10 YEARS AND OVER PLEASE

Most ladies who choose to date older men are usually tagged gold diggers. Once I met a lady who clarified that she was not dating older men because she was a  “gold digger”, it was more important to her to pull her own weight and be financially stable but most guys her age were just not her thing and she preferred older men.

Of course there are the occasional gold diggers and most older men come with a bit or a lot of financial comfort but you have to be honest sha, what’s the point dating an older man if he is broke, I mean what else did he do with his younger years?

For the purpose of this post, older men do not include married men o (that’s a whole new kettle of fish)

Anyway out of my curiosity, I decided to ask a few women who only date men that are 10 years and over why they preferred the age gap and here are some of the reasons given:

MATURE
Well that’s stating the obvious but older men are generally more mature. I won’t say this is the fact for all cases because I have seen some 40 year olds in Lagos still trying to live the bom-boy life. Truth is, most older men are looking to have a quiet time over an intelligent conversation.

EXPERIENCED
Whether it’s in their career, knowledge acquired overtime or relationships, most older men know what they’re doing and know what they want. An older man is confident and can teach you a thing or two with his advice.

FINANCIALLY SECURE
They may be older, but they’ve learned a lesson or two about making money, saving money and balancing accounts. They would have taken out time to build their future and would be able to guide you on how to ensure a better financial future.

DONE PAYING GAMES
Older men are usually ready to commit and settle down. I mean after you have made all that money, you need a woman to help you spend them and give you heirs and heiresses to the dynasty.

BETTER COMMUNICATORS
They know that communication and compromise are important if you’re going to succeed as a couple, so they won’t do stupid things or prove to be stubborn like most younger men do. 

ROMANTIC
Believe it or not, most older men are romantic and are always trying to keep you happy. Then again, can you blame them? After a few years of failed relationships, they’re trying to make sure that this one works out.

ADVENTUROUS
He is ‘older’ which means a lot of the things you do or slang you use are new to him. He’s willing to try new things just to make you happy and to make him feel younger again.

WON’T HAVE TO PAY
When a younger woman dates an older man, most people assume she’s only interested in his money and maybe they are right for some but if you want to receive fancy jewellery and never pay for a date, then an older man with a good job is exactly what you need.

CHALLENGE
If you’re pretty and adventurous, it’s not hard to date a man your own age, however if you want to date an older man, you have to prove that you are mature and good enough to be by his side.

ATTRACTIVE
Everyone’s taste is different so some women are just attracted to the older look, like have you seen RMD lately?

There you have it, 10 reasons why some younger ladies prefer dating older men.

So ladies do you agree or disagree? What do you think are the benefits of dating older men?

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LOST IDENTITY

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As a single person either male or female in Nigeria, it’s easy to get sucked into the pressure of marriage or just being with someone (anyone) that you do not focus on yourself and building your experiences as ‘one person’ before you become one with another. The only amount of time we use on ourselves before marriage is doing things that ‘prepare’ us for marriage and not exactly living and maximizing our single years. Our expectations to find love early and settle down has stopped us from seeing the possibilities of enjoying life and being the best version of ourselves.

Recently, I had the opportunity of hanging out with an interesting group of women. Interesting because the group varied from the absolutely single, the single but actively dating, the ‘in a serious relationship’ single, the engaged and the married; as most female gatherings, there was the session on talking about men and relationship dynamics that seem to affect the everyday woman more than the man. One of the topics that came up was the topic of knowing who you are as a person and having the best single years you could ever live before you get married.

Nigeria has a way of teaching our women that we must succumb to what society or the relationship tells us to be in order to keep a man or get a man. Even churches teach that you are a nobody until you are with someone, but that’s by the way, no need glorifying the ignorance of our society.

What bothers me though, is the fact that a lot of our women have lost their identity either in a relationship or marriage that they become shadows of who they were before they met the man. Some of our mothers were victims of this, which is why we grow up feeling guilty of leaving them behind and they feel empty when all the kids grow up and no longer have their time.

Nowadays though, the desperation to be hitched has led many women (and maybe some men) to believe that they have to become someone else to please their partner and when the relationship doesn’t work out, they go about searching for validation, struggling with their true identity until they meet someone new and then go into the cycle of losing themselves all over again.

