SHOULD YOU GO PUBLIC?

No one wants to share a sad story, no one wants to be the topic of ‘gist’, no one likes his or her business out there (unless of course that’s what puts food on your table) and I would like to believe that no one likes drama.

 

BUT

Everyone wants to share a good story, everyone wants to let the world know when they are happy about something new in their lives and with the advent of social media, we have all turned into mini-celebrities with some of us choosing to be active on the likes of Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or BBM or Whatsapp – making our lives accessible to everyone…friends, family, strangers, stalkers and even exes.

In times past, when people start out in a new relationship, one of the things they had to face was the issue of when to let their family and close friends know about their new partners. There was a form of tradition to it and most times not a lot of ‘outsiders’ got to know until the wedding day. But now things have become a bit different and there is the debate of ‘the public declaration’ especially on social media.

Of course I am assuming that everyone at one point or the other does a public declaration of their relationship either by changing their relationship status on Facebook, putting up pictures which could suggest a union or direct and indirect shout outs. For some it’s from the moment they officially start dating while for others it’s on the day they get engaged, truth is, if you are young and social media savvy in 2015, the likelihood of having a public declaration is moderately high.

Recently while having a conversation with two of my really good friends, one of them pointed out that she had no plans to have a public declaration until she got engaged, mostly because she believed that people are naturally nosy and with social media, they would find it very easy to keep track of the number of failed relationships before finally getting married. The other friend believed that a public declaration means you have nothing to hide and builds trust in the relationship because then everyone knows who the ‘main chic’ is (which again is another topic for debate).

I could see where each of them was coming from because I happen to be one of those that never forgets pictures of couples on social media and I eventually notice when they get ‘missing’ and if you are close enough to me, I will ask you what happened. At the moment, I have a few social media friends that I could give the chronicles of their relationship history, from the hookups to the blissful months to the troubled times and the eventual breakup. One time, I had this Facebook acquaintance that got engaged and I remember thinking ‘FINALLY O’ #dontjudgeme

When put in that position though, I struggle with the pros and cons of going public, on one hand I don’t care what people think and on the other hand, I do care because a discounted bride price is not on my agenda #justkidding (ok maybe I am 10% serious on that one) but in reality the idea of having people who aren’t close to me know details of my life kind of irks me. And then there are other questions I have to answer like ‘What happens to the pictures if we break up?’ ‘And if we do break up when is the right time to take down those pictures and status updates e.t.c?

As I am obviously still confused on this issue, I would like you to let me know what you think; is there a right time to go public with a new relationship? Should you even go public with your new love? What happens if you break up? Is there usually a mutual agreement for these things?

Okay I think that’s enough questions on this matter

Use the comment box below to share your thoughts

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Still on going public, nominations for the Nigerian Blog Awards are up and we would like you to pleaasssseeee nominate Single In Gidi for the following

– Best Humour Blog
– Best New Blog
– Best Relationship Blog

You can nominate by going to www.nigerianblogawards.com

Thank you 🙂

ON TOP THE MATTER

Soooooo there’s a picture going around of Mrs Carter getting on top of things, if you have not seen it, here is the pic:

And of course everyone has one opinion or the other about her compromising ‘pose’ but people like me though, know that this is not new because a few years ago there was this:

 and this…

Therefore, when it comes to Mrs Carter and everyone like her, this is nothing new, she’s only being updated on the happenings around her husband.

I’m not going to talk about snooping through cell phones/emails/Facebook messages because there are a million and one articles on that out there and also a list of reasons on why you should or should not…(it’s a sign of insecurity they say)

Couples are often encouraged to be open in relationships especially in marriages – something about not keeping secrets from one another but as someone who has been in a relationship or is in one now, do you really need to know everything your partner does on a daily basis? Can there be room for secrets no matter how little?

Use the comment box below and let me know what you think

Love,

 

 

 

Oh and there’s this too

#justsaying

I SAID YES!!!!

He proposed! I was not expecting it, OMG! I said Yes…arrghhhhh!!!!!

