When love is not enough

You’ve met someone, a few dates, hour-long conversation on the phone, social media stalking and you think you’ve found ‘the one’ until you face one or more of these annoying ‘deal breakers’.

*sigh*

Having to deal with deal breakers is one of the toughest things in this whole dating experience especially when you are the one with the deal breaker and are faced with the decision to cut loose, try harder or ignore. While you may be certain that your deal breaker makes complete sense, the other party involved may be wondering what could be wrong with your mental state…and they may be right.

Over time, I have come to learn how to differentiate between my preferences and my deal breakers; preferences being what I would like but are not deciding factors and deal breakers being things/traits I could not live with for the rest of my life.  Needless to say, that I as I get older, my list of deal breakers have become shorter and more specific compared to 10 years ago when my deal breaker list was just a long list of physical qualities I preferred in a partner.

We all have deal breakers but having to deal with them is not as easy as it appears. Some people may choose to ignore them and latch on the concept of love (or getting married) and façade of the happily ever after that comes with it but the real question is, when it comes to deal breakers, is love ever enough?

I once listened to a friend rant about how he met the perfect girl but had to stop seeing her after 3 months of dating because they both had the AS genotype, meaning they had the sickle-cell trait and it would affect their future forever. He was devastated but at the end of the day, he chose to let go for the sake of the ‘future’. At that moment, I felt bad for him but I understood because it was something that bothered him from the first day he found out but could not find the strength to end the relationship.

On the other hand, I know of a lady who ignored her deal breaker and married a man who had a different belief system from hers. Two years into the marriage and a kid later, she wants to leave because she can’t seem to find a neutral ground with her husband on their beliefs. Truth is, this issue was always there but she ignored it hoping things would change after they got married…something I find that a lot of women do (i.e. ignoring significant issues that should be sorted before marriage).

So again I ask, when it comes to deal breakers, is love ever enough? Can you overlook significant issues that could affect your life forever when you meet who your heart says is ‘the one’?

I still have ‘should have a broad shoulder’ on my deal breaker list….it affects the future …right? #dontjudge

 

Don’t worry, be happy!

This week has been very busy and I have not had the time to sit and write…okay that’s just an excuse for being a slacker especially since we had one day off (Happy Independence Nigeria!!)) and we have a long weekend ahead woohooo! As most bloggers/creative people, I believe I am in my season of having a ‘writers’ block’, you know that time that you can’t figure out what to write or the right words can’t seem to get to your fingers from your brain…what I’m trying to say is that I am sorry for dulling this week (I guess I should have said so from the start)

2014 has been an amazing year so far, almost all my friends (male and female) have gotten engaged with some getting married and I am usually the first one to scream for joy and post pictures on all social networking sites I can think of including picking the perfect hashtag for the wedding (because obviously ‘hashtaging’ is the new black). To show support, I have actually spent quite a bit buying aso-ebi this year despite my rant and I still have 5 more to buy before the year is over (that’s if no one else gets engaged this long weekend and sets their date in December). But the real highlight of my year so far was last weekend when I got the news of the engagement of a friend who means a lot to me.

It is a highlight because a few years ago we became closer to encourage each other in this journey of life. Through ups, downs, heartaches and my occasional mood swings, we still found a way to encourage each other and found solace in our relationship with God. Even though we hardly see each other we have successfully built a bond like sisters that some days I attempt dodging her so she doesn’t sense that something may be wrong with me….but this post is not about her (I’m yet to figure out what it is about actually)

Recently, a friend of mine said ‘It’s amazing how you celebrate the happiness of your friends…it’s rare’ those weren’t his exact words but it went something like that and I realized that I had spent almost 5 minutes gushing about my friend’s engagement, what an amazing guy she was getting married to and how excited I was. Again this is not about the engagement or my friend.

