IDENTIFYING WHO TO DATE IN 2016

Happy new year Family!!! Yes it’s me again, Imarose and I know I have been MIA for a bit but don’t worry, it’s a new year and I will attempt to be better.

Have you ever been to a single-and-mingle event in Lagos? I have and I can tell you Lagos is full of some many single women, while every guy in Lagos is single; married-single and in-relationships-single, all men in Lagos always claim singleton. So much so that, Iranian, South African, Zimbabwean, Moroccans and Kenyans women full Lagos this festive season, all of them booked that hotel that has now turned runs-girls hostel Raddison Blue looking for these single men.

The other day, this Zimbabwean chick I went to school with came all the way from New York to mingle on account of, “God told her she will marry a wealthy Nigerian and because she happens to know the wealthiest woman in Africa, she brought herself here to try to mingle with one of her single sons or their cousins” *takes a deep breath*

The funny thing was we all hung out and her mark paid her no attention while her friend this other SA chick engaged to a Lagos boy was getting upset because her boo was too engrossed in a conversation with me about the declining Nigerian economy even though we just met. In my head I was like, see these foreigners o, we Lagosians never find our own husband finish and you are just going to come and in 10 days pick up yours from the streets of Lagos, just like that…wonders shall never cease

Back to the matter, jare…..

Most people who are dating are looking for the ideal partner, but why are so many of them having such a hard time in a city full of “single” people? That’s easy to answer. It’s because finding the ideal partner requires selective dating which a lot of people do not practice.

Selective dating is about identifying the type of person you date. It doesn’t mean being picky, it means not compromising on the things that are important to you, it means not compromising on your values and it especially means not compromising on your self-worth. Sounds easy enough, right? Not so much. Sometimes, single women will let important things slide and settle for the sake of having someone around or whiling away time while trying to keep that option open. If you are like me, seeing someone and keep options open is nearly impossible.

Today, after seven months trial of this experiment that yielded a positive result for me, I am here to say if you are really serious about finding love, be selective about who you date … here’s why;

So what ARE the best traits to look for in a partner? Well, luckily someone has done the thinking for us. I was reading an article from Samantha Joel that stressed the importance of responsiveness in a relationship. What does that mean? Well, the author defined it as “someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for ” because “it’s easier to work out relationship issues, big and small, with a partner who’s more responsive rather than less“.

She goes on to characterize a responsive partner with three important traits: Understanding, Validating, and Caring. Understanding partners are partners understand that feelings are not right or wrong, they are just feelings and everyone has a right to theirs. They also Validate your point of view by making you feel respected and important to them (even when they don’t agree with you).

Lastly, a responsive partner is Caring – they are concerned for your well-being, communicate with you and express affection. These traits ultimately are what keep relationships going in the longer term. Remember Mr October? I kept waiting for him to change, disappoint me, disappear or minimize contact, yet it keeps getting strong, I can’t chase Mr October away, so I have committed it into God’s hands. Recently, we had our first fight and he was still caring and considerate of my crazy-ass even though his stubborn behind didn’t agree with me and I was like finally, so this is what this should feel like

They also ensure that you will always resolve disagreements with ease and no fear of staying in your feelings and feeling the heck out of them even when they don’t make sense. .

What does that have to do with dating? Miss Gidi just got married ask her! I feel happily ever after and forever has everything to do with your choice in partner. When you choose right, you typically end up in a better place. That’s true for everything in your life. It’s all about quality. Problem is that we’re too anxious and in a hurry to end the singleton disease, hence, we lose sight of the true end goal; happiness.

We tend to forget what really makes us happy. What’s the solution? You need to practice selective dating which means:

  • being happily single
  • enjoying the process and forgetting the outcome
  • being aware of red flags
  • listening to your gut instincts about someone
  • being true to you

So there you have it. Something to think about this new year.

Everyone deserves an ideal partner.

 

Love,

ImaRose

CAN I DATE HIM?

Dear Miss Gidi,

Complements, hope you’re doing ok?

