AN EVENING WITH SINGLE IN GIDI

Are you 30 years of age or over? Would you like an evening of fun, Jazz music, having your favourite wine and of course a good conversation with other mature singles like yourself?

Well, this May, Single in Gidi is having its maiden edition of An Evening with Single in Gidi in Lagos tagged Jazz, Wine, and Conversation.

It is going to be an evening of fun, games, therapeutic sessions and of course mingling. There are only 30 slots available (15 of each gender) and the event is absolutely FREE.

If you would like to be a part of it, simply register below. Potential participants will be verified to ensure that information provided is genuine before further details are communicated.

Please note, you have to be registered before you can attend. 

JWC-MAY 2017 (3)

For further inquiry, email events@singleingidi.com or follow us on twitter; we would love to answer any questions you may have.

LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE

After the phone conversation with Cynthia I called Maxine. I listened to her callback tune till the call dropped and then I sent her a message.

Guess who’s single again? Clue: you guys are best buds 😀

One hour later she calls me back.

“Hello Bobo, sorry I was in a meeting and my phone was on silent. How are you?”

“I’m good dear. At least I think I am, which is weird.”

“How so?” she asked.

“Well, for someone who just got dumped… chai! I got dumped sha.”

We laughed about that.

“But really, for someone whose relationship just ended, I am calm and it’s kinda scary.”

“There’s no question of whether you loved Cynthia, even the blind could see.” she said. “I guess in some way you already figured out things were over since December, and the month that passed before she told you probably prepared you mentally for the eventuality.”

“I guess…” I wasn’t sure that was it.

“See, I am in a very good place and can’t let you be in a funk yourself or drag me down with you. What are you doing this weekend?”

“What’s this week…” my insides lurched.

At the turn of the year I didn’t see myself spending Valentine’s alone, but that reality just hit home.

“I guess I’ll just stay home, away from all the lovers having a blast.”

“Don’t be like that. How about we go see Deadpool on Saturday?”

That cheered me up instantly.

“Why not?”

On Saturday I got to the cinema one hour before the showing time. I had planned for us to get a bite before the movie, but characteristically, Maxine was running late.

A girl’s gotta be fashionably late… even for her buddy.

She had sent when I sent her an *rme*.

I went over to the game station to kill the time with a few games of FIFA. I was standing there beside the escalators trying to get the attendant’s attention when someone tumbled off the steps and bumped into me.

“Sorry,” a voice said as hands held my shoulder and side for balance.

I turned around to see who it was.

She stood at about 5ft5 or 6, dressed in a v-neck t-shirt over blue jeans that hugged her around the hips. She had on a pair of red Converse sneakers. A long weave framed her oval face, her arched brows outlined in the way that has become popular.

“Usually I don’t meet girls like this, but for you I’ll bite.” I said, sticking out my hand.

There was a pause and I thought she didn’t get it, but then she put her hand in mine. Warm soft skin brushed briefly against my palm and then was gone.

“I’m Bobo,” I said steering her away.

“Pearl.”

What kind of name is Pearl?

“What movie are you here to see?” I asked as she walked with me towards the ticket stand.

“Ride Along 2, and you?”

“I’m here to see Deadpool.”

“Maybe I should see that…”

“Maybe you should. I’m waiting for a friend though.”

Why did I say that?

“Oh.” Her bright red lips formed a perfect O.

“What are you doing seeing a movie by yourself?” I asked her.

“It’s something I do to treat myself every weekend. Work is hectic Monday to Friday, so Saturday I get my hair and nails done, then catch a movie or do something fun.”

“Maybe I’ll see you next Saturday then, and be your plus one.” I looked away as I said that.

“I don’t normally come here, but I was in the neighbourhood and decided on this one.”

“Well then, if you give me your number I can call to find out where we’ll be seeing the movie next week.”

There was a moment when I thought she was going to say something nasty, but instead she held out her hand, palm up.

I didn’t need a second invitation. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and into her hand.

She punched in her digits and pressed call.

“I’ll run off to see my movie now. Have fun watching Deadpool, and maybe we’ll see next week.”

I watched her walk away, a smile on my lips.

“Who was that?” Max’s voice behind me startled me. I hadn’t heard her walk up to me.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“All I needed to hear.” We hugged each other and she brushed her lips against my cheek.

