FINDING RELEVANCE AS A SINGLE PERSON

Yesterday Mz Gidi (a.k.a Sheila) had her very first Instagram Live Session…woohooo!!! Our friends at LagosMatchMaker asked me to talk on Finding Relevance as a single person.  It was actually fun and I want to thank each and every one of you that tuned in to watch.

All is not lost for those that could not watch because I figured out a way to download an Instagram Live story and was able to put it together for your viewing pleasure at your own time.

The quality of the video isn’t that great but the message is clear so let’s stick to that LOL

The points highlighted to maximize your single years were:

  • Love yourself
  • Be open
  • Build a valuable network
  • Work on yourself
  • Go easy
  • Stand your ground
  • You are worth waiting for

Watch:

Let me know what you think? Leave your comment below and also subscribe to our youtube channel.

Regards,

Mz Gidi.

 

Advertisements

HANGOUTS VS DATES

Tito and I had a very interesting conversation a while ago about dating in Lagos and specifically what makes your time together, a hangout or a date. We obviously had varying opinions, personally, I believe once a woman has crossed 30 a certain age, all hangouts become a date, but that’s just me.

Here’s the clip below and let us know what you think…

Is there a thin line between dating and hanging out? Where do we draw the line? Is it a factor of age?

THE MYTH OF WAITING ON GOD

There’s an ongoing trend in Lagos, fellowships and prayer events are mostly attended by women. Single women who are all praying for different things but specifically on getting married. I’m talking intelligent, beautiful, accomplished, well-grounded women who only talk about understanding men, how to get married, finding ‘the one’, praying for their future husbands and most of all ‘waiting on God’ for a husband.

What I’ve also realized is that ‘waiting on God’ is usually where their problem lies, they keep waiting, waiting and waiting….with no action. They never step out of their comfort zones to meet new people and sometimes they are not even approachable outside these ‘fellowships’

Before I continue, let me put out a quick disclaimer, I am a Christian and I am a person of faith.

Moving on…

In Nigeria, the term ‘waiting on God’ is usually used as a way to support laziness. It promotes a passive way of living under the guise of being a person of faith. It proves that most people do not want to take responsibility for their actions so when all hell breaks loose, they find someone to blame, usually God or the devil or witches and wizards in their villages.

We are constantly waiting on God to do something, to give us a sign, to close the doors if it’s not meant to be, to bring the one into our lives, to end an abusive relationship on our behalf, to stop him/her from cheating…to do this, to do that – it seems like we have outsourced our decision making and returned the gift of free will and choice back to God. Somehow God is supposed to work for us and not through us.

Waiting on God also causes these ladies to live in search of perfection, so they spend time waiting for the perfect guy to come around without actually doing anything to ‘match’ their ‘perfect’ man. Also, because God is perfect and only gives perfect gifts, they accept any guy that comes around with the appearance of godliness when in reality these are the only type of men, they have exposed themselves to.

How many times have you met ladies who do not go out, they do not mingle, they do not improve themselves in any way, their lives look like a complete bore, they do not interact with non-believers and they are all expecting that their future spouse would show up with little or no effort from them? I’m sure you can think of someone…maybe you are that someone 🙂

Dating is work…, hard work. Therefore in other to succeed at it, you must be ready to do something about it, about you. God requires us to trust Him with the things we cannot control…but He also asks us to take action in the things that we can.

Nobody is asking you to stand on Sanusi fafunwa or Allen avenue

Instead what I am saying is, in addition to praying, attending fellowships and joining all social media prayer challenges, do something about your dating life, step out of your comfort zone for a minute. Go for a mixer, go to a karaoke bar, hang out with people other than the ‘24 ways to detect your husband’ seminar, travel, go on dates, try out online dating, work on yourself, take your focus off this husband hunt, enjoy your life as a single woman and maybe just maybe your spouse will find you or you might find your spouse while living your best life.

ARE YOU DRAMA-FREE?

Ever asked someone what they were looking for in a partner and get ‘drama-free’ as one of the traits? Even a lot of online profiles and dating apps (cue in tinder) tend to have things like “no hookup and no drama please” in their bios, which usually makes me wonder what exactly it means to be drama free and do people really go about with drama posted on their heads (of course not).

I know that some people live lives full of drama, it’s either they cause it or they attract it. It’s the kind that comes from crazy exes, demanding baby daddies/mummies, bad debt, crazy colleagues or dysfunctional families. It’s perfectly okay to not want to have any of that stress added to your life from someone you are dating. I mean I wouldn’t want it either, then again drama in itself is relative, what maybe drama for me, may mean absolutely nothing to you.