After that statement, I realised that it is actually rare for women to celebrate their fellow women especially single ones when their friends get engaged. There’s always that moment of silence after the good news, that period of ‘Why not me God?’ or the ‘Na wa o’ which often leads to some form of animosity and subtle jealousy at the engaged friend. If not managed right, it could lead to an obvious rivalry which leads to backbiting and remarks on the size of the rock, the authenticity of the diamonds to analysing the husband to be and finally evaluating the wedding if it was a great one or just average or quite recently, if it was a ‘money miss road wedding.’

I guess what I am trying to say is that we women need to learn to encourage each other and be happy for one another. Whether it is a promotion at a job or owning a successful business or getting married to their life partner, it is important that we learn to celebrate one another and be genuinely happy not looking for loopholes and reasons to downplay the happiness of the other. It doesn’t matter if the man she is getting married to is your taste or not, all that should matter is that she is happy. And if you happen to be a bridesmaid, please don’t whine about what you are going to wear and how it doesn’t suit your body type, it’s not about you, it’s about your friend the bride-to-be so suck it up and be happy in the most horrendous looking way you could ever be.

At the end of the day, the institution of marriage is not a competition, no one is taking attendance of who comes first and who finishes last. Forget the pressure, forget the ticking biological clock, dance your behind off at every wedding and enjoy each day of being single because you won’t be for long.

Love

P.s – You should see my friend’s rock sha…dang! it’s blinging!! And I promise to be back with a bang next week 🙂

Oh and this weekend be sure to check out the stage play MYOPIA by Chidinma Uzodike, which will be staged on the 5th of October 2014 at Swiss International, D’Palms Airport, Ajao Estate, Off International Airport road.

MYOPIA, is about a young girl’s determination to overcome family and societal discrimination against the female gender.

MYOPIA, is about a young girl’s determination to overcome family and societal discrimination against the female gender.

Do you see Single in Gidi on the printed backdrop? 🙂

The Marriage Ultimatum

While driving this morning, I heard the song ‘Marry me’ by Falz featuring Poe and Yemi Alade which basically illustrates the desperation of most single women with a very catchy tune, of course Miss Gidi being Miss Gidi, it made me think about the whole ‘ultimatum’ and how most single women these days have a time frame with the expectation that when it elapses, their partners better be on one knee asking the famous question ‘Will you marry me?’

A while ago, I had the opportunity of having a conversation with a lady who was in a new relationship. Like most women who are in fairly new relationships, she talked about all the wonderful things this man had to offer and how she really liked him but then ended everything with the statement ‘with the way things are going, I’m sure he will propose in another six months’, and in my usual manner I had to ask the reason behind the ‘six months plan’ of which she answered ‘Ah! How much longer does he need? abeg I am not 21 for him to be wasting my time and I already told him I don’t have more than one year to give him’

It’s not news that most women (and some men as well)  are scared of being hurt, scared of being taken advantage of but most of all scared of the length of time they would spend in a relationship that would not end up in marriage. I once heard that the number of years you spend with someone before you marry them is a sunk cost and should not be considered when making future marriage decisions. If you don’t know, a sunk cost is defined as a cost that has already been incurred and cannot be recovered, which basically means the six years you spend with a partner should not be the criteria for deciding whether or not to spend six more years with him/her, what’s done is done and there’s no going back. Although this example is unconventional, I am pretty sure some of you will never forget the definition of sunk costs for the rest of your lives (sunk cost is an accounting term by the way 🙂 )

The marriage ultimatum (either direct or indirect) is quite popular with the women, young ladies give their men a time frame, requiring them to propose or they walk away by a set time because they cannot afford to hang around with the hopes of getting married. Granted some men need the push and may be slow to consider marriage but should an ultimatum be given? Doesn’t that take away from the excitement/surprise of being proposed to? Or am I missing something here…

I remember when an acquaintance came to me with the wonderful news of her engagement and as expected I asked how he proposed of which she replied Miss Gidi, we’ve been together for a long time now and I told him to propose before December or it would be over, what else is he waiting for?. You can say she replied me in the typical Nigerian manner of replying a question with a question but it looked to me like even though she was ready, he was being pushed to be ready based on her ultimatum.