“Keep doing that,” I said, “and I won’t be responsible for whatever happens.”

“What will happen?”

“Let’s just say konji is worrying me and you’re not helping with your ashewo moves.”

“You’re such a razzite.”

We bought our tickets, popcorn and sodas and went to see our movie.

After the movie I dropped her off at her place and she invited me in.

She microwaved dinner and served it with a bottle of wine.

“Do you really have to go home?” Max asked after dinner.

“Yes, actually.” I said, “but I fear I might be too drunk to drive.” I giggled. I am a happy drunk.

We had polished off the first bottle of wine and were at the bottom of the second bottle. I emptied the bottle into my glass and took a swallow.

When that bottle was finished Max opened a third. We sat on the living room carpet talking about all sorts of stuff, watching TV and drinking wine.

I had a vague recollection of Max saying she was sleepy and I said I was too. She stretched out in front of the TV and I looked down at her sleeping form and wondered why we never took things to the next level. I tried to picture what it would feel like, but the shutters of my brain were coming down without my permission. I stretched out beside Max.

5 RESOLUTIONS TO TURN UP YOUR DATING LIFE 

I know the new year hype is over but as we officially kickstart the week in Lagos here is some #SIGWISDOM to try out this 2016 and turn up your dating life.

5. Find your dating purpose. This is very important. What is your purpose for dating this 2016? Figure out what you want and stick to it. If you don’t want a long-term relationship, be clear about that from day one. If you want a long-term relationship, be clear about that, too. No need forming or pretending and acting surprised when the person in question does not match up. Also make sure you figure out the qualities you think are most important to you in a partner. If sense of humor is vital to you don’t ask for a second date with someone who doesn’t make you laugh, if it is financial stability then focus on that.

4. Don’t forget your single friends. Believe it or not, your single friends are NOT your enemy. Be open and honest about your dating experience and resolve to listen to others be open and honest about theirs. You’d be surprised the things you learn just from speaking up. Become a better listener, a better friend and a better person all at the same time. Learning how to talk about emotions with others will, in fact, eventually make you a better person to be with.

3. Let go of the past. If you have any issues from your past, like an ex you never got over or someone you are still upset with, now is the time to let it go. That means letting go of the things in your life that remind you of a retired relationship. It means hiding them from your Facebook feed and taking a vow to stop stalking them online. I’m not saying you need to throw people out of your life, but you do need to give yourself the time to grow without them for a while. Only then will you be in a position to let someone else in.

2. Set realistic dates and keep them. The kind of dates you go for define the potential partners you meet. We all love to turnup but sometimes turning up means going low key. Lagos has a variety of things to do on a weekly basis so feel free to try new things. Don’t change your mind last minute on a potential date because you’re tired or you are all of a sudden not feeling them. If you want to meet someone thoughtful and considerate, you have to be thoughtful and considerate, too…always remember there’s this thing called karma

1. Be present at events. And by that I Mean drop your phone. As much as I love social media, I hate that these days people aren’t giving themselves to be approachable because they spend too much time instagraming or snapchating, I feel like you get to know more about people from their social media feeds than in person. No one wants to feel like they are competing for your attention with your cell phone and 500 followers. Take your life offline for a minute and experience life around you.

AVOIDING TIME WASTERS

Stringing along is such a common thing in the Lagos dating scene. How can we truly differentiate between someone who is trying to get to know us and a time waster so we don’t waste our time or close the doors to other potentials just because we are hung on this guy or girl who is string us along many others to see if we can fight hard enough to earn our place as their “main”?

Well, I am NOT a relationship expert ooooh abeg, I am just sharing things my crazy mind has overtime picked up and assume to be a working formula and so far, works for me.

Ok. so, How do you know a timed-waster?

First of all, to be fair, I speak only for myself, I have been guilty of wasting someone’s time when I was hurt, but they always knew from the beginning because I told them, I wasn’t in a good place emotionally to even consider a relationship. That didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy having someone call me to see how work was or waking up to a text in the morning….. it feels good to have someone. So, I have done it, but it wasn’t intentional and eventually I had to admit to myself it was unfair to take a great guy’s attention knowing fully well my thoughts were blurry and we had ZERO chemistry to begin with. I wasn’t proud of it, my conscience didn’t let me rest…I apologised and moved on.

