, do follow-up with a phone call or an email and would like to see them again! Not all people are mind-readers and stop with the forming abeg.

On that note, have you registered for ProConnect yet? Spaces are going o, don’t say I didn’t tell you

Love,

 

10 SIGNS SHE’S NOT INTO YOU

Men have their games and most of them have been decoded by lots of authors and speakers *cough* Steve Harvey… but who is helping out the innocent men that are actually being played by women out there, causing them to become damaged and leaving us the ‘good girls’ to suffer.

So ladies, today, forgive me for I am about to call you out on your game!

Now gentlemen, you walked up to this hawt chic, had an okay conversation, she gives you her blackberry pin and telephone number (we are imagining this). At this point you are thinking ‘gosh this babe must like me’ and you go ahead to act all macho, pretend not to be interested or you stalk her unintentionally (whatever works for you). She replies your messages, answers your calls maybe once or twice and then she stops, tells you she has a boyfriend, is very busy or unavailable at the moment… I hate to break the news to you but – she’s not into you.

Every single woman in her subconscious considers different options when it comes to guy. If she finds you attractive enough you automatically register as backup plan number 54 (hypothetically).  She could find you attractive at first or maybe she was being polite but along the way you start seeing certain signs. For some reason, some men think it’s all part of the chase when really they are being shut down. So to make this a lot easier for you guys and also on us women who are tired of men who do not get the message, I have complied the top 10 ‘Not into you’ List

Message on the wall – if you call her, text, email, Facebook, mention or DM on Twitter repeatedly and she doesn’t reply any of them. Then she’s either dead or not into you and you need to stop stalking her. If she deletes you off her blackberry messenger or cuts you off and gives you a ‘stupid reason’ then my brother you irritate her and she wants nothing to do with you. It is as simple as that!

Walking the bird – everyone is busy, and everyone has their day planned out so we all have excuses. What matters is the quality of excuse she gives you and what happens after. If she has to walk the bird, or cook for the neighbour’s rat then you know she just wants to get rid of you…. if she gives you a good reason but never tries to reach you after she’s done…she just successfully shut you down.

No is no – if she turns down all you dinner/movie/drink invites then STOP asking. She’s not trying to front, she’s just not interested.

Mr. Maga – If she only calls you when she needs help with something or someone or cash, then she is only using you. She’ll disappear as fast as she appeared after getting what she wants. So stop thinking your money will make her love you… you’ll only be ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ forever.

Can’t touch this – She has never let you hold her hand, or even talk to her about holding her hand, point is she has never imagined being intimate with you then she is not into you. Stop trying to force it by patting her hair, putting your arms around her, a bad attempt at ‘kissing’ her or the famous licking the ear… you’re only going to make her hate you…so stop for your own good, respect your manly ego.

Just a Friend (aka Friend zoning) – she introduces you to friends as “a friend” and you still think the light is blazing green? No brother, she’s making it clear to you in front of those that matter… You are “just a friend.”

Not so funny Your friends think you are the funniest thing since Chris Rock or Basketmouth, but she keeps a straight face at your jokes. Darling, she does not want to encourage you in any way because she does not find you funny, she maintains a straight face or just cracks a teeny-weeny smile.

No details, please – she is not interested in an in-depth analysis of your day, or your life. She is just passing through, bruv!! That “how have you been, Andy?” is her being polite. Her eyes glaze over when you start to talk about “you”.

Back off– you are constantly surprised at how abruptly she ends conversations with you. Or cuts into yours and starts a totally different subject? Red alert! You are getting on her last nerve.

Three′s company– you ask her out on a date and you end up with her and 2 of her friends. She is simply avoiding any talk with “us” included. Need I say more?

Now that you have been informed, I hope you will find it easy to notice that although you may think she’s the best thing since sliced bread, truth is my brother….She’s only going to shut you down. 

Love,