WOMEN PROPOSING TO MEN

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Girls just want to have fun

Happy Eid-El-Fitri!…and sadly the four day weekend has come to an end, now we all have to get ready to go back to work and our normal lives *sigh*

Anyway, last weekend happened to be my busiest so far as my good friend got married and I happened to be her maid of honour. This would be my second time being a bridesmaid and my first as the MOH so it was a bit of an experience. In summary, it was a lot of work but I enjoyed every bit of it as I watched her turn from Miss O to Mrs O. But this post is not about the wedding; it’s about other things that need to be addressed.

I love to dance, as a matter of fact, the story is that I started walking at 1yr 3months (yes I was taking my time) because the music player stopped working while I was dancing so I walked up to it and pushed it down so it would work (I mean while mess up with a young lady’s groove). This hasn’t changed much because even at my current age of ‘18’, I still love to dance and when I decide to go dancing, the last thing I need or want is for my groove/rhythm to be messed up, especially by thirsty men who insist you must dance with them!

Someone needs to send the memo across to some men that when certain chics show up at a party or at the club to dance it’s because they want to have fun and not to hook up with men. I refuse to believe that responsible women go to clubs to hook up with men unless of course you are of a ‘certain trade’? So you can sense my utter disgust when my girls and I could not just dance in peace over the weekend.

After the festivities were all over, my girls and I decided we would go out to have fun, we all travelled to be a part of the wedding so this was our way of unwinding before heading back home. I must admit each one of us happened to be good dancers in our own right and the DJ was on point…good music, good dancers and drinks so you know it was bound to be epic. The only problem we had were the men who wouldn’t let us breathe, we were constantly interrupted by men who only had plans to ‘corner’ us. At some point we felt we had to protect ourselves from men who would strategically place themselves behind us for a session of anticipated slow grinding and possibly dry humping. What made it more annoying was that each time we turned these men down we would get questions like ‘Why won’t you dance with me?’ ‘What’s the deal with you?’’Why did you come out then?”Are you lesbian or bi-sexual?’ only because we refused to dance with any of the men in question. -_-

In order to understand the male point of view on this experience, my questions today are for the guys, when you go out and see a bunch of ladies dancing? what comes to mind? do you at any point consider that they just want to dance without being disturbed? Or are all women who come out dancing branded a certain way?…Ladies you are welcome to comment

And for the record, none of us were dressed seductively or even wore heels before someone comes with the outfit debate.

 

 

 

 

 

Two more days to enter the #singleingidi giveaway if you haven’t already

Whose is it anyway?

What won’t I hear in this Lagos? Sometimes I wish I made these stories up but I promise you I do not. Lagos just happens to be a city with all sorts of characters as human beings. Anyway let me go straight to the gist

A few days ago I was having a conversation with a good friend, actually it was more like a consoling session because she just broke up with her boyfriend of about 6 years. She met him and started dating him at the age of 25 and now at 31, he decides that he is not ready for the commitment…that’s gist for another day because we honestly need to discuss the topic of how long you should last in a relationship before walking away due to lack of commitment (or lack of ring and marriage).

So here I am telling her ‘things will get better’, ‘there are many fishes in the sea’, ‘she deserves better’, ‘she won’t die an old spinster’ and all those things you say when a friend is fresh out of a relationship; I also had to listen to her rant about her ex-boyfriend, all he did to her, how she suffered, how she should have known, and everything we women say in the usual man bashing stage we go through after a breakup . Then she said ‘Can you imagine he wants everything back?’

PAUSE! EXCUSE ME?!?!

He wants everything he ever got for her during their 6 years together. He used to buy/surprise her with a lot of fantastic gifts while they were together. I won’t lie, some valentine’s days I would beef her knowing that he must have gotten her something fantastic while I wallowed in singledom but now that the relationship is over, he wants everything he ever got for her. -_-

The shoes, bags, outfits, lingerie, jewelry, Christmas gifts, valentine’s, birthdays, the ‘just because’…he wants it all back and even proceeded to send her messages after a heated argument to know when she would send it all back.

You see there are two sides to this, one side would be to give it back, to prove what a jerk he is, to have peace of mind and get rid of any reminder of him in her life; while the other would be to keep it all, after all she never asked him to get them for her in the first place and at least she would have something to show for the time spent.

Now my question is Ladies, if you were in her shoes, would you give it ALL back and why? And Guys, would you ever ask an ex to return everything you ever got for her no matter how little?

As for my friend, oh boy would have to return 6 years and draw blood from a rock before she gives him back a thing.

