#ASKMONYHONY

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Hi Guys!

Yesterday we introduced #ASKMONYHONY on Instagram. Mony Hony is the lead matchmaker in charge of our personalized and premium matchmaking service, S.I.G.MATCH.

Every week #ASKMONYHONY will address your questions on dating and relationships, especially in the Nigerian context.

If you have any questions on relationships and would like expert advice, simply use the hashtag #ASKMONYHONY and mention @singleingidi on Instagram or twitter or send an email to askmonyhony@singleingidi.com.

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I have come to realize in my years of matchmaking and profiling ladies that we ladies can easily fall in love, which most times clouds our sense of reason and if you think that it's not true, try explaining to a friend whose boyfriend is flirting with you. When we fall in love, we tend to accept every and all trash and in so doing; we damage our worth and think we can't do better. When you marry your friend, I tell you; it's different, your senses are alert, you are more composed in addressing issues and in all your "heart is intact"….. Even though I'm a sucker for love, I know what trauma a lady faces when she falls in love and then finds out she has been on the love train alone…. As much as I would want to stick to" marry for love", my candid opinion and years of experience with single ladies looking for love is let the man love you first…. It's his job to do that. —————————————————- If you have any questions on relationships and would like expert advice, simply use the hashtag #ASKMONYHONY or send an email to askmonyhony@singleingidi.com #askmonyhony #singleinlagos #naijasingles #singleingidi #stillsingleingidi #dating #relationships #friendship #friend #love

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LOST RINGS

Hey Ms Gidi, Do you remember me? My name is Ada, we went to Secondary school together

A young lady said to me as I stared at her contemplating what next to say, it’s not that I did not remember her, I remembered her very well and I also remember that she got engaged. She had a public proposal that broke the internet because the guy she was engaged to was one of the rich kids of Africa. I couldn’t help but think ‘what happened?’, they looked so happy together, she even cried when he proposed so what could have gone wrong?

Recently I have noticed the high level of broken engagements and even marriages in our society. One minute you see pictures of a woman gushing over her ring and her bae while the next it’s all over, a silent transition and the obvious lost ring. Sometimes there are stories attached to it, ah she was a gold digger or he was abusive or someone cheated, there is always something that comes with the explanation as to why the ring is no more.

In the past, I would raise an eyebrow, I would want to ask questions but I have learned that there are no real answers, there is no proper explanation instead there are regrets, testimonies and the response ‘it didn’t work out’.

Our society puts so much pressure on us to get married that we subconsciously plan our lives hoping we would find the one that could save us from the disease of singlehood so we often miss the red flags that are right in front of us with flashing lights; or hope that the flashing lights would soon come off and the flags would turn white.

Then we get the ring, we feel like we won, we have won this battle in the jungle of dating only to realise that all that glitters is not gold and even the diamond as sparkling as it could be, is now a constant reminder that you have been tied down to a life you never signed for. The band becomes a key, unlocking doors that were once tightly shut behind bookshelves, revealing rooms with layers of surprises and maybe a rotten corpse.

Society teaches us to stay in such rooms, they say some of our mothers have stayed so even though they became walking corpses, it was a thing of pride that they endured the stench. Sometimes we play religion if you have married him then you must stay.Yes, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage but a broken marriage is better than a broken spirit.  

These days I see more young women taking charge of their lives. Maybe the media is at fault for this boldness or maybe it’s just women saying enough is enough; no more will we stay locked up in this box of pleasing society for the ring. Maybe they are just tired and are demanding for change.

Whatever the case I pray every person out there male or female finds the happiness they deserve. And as for the ladies with the lost rings, remember you are not alone, someday you will find the ring that celebrates a love more beautiful and real.

Love,

Ms Gidi

#MYSINGLESTORY

Want free tickets to the STILL SINGLE IN GIDI stage play?