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#justkidding *runs away* hehehehe

I can just see some of y’all running to the blog like yepa! Miss Gidi is off the market o, what will happen to the blog? Praise the Lord, hallelujah, it will now be Married in Gidi…emm no o my people, I am still single but you can keep praying sha, there are 12 months and exactly 52 Saturdays in 2015…e fit bi me o…but on to today’s gist

I’ve often wondered why newly engaged women are always ‘surprised’ when they get proposed to; let’s be honest, if you have been with someone for a while then you both must have talked about marriage at some point. So today my question is for every married and engaged woman out there,

Be honest, were you actually surprised that you got proposed to? or were you surprised at the ‘proposal’ itself?

Source: Confetti

A friend of mine once said that I was the type of girl who would not be surprised when I get proposed to, and my response was “umm why should I be surprised, shouldn’t I have talked about marriage with the ‘said’ person?” which then lead to a discussion on proposals and the cliché ‘Oh my God’ and screaming moment that every bride says they had.

Everyday I read proposal stories (not because I look for them but because they somehow end up on my timeline) and the brides always say how ‘surprised’ they were and how they were not ‘expecting’ it so I wonder, what were you expecting? a breakup? I mean unless he proposed the day after you met him, how are you actually surprised that you got proposed to?

I have had a few friends who were genuinely surprised, because there was a break up before the proposal so they thought the relationship was over when it actually wasn’t but for those who didn’t have to go through that drama, what was the ‘surprise’ of getting engaged?

On another note, Happy New Year…it’s good to have Lagos back as all the IJGBs are going back to their ‘homes’ and the Lagosians are returning from Dubai…for my people who got something from me the last time, please send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com so we can arrange how the gift will be delivered.

Love,

Miss Gidi

Side note – this post was initially posted on one of my other blogs…so if you have seen this before then you know who I am 

SIG in 2014

Exactly a year ago, I registered the blog Single In Gidi and had my first post on the 1st of January 2014. It started out as a blog to rant about the humour of being single in a chaotic city like Lagos but gradually grew into a community of single Nigerians within Lagos and abroad.

So as it is New Year’s and Birthday Eve, I would like to say a big thank you to everyone that has made SIG a success in 2014.

Besides, Facebook and twitter, I would like to thank Berry Dakara, Sims and Thelmathinks for being the top referrers this year 🙂

Screen Shot 2014-12-31 at 8.20.13 AM

 

Blogs are more fun with comments so I would like to thank my top 4 commenters …(well we can’t really thank Bobo Nkiti  because he also writes for SIG- check his journey here).. And as part of my appreciation, each of the top 4 commenters will be getting jewellery from LLKRAFTS

Screen Shot 2014-12-31 at 8.20.51 AM

 

I would also like to thank Bobo Nkiti and Miss Wakadugbe for joining SIG in its first year and if you are interested in joining the team then send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com and we can talk 🙂

 

And finally I would like to thank everyone that stopped by the blog, 122 countries is no joke so even if you never commented, here’s a huge virtual huuggggggggg

Screen Shot 2014-12-31 at 8.20.29 AM

 

On that note, cheers to a fab 2014 and see you in 2015, I’m so excited with the things the SIG team has in store for 2015 but you would have to wait to find out  (and maybe 2015 will finally be my year)

Love

Hide your boyfriends, Hide your girlfriends, the IJGBs are in town!!!!

It’s that time of the year again…

That time when Lagos is heavily saturated with accents from far and wide, that time when there are more complaints on social media about the weather,  the traffic and most of all, that time when true Lagosians (those who live and work in Lagos) are almost paranoid about losing their loved ones to these foreigners.

Welcome to the ‘I just got back?’ season

Everyone who lives in Lagos knows that the month of December is not just about Christmas and family, incase you have been living under a rock, the month of December is also regarded as the highest hookup season in Nigeria especially Lagos.

Most singletons roam the city with the hope that ‘this year’ would not pass them by after all. And who can blame them? with the number of ‘testimonies’ shared on popular blogs, almost every single lady is on the mission to bag that ‘correct’ guy before the year runs out.

Salons are congested with ladies trying to look their best and malls become strips to showcase your God-given or human enhanced beauty, whatever the case, this is the season where single ladies do not dull because we live by the motto ‘you never know who is watching’

Guys are not left out of this, they are often occupied with thoughts on how to look better and by better, I mean how to look ‘richer’ because they are under the impression that ‘foreign’ babes only like men with money and class. So they borrow money and  luxury cars just to ‘please’ these ladies until the season is over and then they can  go back to keke napeps and one square meals.