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Have you entered the giveaway yet? You don’t want to miss the chance to win one of the amazing prizes 

 

 

 

 

A note to the newly engaged

You just got engaged, you are getting married to the man of your dreams (I pray), you have announced your engagement on all the social networking sites and are currently overwhelmed with the congratulatory messages from family, friends and acquaintances while trying to figure out if your fairy tale wedding will become a reality.

I am happy for you, I have put up a pic of your bling and gushed at how perfect your proposal story is (was probably a part of the planning) but you’ve been acting strange and I need to call you out on a few things that you are doing very wrong which needs to be fixed:

  1. Don’t go all spiritual on me: which also goes for you being ‘highly moral’. The ring on your finger does not mean you have now found God so stop with the constant sermons, offering me prayers and/or giving me moral advice. We both know your track record before you settled for this man so before you start listing different rules that you never followed or constantly quoting scriptures from the bible, stop, think and think again.
  2. Don’t try to hook me up with the next single man you find: You see I would understand if you did this before you got engaged but trying to hook me up with any Tom, Dick or Harry now you have the ring is a bit irritating. Actually, it makes it look like you’ve always known these great guys but you’ve been hiding them from me because you wanted them for yourself (kinda like alternatives). This also goes for trying to hook me up with your fiance’s best friend, brother or cousin or that guy you’ve friendzoned for the last 5 years.
  3. Stop trying to sell my market: By this I mean telling so many guys what a nice girl I am and how I am very down to earth and very available to be plucked. Give them a chance to get to know me first, let me sell my market myself no matter how long it takes me,.
  4. Don’t feel bad for me: Saying things like ‘I don’t know how you will feel’ or ‘I hope you don’t mind because it is a couples’ thing’ or constantly asking me ‘how I am coping’ does not make you a considerate friend, instead it makes you a paranoid friend who believes your ring has suddenly made me unhappy and/or jealous.
  5. Don’t offer me unsolicited relationship advice: which also applies to ‘settling’ advice, I know no one is perfect but stop with the ‘you just have to manage’ conversation because unless you want to give me the impression that you are managing.

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to say that I am so happy that you are about to walk down the aisle with the man you truly love and I understand you care for me but PLEASE I am single not diseased.

Love,

 

 

 

 

 

Remember the giveaway is still going on

“When Boy meets Girl” is no longer enough

‘Miss Gidi you need to call this prophet, he’s really good, maybe he can tell you what the problem is, you need to get married soon’

Those were the words of a very concerned friend over my single status, to her it made no sense how a good girl who had everything going for her was still single, she always thought I would be the first to get married and right now it looks like I would be the last because I am not engaged and I do not have a serious boyfriend to show. Her verdict…it had to be spiritual, there had to be a spiritual force out there maybe from my village or from a rejected lover that has stopped me from moving ahead in this race for marriage, so now she is recommending a prophet, I mean if all the dating rule books have failed then a prophet had to be the answer…right?

I often hear of barren women who visit native doctors so they could get pregnant, young men who join certain cults to get rich quick, single ladies who consult spiritual means with pictures of suitors so they could get married. People now pass around recommendations for prophets, pastors and native doctors like it’s a new snack to try out. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that sometimes certain people may have one form of spiritual issue or the other but most times people are so impatient with life that they would do anything to fast forward events to get what they want when they want it.

Even with all of this in mind, I was shocked that I had to encounter such; I guess it was only a matter of time before someone would recommend a priest in some faraway village like in our Nollywood movies. What even shocked me some more was when I started doing my research, I found out that this has actually become a norm in Lagos, a lot of single women in Lagos are now turning to spiritual means so they could get married quick, some even have some supposed seers on speed dial so when they meet someone new, they simply text the guy’s name to the seer so prayers could begin. They say they are doing everything they can to solve their ‘problem’ …well I call it the highest form of desperation.

Anyway because Lagos is filled with gist, I was told about some girl called Aisha (obviously not her real name). Aisha had been in a relationship with Akin (not his real name) for a while and decided that in order for him to be faithful to her, she would go see some ‘baba’ that her friend Yewande recommended. Upon getting there, the baba tells Aisha that she needed to put something under Akin’s bed so when he falls asleep, he would think of no other woman but her and marry her quickly. So Aisha follows the plan, puts the item under Akin’s bed and then goes back to her home (I guess she didn’t want to keep thinking of herself). Unfortunately for her, Akin didn’t sleep in his room that night, he had ‘company’ over so he fell asleep in the guest room while his friend, Obi, slept in Akin’s room. I’m won’t go into further details on this gist, all I want to know is why Aisha didn’t just walk away from the relationship if she knew she could not deal with Akin’s infidelity, why stoop so low to such means?