Then tell us your funny/weird/interesting story about being single? with the hashtag #mysinglestory

 

1. Record a video with your phone camera telling your single story

2. Post to your Instagram or facebook page and tag @singleingidi #mysinglestory

3.We will repost/share your video on our page. Get your friends to like your reposted video

Note: you have to be following @singleingidi to qualify.

________
The top 3 videos with the most likes win 2 tickets to see the Still Single in Gidi stage play at the Muson Centre On Friday, 3rd March, 7pm

And also get a Single In Gidi goodie bag WITH LOTS OF SURPRISES!!

Deadline: 28th February, 2017.

Music: Good Vibes by OVID

#mysinglestory
#stillsingleingidi

FLUIDITY & ENTITLEMENT OF LAGOS DATING

Bae hunting in Lagos has become very fluid these days oh. So a day into the new year, that’s the 2nd January, I was running on Osborne as usual and this beautiful lady in say mid-40’s gives me a friendly smile, I smile back and said good morning.

On the second lapse of my run, I noticed she switched lanes and somehow waited until I caught up to her. Then she sort of started running at my pace — it was quite a good one hour run. Whenever we slowed down we gisted here and there.

My people, that is how on my final leg, my new friend said she lived in Osborne Foresure and wanted my number, in my mind, I thought nothing of it, maybe she is just a friendly woman. I gave her my number and she then she goes “oh by the way I have enough friends, I am not looking for more, I want more than friendship with you, I like you a lot”
I froze for a bit and started running very fast away from her. I have heard these stories I just never thought it would happen to me.

Anyways, that was a by-the way gist.

What is with married men and entitlement to single girls in this Lagos? Is anyone else experiencing it?

Today, I met this Lagos “baby boy” just as I was about to begin my morning run he joined me as most people often pair with others even if they don’t know the person. In case you are wondering; a baby boy is a posh looking hot man over 40th who is likely married but lives like a single man and feel entitled to single girls.

As it was with my lesbian suitor, we chatted every so often whenever we slowed down our pace. “Baby-boy” told me about what he does for a living, where he lives, how old his kids are and how beautiful his wife is but she doesn’t stimulate him intellectually — like that is any of my business.

A part of me was comfortable with him. For one I knew he wasn’t boasting, I saw the calibre of folks that were greeting the guy, even the chairman of Etisalat dey hail the guy. So me I was like, I am kuku job-hunting this will be a great older friend to have.

I told him about my job- hunting, baby-boy was like, I have an offer for you, if you agree, you wont have to work.
Three lapses and 90 minutes later, I told the dude, who is very fit and had no issues continuing that I was done. As I mentioned I was done, he saw me off before heading back to Osborne — were apparently all the baby boys and girls live.

He was like look “look, I won’t beat around the busy, I like you, I think you are easy to talk to and very smart, I want you to be mine, I will change your life and give you whatever you want, as long as you abide by my rule”.

For which I responded, I actually have a boyfriend and looking to get married in the nearest fu — ture. Baby boy didn’t even let me finish talking, he said “you are not married, so it doesn’t matter, but if you agree to my proposition you must get rid of him, I don’t share”.

I swear it felt like I was in the middle of striking a deal — baby boy said it like it meant nothing and I was just supposed to agree, why because, he will give me the finer things in life.

Married men don’t even bother hiding that they are married anymore, they just want us single women who are desperate enough for any attention and the “finer things” in life to cage as their mistress. Guess what, you there is a contract to be signed in the deal sef.

I told him no of course and ask for friendship instead, then he goes “I will give you time to think about it”

So girls, if you are looking for a hot-stud who is a married baby-boy as a potential boyfriend and you are willing to abide by his rules and regulations — head to Osborne for a run every Saturday or public holiday for a new.

I don give you expose oh. Thank me with your commission of just 10%.

LOL. Lagos sha!

DEAR SPINSTER

So you are single.

…in your mid-thirties.

