HELP! I WANT TO BE WITH HER BUT I AM SCARED

It’s almost the weekend yayyyyy!!!

Here is a comment/request from the last post on Sex as bad as Junk food that I feel needs to be addressed in detail. 


 

 

dear miss gidi

I have met great girls, there is this particular one I really like, to be honest, she is the wife I imagined in my dreams, the problem is I am scared she will get tired and walk away because, I am really struggling to be a good man and pursue her.

As you ladies have identified, junk sex makes us guys forget what pursuing a woman is about and almost see it as stress. Since the day I met her, I knew she was different, but she seems kind of withdrawn and has mentioned to me that I am not ready for a relationship and she won’t wait, truth is I am a casual sex regular, but I am getting too old for it and to be honest, it’s very draining. I want out, what would you ladies suggest?

– Anonymous


 

Hi Mr Anonymous, 

It’s good to know that one junk sex addict out there is willing to hang his boots and settle down with someone who he believes is the woman of his dreams. It’s a win for every single woman out there, however we know it won’t be easy for you because …well any good woman knowing the ‘history’ of a man would be very cautious to avoid being a victim. 

I do not claim to be an expert in such matters, but here are a few things I suggest:

 – Don’t be in a hurry – The problem with most men who are addicted to junk sex is that they are very impatient even when the real deal comes around. They usually think that the ‘ease’ of getting women is universal when in reality it’s not. If you really want this woman, you have to take your time, get to know her, get to understand, be her friend (avoid the friend zone though) and earn her trust. Her withdrawal is simply an indication of her lack of trust for you . 

Stay away from the sexual zone – This may be easier said than done but if you really want to earn her trust your actions have to prove to her that you are not in it for the panties but for the long run. 

– Find out if YOU are the husband of her dreams – Yes she may be the wife of your dreams but if you do not fit into what she wants in the man she would spend the rest of her life with, well let’s just say you are wasting your time (and bugging her). Again get to know her, ask her questions about her life and the future she wants for herself; get to know the kind of man she sees herself with; finally and objectively ask yourself if you are that man or if you could be that man for her. 

Be a better man You have said that you are struggling to be a good man so make that choice and put in the effort. I believe this is a growth process for you so work on yourself while you get to know her. She may or may not be the one you end up with but you would come out a better man from this process and a good example for your children yet unborn. 

On that note, I wish you the best of luck and lots of happiness 

Regards, 

Nothing good comes easy

HELP! MY RELATIONSHIP IS BORING!

It’s been a while since we did a Dear Miss Gidi post but this just came as a comment in ImaRose’s last post, so I thought hey why not?

dear miss gidi

Hi Miss Gidi,

Pls I need ur advice. I started dating my boyfriend few months back and my dear it’s been boring. He calls everyday but that’s it. No going out, no visiting at his place or mine. We’ve never been on a date together, nothing nothing. It’s been like 2 months and I have only visited him 3 times first was the very first time I went to know his place, second was a regular visit and third was when he was sick and I went to visit him.

My dear it’s been boring. So I decided to make an effort. I called him and asked if I could come visit the next day, he said ok that when he comes back from church he would call me to start coming over. Miss Gidi I waited and waited and waited but I didn’t see any call. I was MAD, I was FURIOUS. He called the next day but I didn’t answer. He then sent me a whatsapp message saying: “I’m sorry for not calling you on sunday if that’s what is making you angry, something came up”

Can you imagine the rage I felt? Is that how to apologise for standing me up? For making the relationship boring? I’ve been in previous relationships and I know for sure that the first few months are the “honeymoon” phase but this is just freaking boring. He sent another message saying “incase you don’t hear from me again, I’m sorry”.

Pls dear, am I overreacting? He hasn’t called since then, and I’m just so angry and sad. Please what should I do?

Valentina


 

Hi Valentina, 

Thank you for stopping by the blog and I totally feel your pain. It can be annoying when you are the one putting in the effort and the person in question is playing obvious games with you.

I mean someone who really wants to be with you would do more but I am sure you already know that because as you say, you have been in relationships in the past.

So my dear, in conclusion, lose his number. 

The end

Love, 

WE’VE GOT MAIL: SHE DOESN’T WANT ME

Dear Miss Gidi,

I’ve been in love with a friend of mine for over a year now. We met in NYSC camp in 2010 and have been very close ever since. Sometime in 2013, I told her that I wanted to have a relationship with her, to be honest, I want to marry her and nothing less but she has been putting me on a long thing ever since.

We get along very well and even our families know that we are close but somehow I just can’t get her to agree to date me especially since we are both single and have been since early 2013.

I have tried everything, I have gotten gifts, I have even driven her to the hospital at 2am in the morning when she wasn’t feeling well, my point is, I am always there for her but she won’t date me or be with me.

My friends joke around that she has me in her ‘brother zone’ but I refuse to believe so because we have gotten intimate once so it definitely won’t be that.

Honestly Miss Gidi (and all the other readers) what strategy works best in letting her know that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her without using only words.

Thanks

Frustrated Young Man


 

PHEW

Ok so please use the comment box below to let Mr Frustrated Young Man know what you think.Do you think he should keep pursuing this ‘friend’? If yes, then what’s the strategy?

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@yahoo.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram 

Love,