It’s obvious that the older a woman gets, the more impatient she becomes in a relationship and is often ready to skip the dating stage and run straight into marriage. This impatience usually begins once she has hit her late twenties and as expected the pressure from her family has been turned all the way up. I mean ‘older married friends’ have said statements to me like ‘at your age, one year is too long to date o, if after 3 months he is not talking marriage abeg move on’

Of course the timing of a relationship is relative, for some 3 months is enough while for others it’s too short, but my question is when is a marriage ultimatum important ? why should it be given? or is an ultimatum simply a sign of  desperation? 

By the way, the ‘engaged acquaintance’ is still single and the man is married to someone else

For Love or For Papers

This post is very tongue in cheek and should be read with some sense of humour

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Now that I have the disclaimer out of the way, let’s get down to business…

So you live abroad, this hot guy who lives in Nigeria sends you a friend request or maybe you met him on your recent trip to Nigeria. You have no mutual friends/acquaintance with him but you think you may have found the one. He is tall, dark, handsome so even though you have concerns about his rush towards marriage,  you go ahead to take the risk and then he ‘suggests’ moving to be with you because he is ‘considerate’ of your career and wants to be by your side.

Girlfriend, before you take that plunge, please note he may only be in it for the papers! (Yes I said it!)

Once upon a time wives were being exported to ‘the abroad’; during that time, relatives would find a wife for their son living in America (for example) and then send him pictures/contact details of the lady or ladies in question. Of course these young ladies would have been briefed of this development and she would then wait patiently for his first call and the start of their very own love story.

It is now 2014 and the tables have turned a little bit, instead of potential wives being picked from Nigeria, young women who live abroad are being targeted by men who are in Nigeria as potential wives. The criterion is pretty simple, you must have no adult ties with Nigeria (and by this I mean a potential career/business here), which also means you have no plans to move to Nigeria in the nearest future. Luckily social media plays a huge role as it gives certain ladies a sense of ‘familiarity’ through pictures and end up falling for these men in search of love and ‘a happily ever after’.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to fuel the already existing paranoia with some people who have foreign passports neither am I saying it is impossible to find true love but I am tired of hearing stories of ladies who have fallen for men that are obviously after them for anything other than love. So Oh Ghel before you decide to emotionally commit yourself to that man in Nigeria you barely know here are a few things you should do:

  1. Find a mutual friend/acquaintance – it is very important that you know someone who knows his guy in question and can vouch for his character or maybe lead you to someone who can. It helps you know a bit more than what he tells you because at this point, all you both are doing is ‘selling market’.
  2. Don’t believe everything you see on social media – this is a no brainer but all that ‘luxury’ and title you see could be lies, so take it with a pinch of salt and hold off bragging on how your boo in Nigeria is an Electrical engineer when he really is an electrician.
  3. Ask questions – this is very important because when you ask him what he does and he says ‘business’, you should be able to ask what nature of business it is and expect to get an understandable answer not ‘general contractor’ or ‘hustling’. Still on this, ask how his day was, know what he has been up to, ask about his family…get as much information as you can get out of him.
  4. Do your due diligence – this goes with #1 but you need to have some level of FBI skill in this matter before you marry someone else’s husband. If possible, have a friend or member of family you trust meet this guy, there are things those of us in Nigeria see that you will not (your eyes are not sharp like that…sowwy)
  5. Talk less about your immigration status in the beginning – for obvious reasons.
  6. Do not entertain conversation on relocation – Yes it is important and Yes it will come up but try as much as possible not to be the one to bring it up. If he is quick to bring up relocating under the pretence of being with you then back to #3 (ask questions) what is he going to do for income? Has he done any research? How is he going to cope? Answers like ‘when we get there we will sort it out’ should not be tolerated, he should have a plan, after all he is the ‘man’ in the relationship unless of course you are interested in having a house husband.
  7. Don’t be in a rush – I know you are getting older but marrying a man the second time you are seeing him in person is suspect. Don’t be in hurry, visit him in Nigeria, see him in his own comfort zone, let him visit you as well; if you can, relocate for a bit, evaluate your lives and then you ‘both’ decide what would be best. These things take time and all of that won’t happen in 3 months.
  8. Do not send MONEY – This is open for debate but I believe that before he comes to you for funds he must have exhausted all his options in Nigeria so lines such as ‘my clients are owing me’ ‘I’m having issues with the bank’ ‘I need this real quick, I will pay you when you come to Nigeria’ should be scrutinised…again ask questions!