For some in relationships though, this is the time when they begin to question the ‘seriousness’ of their relationships because young men get missing at the sound of  foreign accents and young ladies denounce all relationships like a plague at the sight of ‘hard’ currencies and buff bodies (there has to be a reason why all these ‘returnees’ seem buff anyway)

Don’t get me wrong though, it’s not that we do not love to see our IJGB family & friends but the Lagos obsession and fascination of ‘bagging’ a foreigner especially in December is what amazes me and one I may never understand.

On that note, the SIG would like to wish you and yours a fabulous Christmas and as they say you never know sha so keep your eyes open, your future husband/wife may be around the corner (maybe with a foreign accent LOL)

 

Much love,

 

P.S – If you have to ‘question’ your relationship because of a few weeks of distraction then maybe it’s not meant to be #justsaying #missgidishrug

Introducing Single and Searching

Source: Real Black Love
Source: Real Black Love

A while ago I started Single in Gidi as a way of ranting about my single life in Lagos as well as starting up conversation on the societal pressure and stereotypes with being single. The more I wrote, the more I met fantastic single professionals/entrepreneurs (both male and female) living in Lagos and are GENUINELY looking for their match.

In some cases, those who are really interested in meeting ‘like minds’ have asked if SIG could help them meet interesting people especially since Lagos is such a big and busy city.

After months of working on the logistics, I’d like to introduce to you the SINGLE AND SEARCHING column of the blog, where singles in Lagos will be listed based on how they sell themselves (so save your sexy pictures for later) and interested parties can submit their details for a chance to meet the listed person.

So if you are single and searching or you know someone who is and  willing to meet someone new, here’s what you have to do:

  1. Visit the Single and Searching page
  2. Fill out the form (I repeat we will not be publishing photos so how you sell yourself with words is very important)
  3. Wait for a member of the SIG team (yes I do have a team) to contact you and have the details you provided verified before being published
  4. Have your verified profile published
  5. Get information on all verified interested persons sent to you with their contact details (only email addresses will be sent)
  6. You decide the next step (outside SIG of course)

In case you didn’t notice, we do all the work while all you have to do is take a few minutes to fill out the form and a another few minutes at the end to pick someone who also interests you to meet…it’s really not that hard is it?

In addition to being a busy city, Lagos is also a funny one so we will work hard to have the basic information verified before being published or sent to you. You also have the final responsibility to verify the individual further because we could miss something which is important to you.

On that note, I hope SIG will someday be able to share success stories of those who found love or great friendships while enjoying each day of being single.

Lots of love,

 

TICKET TO FREEDOM

‘You’re too old to be living with your parents’

That’s the voice you probably hear in your head on that Saturday morning when you just want to sleep and your mother decides it’s the best time to send you on errands. It was tolerable when you were younger, say when you were in your late teens and early twenties but now you are in your late twenties and you cannot stand it anymore because you thought by now you would be out of your parent’s house but guess what…YOU’RE NOT!

From a young age, you’ve been told that you would move out of your father’s house to your husband’s house so even though you are old enough now and you could probably afford rent, you find that moving out of your parent’s house as a single woman is a controversial debate in the Nigerian society especially when you’re not moving out of state/country.

Having to live with parents after a certain age has to be one of the most difficult things in life, especially as a young lady when every comment, statement, conversation and question all boils down to marriage and when you would get married. Typical examples would be:

Scenario 1 – serving a well prepared meal
Comment –  ‘your husband will enjoy o’;

Scenario 2 – forgetting to do something
Comment – ‘is that how you will run your home as a married woman?’;

Scenario 3–  getting home late
Comment –  ‘is this how you will live in your husband’s house?’.

Truth is, at this point all you may ever hear are constant reminders that you are ‘ripe’ for marriage.

Then there are the rules and if you come from a strict home, the curfews. As someone who has lived away from home for a while before moving back, I often find this to be one of my major challenges because after having so much freedom and being able to plan things around my own time I have come back to hear things like ‘no responsible woman is supposed to keep late nights’ or ‘you cannot do what you want while under my roof wait till you get married’ and I get it, well the roof part I get, the others I still struggle understanding.