Please I need your advice on an issue that’s been on my mind. Few years back ( about 5-6 years ago) my elder sister worked at a particular place with a co-worker ( a guy, Tony) they were pretty young then. Tony used to ask my sister to be his girlfriend but she refused, fast forward to this day they’ve been casual friends since then, he comes to the house to visit her sometimes.

Now Tony is asking me to be his girlfriend, he’s really been persistent, I refused based on the ground that he asked my sister out few years back, I told him my reasons but he said it doesn’t matter and that they were both really young then besides nothing happened between them. It’s been close to two years now and he still comes around and still asks for a positive reply from me.

He just passed out from his NYSC recently and he’s home now looking for a job. He said he’s serious about me and wants us to work.

Please what do you think? It’s been two years now, besides I broke up with my ex 4 months back. So I’m single. I really need your advice. I’m 23,my sister is 25 and Tony is 27.

Thanks, 

Sandra


 

 

I have my opinions, but this section is not just about me…so to everyone that’s reading, what do you think? should Sandra date Tony or should she walk away?

Use the comment box below and let’s discuss.

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

Love,

SIG

MINGLE ALL THE WAY

oh mingle bells, mingle bells, mingle all the waayyyy

Okay let me stop

On Thursday, Zoe Chinaka of Nigeria Info invited me to join a panel of ladies as we discussed how to mingle this holiday. The other ladies on the panel were, TG of Protouch Consulting and Mrs Tolu Akintoye, a relationship counselor. I must say it was fun having to share notes and thoughts with the ladies on air.

As we are in December, we all know that LasGidi is going to be busy with a lot of events and of course our family and friends will be coming in from far and wide to celebrate the holidays.

December is also known as the time that a lot of singles get to mingle, and maybe meet potential ‘partners’ or just make new friends. Whatever the case, there will be a lot of activity and the ladies and I were able to come up with a few good tips on how to mingle as a single lady this holiday.

  1. Be you: this is not the time to acquire a foreign accent that you do not have. However, being you does not mean to be rowdy.
  2. Observance is key: Pay attention to the environment you find yourself. Don’t go and start shouting or yelling at a cocktail event. #justsaying
  3. Smile and be nice: I don’t know why Naija women like to frown and be rude. Try to be nice, be attentive and have a conversation; you don’t have to be rude to someone you are not interested in. Simple courtesy goes a long way because you never know who knows who
  4. Drop you phone: this is a personal pet peeve of mine, I cannot understand why any young lady would get dressed, put on makeup and wear heels, only to go use her phone through out the event chatting with friends and posting things on social media. How do you expect to be approachable when you’re focused on your phone the whole time
  5. Be open-minded: Be open to making new friends, be open to going to a variety of events. I mean, there are so many events happening in Lagos this season so don’t be afraid to try new things.

And that’s it, 5 mingle tips for the singles in Gidi this holiday. Do you think we missed something? Leave a comment below and tell us how you mingle?

On that note, don’t forget another chance to mingle this holiday, #SINGLEINGIDI will still be on stage for today only at TerraKulture, Victoria Island for 3pm (N3,000) and the command performance at 6pm (N5,000). Yesterday was fun, you don’t want to miss it today

#singleingidi -instagram_revised

 

Love,

SIG

SINGLE IN GIDI RETURNS TO STAGE THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

 

#singleingidi -instagram_revised

In June 2015, Gbagyichild Entertainment, producers of the brilliant psychotic play ‘Mistress of Wholesome’, the famous book ‘London Life, Lagos Living’, Colour Me Man amongst other amazing productions, brought to you the Single in Gidi, a blog-turned-stageplay which was nothing short of exciting, mind-blowing and of course entertaining.

Well guess what?

This weekend, by popular demand, Single in Gidi returns to stage with something even more exciting that the last one. If you stay in the colourful city of Lagos [nicknamed ‘GIDI’] or have had a taste of it, you would agree that Lagos is more than just a location, it is a lifestyle, and this lifestyle is expressed in this unique theatrical piece covering topics of dating, relationships and love, just like the blog it is created after.