It’s amazing that in a country like Nigeria where there are so many single women claiming not to find men to marry, some of my Nigerian sisters living abroad are able to meet, date, marry and ship their men over. It’s obvious that those of us in Nigeria are missing something or our oversabi is causing us to strike out a lot of potentials.

Whatever the case, ladies, when in doubt…ask questions!

Love and Running Shoes

I strongly believe that Lagos must have the highest number of potbellied ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These potbellied runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, dressed in their matching gear (some with face caps) and all have the arm bands showcasing their variety of expensive fitness gadgets.

Lagos also has a high number of bra-less ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These bra-less runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, sporting the lightest possible tights and tops and are usually eager to hop jog a few kilometres, showcasing the variety of ‘cup’ sizes and sensitivity to the windy environment.

Welcome to Lagos, where everything is another way to get hitched!

I’ve been told I need to go out more in order to meet potential suitors. If you’ve ever lived in Nigeria, you would know that as a single woman, your mission when you step out of your house is to meet a potential husband (I’m only being sarcastic by the way). Not once did I ever think that working out would be another way to ‘spouse hunt’.

For the record, I’m not a fitness junkie, I run power walk daily to keep fit because I tend to sit for long hours during the day. I prefer power walking outside because walking on a treadmill looks lazy and my naturally competitive self is slightly irritated by the random skinny chic who decides to ‘fly’ on the treadmill right next to mine. I mean why abandon all the other equipment and come next to someone who is clearly struggling with anything more than a powerwalk on a treadmill? WHY? What’s your point? So you think you can fly? … *deep breaths Miss Gidi, deep breaths*

Anyway, being fit has become one of the most popular trends in Lagos, from celebrity personal trainers to Shaun T’s insanity routine, everyone who is anyone wants to be fit and/or have that bikini body even though most of us don’t wear bikinis to the beach and are subconsciously  addicted to jollof rice and eba.

Although this has become a city-wide trend, some parts of the city (*cough* Lekki), have taken it a bit too far by turning it into an avenue to meet their potential partners with  the newly constructed suspension bridge being the perfect location for such matchmaking. I guess the idea of 1.36km (0.85miles) of potential suitors excites them.

As most things Nigerian, there is always someone who has a story of how they got hitched and the story of meeting someone on the suspension bridge is fast becoming a trending topic. I always thought they were stories that could never be true until my size 6 friend who resides in Phase 1 said she only goes for a ‘run’ on Saturday mornings because that’s when the big boys come out to play. Of course, as the curious cat that I am, I decided I was going to experience this lekki bridge transit dating.

My friend and I agreed to meet up at about 9am at the Lekki end of the bridge. Upon arrival,I noticed she had matching gear from top to bottom hugging her well-proportioned curves while I, well I had on an over-sized slight faded t-shirt covering the folds from the twix bars I won’t let go of  and a scarf to put my weave in place. As I walked towards her, I subconsciously prepared myself to be scolded for my nonchalance as I clearing missed the memo on dressing etiquette while working out in Lekki.

