Marriage is a beautiful thing; imagine spending your lifetime with someone who gets you, someone you understand, becoming one and finishing each other’s sentences or whatever you married people do that’s unique to your relationship, no shade intended.
However, marriage is and should not be the one and only important goal of a female homosapien. Sadly our society(Nigerian) will not let someone be great and think a woman’s life mission statement should be ” I must marry by fire by thunder”.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this complex yet beautiful institution called marriage. Imagine having your own personal masseuse, someone to not talk to for half a day because you’re angry at the imaginary/trivial thing they did or someone to laugh with until tears roll down your cheeks, how about having your own personal “lab rat” to test your “mad” experiments on. Imagine having someone to make you a watermelon and avocado sandwich at 2am because you’re having the oddest of cravings as a result of carrying “the one who will continue your family lineage and perhaps unachieved parental goals and dreams”.
Oh this is not why people get married? Ehen angel of marital affairs, weidon sir/ma, this is my fantasy please, go and find your own.
See, I’ve lost the plot sef! Where was I? Ranting about marriage, ehen let us continue….
Marriage requires a constant understanding that you both come from different backgrounds, with different experiences and belief systems that have shaped you as individuals, it means understanding that you will have to work at it and not solely depend on love to hold you together. In the words of sister Rihanna, you have to work,work,work,work,work.
Now you get the picture I’m trying to paint, I’m sure you’ll agree when I say that this means it might take some time for you to find that special person and there’s actually nothing wrong with that. Imagine the effort you may need to actualise this great feat and then someone will now open their buccal cavity and spew things like “you’re not getting any younger, goan marry o”, “it’s better to do it early and be done with childbearing”, “My sister don’t be selective o! All men are the same” etc.
Eskiss ma/sir, it’s like your body temperature is fluctuating abi??
I believe marriage is a cult, now don’t run off yet, I promise I’m going somewhere with this statement. I believe it’s a cult because they say “join us, join us, join us”, okay probably not in that ominous tone but still in an almost frenzied tone drizzled with a little bit of sympathy.
However, they will not let you in on the dark and deepest secrets it holds. So when you enter and see that it’s a lot more than what your BellaNaija-esq rosy coloured glasses showed you and you start wondering what you actually got yourself into, they will be the first to jump up and say “my sister! na so marriage be oh, make you just dey pray.” “I go borrow you my War Room DVD”, “My sister fight it on your knees” Tah! keep chut dia! I pray that the Lord will deliver us from all these “cult” members.
I believe married women should be truthful to their single friends, tell her about the days you sit on the couch and wonder what sin you committed in your former life to be stuck with a man who thinks it’s cute to leave the sink a mess after every meal, wears his socks more than once or some other gross tale. You should be real enough to admit that it takes a conscious effort from both parties to achieve the coveted goals hashtag, talk about the harrowing moments and how you had to set your prides aside and fight for each other, let them know that they need to be ready to stand their ground, be silly, forgive etc. It does no one any good when you reply “my dear don’t worry your own will come” when your single friend likes or comments on those loving photos of your spouse. In short, this should be banned, I actually think whenever anyone writes that, their phone should zap them a bit!
Before you ask someone why they are not married or comment on their lack of spouse, please be sure that they WANT to get married. I know a lot of people are in great marriages and want as many people to experience that but please apply wisdom to your enthusiasm.
Don’t be insensitive, most times people’s private lives are what they are ;PRIVATE and should remain that way, if you are THAT desperate, ask God and He’ll show you or your village juju but we all know where that rabbit hole leads to….