Showing at ​​Terra Kulture, on Friday, December 4th and Saturday, December 5th 2015, is produced by Lydia Idakula Sobogun, directed by Kenneth Uphopho, the amazing director of Saro the Musical and features a stellar cast including Omoye Uzamere, Leelee Byoma Meg Otanwa, Austine Onuoha, Timi Charles-Fadipe and the guitar strings of Tosin Oguntayo.

Title of Play: Single in Gidi

Dat​e: Friday, December 4 2015 at 6:30pm and Saturday, December 5 2015 at 3pm and 6pm

Tickets: N3, 000​ (General); N5, 000 (Command performance for the last show)

Single in Gidi is brought to you by Gbagyichild Entertainment and Sheila Charles Ltd. and is supported by Baileys Nigeria.

If you think the blog is awesome? The stage play will be even ​’awesomer’! Don’t miss it.

Check out some photos from the shows held in June.

COERCE

‘Nigerians laugh when they are uncomfortable’ – Najite Dede

I remember hearing those words after watching the play ‘Colour Me Man’ by The Naked Convos.

There was a scene where Red (played by Timi Charles-Fadipe) explained how he raped Rhoda, a girl he loved but she was with Blue (played by Seun Kentebe) because of Blue’s money and the fact that Red never stepped up to ask her out. What surprised me wasn’t Timi’s acting because he is a fantastic actor and he’s in the Single in Gidi play as well but the fact that the audience laughed all through that scene

…Especially the women

The women laughed and I cringed at the imagination of a fellow woman being taken without her consent while others like her laughed. You could say it was only a stage play , that was until I read Sugabelly’s story, and I saw people and characters call her all sorts, claiming she was a slut, a gold digger. Everyone had something negative to say to her, people of all shapes and backgrounds

…Especially the women

Her fellow women laughed at her, said the 17-year-old had it coming and it made no sense why she kept going back. The women laughed, called her names for attempting to destroy the homes of ‘happily married men’ after eight years of living in fear, pain and depression. Not bothering to wonder if the women in these happily married homes are probably victims themselves.

Nigerians they say laugh through their pain but maybe we have become so desensitized that we laugh at others who suffer from trauma like we would laugh at one of Bovi’s jokes.

It surprises me that women like Sugabelly have the audacity to say her story was too good to be true, too much like a Nollywood story, too graphic to be real so they decide it must be all a lie and go ahead to call her names in the hopes that what is true will become a script and we can all laugh at it because deep inside we are uncomfortable to accept the fact that a human could treat another the way she and every other victim of rape have been treated.

I went back to 2014, found an old post where an anonymous lady left a comment on how she was raped while on her period, a friend’s sister that was raped for hours un-end because she refused to accept the advances of a horny cult member, another who was constantly raped by her own boyfriend and there was Sugabelly recounting locations, events, times and plate numbers.

These are some of the women who have found the voice and strength to speak, to tell the world of their pain at the expense of being laughed at, being called names and their stories being tossed around like the latest gist in town while these men roam the streets, exchanging stories of conquered little girls, teenagers and women, in search of their next victim while everyone laughs, pointing fingers, calling names

…Especially the women

The women with daughters and sisters and friends who may be going through the same pain but have no one to turn to for help and support, no shoulder to lean on…nobody to hold their hands and say it won’t be easy but it will be alright, not the authorities, not the churches, not their families

…Not even their fellow women

 

5 SIGNS HE WANTS TO MARRY UP

Marrying up seems to be the trend in Lagos

No not women marrying up because that’s probably what you are thinking but gone are the days when your beauty and charm as a woman would land you a good husband (even though that can be relative). It seems more men are looking for girls with ‘assets’ and a good network base to take to the altar.