I once knew a lady called Kevwe who exemplified a woman with a lost identity. When I first met Kevwe, one of the things I noticed was her love for weaves, makeup and for men. Not saying she was a girl around town, but she had way too many stories to tell of different guys, most in church and her contention with other women over these men. One time, she reported to the Pastor of the church that some guy was being too cozy with another young lady, only because she was jealous that the attention was not too her. But that’s not the main gist

When Kevwe moved back to Nigeria, she soon adjusted into the Lagos crowd. The British accents, the 30 inch weaves and everything else that meant she would be one of the ‘it’ girls around town. Then she met Emeka, a church going boy who preferred makeup free faces, natural hair and gospel music; so Kevwe became exactly what he wanted and even went the extra mile to be more active in the church.

Sadly, none of that was able to keep Emeka because he felt something was missing and that he didn’t truly know who Kevwe was and can you really blame him? Kevwe had become someone else, she liked only what he liked, she listened to only what he listened to, she basically became a shadow of Emeka. When they broke up, Kevwe went back to her weaves and makeup because deep down she knew she only did that to keep a man.

Shortly after their breakup, Emeka met Onome and in 4 months they were engaged. According to Emeka, he saw everything he wanted in Onome and more, a woman with her own vision and identity, she introduced him to a different world, he knew what she liked and disliked and to make matters worse, Onome was a weave rocking makeup lover which meant everything Kevwe changed for was in vain.

What I am trying to say is that Kevwe didn’t have to change for Emeka and no woman has to change for any man in order to keep him. Don’t be in a hurry to change because marriage will change you and the last thing you need is to feel lost after you’ve finally gained the Mrs title. He is meant to love you just the way you are, with all your assets and liabilities. You are meant to bring fun and variety into his life, not become a clone of who he is. You are meant to be whole and standout with or without him and there is no way you will be that ‘power couple’ if you do not have an identity of your own.

So Ladies, despite what our society or the movies tells us, before you find romance take a moment to love yourself and find yourself.

Love,

Mz Gidi

HOW TO BE AVAILABLE AND NOT DESPERATE

Hello Mz Gidi,

After reading your last post, I have to ask you how a sister can date and not look desperate because I won’t lie I am ready to settle down but I am afraid that I may be giving off the desperado vibes.

As someone who has left the dating world, what do you suggest is the best way to be available but not desperate?

Love, 

Miss Almost Desperate


Hey Miss Almost Desperate,

I don’t know why I find this message funny but I will try my best to give you an objective response.

1. Don’t Lie : Not necessarily the big lies like you father is the president (unless he really is) but the little lies we tell in order to make ourselves more attractive to the other person. For example saying you love football when you don’t, pretending to be the chef of the family when you don’t know what a pot looks like, the kind of music you listen to or even your spiritual beliefs and convictions.You want him/her to like you for who you are, not the made up you

2. Stop being a stalker: Maybe I should say, stop being an ‘obvious’ stalker because with social media these days, everybody has a little stalker tendency. It may be cute at the start but after a while you become creepy being all up in their grill, knowing everything they do without giving them a chance to tell you (even for conversation sake)

3. Create a boundary: By this I mean stop with the 20 calls in a day or the need to be clingy and be given attention. If they don’t respond to your messages, maybe they are busy and you should be too.

4. Don’t try too hard: If you look like you are doing a lot to get them to notice you, then I’m sorry you look desperate. It’s no fun when only one person is doing all the work.

5. It’s not the end of the world: If you meet every guy/girl with the thought of a future relationship in your head, none of these tips will work. Calm down; make friends, not boyfriends. If they don’t like you back, don’t take it personally. Everybody has different tastes and personalities, so maybe you are not what they are looking for, trying to force them to make them like you is an act of desperation

At the end of the day, I believe there is no right or wrong when it comes dating however there are a few basics that I believe everyone should know especially when you are ready to settle down .

Best of luck

THE LEAGUE OF UNEXPECTED GENTLEMEN -MR. SIMS

Or L.U.G.

Because TLOUG just wouldn’t sound right…

What am I talking about? Let me paint a little picture for y’all.

How many of you ladies out there can raise your hands and talk about that guy who was there all the while, but you just didn’t notice? I mean, he was there in the flesh so of course you physically noticed him, but that’s about where it stopped.

He’s thoughtful, caring, a bit on the goofy side, but what’s not to love about a genuine goofball? He’s got his principles and he likes things a particular way, but that’s not exactly rare is it? He’d rather hang out and read a book or go watch a movie or pot plants in the garden (with someone he cares about perhaps) than go to this wedding or that party. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a square, he just keeps in mind that there’s more to life than turning up – i mean that both ways – at every social event. He’s not one of those, be seen at every scene kind of guy. Seen? But he’ll drink the heck out of that bottle of wine with you.