After a few minutes of stretching, we decided to start slow before increasing our pace. The bridge was packed as expected with people of all shapes, sizes and fitness levels not to forget the cyclists with top of the line bicycles and all the fancy gadgets. To be honest, it was a sight to behold, seeing so many Nigerians being health conscious or so it seemed.

While some were running the full length of the bridge, others were exercising their eyes on the variety the bridge had to offer. I couldn’t help but notice the occasional pot-bellied runners walking in pairs and smiling at every good-looking lady that walked pass or the bra-less runners passing by in what seemed like hopping instead of jogging; I almost tripped watching a pair of Double Ds have a life of their own while their owner hopped ran towards me.

At the other side of the bridge, there were certain newly acquainted couples who were taking out time to get to know each other while pretending to brisk walk across the bridge. You could tell they weren’t talking about fitness because I am certain  a conversation on sweat, miles and pain is not enough to make a young lady laugh flirtatiously while tucking back the strand of South American hair the wind keeps blowing in her face…or maybe it’s just me.

I noticed my friend had picked up her pace so I got out of my state of shock and focused on burning the twix bar folds I had accumulated. I was only a few minutes into my increased pace when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard my friend say

‘Abeg slow down! How do you expect to get a toaster when you are running?

*sigh* What can I say?  #girlsarenotsmiling

MAN VERSUS AMBITION

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Halfway through a conversation between Miss Gidi and Mr A

Me: Mehnnn I need to make Forbe’ list in this life

Mr A: So where will your husband be?

Me: Ummm Forbe’s list too duh!

Mr A: Abeg Miss Gidi, you need to chill on all this your over ambitious goals, at least play it down because most men don’t like women that look like they want to compete with them

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Well friends, welcome to another day in the life of a single sister in Lagos, today we are discussing being ambitious and how that affects your ‘man market’.

In a country like Nigeria where there are a lot of female entrepreneurs (including your fish and pepper sellers in the market) I wonder why most Nigerian men (not all) have a problem with a woman who is driven. Fortunately, I happen to be one of those women who aim for excellence, to be the best at everything I do. While in secondary school I ran the school’s tuck shop for about a year (or was it a few months) under the Junior Achiever’s program and ended up winning an award for the best company run under the J.A. program that year.

Even in Uni, I was elected the president of an organisation and with the help of a fantastic team, we were able to transform it from nothing to one that was recognised for excellence and I was awarded with the highest leadership award for my efforts as the President of the organisation. I’m not trying to blow my trumpet here instead I am saying that excelling at what I set my hands to do has always been my motto in life and with parents like mine being mediocre has never been an option.

Unfortunately though this trait of mine does not seem to help my ‘man market’ because as a single woman who wants to get married I am told I need to tone down my drive for excellence and never discuss some of my life goals such as being on the Forbe’s list. Apparently, my physical appearance already intimidates men so being an NFA (No Future Ambition) should balance the equation.

For the record, this has nothing to do with having a demanding job, this is about being a woman who is driven to succeed.

Don’t get me wrong, some Nigerian men love a woman that is entrepreneurial and driven BUT she cannot be better than he is or more driven than he is, so while he deals in oil/government contracts, she should stick to selling shoes and bags in the marketplace, never aspiring to have her own brand or expanding into being one of the top shoe producers in Nigeria (heck Africa!) …a few shops here and there should be height of her aspiration.

Each time I have this discussion with people, I am often reminded that most women who are supposedly ambitious are single, divorced or widowed. There is the misconception that a woman who aims to be excellent in anything other than being a wife and mother cannot be ‘tamed’ because she may forget her role in the home while she aims for success in other aspects of her life.

Our society gives me the impression that being mediocre or pretending to be is what makes me more of a ‘marriage material’; I must learn to slow down to be accepted; so don’t be too educated (unless you are a medical doctor), don’t aim for greatness, don’t own properties, don’t drive luxury cars (unless a man bought it for you) and in my case, don’t dream of being on the Forbes list.