The other day, I was having a conversation with a few guys and one of them emphasized his wish to marry a wealthier woman because it meant less work for him and a chance to be upgraded in life. Babes can no longer have normal jobs anymore o, because in order for these guys to pay attention to you, you must know how to package yourself, you are either a foreign graduate or a high flyer in a telecoms company before they can pay attention to you. You can no longer live on the mainland because they don’t want to cross the ocean for your love and don’t forget you must have a slight foreign accent. Being a customer service agent must now become a Relationship manager with a focus on high net worth individuals in the oil and gas industry, and in a twinkle of an eye, what was just a regular girl has now become a potential for networking and business contracts.

I know they say Lagos is the city of hustlers but have we now carried this hustling spirit into the dating game too? So back to the guy in question, according to him, since he spends a lot of time looking good and achieving a lot for himself then he should be able to get himself a girl who can be of benefit to him and his future generation.

So ladies, before you are deceived by that SUV driving young man squatting with 5 other guys in a 2 bedroom in Agungi, here are ways to know if the man you’re talking to simply wants to marry up

1. He wants a potential sugar-mama – whether you have a good job, you are a successful entrepreneur or an heiress to daddy’s wealth, any signs of financial stability makes you a possible target for a man who just wants to marry up.

2. He is full of potential on paper- he studied English business admin or mass com in Unilag, experimented with modeling in those days but didn’t quite blow up, in other words; he is living on past glory of MTN billboard that was on 3rd mainland bridge and never even made it to the Ikoyi billboards

3. He is in a huge hurry to find out who you know and how they can be of benefits to him. (refer #1)

4. He is quick to fall in love but not quick to commit – He has to be sure that there are no other options out there for him before he finally decides to have a serious relationship with you but he will tell you sweet nothings so you think there is a commitment to look forward to

5. He invests in his look – whether it be hours in the gym or being cladded in expensive outfits, Mr Man will take his time to look good maybe a little more than you do. The only things he brings to the table are his looks and his baby-boy nature of not having a real job.

I must confess sha, I do find it amusing and somewhat refreshing because the tables are being turned and now we can boldly call men gold-diggers, only investing in their physical appearance and packaging in order to get women who will ‘upgrade’ them in life.

Which makes me wonder, who will marry Linda Ikeji?

GOING NOWHERE FAST

My people, my people, busy cannot even begin to describe my schedule lately. Forget that entire thing some people will tell you about transitioning from a 7am to whenever the boss feels you can close story, this thing is not for the faint hearted.

ImaRose is officially an independent development project consultant and now runs around like a headless-chicken in rural slums overseeing small government projects, fundraising and also providing non-profit solutions. I have mentally written so many posts I never actually got a chance to write, but this week; let’s talk about something very current and personal to my dating career.

Remember the 6-hour meeting guy? He has been around long enough and is a super potential, so I have decided that he is my “October” since all the letter guys never seem to stick around long enough.

So, my October (knock on wood), I don’t know if it is too early to say this but October is the kindest man I have ever met, he is so kind sometimes it annoys me, like when his “friend” who is not familiar with Lagos called him at 2am and he was on the phone to me, looking for directions on how to get to mile-12 to pick her as her car got bad and she was surrounded by area-boys. I am not even a jealous person but I was still touchy about it even though he was on the phone to me the whole time, it sha ticked me off, I won’t lie. The next day after church, he invited same friend over to have lunch with us as I am sure he noticed I wasn’t cool with the arrangement, babe came with her boyfriend. Surprisingly, we are not official yet, nor have we crossed that line, but October gets me, or should I say he knows how to get me.

October is an “I just got back” so he is constantly looking for new places to try out. I feel like I have added weight as we have nearly sampled every nice food places in Lagos, the other day I talked about going to have pancakes at this popular joint in Lekki before work (okay Miss Gidi told me about it), October was like “I need a juju man to help me stay away from you because you are making me fat… then adds, I couldn’t stay away from you even if I tried, what have you done to me?”.