Nah, he’s not an out and about guy. He’s not the guy all the girls lust after. He’s not the best looking or the most sexy. He’s not ‘the bad boy’. He’s doesn’t have the most money or the best car or the best accessories. He doesn’t come from a glamorous family – the kind whose business always seems to end up in the papers. He’s not the guy they want, but he’s the guy they need. They just don’t know it yet.

He’s the guy that watches as girls he likes pay him no mind. He’s the guy that spends most of his twenties professing unrequited love, or at least trying his hardest to get the girl to like him. He’s the guy that has to pick himself up every time she looks at him with pity in her eyes and tells him he’ll make some girl happy one day.

And how right she is…

Years later, some girl out there is happy. Because she found her guy, the one you overlooked. The one who wanted his shot, but you never gave it to him. The one who you thought was ‘alright’ but that you could do so much better. Well, there she goes with your back up plan, your insurance policy. There she goes, with your unexpected gentleman. That is, you always wanted a gentleman, you just never expected it would end up being him.

All of a sudden, you want a little bit more out of life. It’s not just about parties and accessories and being more successful than everyone else. You didn’t realize it before, because he just always seemed to be single (why was that by the way?). But the minute he found someone he was truly happy with, you realized that he was the guy. All this time later, he’s still pretty much the same guy, the guy you’ve always wanted, you just never had the courage to admit it.

Now you notice that he’s actually got a very charming smile. And it occurs to you that his voice sounds so sonorous over the phone. You hear that he cooks well and that he’s as well versed in Downton Abbey as he is in current events. You wonder why you didn’t know that he was this fascinating all this time?  It hits you that he would get along so well with your parents. That you finally brought home a proper gentleman who cared more for your well-being than any of his individual needs or wants.

Yeah, I suppose that would have been nice.

Keep your eyes open ladies, that unexpected gentleman is much closer than you think. Just don’t think he’ll be there waiting forever…

Gentlemen, take heart – the best is yet to come. There’s a reason you never compromised who you were all those years.

*And don’t think the reverse does not hold true for the ladies by the way  – I just know how to better write from a guy’s point of view.

 

Reblogged from THE WORDSMITH’S JOURNAL

JUST LIKE THAT

Brrrr… brrrr

Relief washed over me and a smile split my lips as I listened to the phone ring.

I had been trying to reach Cynthia for three weeks and I finally got through.

“Hello?”

My voice caught in my throat. A familiar warmth coursed through me at the sound of her voice.

“Hello, who is this?”

Ice crushed my heart, confirming what I had started to suspect. Last week, after two weeks of trying to reach her on the phone and via bbm, it hit me that there were other social media. That was when I found Cynthia had un-friended me on Facebook. Instagram and Twitter were the same: blocked and padlocked.

I tried to put a rational spin on things.

Maybe she lost her phone.

Maybe her accounts got hacked and she took measures to protect herself.

Maybe her phone got stolen.

Maybe…

“Last I checked,” I said into the phone, “my name’s Bobo.”

“Oh.” And she burst into laughter.

Hang up.

But I didn’t.

She finally stopped laughing long enough to say, “I am driving at the moment. Let me call you back when I park.”

***

“Maybe she’s still driving nau.” Scar said when I told them about it two days later.

I threw him a dirty look.

“But on the real,” Sly chimed in, “did you try calling her back?”

“What kind of nonsense question is that?”

Phantom don vex o.

“You’re here asking him to call her back despite the way she posted him, meanwhile in Eritrea it’s illegal to marry only one wife.”

“Please stop spreading rubbish information,” Wale said. “You do realise that news was false, right?”

“We no dey try for Naija sha. Even established media houses carried the news.” Sly said.

“But it would’ve been wonderful if it were true. Imagine me rolling with more than one girl and backed by law…”

“This is Wale,” Phantom said. “Wale will date you and date your sister. Wale will date your sister’s friend and your friend’s sister. When Wale is done, he will break their hearts. Wale is a Yoruba demon. Be like Wale.”

This threw us into laughter.

When I left Wale’s that night, my resolve was firm. I deleted Cynthia’s number from my phone and deleted her pictures.

At home I peeled two oranges and cut them in half, this reminded me of Cynthia. I preferred my oranges cut open closer to the top, but she called me selfish and unwilling to share so I started cutting them in half so we could each have one half of an orange before moving on to the next.