My question is with the number of female entrepreneurs we have in our country why is being an ambitious woman a threat to the average Nigerian man? Who says a woman cannot have it all? Or is ‘having it all’ something only men can aim for?

Sadly for ‘our society’, I was not trained to be mediocre, I was trained to be the best that I can be, aim for greatness including being the best mother and wife…surely there has to be a man who can handle all of that.

Staying Neutral

Sims finally got to answer my question on being neutral in female drama.

The WordSmith's Journal

Guys, I’m sure this situation has happened to you before. Your female friend who you’ve been friends with for quite a long time, introduces you to another female friend of hers. You all become friends, it’s all good, all of a sudden you have another female friend to hang out with. And then one day, your two female friends fight. Opari.

By the way, this is a request by Miss Gidi. I always get excited when she asks me to write, though this is quite late. E ma binu Ma.

Ok back to this scenario. So what do you now do? Easiest thing would be to ignore them both right? But we kind of know that’s not exactly possible. So then, who do you owe your loyalties to? In fact, should loyalty even come into the equation? Maybe not, but it does anyway; these are women we’re talking about, and…

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DEALING WITH WHAT NEVER WAS

I believe I met the love of my life about a year ago, he was everything I wanted in a man, he was smart, funny in a nerdy way, loved good music and had the fear of the Lord in his heart. We fell in love, got married and were going to live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

That was all in my head

What really happened was that I met a guy via social media (we’re in 2014 so don’t judge), we connected in many ways that made me wonder where he had been all my life. He was a Lagos boy as well so we had a lot of Lagos childhood memories to share and laugh about. To be honest, no other man at the time was able to have my attention the way he did. Sadly, it was a long distance thing so we spent hours getting to know each other through phone calls and Skype dates. There was a connection, one I could not understand, like we were meant to be soul mates, you know the kind of stuff that you see in Hollywood movies.

Then I got to finally meet him in person, he was visiting for 10 days and I was determined to spend every day with him and that we did. Our connection was much stronger in person and we enjoyed every moment we had together until his last day. He possessed everything I could imagine in a man, I mean how else do you want a man to look at you? Talk to you? And treat you? With him I forgot all about my insecurities as he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

In reality we spent 9 days together because on his last day he became distant as he remembered he had to go back to his base, to the girl he left behind who loved him as much as I did. Oh yea he had a girlfriend and I had become the accidental side chic, like a cyber-mistress that was too good to be true. So slowly we drifted apart, the phone calls and Skype dates disappeared; we became strangers on the internet with the occasional hellos as our way to say ‘I still have you in my thoughts’

This is not my story but that of a friend, Hadiza’, who told me about a certain guy she thought would be ‘the one’. She, like many others had gotten too close to a guy and started something which she shouldn’t have in the first place. It wouldn’t be her first and I could totally relate with her because I have been there too. Often times in the course of life, we meet people that we believe are our possible soul mates and end up being hurt when it never works out quite as planned or dreamed.

After each breakup of a non-relationship, we find ourselves in a state of ‘what ifs?’ What if we were together? What if he/she is actually the other half of me that I have been searching for all my life? As Hadiza recounted her story I could sense the anger and hurt from the tone of her voice. Even though she was hurt, she often wondered what it would be like if they actually were together and a part of her hopes he will come back to her because what they felt/feel for each other was stronger than what anyone could understand (women and our wahala sha!)

What amazes me though is not the dynamics of a non-relationship but the ‘breakup’ and the impact it has on the person/people involved. In all fairness, do we really have control over the people that we get close to? How do you stop yourself from getting into such compromising situations or maybe dealing with a relationship that was never labelled as one in the first? Is the person involved now an ex or a former friend?

I could go on and on but at the end of the day, if it was never a relationship then what was it?