The longest he hasn’t called is a day interval, and he sees me at least three times a week. Recently, he went for an out-of-town wedding and was running from the airport to pick me from a wedding so we can go and have sushi, and chill as he had a busy week ahead (in my mind I was like, now here is a man who walks his talk).

He knows I love Baileys, so he brings me Baileys all the time, on account of I am not strong enough to handle with his vodka and spirit. We talk about everything, no topic is off-limits. What I like the most about October is the friendship; sometimes I forget, it is barely three months we have known each other and it feels like years of friendship.

So recently we were talking about how to transition the relationship and our expectations, this got me going back to history and observing the patterns that led me to disasters. I stumbled upon our first date and freaked out on account of it not even being long at all.

See I know chemistry when I feel it but I can’t date on account of chemistry, it has to not just feel right but also be right. We talked about this and October said sometimes, unplanned things fall into place and just fits perfectly, it’s scary but it happens. See we fit so perfectly, it scared me, two weeks, I freaked out and texted October asking if he was busy I wanted to talk to him about something, he replied immediately.

I didn’t text back immediately because I was in a meeting, October, called me three times, after an hour when I called back, the shake in his voice made me feel nervous and asked to text instead. I did and I asked that we take it slowly so that he is not forming a bond based on boredom of moving back, and for me, for the sake of having someone. He agreed and said “as long as we have a review timeframe and he wasn’t just waiting around while I am sleeping with some guy” to which I was like deal.

I have prayed and asked God to bring me my man because I am not into this whole experimental dating; meet a guy, rush in a relationship before our real self shows up, and it when it does, our emotions are all over the place. The rush of infatuation can sometimes lead us to take the next steps into exclusivity without looking objectively at the odds of the relationship succeeding. We no longer ask ourselves serious questions like “do I like this person, are they my friend and how do they make me feel”? Rushed intimacy and sex puts blinders on us and by the time we realise; it’s not a match, so much emotions and time would have been invested in the process, so we manage the situation or try to change the person.

I have hurried nowhere fast before, the sex felt good, but suddenly I realised this person does not treat me special in any shape or form. So recently, a friend of mine said, December is the month when IJGBs will be all over Lagos that October might get tired of waiting and get snatched away and my response was “that is exactly the plan, to watch his consistency especially during the “IJGB Lagos festival” when girls with all sorts of accent, skin color and weaves full everywhere. Another friend assumed I didn’t like October as much as he liked me and it made me think, I mean this man left his house at mid-night on the account of ImaRose being sick and came to carry me around to look for a 24 hour pharmacy, then got back and watched cartoon network with me until I slept off before he went home…considering that the next day was a work day. Not too long ago, I met someone who was too busy to call or take me out for a planned outing. So what is not to like about October mbok?

I won’t lie I like October

I am in very strong like with October

Fingers crossed.

CLOSURE

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing

Am I the only who is obsessed with Adele’s new song, by the way, who else has seen Joe’s cover? Adele killed this song, but Joe straight-up murdered the cover. In case anyone of my billionaire friends wants to give me a wedding present, I can accept Joe serenading us.. *wink wink*
Amazing that five years later, Adele is back like she never left. I love how she is so relatable to anyone who has had their hearts broken, but this song took me back memory lane, and how sometimes we put our moving on from hurt and finding closure into the hands of the other person.

Recently, a friend and I were having a conversation on finding or getting your closure from relationships gone sour. I was of the opinion that after a breakup, the best thing to do would be to move on while she believes in order to move on you had to have an honest conversation with the other person so you could have peace.

But what happens if the other person does not want to have a conversation with you though?

Let’s be honest, breakups aren’t easy but what makes it worse is when there are questions unanswered leaving behind a void that needs to be filled with explanations or some form of validation (NO, this is not where you start quoting the bible)

Often times, we tend to believe our closure is found from just saying ‘this relationship is not working’ until something happens and a million and one emotions come flowing down all over again. I remember waking up one morning and seeing pictures of my ex on Facebook in a suit and a woman in a wedding dress, I refused to admit he got married, yes, he was a jerk to me and yes I knew we would never get married but if we only broke up in December, how was he married in July? I told myself I needed closure as a matter of fact, I deserved the closure so I sent one of those guilt trip emails hoping he would respond (why do women do this?)