Source: Datereport

Anyway, if you’re from a very laid-back and liberal family you may not understand what I am blabbing about but you must realise that not all Nigerian parents are ‘understanding’ or ‘liberal’ so they often believe that these rules and marriage reminders are what will shape you into being a better wife and mother while the idea of moving out of your parent’s house as a young woman is almost considered a taboo.

It some cases it becomes so difficult living with parents and trying not to have a war on moving out that some ladies actually see marriage as their ticket to freedom. I have heard some married women say things like ‘they could not wait to get out of their father’s house so they got married early’ or single women who compare marriage to ‘breaking out of prison’ and of course discussions on how society frowns at the idea of a woman living alone (*rollseyes*)

I know parents care and no matter how hard you try, they still see you as the little girl with ponytails and the puffy Cinderella dress on her first birthday who has no clue that the world is filled with wolves in sheep clothing and maybe they are right or maybe they are paranoid…

At the end of the day, if moving out is not an option for you then how do you deal with living with parents and the pressure of  seeing marriage as your ticket to freedom? 

I really want to know what you think

Love,

MjAxMy05MzA3NDcyMzI4MzBmMDdk

P.S.- The only reason I am yet to move out is because Lagos rent is on the rise and mehnnn the bills are plenty…

 

Miss Gidi’s guidelines to being a Gidi Hot Babe

It is a well-known fact that Lagos has a lot of beautiful women either by genetics or by acquisition,; no matter how ‘hot’ you think you are, there’s always someone hotter. If you think you have curves, then you will meet someone curvier or maybe you think your claim to fame are your long, chocolate legs wellll you will soon find that you are not alone on that wall of fame. (#teamlonglegs).

I guess that’s general knowledge for all beautiful women but I’m sure you want to know what makes a gidi hot babe so different from the others?

You don’t? Well I am telling you anyway

Being a Gidi hot babe is not easy, to be honest, some of us have tried and failed in this matter because it takes a lot to be that ‘established’ kind of girl (or we just have other priorities in life). But I do understand that a lot of other women are curious to know how to become one because let’s be real, this city has a lot of competition and you have to stand out in whatever way you can. So here are the guidelines of being a Gidi Hot Babe:

  • You must be active on social media – specifically Instagram. I mean that’s like the easiest way to show off your God-given/acquired beauty. There are additional rules to this, like having only fully made up pictures, not throwing back to more than 3 years (except cute baby pictures), having at least 10 bikini shots and so on
  • You must have celebrity friends – like how else will you be popular if you don’t have other famous people who have worked hard for you to latch on?
  • You must never admit to knowing commoners (in public) – so that friend you were once close to, that’s not famous? You don’t know him/her in public settings. You must know how to pretend like you didn’t see them and then act surprised but not too surprised when they say hi so you are not confused as being fake.
  • You never say HI/HELLO first – Unless of course it’s a celebrity that can help you up the ladder
  • You must be a snob – as a Gidi hot babe, you can’t be talking to anyone you see na? learn to have a straight face when people ‘below’ you try to talk to you.
  • You must be busy or fake being busy – especially at events so BBM/Whatsapp chatting at weddings and parties is totally allowed for a woman of your calibre because you will be ‘busy’
  • You must have an accent – preferably American or British
  • You must use celebrity hair stylists/fashion designers/makeup artists and salons – as a Gidi hot babe, you only go for the expensive and popular …don’t forget to take a picture and mention on Instagram
  • You must have everything expensive – shoes, bags, cell phones, outfits, exotic trips, spa treatments e.t.c. As a gidi hot babe you must be seen as someone who is ‘chopping life’. Are you wondering how you can get all of these? Easy! You don’t spend your money or you can save towards it (but never admit to saving)…oh and remember to post it on Instagram too (you may want to skip the part of who gave it to you though so you are not confused as being a ‘run’s girl’)
  • You must be HOT – because none of this matters if you do not have the right foundation as a ‘hot babe’

So there you have it, Miss Gidi’s guidelines to being a Gidi Hot Babe

Shout out to all the Gidi Hot babes I see doing absolutely nothing except being ‘hot’ because that in itself is a lot of work and y’all need some recognition for your hardwork.

Till we meet again

Love

Before I forget, it’s important you have a job or a business, something to show that you have other priorities.

Convenient Relationships

If you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?