I set the knife down, the oranges forgotten, and returned to the room. I collapsed into the bed, my nose sinking into the pillow she preferred to use whenever she visited. My memory assured me I could still smell the flowery notes that were her scent.

I set the pillow down and reached for my phone, pausing just before my hand made contact. I shrugged and picked it up, punching in digits I didn’t think I remembered.

Brrr… brrr…

“Hello? Is that you Bobo?”

My throat constricted and I panicked. I cut the call. My heart beat fast, and faster still when my phone came alive in my hand. I almost dropped it.

“Hello? Hello?”

“Hey Cynthia,” I tried for a light voice, but I was sure she could hear the tremor. “How are you?”

“I’m good. You?”

“I’m good too.”

Silence.

So, are you still driving? You promised to call me back. What did I do wrong? Did I do anything wrong?

“I called earlier to check up on you, but the call wasn’t connecting.” I lied.

“Oh, it connected. I just couldn’t hear anything. I’m good though. Work has been crazy.”

“I can imagine.”

Have you eaten? Do you miss me? I miss you.

“Alright then Bobo,” she yawned. “Excuse me. Let me turn in for the night. Talk to you in the A.M?”

Are you bouncing me off the phone?

“Pele. Oya rest. We’ll talk in the morn…”

Click. Dial tone.

I held my phone out in front of me like it had sprung fangs. My chest hurt, my head throbbed, heat rose up my neck.

“We’re done bitch,” I snarled.

Yeah right.

MINGLE ALL THE WAY

oh mingle bells, mingle bells, mingle all the waayyyy

Okay let me stop

On Thursday, Zoe Chinaka of Nigeria Info invited me to join a panel of ladies as we discussed how to mingle this holiday. The other ladies on the panel were, TG of Protouch Consulting and Mrs Tolu Akintoye, a relationship counselor. I must say it was fun having to share notes and thoughts with the ladies on air.

As we are in December, we all know that LasGidi is going to be busy with a lot of events and of course our family and friends will be coming in from far and wide to celebrate the holidays.

December is also known as the time that a lot of singles get to mingle, and maybe meet potential ‘partners’ or just make new friends. Whatever the case, there will be a lot of activity and the ladies and I were able to come up with a few good tips on how to mingle as a single lady this holiday.

  1. Be you: this is not the time to acquire a foreign accent that you do not have. However, being you does not mean to be rowdy.
  2. Observance is key: Pay attention to the environment you find yourself. Don’t go and start shouting or yelling at a cocktail event. #justsaying
  3. Smile and be nice: I don’t know why Naija women like to frown and be rude. Try to be nice, be attentive and have a conversation; you don’t have to be rude to someone you are not interested in. Simple courtesy goes a long way because you never know who knows who
  4. Drop you phone: this is a personal pet peeve of mine, I cannot understand why any young lady would get dressed, put on makeup and wear heels, only to go use her phone through out the event chatting with friends and posting things on social media. How do you expect to be approachable when you’re focused on your phone the whole time
  5. Be open-minded: Be open to making new friends, be open to going to a variety of events. I mean, there are so many events happening in Lagos this season so don’t be afraid to try new things.

And that’s it, 5 mingle tips for the singles in Gidi this holiday. Do you think we missed something? Leave a comment below and tell us how you mingle?

On that note, don’t forget another chance to mingle this holiday, #SINGLEINGIDI will still be on stage for today only at TerraKulture, Victoria Island for 3pm (N3,000) and the command performance at 6pm (N5,000). Yesterday was fun, you don’t want to miss it today

#singleingidi -instagram_revised

 

Love,

SIG

SINGLE IN GIDI RETURNS TO STAGE THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

 

#singleingidi -instagram_revised

In June 2015, Gbagyichild Entertainment, producers of the brilliant psychotic play ‘Mistress of Wholesome’, the famous book ‘London Life, Lagos Living’, Colour Me Man amongst other amazing productions, brought to you the Single in Gidi, a blog-turned-stageplay which was nothing short of exciting, mind-blowing and of course entertaining.

Well guess what?

This weekend, by popular demand, Single in Gidi returns to stage with something even more exciting that the last one. If you stay in the colourful city of Lagos [nicknamed ‘GIDI’] or have had a taste of it, you would agree that Lagos is more than just a location, it is a lifestyle, and this lifestyle is expressed in this unique theatrical piece covering topics of dating, relationships and love, just like the blog it is created after.