So you’re probably in a good place professionally. Or you’re getting to know yourself more and beginning to discover the fun in being grown and single

Maybe you’ve been in a few relationships. Maybe you thought you found the one, once or twice. Let’s face it, that last relationship probably wore you out. You thought this was it, you put in effort, did the work, then it wasn’t.

Or was it the one before that? That last one was just so that you could feel wanted again, and even that became exhausting.

Maybe you are still waiting…

Maybe you never really clicked on that level that you crave and have decided you won’t settle.

Or maybe, just maybe, marriage just doesn’t appeal to you (whether you’ve been able to admit it to yourself or not).

Love it or hate it, this is your reality. You are alone

Spinster: an unmarried woman who is past the usual age for marrying and is considered unlikely to marry

Source: Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary

“Spinster” has such a negative and very specific connotation. You hear the word and picture someone average, dull, bitter… we don’t think of Oprah or Condoleezza Rice or Naomi Campbell. These women have one thing in common, they’re making their own way independent of relationship status. I can’t speak to their reasons for remaining single or to their opinions on relationships and marriage and so on. We can only see what’s on the outside and they seem successful, they seem in control of their lives, not sitting by waiting to be validated, waiting to be handed happiness. You know their names regardless of who they are connected to at the time and this for me is the crux of it all. They own their individuality, unapologetically

At this point, I’m going to resist the temptation to talk about the state of relationships today, and all the expectations we inherit in our peculiar cultures and society as a whole. Quite frankly, I am sick of complaining… talking about the same ol’ things. And if you can relate to everything you’ve read so far, you are too. Relationships in this context, is irrelevant. The focus is not on why you are single, there is already enough being said about that, but that you are, for whatever reason. So what are you going to do about it?

For argument sake, let us assume you are “un-marry-able” and nobody wants you. Will you go and kill yourself?

Let’s assume, that even though nobody wants you, you think you’re pretty cool and genuinely enjoy your life, do you give that all up and mould yourself into something more “appealing” even if it means trading in your new-found independence with no guarantee of being “chose.”

Would you rather live a life exploring your options (as you cannot marry), or carry on waiting and praying? As time goes on and 30 becomes 40, then 50… and you have experienced none of the things you dreamt about as a child, achieved none of the goals you set for yourself and basically spent your entire life waiting for someone to give you permission to live your life. At the risk of sounding like a marriage hater, I think too much of our identity as women lie in the hands of other people, be it society, men or our children. I have nothing against finding a life partner and starting a family and all that good stuff. I actually still dream of my “the one” but seeing as he is taking his sweet time, I will take this time to do all those things that would become harder to do once “I” becomes “We”

I guess what I am trying to say not so elegantly is, just because we are still single at this age doesn’t make us less human… less woman.

We are not less deserving of love or happiness or adventure. As a matter of fact, we will never be more prepared to take on anything we set our minds to. We are in a unique position where we have experience that comes with age and the freedom of our early twenties. Why are you sitting at home being miserable when you are literally unstoppable right now? You can take that trip you’ve always fantasized about. You can learn a new skill or a new language. You can literally just pick up and go and do whatever crosses your mind because it’s just you right now and there will come a time when you’ll miss having all this alone time. This is the time to shift the focus off of relationships and the things we are expected to want and things we don’t have. This is the time to make it about us and the things we have and what we really do want for ourselves. This is the time to dream and be selfish and do the things you’ve always kept for later.

And who knows, “the one” might just be around the corner in that city, or in that French class or on that plane ride. Doesn’t that sound terribly romantic?

If Amber Rose can reclaim “Slut,” I say we can reclaim “Spinster.”

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: What if you got a glimpse into the future and see that you never get married, who would you be? What kind of life would you have? And, would you be satisfied with the life you’ve had so far?

 

Xoxo
Gemma

THINGS SINGLE WOMEN ARE TIRED OF HEARING

I am tired of apologizing for my writing inconsistency, but my people, pardon, mbok! You won’t understand if I tried to explain why in the most logical way, but hey, I’m back again!