That my friends was the question I was asked a few days ago while having a conversation/argument on long distance relationships and everything that has to do with it. We all know the usual arguments against long distance relationships such as proximity, trust and the typical ‘body no bi firewood’ points but at the end of the day, does the fear of being hurt and/or infidelity cause most single people to choose what is convenient over what may be ideal?

I must admit that some relationships are birthed out of convenience without considering the necessary factors required for a successful relationship which should lead to a lifetime together. For example, certain people in Lagos would not date anyone that lives over 5 miles from their place of residence (*cough* Islanders *cough cough*) but the question is, would you turn down the opportunity to be happy with someone who is everything you want and more for what is available?

Source: Elite Daily

It is very easy to develop a connection with someone who  you have easy access to, even when you know there is no future in it and they’re not adding any real value to your life; and it’s a lot easier to stay in a relationship that’s not working because it’s convenient and being alone or starting a new relationship is not easy…but then again nothing good comes easy right?

Recently, I have come across a lot of relationships that have been birthed out of the availability or over-availability of the other party, like the guy is always there to give the young lady a ride, he’s always around when she calls him, he gets her everything she wants; and for guys it’s that the chic is always there, she helps him around his house, cooks, cleans, gives him the ‘cookie’ when he needs it and so many other selfish reasons. Sometimes they settle and then after marriage, one or both parties ends up regretting their convenient decision and tries to figure out a way to work it out or walk out of it.

Convenient relationships go beyond distance, sometimes it has to do with other factors such as availability of the person in question, filling a lonely void, if he/she fits what is required of you (in the case of unreasonable lists from third parties) and many other reasons which do not answer the question of ‘seeing a future with that person’.

Soure: RotteneCards

I once had to steer clear from a certain someone because it was obvious that the only reason he actually considered dating me was because I was the available/convenient choice not necessarily his ‘ideal’ choice. It was so obvious that even when I asked the typical ‘why me?’ question, his second reason was because I was ‘available’ while his first was that I was the most compatible fit. I pretty much felt like he had a check list and I had ticked most of the boxes especially since he missed a vital point of if he actually cared for me and saw a future with me.

Please note that I am not saying relationships must be difficult and/or problematic but if you met someone with whom you had a bond but the relationship wouldn’t be convenient, would you consider that relationship or would you prefer what is available?

 

 

BEST FRIENDS….till she gets married

In Nigeria (and I suppose everywhere else) getting married is a big deal, so it’s with no surprise that when ladies finally meet their potential husbands, get engaged and then married, it becomes a huge ceremony and achievement to be celebrated (and I am not even trying to be sarcastic). What I have also observed is that when some women get engaged and/or married, they decide it is the best time to cut off a lot of their single female friends, it’s almost predictable and somehow worrying.

In order to understand this better, I decided to ask a few questions as to why some married women ‘break up’ with their single friends once they earn the Mrs title and here are a few responses I got:

  1. Ideologies change – obviously since the women are now in different phases of life, there are certain things that the single female friend may not understand .e.g when a married woman has to take permission from her husband before having lunch with a once female best friend who is still single.
  2. The husband does not like the single friend – this is explanatory but when the husband says he doesn’t like his wife’s friend then that friend has to be cut off for the sake of the marriage.
  3. Nothing in common – I guess this is the same as #1 but for obvious reasons single women and married women no longer have anything in common to talk about once one of them gets married.
  4. She could steal the husband – apparently some married women feel insecure when their single female friends come around their husbands because they could be ‘jealous’ of what the married woman has and therefore try to steal the husband in question (too many dang Nollywood movies I tell ya). So it’s a lot better to get rid of the single female friend before they get any ideas

I’m not trying to start a single versus married women debate here but  it amazes me that when in the midst of a lot of married women in Lagos, it turns out that their major concern is their husbands leaving them for another woman, especially the single ones, so they start out by weeding out the obvious single ladies they know and possibly do not trust.

I’ve never been married before (duh!) but for those who have or are engaged, is there a special reason for letting go of your single female friends? Especially since the husband/engaged brother does not cut off his single male friends…and for the single ladies who may have been cut off because their friend got married, how did it feel and what did you do?

As for me sha, none of my married/engaged friends have cut me off yet…what can I say?…everybody loves Miss Gidi