Showing at ​​Terra Kulture, on Friday, December 4th and Saturday, December 5th 2015, is produced by Lydia Idakula Sobogun, directed by Kenneth Uphopho, the amazing director of Saro the Musical and features a stellar cast including Omoye Uzamere, Leelee Byoma Meg Otanwa, Austine Onuoha, Timi Charles-Fadipe and the guitar strings of Tosin Oguntayo.

Title of Play: Single in Gidi

Dat​e: Friday, December 4 2015 at 6:30pm and Saturday, December 5 2015 at 3pm and 6pm

Tickets: N3, 000​ (General); N5, 000 (Command performance for the last show)

Single in Gidi is brought to you by Gbagyichild Entertainment and Sheila Charles Ltd. and is supported by Baileys Nigeria.

If you think the blog is awesome? The stage play will be even ​’awesomer’! Don’t miss it.

Check out some photos from the shows held in June.

COERCE

‘Nigerians laugh when they are uncomfortable’ – Najite Dede

I remember hearing those words after watching the play ‘Colour Me Man’ by The Naked Convos.

There was a scene where Red (played by Timi Charles-Fadipe) explained how he raped Rhoda, a girl he loved but she was with Blue (played by Seun Kentebe) because of Blue’s money and the fact that Red never stepped up to ask her out. What surprised me wasn’t Timi’s acting because he is a fantastic actor and he’s in the Single in Gidi play as well but the fact that the audience laughed all through that scene

…Especially the women

The women laughed and I cringed at the imagination of a fellow woman being taken without her consent while others like her laughed. You could say it was only a stage play , that was until I read Sugabelly’s story, and I saw people and characters call her all sorts, claiming she was a slut, a gold digger. Everyone had something negative to say to her, people of all shapes and backgrounds

…Especially the women

Her fellow women laughed at her, said the 17-year-old had it coming and it made no sense why she kept going back. The women laughed, called her names for attempting to destroy the homes of ‘happily married men’ after eight years of living in fear, pain and depression. Not bothering to wonder if the women in these happily married homes are probably victims themselves.

Nigerians they say laugh through their pain but maybe we have become so desensitized that we laugh at others who suffer from trauma like we would laugh at one of Bovi’s jokes.

It surprises me that women like Sugabelly have the audacity to say her story was too good to be true, too much like a Nollywood story, too graphic to be real so they decide it must be all a lie and go ahead to call her names in the hopes that what is true will become a script and we can all laugh at it because deep inside we are uncomfortable to accept the fact that a human could treat another the way she and every other victim of rape have been treated.

I went back to 2014, found an old post where an anonymous lady left a comment on how she was raped while on her period, a friend’s sister that was raped for hours un-end because she refused to accept the advances of a horny cult member, another who was constantly raped by her own boyfriend and there was Sugabelly recounting locations, events, times and plate numbers.

These are some of the women who have found the voice and strength to speak, to tell the world of their pain at the expense of being laughed at, being called names and their stories being tossed around like the latest gist in town while these men roam the streets, exchanging stories of conquered little girls, teenagers and women, in search of their next victim while everyone laughs, pointing fingers, calling names

…Especially the women

The women with daughters and sisters and friends who may be going through the same pain but have no one to turn to for help and support, no shoulder to lean on…nobody to hold their hands and say it won’t be easy but it will be alright, not the authorities, not the churches, not their families

…Not even their fellow women

 

5 SIGNS HE WANTS TO MARRY UP

Marrying up seems to be the trend in Lagos

No not women marrying up because that’s probably what you are thinking but gone are the days when your beauty and charm as a woman would land you a good husband (even though that can be relative). It seems more men are looking for girls with ‘assets’ and a good network base to take to the altar.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a few guys and one of them emphasized his wish to marry a wealthier woman because it meant less work for him and a chance to be upgraded in life. Babes can no longer have normal jobs anymore o, because in order for these guys to pay attention to you, you must know how to package yourself, you are either a foreign graduate or a high flyer in a telecoms company before they can pay attention to you. You can no longer live on the mainland because they don’t want to cross the ocean for your love and don’t forget you must have a slight foreign accent. Being a customer service agent must now become a Relationship manager with a focus on high net worth individuals in the oil and gas industry, and in a twinkle of an eye, what was just a regular girl has now become a potential for networking and business contracts.

I know they say Lagos is the city of hustlers but have we now carried this hustling spirit into the dating game too? So back to the guy in question, according to him, since he spends a lot of time looking good and achieving a lot for himself then he should be able to get himself a girl who can be of benefit to him and his future generation.