Back to my conversation with my concerned friend, I let her know that I was not interested in her prophet. The only form of spirituality that I would be consulting is praying to my God to make me a better woman for the man who I would get married to at the right time and also making that man a better man for me.

So my advice, Ladies you need to stop acting like marriage is what defines your existence as human beings and focus on what is important like being better people to the society and to yourselves. Give yourself some respect and stop being so desperate…

***whoossaaa***

I’m over this…

Don’t forget to be a part of the #singleingidi giveaway, the more the merrier and good luck to all the winners in advance 🙂

The Bad Boy Obsession

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of spending time with one of my ‘little’ friends, I call her ‘little’ because she’s only 21 and ..well you know how old I am. One of the things I like about ‘younger’ girls is that I am reminded of myself at that age, how care free I was and how I thought I could make key decisions especially with men.

At 21, I was done with university so like most recent graduates, I believed I was mature. At that time what interested me the most in guys were their educational status (must have completed uni), height and looks. When I say looks, I wanted what I thought was a manly man, none of that pretty boy look, a man with swag, a bit rough and tough…a reformed bad boy was what I was I was looking for (you know kinda like the ex-convict who found Jesus in prison…I exaggerate but you get my point). My thought pattern at that time was, if he was once bad, then he would have the swag that media makes so attractive but being good means he would know how to treat me well; I thought by having a reformed bad boy, I would always feel protected so I had to find that middle ground, the best of both worlds they call it.

Fast forward a few years later and here I was listening to little Sisi seeking my ‘mature’ advice in picking one of the 3 guys that are on her case at the moment (some girls have it good sha). One of them, BB (Bad Boy), was everything her parents had warned her to stay away from, he hasn’t achieved much at 27 but had the swag, the good looks to go with it and according to Sisi ‘the chemistry’. UB (Used to be Bad) had failed out of Uni in the UK thanks to being ‘bad’ and is now back in Nigeria trying to be better while finding his way through one of the popular private universities in the country. GB (Good Boy) on the other hand has had a crush on her for a while, hasn’t quite made a move but at 23 he is done with Uni and is currently taking his professional exams to be a chartered accountant while working with as a graduate trainee in a top firm; all fingers point to GB as a good choice but little Sisi claims she is confused.

At my age, I’m wondering why Sisi is confused, I believe a young girl who wants something serious will definitely go for GB, with or without the glorified ‘swag’. I mean, he is on his way to being stable while the other guys are neither here nor there at the moment. On the other hand, I can almost see why Sisi is confused, she’s at the age of searching for adventure, having that trophy boyfriend, the man with the rock hard abs that will make all her friends green with envy, you know the one with the extra swag that can lick his lips and make your knees weak…the type that TV tells us is more fun and even though he is bad, he can turn good just for you… #lieswomenbelieve

While listening to Sisi speak some more, I began to wonder who/what was responsible for this female obsession for bad boys? What is the illusion of wanting something/someone that is obviously not good for you? Why do so many young ladies ignore the good guys ’till it’s too late?

At the end of it all, Sisi admitted that she thought the other 2 were more ‘manly’ for her and could ‘protect’ her, her parents of course would never agree for the bad boy so she’s considering the middle ground. Her exact words were ‘I am a strong woman, I don’t need a man that I can push around and GB looks like a pushover, he’s a really good guy but I like him as a friend, that’s it’

*sigh* No wonder they say nice guys always end up being friendzoned….

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Come back next week for details 🙂

 

 

Miss Gidi’s guide to Surviving the World Cup Season

Incase you’re stuck under a rock somewhere, it’s World Cup Season..yayyyyy!! -_- and if you happen to be Nigerian you know that Nigerian MEN love football, the exception is meeting one that does not (and that’s like one in every thousand).

I am not a football fan, actually I don’t watch any form of sporting event but I understand that in order to date a Nigerian man, you need to know the basics especially how to tolerate a few games for the remainder 26 days of the World Cup Season (who’s counting really?). So here is Miss Gidi’s guide to surviving the World Cup 2014:

1. YOU ARE A PATRIOTIC NIGERIAN

That is if you are Nigerian, as much as our Super Eagles have set the record of the first goalless match this world cup season, it is important to note that you support Nigeria. You should get a customized Nigerian Jersey, take a few pictures and share on all social networks. When Nigeria is out of the game, then you are African!

2. KNOW THE GAME TIMES

Today's lineup

It is important that you have an idea when the teams will be playing to avoid unnecessary arguments, that way you know when not to bother him or be heartbroken when he switches date times so he can watch the game. or worse, go on a date with him and notice how he’s not listening to anything you say because he is either watching the match on the TV behind you or checking his phone for updates.