It’s that time of the year again when everyone is getting married and boo-ed up and single women are getting paranoid about another valentine approaching without a bae, Jehovah God do it for all the single ladies, ni oru-ko jesu-ami!

For some weird reason, boo-ed folks seem to be more interested in their single friends’ dating lives than concentrating on their relationships and marriages. With their “interest” in your love life also comes the most annoying and predictable comments, such as “Any man will be lucky to have you; I don’t understand why you’re still single.”

And that, of course, leaves you thinking, “Well, THANKS. If I understood why I was still single, we wouldn’t be having this talk.”

First things first: There is NOTHING wrong with being single, so don’t let your agony-aunty friend make you feel like you have spiritual problems.

Secondly, when someone asks you a dumb or rhetorical question about your love life, it’s absolutely okay to make them regret (a little) even asking. Let’s go through a few scenarios when being using “lovingly sarcastic” could put a stop to the endless pestering.

  1. “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
    Well… not really. Let’s put it this way: You’re just as likely to meet your perfect man during a super-market run on as you are in “the gym these days” Joining the posh gym on the Island is not when you least expect it, it’s called packing and strategy-bae-watch/catch positioning. Kindly let them know that you’re going to continue living your life as you were and look forward tomeetingthe right person in being the right person.
  2. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”(The answer is yes.)
    We all get lonely, but I’d take lonely over miserable in a relationship any day. And you can reply with, “Of course! Why do you think I’m hanging out with you?” And take it from us: being alone is WAY better than being miserable lying next to a man each night who you lied his way to your bed but you can’t leave him now because “hey you are married to him and God hates divorce” even though you are dying inside and or he doesn’t love you or no longer meets your needs.
  1. “Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to have kids?”
    If celebrities well into their 40s are still having babies, then there’s a pretty good chance you can as well. So I heard this unintelligent woman on radio who was saying women should be done having kids by 35 otherwise they chances dropped and I was like what nonsense. The eggs start reducing at 38/39 and some women are still producing lots of eggs well into their 45s. Tell your overbearing friend that they’re your lady parts, and you get to pick the place and time to bear a child. I want to have kids, two actually but I also know I am better off waiting till the time is right.
  1. “You should try Tinder dating.”
    When your friend perks up and excitedly reminds you that there’s this new app called Tinder you can kindly tell her to buzz off. Tell her ImaRose said Tinder is a hookup site that benefits prostitute and Yahoo-boys who are looking for women to scam. But then again my friend told me about this oyinbo who works as a consultant in their company that met this girl on Tinder five months ago he is totally in love with and wants to marry next year. You never know sha,  must its 99% meat-market.

picture1

  1. “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
    Sure there are! However, it’ll take about 10 bad dates to have one that you would consider for date number two. More fish doesn’t always equal a better chance especially in this Lagos; the sea is filled with dead-rotten fishes. I actually told someone this and she got very upset.
  2. “You’re just too picky.”
    There’s a difference between knowing what you want in a person and being nit-picky because you’re trying to find something wrong with someone. (On the other hand, if the potential your friend is saying you are too picky about doesn’t have a job, still lives with his parent and can’t even take care of himself and your friends say you should manage him because he has potentials, ask your friends if they can marry potential and if their answer is yes, tell them, “MY CASE IS DIFFERENT”
  1. “You should let me set you up… ”
    Some friends are just wicked, they know a guy is bad and they wont even consider them but want to hook you up so that they can still look like their own better pass your own, and then you can swap sad-cheating/useless man stories together. Listen: Unless you’re hand-delivering me a dark-chocolate man who has a real job and can afford to take me to Monaco next year, let’s save that set up for your niece. That’s how this girl whose husband is a serial cheat, dare to tell me long-distance relationship doesn’t work, that she should introduce me to her husband’s friend so that I am not putting my eggs in one basket. My people dude, was into “oil and gas” and freelancing. And me I was like “is it Mobil, Chevron, Shell, what do you do for them”, dude was like “no I work for myself supplying diesel to all this big companies and “stuff”, in my mind I was like dollar has fallen oil and I have no time for all this bogus talks”.