So ladies, before you are deceived by that SUV driving young man squatting with 5 other guys in a 2 bedroom in Agungi, here are ways to know if the man you’re talking to simply wants to marry up

1. He wants a potential sugar-mama – whether you have a good job, you are a successful entrepreneur or an heiress to daddy’s wealth, any signs of financial stability makes you a possible target for a man who just wants to marry up.

2. He is full of potential on paper- he studied English business admin or mass com in Unilag, experimented with modeling in those days but didn’t quite blow up, in other words; he is living on past glory of MTN billboard that was on 3rd mainland bridge and never even made it to the Ikoyi billboards

3. He is in a huge hurry to find out who you know and how they can be of benefits to him. (refer #1)

4. He is quick to fall in love but not quick to commit – He has to be sure that there are no other options out there for him before he finally decides to have a serious relationship with you but he will tell you sweet nothings so you think there is a commitment to look forward to

5. He invests in his look – whether it be hours in the gym or being cladded in expensive outfits, Mr Man will take his time to look good maybe a little more than you do. The only things he brings to the table are his looks and his baby-boy nature of not having a real job.

I must confess sha, I do find it amusing and somewhat refreshing because the tables are being turned and now we can boldly call men gold-diggers, only investing in their physical appearance and packaging in order to get women who will ‘upgrade’ them in life.

Which makes me wonder, who will marry Linda Ikeji?

CLOSURE

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing

Am I the only who is obsessed with Adele’s new song, by the way, who else has seen Joe’s cover? Adele killed this song, but Joe straight-up murdered the cover. In case anyone of my billionaire friends wants to give me a wedding present, I can accept Joe serenading us.. *wink wink*
Amazing that five years later, Adele is back like she never left. I love how she is so relatable to anyone who has had their hearts broken, but this song took me back memory lane, and how sometimes we put our moving on from hurt and finding closure into the hands of the other person.

Recently, a friend and I were having a conversation on finding or getting your closure from relationships gone sour. I was of the opinion that after a breakup, the best thing to do would be to move on while she believes in order to move on you had to have an honest conversation with the other person so you could have peace.

But what happens if the other person does not want to have a conversation with you though?

Let’s be honest, breakups aren’t easy but what makes it worse is when there are questions unanswered leaving behind a void that needs to be filled with explanations or some form of validation (NO, this is not where you start quoting the bible)

Often times, we tend to believe our closure is found from just saying ‘this relationship is not working’ until something happens and a million and one emotions come flowing down all over again. I remember waking up one morning and seeing pictures of my ex on Facebook in a suit and a woman in a wedding dress, I refused to admit he got married, yes, he was a jerk to me and yes I knew we would never get married but if we only broke up in December, how was he married in July? I told myself I needed closure as a matter of fact, I deserved the closure so I sent one of those guilt trip emails hoping he would respond (why do women do this?)

Broda did not respond, as a matter of fact, he went as far as blocking me on Facebook and every social media platform he could find me so I would not be able to reach him to ask him questions because he knew I had them; questions like who was she? when? how? why did you treat me as bad as you did? do you know how many times you made me cry? how dare you deserve to be happy? what lies have you told her about me, because I know you lie? how come this girl is so blind to see what a jerk you are? e.t.c

When I look back now at those days, I laugh, because at that point in my life I believed my closure had to do with the other person more than it had to do with me like my friend does now.

One of the mistakes we often make is putting the course of our lives in the hands of someone else in search of some form of validation like our happiness depends on their existence  so when that source of happiness disappears, we become devastated and somewhat distraught and go about searching for that closure, wanting to hear the answers from someone else  even though we may already know them.

Why on earth we do this instead of  “closing the door” ourselves is something I can never really quite understand. When I told my friend that I learnt to walk away and never look back, she looked at me like I must have lost my mind because for her she would have gotten to the bottom of the gist whether the dude liked it or not….(babes sha)

Truth is, whether or not we were the ones to end the relationship, we have to admit that it ended for a reason and often times we do have a part to play in it. It is important to think through all the possible reasons. Finding closure doesn’t mean you need to become best friends with your ex;   it just means he or she is no longer your enemy and you are fine with whatever decision they made with their lives because your happiness does not depend on them.

No matter what situation you’ve gone through, realize that no one gives you the permission to “move on”. So learn to give yourself closure and move on with or without other people, or you could remain stuck in the past for the rest of your life while the other party enjoys their lives without you.

Love,

SIG