Broda did not respond, as a matter of fact, he went as far as blocking me on Facebook and every social media platform he could find me so I would not be able to reach him to ask him questions because he knew I had them; questions like who was she? when? how? why did you treat me as bad as you did? do you know how many times you made me cry? how dare you deserve to be happy? what lies have you told her about me, because I know you lie? how come this girl is so blind to see what a jerk you are? e.t.c

When I look back now at those days, I laugh, because at that point in my life I believed my closure had to do with the other person more than it had to do with me like my friend does now.

One of the mistakes we often make is putting the course of our lives in the hands of someone else in search of some form of validation like our happiness depends on their existence  so when that source of happiness disappears, we become devastated and somewhat distraught and go about searching for that closure, wanting to hear the answers from someone else  even though we may already know them.

Why on earth we do this instead of  “closing the door” ourselves is something I can never really quite understand. When I told my friend that I learnt to walk away and never look back, she looked at me like I must have lost my mind because for her she would have gotten to the bottom of the gist whether the dude liked it or not….(babes sha)

Truth is, whether or not we were the ones to end the relationship, we have to admit that it ended for a reason and often times we do have a part to play in it. It is important to think through all the possible reasons. Finding closure doesn’t mean you need to become best friends with your ex;   it just means he or she is no longer your enemy and you are fine with whatever decision they made with their lives because your happiness does not depend on them.

No matter what situation you’ve gone through, realize that no one gives you the permission to “move on”. So learn to give yourself closure and move on with or without other people, or you could remain stuck in the past for the rest of your life while the other party enjoys their lives without you.

Love,

SIG

SIMPLER DAYS

I feel like I am getting more comfortable in this my dating career. Gone are the days when one would meet a man and start wondering or trying to get any explanation for when he starts misbehaving, hoping you get the memo or the classic disappearing and reappearing act after a week or so.

My dating career seems so much simpler now– maybe it’s because I am getting older and really coming into my own as a woman. I stand by what I want in a man and won’t accept counterfeits or discounted packages. I give the whole nines and I want the same right back.

What’s that saying again that says “when you know what you bring to the table, you are not afraid to eat alone” That’s me right now, I am an exclusive kinda-woman, selfless, sweet, kind-lover, not ashamed to please, honour and worship my man, but, I want the same thing and I don’t feel guilty for it (ImaRose just dey wash herself today abeg no vex, if it’s paining you go and write for SIG too and wash yaself, I will borrow you my shower-jel)

But yeah, are values and traditions not being passed down or are things just complicated these days? Being that it’s 2015 and all that, Lagos guys be like “why stress oneself, when a new toy to play with is just an Instagram like away”

God sha know who he created when he created me; as in, I’m not afraid to remain a single girl who will eventually be a single mother  because I can’t settle for anything less than real, I want a man to be crazy about me how Miss Gidi’s bae is crazy over her, as in eh if you see the two of them, you too go wan love. I mean like Miss Gidi, my own love is unconditional so make I dey wait for my ima..abi no bi so?

But bros before I or any woman can give you unconditional love,  these old-fashion dating tips need to be urgently resurrected:

  1. Approach

If you have a genuine interest in someone, approach them the right way – with respect.  First impressions are everything and set the tone of how things will go after  the initial communication; if someone is not making an effort at all in the beginning, best believe, it will never get any better because the beginning is when a man should try to impress a woman he really likes. Also, if you find that the man is involved with someone else or as is the case of Lagos men, numerous girls, who in their minds are dating them, don’t pray about it sister-girl, no darling don’t have hope, move on!