And that’s it folks, what we single women do not want to hear this 2017…let’s leave it in 2016.

Later

ImaRose

5 TIPS ON HAVING A SINGLE LAGOS CHRISTMAS

Single Bells,
Single Bells
Single all the way

Yup! it is that time of the year again, the time of harmattan, deadly Lagos traffic, events on events and of course weddings…it’s December in Lagos my people!

This December feels a little bit different for those of us already living in Lagos, maybe it’s the lack of harmattan or the realisation that we can’t splurge as much as we used to in previous years. Everybody’s eye is just red because mehn money is scarce and we are all in search for greener days. The people who are winning this December though, are the IJGBs, in short they are the kings. Small £100 should be able to shut down a club in Lagos at this rate and us normal Lagosians (because some of you don’t know what scarce resources means) cannot be forming flex mode when our diasporan friends are in town. As a matter of fact, I am considering renting a room in my house this season, B&B style, so I could earn some foreign exchange

I know you are thinking it too… LOL

Anyway as every other December in Lagos, there is the time between The Experience and the migration of the Igbos to their various states. This time is usually packed with so much activity (and traffic) that we don’t know how we are going to survive or you are unsure what to do really. Well not to worry, SIG is here with tips on how to survive Lagos this season, especially if you are single and over 30

#1. Respect your age
Not every event is for you. With the number of teenagers roaming the streets this season, please respect your age and look for mature events to go for, queuing outside a club is an example of what NOT to do this season.

#2. Don’t wedding hop
Everyone is doing it….small small girls do it more, desperate girls do it even more…Don’t do it. No matter how tempting it is to go for a wedding where you don’t know the couple and you heard everyone at the wedding is a returnee from America or the UK…Don’t do it.

#3. Not every returnee is a potential
 With the way the exchange rate is acting, most returnees are on a spending spree so don’t be deceived…give yourself brain, that’s all I will say

#4. Speak Nigerian
What I mean is, be yourself biko, all that forming britico and american when you know you’ve never stepped out of Lagos before is not going to werk. It’s actually a breath of fresh air these days meeting people who aren’t trying to force a foreign accent.

#5. Stay Safe
On a serious note, please make sure your security is your utmost priority this season. We don’t pray for bad things to happen to us or anyone else but it’s important that you have people around you and as much as possible avoid solo trips.

So that’s it, our 5 tips on having a Single Christmas in Lagos.

Do have a Merry Christmas, have fun and stay safe.

DEALING WITH THE EX’S FAMILY

You’ve broken up with your ex for reasons best known to you, made the decision to cut him/her off and move on with life but you find it hard breaking up with his/her family because somehow you get along better with them than you do with your ex. Unfortunately, being friends with them constantly reminds you of the ex and how hurt you were in the relationship; the family did you no wrong personally, actually they’ve been the sweetest people to you, you just happened to date the ass in the family. Now the question is

What do you do with the family of your ex? 

when-your-ex-pop-up-at-dinner-because-your-family-still-like-them

This question I have asked and have been asked a couple of times, because sometimes you want to cut off from the ex but you can’t bring yourself to cut off from his/her family or maybe a particular person in the family. And each time I ask this question, I always get one of the following responses/questions:

  • How did you meet them? – Basically did you meet the family of the ex through your ex or did you meet your ex through a family member of the ex? So is his sister one of your best friends? Or is his brother your gym partner? The point is how you met them ‘supposedly’ affects your decision on if you should remain friends or not. Consensus says, if you met the family through your ex, then you should cool off from the friendship but if you met your ex through his/her family then maybe it would be slightly difficult to cool off.. (right?).. It is usually harder to make that decision if you date and break up with your close friend’s sibling….(which I personally do not agree to..but hey that’s just me)
  • Do they talk about the ex with you? – Granted maybe they do not talk about your ex but you know somehow that topic would come out one way or the other. And how do you handle the topic when faced by it? Are you quickly reminded about the relationship that was or do you brush it off? (so many questions to answer)
  • What do you stand to gain by being friends with them? – Now this is the ‘trick’ question and it is usually followed by ‘If it wasn’t for your ex, would you consider even being friends with them?’ …Let’s face it, if his/her family has good contacts that you would need now or in future, I don’t think cutting them off would be an option…maybe not immediately.