For example, I once heard a young man say he had lost interest in someone he was talking to because she always seemed to have drama. When pushed further, he explained that she came to him to talk about her issues at home, with friends, and at work and it seemed to him that she was always fighting but never having a lasting solution to anything. Because of that, he decided it was best to keep his distance and avoid being caught up in the mix.

We all have difficulties, however, it’s not the difficulties that cause the drama, but how we deal with them.  Some people have little or no control over their emotions and this unknowingly could be affecting your relationships.

Now, in the lady’s defense, it is perfectly normal to want to share your concerns with someone you are dating, it means you have gotten to that comfort level where you are free to lament about what goes on in your life and trust that the other person is listening. However, most men are wired to want to fix things, especially if it’s someone they care about. So your innocent rants may come across as drama signals that he must fix, even if you didn’t ask him to.

Be honest with yourself — would someone looking in think you had a lot of drama? do you give off the impression of having drama because of how often you talk about the difficulties in your life? If yes, how can you reduce the said drama or how can you reduce how often you talk about it? It’s important to be conscious of what you share as you don’t want to overwhelm people around you.

Personally, I don’t think I have that ‘much’ drama, however, I have learned to gradually ease whomever I am dating into the happenings of my life. It is important to know when to bring up certain topics in your new-found relationship least you come across as a drama queen/king.

So what’s your definition of drama? How much of it do you have in your life? What qualifies as too much drama? How do you communicate the drama that you may have in your life when dating?

DECODING THE DATE NIGHT SCHEDULE

Is there a difference if your date falls on a weekday or a weekend? Should you be worried? I don’t think so but from research, here’s what the night of the week says about your date.

Monday Night:
Monday night is the direct opposite of “date night”: people are usually back at work, and back to their weeknight routines, maybe going to the gym or dodging the dreadful third mainland bridge traffic. Really, there is nothing ghen ghen about a Monday night…and that may be good for you. If someone schedules a date with you on a Monday it means they are eager to see you and they don’t want to wait for a more socially acceptable night of the week. If the date turns out great, then you might have a repeat on another date of the week.

Tuesday Night:
A Tuesday Night date can mean uncertainty: sure, they’ll grab a drink or see a movie with you but most times, they’re using you to wait out traffic. If things go well, it may turn into a late night. But really, for Tuesdays, the expectations are not high.

Wednesday Night:
By Wednesday night, most people have recovered from the weekend and are looking for a nice break in the stressful week. The beauty of Wednesday is that there is not much pressure because there is still work on Thursday so you don’t really have to worry how late into the night the date would be.

Thursday Night:
Thursday nights are decent: it’s almost the weekend, and people usually feel freer to stay out late on a Thursday than they do earlier in the week. Most times, a date is scheduled on a Thursday because the weekend might be booked or you both are going for an event scheduled for that day.

Friday Night:
This is the second best date night of the week. Everyone wants to do something on a Friday night and if they like you, you’re probably part of their plans for the night. The lack of work the next day obviously means a greater chance of staying out really late and throwing all caution to the wind. Also, Friday nights dates more often than not start out really late because people might want to stop at home, but not for long, freshen up and get ready to hit the streets. For ladies, Fridays means the freakum dress is out to play

Saturday Night:
This is GOLD in the date night schedule: the one day a week where you don’t have to work all day. Because Saturdays are so important, people often loathe the idea of wasting the whole day on someone they are not sure of. If someone makes plans with you for a Saturday night, they’re pretty sure that they’ll have as good a time hanging out with you. Ladies especially will take advantage of the extra time on Saturday to really get ready for the date, and dress up/face beat far more than they would on a weeknight.

Sunday Night:
Never accept a Sunday Night date. It’s the worst night of the week to go on a date. It’s often an afterthought too because you’ve spent the weekend with other important people but either you or the other party is trying to fulfill all righteousness. Chances are you won’t stay out late,  because you’re thinking of the work week ahead, you won’t drink too much cause you’re recovering from the weekend or you’re not trying to start the new week hungover and won’t spend too much cause you’re probably thinking of how much you spent on Friday and Saturday nights. Keep your Sundays for resting….unless of course there is a public holiday the next day, then really it’s not a ‘Sunday’

Disclaimer: These things are not set in stone and I am not trying to start a dating-days-rule-book/debate here, but think about it though, do you agree? Have you ever put the day of the week into consideration when picking a date or maybe it doesn’t matter to you if you have a date on a Sunday?