  1. Phone Calls

I get it: Texting is easier. I like to text sometimes. We all like to text or chat. But, gone are the days of being up until 3am chatting with someone you’re interested in (that was so much fun in the days of yahoo messenger).   Anyway, when getting to know someone, it is important to get in phone dialogue, to get a feel of if you even like this person, can stand them, much less want to go out on a date with them. You can extract a lot of information (i.e., history, intentions and tone) through either phone or face-to-face conversations. Bottom line: taking out time to call in the midst of your busy schedule shows me a man is really trying to get to know me in a real way.

  1. Effort

Effort seems to be lacking these days and in a major way. Why is this? Getting to know someone should be more than just chilling at mine or yours, Netflix and Chill (or maybe African Magic and chill) is so hook up like. Not that there is anything wrong with Netflix (or African Magic) …but go out on dates! To me, it always seems like a major red flag when a man only calls to come over or have me go over his and hardly wants to ever go out in a public setting with me. Dates do not have to be expensive; walking around bar-beach abi na Eko- Atlantic on a Saturday morning after a good workout can be a date, just good old-creative, fun and free ways to hang out and do stuff together. Besides there is this nice buka opposite Bar-beach, their peppersoup is on point. 

  1. Intentions

This one is scary for Lagos men, most of them have these ideas of keeping several women around without necessarily saying anything, yet, no man has ever picked any quality woman with this little boy’s gimmick. Be clear about your intentions. If you are just dating many of us at same time and playing the field or not really sure what you’re looking for, make sure you keep us in the loop, some of us really won’t mind, so as not to string anyone or disappear, Lagos is large but it’s also a small place, don’t making bumping into you awkward.  Make sure you are fully ready to date a woman or just stick to your shag-buddies or don’t even try at all.

A few weeks ago (maybe like 3 months ago) I thought I liked a guy, then he had better things to do and couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort even a one minute phone call, so I got the hint!  It’s funny how when you are not too emotionally attached to an outcome of getting to know a guy, it’s easier to tell yourself the truth.

Well now, Ima, has a new special friend (yup, very same 6-hour meeting man) and I am really enjoying getting to know this new special friend.  He has been consistent in the last four weeks, calls daily most of the times, and says he doesn’t like disconnected connectivity of messaging, so texting is not a means of keeping in touch for him; he calls 80% of the time while the other 20% is mostly a way of relaying quick information via text.

We’ve been to church together and we occasionally take long walks by the beach after working out…he does have a few things to bring to the table so maybe we’ll keep him around for a while. Miss Gidi always says one thing she learnt from dating is that a man who wants you wants you and every action will tell you so.

I think this new special friend wants me…now to do some more FBI work because abeg I no wan wahala for this Lagos

Imarose

Feature Photo

BAD MARKET WOMEN

To think I had no idea what to write about this week, but thanks to my friend, let’s call him Vodka, who called me crying last night. I don’t play with my sleep, sometimes by 8pm ImaRose don sleep. But a grown man crying on the phone had me awake giving free therapy for three hours on a Sunday night.

 E-go pass woman? Hmmmm, wait, continue! (I miss our former first-lady sha)

Okay so my friend ,Vodka, open-eye dated and wanted to marry this girl who was the direct opposite of what he always said he wanted, why? because I don’t know o…is it not how all these men are. Vodka’s story is too complicated so I no fit talk am, plus, he recently sent me one post I wrote here, say ‘im like the writer, that she make sense die. Anyway, I know it won’t be long before he figures it’s me: as an emotional writer, it doesn’t take long for people who know me to know I am ImaRose…unless Miss Gidi exposes me.

So the story is that Vodka babe don leave am…what else is new abi? but before I tell you why let me say a few things.

Men! why do you judge women solely by physical characteristics?. So, if a girl looks and dresses like she’s physically cute, most men will automatically assume she has to be a good person and, consequently, will put up with a lot of nonsense in the relationship. Especially in this Lagos, men are about the Brazilian weave, daily professional makeup wearing type of women. Some of these women are high maintenance and cause major damage to their pocket, but they don’t mind. But after dem marry am finish, they will expect Aunty to tone down…tone down wetin?