Notice I have not answered any of the questions because I don’t think there is an answer to any of them. It’s different for everyone and it really depends on how you ‘feel’. I liken being friends with the ex’s family to being friends with the ex, it’s something that can be done but only when you are ready for it.

There’s no point trying to stay friends with his/her siblings and/or parents when each time you speak to them, you find it hard not mentioning the relationship you had and possibly the pain you may have felt or may still be feeling. I mean what’s the point having unnecessary heartaches and pangs of jealousy or anger when you could be left alone to move on in peace.
My verdict is, there’s no need holding on to the friendship until you have moved on, like when you hear his/her name and your heart doesn’t skip a beat. It’s best to let your heart heal and not re-open the wounds.

I MADE A MISTAKE

The internet has been buzzing with the news of Tiwa Savage and her husband, Teebillz. When I first read his story, I thought to myself ‘oh gosh not another celebrity marriage falling apart’, because not long ago we were all talking about Toke and Maje; everyone had their opinion on what happened and what should have been done.

Then Tiwa said her side and even though I am one of the people who feels she shouldn’t have spoken so soon because Teebillz could drag her further in public and damage her reputation some more, I couldn’t help but feel for her and her emotional struggle, especially when she said

I made a mistake

Often times we make mistakes in the people we choose to be with but are too ashamed to say so or take the blame for making that decision. Women have the final say as to who they decide to spend the rest of their lives with but the pressure of biological clock and ‘getting married’ forces us to believe that we should settle for the next best thing and hope for the best.

While having a conversation with a friend, the topic of walking away from a dead/bad relationship came up. My friend believes that the moment you see a sign that you don’t like, you have to bail while I was of the opinion that you watch out for the signs in the relationship, talk about it, observe the other party’s response before deciding to walk away.

The problem is most times when we see the warning signs, we choose to stay in the name of making things work out because nobody is perfect and when it blows up in our faces we are too ashamed to say the words ‘I made a mistake’; so we throw faults and blames; that everyone else is wrong and we were only the victims of our own decisions.

I once met a lady, we’ll call her Zainab, who walked out of her marriage because she knew even though she had known her ex-husband for over five years, she had no business getting married to him. She said she knew six months beforehand that she would leave her husband, but kept praying for a lightning bolt of recognition that it would work out in the end. Not because she truly loved him, but because she couldn’t stomach the shame. She wanted it to work, she was hoping things would change even after two kids but she had to let it go.

Despite everything that was said and whatever the media has to say about Tiwa, one thing I can respect her for is simply admitting  that she made a mistake in marrying the man she chose to marry 3 years ago because it shows that she is woman who is ready to take on the world, count her losses and move on with her life.

If there’s one thing everybody (either male or female) can learn from the Tiwa and TeeBillz drama, it’s knowing when to say ‘I made a mistake and I am done’.

SINGLE IN GIDI PRESENTS THE 101

Hey fam

Mz Gidi here, at this point I think I should call myself Madam Gidi but that sounds odd.

Anyway, it’s amazing how Single in Gidi has grown since it was first created, what started out as my medium of freedom of expression without being judged has now grown into a brand dedicated to providing a safe space for singles to exchange experiences.

It’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you THE 101 which is a series aimed at personal growth and development as a single person (married people are welcome too).

Videos will be up every Wednesday  (if Nigerian internet permits) and we hope you like.

Please SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE

Love,

Mz Gidi