WHY SINGLE MEN DO NOT DATE WOMEN IN THEIR CHURCH

Every once in a while I meet young ladies who are upset when eligible young men in their respective churches bring girls from ‘outside’ to marry. I mean it’s pretty obvious, this guy most times is the perfect catch, good-looking, has a good job and loves the Lord so obviously every young lady in church searching for a ‘man of God’ would put their best foot forward hoping that he would notice them and maybe marry them.

Considering the fact that most women in Lagos today, pick churches based on the availability of single men, I can see how this is frustrating. I mean you find that perfect church to get that perfect man, only for the perfect man to be presented to the church on a Sunday morning getting married to some other woman who has never been seen within 5 miles of the church premises before.

The betrayal, the heartache and the reality that most single men in church do not want to date women who attend the same church with them and here are some reasons why

THEIR REPUTATION. Going after women in the church is often a no-win situation. If it doesn’t work out, news would spread fast in church and if they happen to date more than one girl in the church, next thing everyone would tag them as the serial dater and unserious.

FEWER OPTIONS. Women have one unspoken rule between each other, and guys are well aware of it. If they date one girl in church, they are automatically eliminating 10 other girls because these girls are all friends with his church ‘ex’, so before they go after anyone in church they need to be absolutely sure that it is indeed their final bus stop.

THE PRESSURE. The moment, everyone knows that you both are dating, there becomes so much pressure for you to get married. It’s in the subliminal messages from elders of the church, department heads and maybe the pastor of the church, after all, we are all fighting the temptation of fornication and there’s only so long for you both to date before premarital sex creeps in.

THE AWKWARDNESS. It gets pretty awkward when you date someone in your church. Most church girls are known to be very territorial so you have to worry about if you are allowed to talk to other women in church. And some cases, you begin to wonder things like are you meant to sit next to each other? Must you come to church together, e.t.c.

IT JUST FEELS WRONG. How do you flirt with a young lady in church after you just spent hours worshiping God and listening to a powerful message? You’re not quite sure what is appropriate when it comes to asking her out either. Some ladies are so fixated on painting the good Christian girl picture that they ask you to go see the pastor before taking them out on a first date

There you have it, the top 5 reasons why the eligible young men in your church will probably not date you. Again it’s not you, it’s them and maybe this time you’ll pick a church based on your spiritual uplifting, not the type of ‘correct guys’ present.

Have you dated someone from your church before? How did it turn out? As a guy would you date someone who attends your church? Ladies can you relate to this post or do you only date guys outside your church?

Use the comment box below and let us know what you think

Love

Mz Gidi

LADIES WHAT NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT THE FRIENDZONE – TITO A

Let’s talk about the Friendzone…well from a guy’s point of view because we all know how I feel about it

In this clip, Tito answers the following questions

  • Are you in different friendzones?
  • Do you friendzone women?
  • Is there life beyond the friendzone?
  • Any advice for women about the friendzone

There you have it.

What are your thoughts? Do you agree with Tito? Would you recommend someone already in your friendzone? 

Let’s discuss

8 THINGS MEN LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN WHEN THEY’RE READY TO SETTLE DOWN

This is an age-long question that many women have asked. We just don’t get it and when we try to answer for the men, we end up mixing it all up so it’s good to see a guy finally answer the question …sorta

In his vlog series, Just tryin’ to help a sista out, Eniola Abumere enumerates 8 things men look for when they’re ready to settle down. They include:

  • A woman who brings peace
  • A woman who can cook
  • A discerning woman
  • A woman who understands her man
  • A woman with good personal hygiene
  • A woman who is nurturing
  • A woman who can adapt and whether life’s storms
  • A woman who is a lady in the street but a freak in the bed

Here’s what he has to say:

There you have it, do you agree or disagree? Let us know in the comment box below.

 

IT GOES DOWN IN THE DM

Let’s be honest, we are all oohing and aahing at the story of Banky W and Adesua Etomi. You just can’t hate no matter how much you try. So many people are meeting their potential partners via social media these days, there’s been some good and some bad but we are here for the good only.