But besides these ones, let me tell you about these women who are spoiling market for those of us in this Lagos:

Constant Attention Seekers

Many of us love attention. And, yes, I include myself in that category. However, there are those who love attention and generally prefer getting it from one person and not choke the person. And, there are those who are obsessed with attention and need to get constant validation from multiple sources. These sort of women keep three to four boyfriends; waiting for who will propose first, they post thirst-trap pictures on IG and feed off of IG likes. Recently I met a babe that did that and deleted all her social media accounts after one of her bae’s proposed. Player-men, player-women are matching y’all in your own game now!

Judging by how she captions the photos and her comments, she enjoys the constant attention from the men in her news feed. These are the type that will put bikini picture and write ‘for God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son…’ she don become salvation to mankind be that.

God created us women with too much love to give, I admit our love can be a bit too much sometimes but, a good candidate knows how to manage, not to choke the guy, such balance means that when he is really busy and not all over her, she is not seeking it elsewhere thereby spoiling market for the rest of us good women.

Drama Queens

Recently, I was talking about what bothers me with someone, and got the vibe that maybe I wasn’t taken seriously or I didn’t mean what I said possibly because, I wasn’t dramatic, didn’t cry, curse, ignore or keep malice to drive a point home. I don’t know how to act like that, and if someone did to me, I’d just ignore them, I hate drama.

I feel like Nigerian men are LOVE drama, it’s like they only consider communication laced with drama, I don’t get it. If you want to send your point across, add a spice of drama, if you don’t know how to cause drama then you are not serious about what you want.

The problem with dramatic women is that it affects everyone else around them too. So, you might want to simply have a good day at work, but you find yourself on the phone half the day dealing with a meltdown because she is on her period and you didn’t call her 5 times before noon like you always do.

Keep in mind too that almost every dramatic person I know insists they “hate drama.”Don’t go by what she says. Instead, look at what they do. Sometimes, I said sometimes oh and not when she is on her period, disappoint her and see how she handles it…if you try it when she is close to her period, don’t mention my name mbok

Drama is a waste of time. It is emotionally draining to be dealing with a dramatic person all the time. While a dramatic guy might enjoy it, if you are emotionally stable, you definitely don’t want to date a girl who sucks you into her constant unstable emotions…the unfortunate thing is that for the rest of us drama-free women, most men take advantage of our calmness because these drama queens have spoilt market.

Jerks

Somehow, the concept of women as jerks is shocking to guys.

Here is a newsflash for naive men: women can be huge jerks too. Just like many guys, some women are narcissistic, manipulative, self-centered, self-serving, angry, and even violent jerks who will mistreat you and those around you, but if she wants the ring, you won’t see that side of her until she don enter house. Actually, she might manipulate you into giving the ring, you just won’t know it

To know if the babe is a jerk, pay close attention to how she treats those closest to her especially domestic workers and drivers. If she bullies others, behaves badly, acts entitled, etc. then don’t get sucked in just because she is physically attractive or can bring on her A-game in the bedroom. It’s character you live with for rest of your life and one day, na you she go slap.

Ehen so Vodka, correct bobo was dating one madam, even proposed with one five million naira rock, as in when I see the thing I melt. Sadly, Vodka lost his job shortly after and has been on a job hunt since. He’s from a wealthy home and could depend on his father but as a responsible young man, he refused. Not too long after they got engaged, aunty got pregnant so when he lost his job and with the increasing bills, Vodka told her that she should consider having the baby in Naija because he won’t be able to afford her giving birth in America.

Babe come vex that she cannot born pikin in naija and since he doesn’t have the money, she would have an abortion. Vodka was upset , he begged, his friends begged, plenty people tried to make this babe see that abortion was not the way forward, after all they were already engaged and he truly loved her….and so on and so forth.

Well, my people..true true, the babe abort the pregnancy and has now broken up with Vodka because dem no born am manage for this life.

Meanwhile people like ImaRose are still praying for correct man to come her way..this life sha