It happens often, men string women along, women string men along too for convenience or maybe the fear of being alone. Often times stringing along feeds the ego and satisfies that longing in men to get high on the thrill of the chase. Stringing along, completely disregards the lack of intentions of pursuing a relationship with the “bait”.

Identifying time wasters is easier than you think if you are a realistic person.

Some people are master-gamers and have a doctorate at what they do. So how do you know someone is wasting your time? Well, do they ever mention you and them in the context of “we” sometimes? Do they ever plan for a “real date” with you or is it “hanging out” “when are we seeing?” “when are you coming over?” or just texting and phone conversation type-situation? Do they make an effort to REALLY get to know you by wanting to know your background, present and past because getting to know someone is about collecting data, if they are not, then maybe they are just using you to pass time.

Do they disappear for days and then pop back up after a while? Do they have history that they are unwilling to share about past relationships? Does it feel right? I think I can stop here because I think you get the picture.

Avoiding time-wasters starts really by first knowing who you are as a person, what your values are, what values you can add in the life of another and what you are looking for in a mate. Sometimes, people don’t even know why they want in a boyfriend or a girlfriend other than the fact that it’s almost time to get married and they need to find that man or woman.

I feel it’s important to know, that way, you go into it with the right mindset and expectation and with the grace for the faults of another human being as no one is perfect. If you are just looking to hangout, hookup or whatever else they call it these days then you shouldn’t bother when your game meets someone’s game.

If you are looking for nourishing relationships like I am, then, you need to invest your time wisely by only giving people what they give back to you. For men, only pursue a woman who knows who she is and what she wants and make sure she can stand on her own.

I say that because a woman who doesn’t know herself could adjust temporarily to suit whatever you require of her, usually because there is an incentive; you represent something she lacks and is in need of. It’s very easy for a woman to pretend to love a man for the incentive (my taxi driver recently told me a story I can’t wait to share). For a man, if he is not making an effort, he is either newly hurt or not that into you, in other words, time-waster.

It doesn’t mean everything should turn into something serious, some people in the journey to finding love will be used as an experiment to see how it is..just make sure the lab rat is not you.

For example, last year I met this dude who chased life outta me, I just always thought he was too vague, so I put him on “watch and see/too good to be real list” and went into a lot of exploring data collection convos, eventually, this guy, popped out unknowingly saying “gosh is it true what they say? I can’t wait to experience what a Calabar girl feels like” well I dismissed the calabar part with “I’m not Calabar,I’m Ibibio and I am not a car and I will not be test-driven, sorry”. He cut his looses eventually on notice that ImaRose was bad-market.

Girls, until you have had that conversation of understanding the kind of relationship you both want and are currently pursuing, keep your legs closed!, unless of course you too are using the guy for sex or whatever (I don’t support it but I guess it’s a free world). Now that tinder has made it to Nigeria, trust me, to a guy, sex doesn’t mean he is serious so be wise.

What else can you do to avoid time wasters when dating? Here are some more tips:

  • Be clear about your dating intentions and expectations
  • Be selective about who you talk to and date (just because they’re interested or they’re attractive doesn’t make them an ideal partner)
  • Give it time, true intentions are exposed with time
  • Some people are actually just busy, rather than assume, ask questions
  • Assess people on their actions and not their words (time wasters will promise the world and deliver nothing)
  • Pay attention to the frequency and quality of their contact with you (are they actually trying to get to know you in a real way?)
  • Are they more interested in getting in your panties?
  • Do they talk about other people they’re “talking to” in the same way as they’re talking to you?
  • Trust your instinct (it’s your spirit trying to WARN you of something)

Finally, LIVE! Don’t focus too much on the outcome, focus more on the experience in the dating process , every now and then, assess how you feel and only continue if you feel good, the rest will fall into place when it’s supposed to.

Right now, I don’t care if someone sends me a text and if I do get one I’d text back when I can and not wait five hours just for the heck of it.If I have a question, I will ask and I expect nothing in return.

Until then, I’m simply appreciating the experience of getting to know interesting people, whatever the outcome.

Love,

ImaRose