Las Gidi and our love for brand names

Lagos…..City of dreams, land of opportunity and all the glitz and glam that one could imagine. Seriously, Lagos is paradoxically one of the most ludicrously opulent cities in the world, up there with the likes of Mumbai. And I say paradox because even amidst all the squalor and squelch that is so replete in the city, there is such abundant wealth: the rich in their beautiful clothes stand on the same rain-soaked ground as the poor with their tatters. What a dichotomy – Sims

I couldn’t have started this post any other way, I mean who doesn’t love Lagos? Okay don’t answer that; but after living in this wonderful city for about 24 years now I must say Lagos is one that inspires me and amazes me. No other city has been able to bring out the best in me like Lagos…Lagos is the reason why I write, why I am inspired and why I am sometimes baffled.

One of the things that baffles me in this Lagos is our love for names, who you are, who you know but most of all who you are wearing/carrying…Ah yes WE LOVE BRAND NAMES. Gidi girls (because the term ‘Lagos girls’ is considered derogatory) always want to talk about who they are wearing or carrying. From the international luxury brands to our very own Nigerian overpriced well-known brands, anybody who wants to be somebody which is everybody in Lagos wants to be known to carry or wear the ‘best’ even if they have to fake it. An average Gidi girl would rather carry a Grade 1 fake LV than carry an equally beautiful and better quality lower budget bag from a no named designer. If you doubt me, take a look at most of the stores around, most of them sell counterfeit handbags at ridiculous prices. Before you think I am being judgmental, let me state my disclaimer, I don’t have a problem with certain people choosing to buy counterfeit items (it’s a free world after all) I only find it funny when people buy things for the name and not the design.

A few weeks ago, I experienced two ladies have an hour-long argument on brand names, handbags and their worth. It all began when Lady A couldn’t take her eyes off Lady B’s designer handbag so she complimented it and asked where she got it from and for how much. Lady B, with a sense of pride and with a concentrated indigenous accent (I won’t mention which one), replied that she bought it from a highbrow store and it cost an equivalent for 85,000 naira which made Lady A exclaim and insist that she had been duped because she recently purchased that same handbag from an Instagram seller for about $200. Lady B feeling slighted at the unexpected response then said that Lady A had purchased the fake version of this ‘handbag’ from Instagram and Lady A was the one that had been duped. Of course Lady A wasn’t going to accept that so she said ‘it’s not possible na oyinbo babe dey sell the bag on Instagram, let me show you pictures’ which of course left me startled on how the race of a seller could determine the authenticity of a product (that’s another gist)

Eventually it led to an exchange of brand names, stories of different trips/shopping sprees and how much each of them had spent on luxury brands. Actually it sounded more like stock taking of what brands each of them owned and where they had gotten these items; of course no one could verify their individual stories but hey it was fun listening to them have such a shallow argument because not once did they mention the unique/phenomenal designs of these things they had acquired.

These ladies are simply a representation of some ladies in Lagos, I can’t count the number of times I have heard Gidi girls talk about brands and how much they spent on them or the occasional showcase of our local celebrities ‘instagramming’ empty shopping bags from certain luxury stores while on vacation in the UK, US or UAE. It’s like a disease, as long as you want to be ‘somebody’ in Lagos you must own a few brands and be able to showcase them at all times, even if you cannot afford the original then buy a fake. It doesn’t matter how the item looks, as long as it is a luxury brand then you are fine.

Personally, I am not crazy about brand names neither am I afraid to say I got a beautiful item from Primark or Ipodo market (which is in Ikeja by the way) or that my tailor charged me only 1000 naira for a fashionable iro and buba that some designer is selling for 10,000 naira. Truth is, as long as it looks good then I am happy with it, not saying that I do not buy brand names but for me it has to do with the design not the name. I am yet to understand what the obsession is with brand names especially in Lagos where things are hard and those who obsess over these names cannot afford a year’s rent.

As for the ladies in question, none of them had the original ‘designer handbag’ …in Lagos, you can always fake it till you make it.