As a guy, you’re probably thinking, how exactly does this Direct Messaging (DM) thing work? What’s with all this DM talk anyway? Look we understand but with the number of hours spent on social media these days, you might as well master the art of tastefully sliding into your crushes’ DM

Here’s what you need to know about sliding into that DM

  1. Recognize the numbers
    Everyone has something to say about Banky sending Adesua a DM and that she responded but let’s be real here, IT IS BANKY W we are talking about, who born you well to not respond to such calibre of DM, heck if Don Jazzy sends me a DM today, I will respond before he clicks the send button (okay I will form small) but you get what I mean.
    If you are not a ‘Banky W’ and you are trying to get an ‘Adesua Etomi’, please eh save yourself the embarrassment and just let it be. She won’t be checking that DM because you probably aren’t the only one sending her one. There aren’t enough hours in the day to check every single unsolicited message. And there’s no real way for you to separate yourself unless you’re famous or have mutual friend(s), so just stick to admiring her pics from afar and move on, until maybe you get to meet her in person.
  2. Do your research
    Yes, it’s important to do a little ‘research’ on the person you’re about to message. No, I’m not telling you to go 52 weeks into her Instagram, liking every dang picture and commenting on at least 15 that’s stalking (there’s a difference). Read her bio and a few of her recent status updates so you can get a feel for what to say to her. Most women have the things they are proud of in their bio and on statuses, so start a conversation with a compliment, it always works. If it were me, congratulate me on my little girl or on producing the Still Single in Gidi play. (Don Jazzy are you seeing this?)
    I need to add that if you notice that she is in a relationship or she is engaged or married, stop right there and go back to admiring from afar.
  3. Reference a recent interest
    If you notice a theme running through your crush’s account, make note of it and add it to your initial message to her. Try not to fake it, pick something you might be genuinely interested in to avoid being embarrassed when you have no clue what she may be talking about.
  4. Go straight to the point
    This is the best approach. You’re interested and you’d like to meet up? No problem. No need writing a dissertation about it. Avoid saying ‘sup?’ too unless of course, she is a ‘sup’ kind of girl (then I am not judging you). A DM slide is kind of like a cover letter. After some small talk, if you want her number, ask or better still offer your number. If you want to casually hang out, ask. If you want to take her on a date, ask. The worst she can say is NO. And please proofread, autocorrect knows how to spoil show for somebody. 
  5. Write in clear and simple English
    She’s not one of your buddies who has over time accepted your “xup”, “wyd” “am kul” or whatever shorthand or “text-speak” as part of their cross to bear. Try to write in clear and precise English, don’t abbreviate. Try to impress her by showing that you truly know the difference between am and I’m as well as your and you’re. Like I mentioned earlier, it is not a white paper, nor is it time to show how vast your vocabulary is, trust me when I say less is more\
  6. Suggest a meetup
    Preferably public. Something you know that might interest her, in her comfort zone, if she’s into the arts, there’s the Heartbeat musical in a few days, here’s your chance to offer her a ticket and dinner at the Terra Kulture restaurant after. Do not invite her to your house or neighbourhood beer parlour. Just Don’t!
  7. Know when to retreat
    One of the most important things you need to know about sliding into a DM is realising when to retreat. If she hasn’t replied to your “hi” or well-constructed and tactical messages after a while, my brother please move on. Don’t succumb to those “perspire to aspire to respire” mantra and become a nuisance inside the DM, it’s not cute and doesn’t show that you’re determined, sometimes silence is the answer. Move on to the next one and prosper.

But if she does respond and she accepts your offer to a hangout (notice I did not call it a date), then my friend, you have understood and used the art of sliding into that DM, tastefully. Hopefully, you know what to do next, if not register here

If you’re a pro at DM sliding or you are a receiver of multiple unsolicited DMs, comment below on what you think has worked for you as a sender or sendee.

Love,

Miss Gidi 


JWC.registration (1)

Have you registered yet? Click here to do so

#ASKMONYHONY: I LOVE HER BUT SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE

View this post on Instagram

Being her friend is the first and foremost thing. Earn her trust by being there for her at helpless times and then slowly show her from your actions how disgusting her man is treating her. Don’t throw it in her face, allow her open up to you; then you can get the opportunity to express your feelings towards her. Note: that you have to be sure that she also has some strong feelings for you; if you don’t, you would lose all at the end of the day. Contact me privately and I would give you step by step tips on winning her heart. —————————————————- If you have any questions on relationships and would like expert advice, simply use the hashtag #ASKMONYHONY or send an email to askmonyhony@singleingidi.com #askmonyhony #singleinlagos #naijasingles #singleingidi #stillsingleingidi #dating #relationships #friendship #friend #love

A post shared by Single In Gidi (@singleingidi) on

Leave your comments below or join in on the conversation on instagram


JWC-MAY 2017 (3)Have you registered yet?