3. BE  PART OF THE GAME

If you choose to watch a game with him then please be prepared to be a part of the game. Be there! Be enthusiastic! I’m not saying scream and yell because it would be obvious that you are trying too hard, but be able to have a conversation or 2. The last thing he wants is to notice that you are bored and you’re making him look like a terrible guy for subjecting you to 90 minutes of torture (that’s if he cares of course)

4. HE WILL HANG OUT WITH HIS BOYS THIS SEASON…A LOT

I don’t think I need to explain anything here.

5. HAVE FUN WITH IT

Or at least try…whether it’s making fun of the fans on TV, or drooling on the hot guys playing (*cough*)…the point is to have fun. My way of having fun is  occasionally picking the teams to support based on the number of cute guys I see on the squad…you can say whatever you want but it works for me. :p

6. BE READY TO PLAY HOST

This may be a bit extra for some ladies but if you are already in a relationship and you know he’s going to watch the game with a few friends at his place, then make provision for little bites like small chops or cocktail bites and drinks of course. Playing host is usually better when it is Nigeria playing (or it’s the final) and if some of his friends have girlfriends/wives that you can gossip with while the men  be their usual arm-chair analysts.

7. DON’T BE CLUELESS

It’s 2014, Google is your best your friend. Simply type in World Cup 2014 and you can get anything you want to know, times, scores…e.t.c. Asking the question ‘Did you watch the match?’ is usually a good way of starting up a conversation, remember to change the topic though before you are drowned with terms that you know nothing about.

That’s it, my 7 tips to surviving the World Cup Season …if you care to know…… as for the ladies trying to impress a guy this season well kudos to you and happy viewing 😉

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If you have additional tips of survival, please feel free to drop your comment below…

Are we outnumbered?

On Monday, there was news all over the web about the experience of Miss Kemi Adetiba, a popular music video director, on her experience in a certain restaurant called Spice Route, located in the ever bubbling Victoria Island. The story is that Kemi was not allowed to go in without a male ‘escort’ because she happens to be single and in the eyes of management could also be a ‘prostitute’. Eventually she went in and like most millennials she turned to social media to rant about her disgust on the unfair treatment she got at this restaurant.

When I read about her story, a part of me was upset and somewhat irritated because it implied that every single woman in Lagos (including yours truly) could be mistaken for a runs chic (a.k.a escort, prostitute, cheap hoe e.t.c). I have been to Spice Route a few times but never had to experience this unfair treatment, well maybe because 2 of those times were for early dinners and the third was for an overpriced event but I have heard of lots of places (especially restaurants in hotels) in Lagos that do not allow single women to come in after a certain time for fear that they would be entertaining women of ‘easy virtue’.

On the other hand, I tried to imagine what I would do if I owned a restaurant in Lagos. To be honest, the number of ‘runs chics’ has increased exponentially, I mean who can tell these days? We all wear the same clothes, same weave and in some cases live in the same neighbourhoods. The only difference is that some of these runs chics are ‘free spirited and occasionally hang out at odd times, I say some because others are masked under ‘proper jobs’.

If you are a novice in Lagos, you probably wouldn’t notice this but those of us who live here can tell a mile away when a runs chic is in the area. So what’s a restaurant owner supposed to do to avoid having these kind of women coming into their restaurant and not lose their reputation as a classy spot in Lagos? Please do not get me wrong, I am in no way trying to justify the actions of the management of Spice Route or supporting gender discrimination but instead of knocking them down for their failed attempt maybe a coalition of decent single women living in Lagos can offer them a logical solution.

I remember when a friend called me ranting about her first encounter with a nosy neighbour, my friend had just moved into the penthouse of their building and was taking out time to know her neighbours (a very oyibo thing to do by the way). Anyway, Madam Nosy not caring about where my friend worked or what she did for a living, simply asked ‘Who is the man that paid for this place?‘, a subtle way of saying ‘Who is your sugar daddy?’ .

Of course we both laughed at her experience but with restaurants banning the entry of single women after a certain time, one can only wonder if the ‘decent’ single ladies who do not have to offer their bodies for any source of income are being outnumbered by runs chics.

This is actually disturbing or maybe we all just need to invest in false rings when we want to hang out after a certain time…I don’t know really, what do you think?

Work, Life & Love

Today’s post is a bit late because I didn’t have any post planed and  I’ve been caught up trying to get myself together…don’t worry I’m not moving out of Lagos (because that would mean closing down the blog) but today will be my last day at my current job. Yes, I am saying goodbye to the life of late hours and working on weekends to face one where I control my time to an extent. In a way, I am happy yet nervous at what life has to hold; although, if there’s anybody more excited than I am then it would be my mother.

Mama Gidi (like most mothers) is of the opinion that leaving this job would give me time to have  a social life, a healthy relationship and possibly get married within a year (okay i exaggerate but you get my point) while I am just happy to be chasing my dreams and doing what it is that I have always wanted to do but of course this isn’t about chasing dreams..it’s about having a work-life balance as a single person in a city like Lagos.

I must admit that having a demanding job can affect anyone’s social life negatively. I can recall how many times I have had to call off dates or hangouts because I had to work late and sometimes cancelling last-minute because something unexpected came up which needed my attention. It usually starts out small but eventually it becomes uncontrollable to the point that no one remembers that you even exist because you are now married to your job.

In our world of double standards, men with demanding jobs get away with this because the girlfriends/women always understand especially if it’s a good paying job ( gifts make the women happy I suppose). On one night while working on a deadline with colleagues, I noticed that my team lead (or supervisor) had his girlfriend over in the office, waiting for him before they would head out for the night. I remember leaving the office at midnight, assuring her that he would be done soon and they could go about their business for the night. That encounter made me think because God knows no naija man will wait for his woman to finish from work at almost midnight because wetin happen? Is she the only single woman in Lagos? …again maybe I exaggerate or maybe that one guy that told me I was not ready to settle down because of my crazy work hours was just irrational and insensitive.

If you look around you in Lagos, you will notice that a lot of women who are very successful especially in the financial industry tend to be single, I am not denying the fact that there could be other factors influencing this observation but is it possible that the lack of time for a social life could be a contributing factor? How can single women with demanding jobs find a balance or should we be picking flexible jobs so we can create that time?

I really want to know what the ladies think, please feel free to share your experience/thoughts and of course the men are welcome to share their opinion…

Understanding why you MUST ‘front’

As a young lady, you are taught that the best way to tell a man Yes is by first saying No, *straight face*.

Apparently a man who works harder to get your attention will learn to appreciate you but of course there are exceptions to every rule, like my friend Ama that fronted for almost 2 years and still got treated like crap but I digress.

If you are like me, you’d  begin to ask questions such as ‘why must you say No when you really want to say Yes?’; ‘why must you act uninterested when you are quite interested?’; in summary, ‘WHY FRONT?’

Before I continue, please note that ‘fronting’ or ‘playing hard to get’ in this post simply means making men cross the ocean on foot or jump through hoops for the privilege of spending time with you and/or getting to know you. It does not mean delaying any sexual relationship until emotional intimacy has been established, which of course is the ‘right’ thing to do.

Single women in Lagos take fronting to a whole new level. I am talking pretending to be busy, not picking a call until after the fourth ring, ignoring messages for at least 2 days before responding, giving the impression that she has a lot of guys on her case when in reality she only has that one and so much more. One time, a friend offered me ‘advice’ to tell a guy I was going to see a movie with a few friends when I was actually just chilling at home reading through blogs and another time I was told to ‘offer’ a female friend to a guy I was getting to know so I could observe his reaction (like really?).  It seems that any man looking to chase a Lagos girl must lose sweat, blood and tears in order to get her attention because as they say, good things don’t come easy.

As someone who  prefers to say it as, I often find it difficult playing the dating game…what’s wrong with just being nice? or telling a guy you are feeling him? Do I have to follow the so-called rules that seem to change every year? To be honest, I think there are one too many rules on what to do and how to do it which in some cases make no sense and do not apply to all women. For instance, if Steve Harvey met some Naija boys, he would know that the 90 day rule does not apply to us because the men here will wait for 365 days, get the cookie and still walk away. Let’s not even bring up the short and long-term goals question because in a place like Lagos where hustling is a must, we know how to give those answers on the spot without batting an eyelid; so if you are a young lady roaming the streets of Lagos asking guys ‘What are your short and long-term goals?’ then I sorry for you.

I have tried understanding why women like to front or play hard to get and the reasons I got included

  • Wanting to feel desired – so she will make herself scarce and make the man put in more effort to get her attention either through constant calls or gifts (in Lagos, it’s usually gifts sha)
  • Not looking easy – so she won’t accept the first offer for a date, if she accepts too quick then the guy would think she is easy, desperate and jobless.
  • Men like the chase –   most Nigerian men have huge egos so making them work hard for the lady’s attention gives them the false sense of victory when she finally agrees to spend time with them.

Even with the above reasons, I still do not get it…what’s wrong with being you and not having to pretend? So once more I ask the ladies, ‘Why do women like to ‘front’?’  and for the men ‘Do you prefer a woman who fronts over one who is straight forward?’