Understanding why you MUST ‘front’

As a young lady, you are taught that the best way to tell a man Yes is by first saying No, *straight face*.

Apparently a man who works harder to get your attention will learn to appreciate you but of course there are exceptions to every rule, like my friend Ama that fronted for almost 2 years and still got treated like crap but I digress.

If you are like me, you’d  begin to ask questions such as ‘why must you say No when you really want to say Yes?’; ‘why must you act uninterested when you are quite interested?’; in summary, ‘WHY FRONT?’

Before I continue, please note that ‘fronting’ or ‘playing hard to get’ in this post simply means making men cross the ocean on foot or jump through hoops for the privilege of spending time with you and/or getting to know you. It does not mean delaying any sexual relationship until emotional intimacy has been established, which of course is the ‘right’ thing to do.

Single women in Lagos take fronting to a whole new level. I am talking pretending to be busy, not picking a call until after the fourth ring, ignoring messages for at least 2 days before responding, giving the impression that she has a lot of guys on her case when in reality she only has that one and so much more. One time, a friend offered me ‘advice’ to tell a guy I was going to see a movie with a few friends when I was actually just chilling at home reading through blogs and another time I was told to ‘offer’ a female friend to a guy I was getting to know so I could observe his reaction (like really?).  It seems that any man looking to chase a Lagos girl must lose sweat, blood and tears in order to get her attention because as they say, good things don’t come easy.

As someone who  prefers to say it as, I often find it difficult playing the dating game…what’s wrong with just being nice? or telling a guy you are feeling him? Do I have to follow the so-called rules that seem to change every year? To be honest, I think there are one too many rules on what to do and how to do it which in some cases make no sense and do not apply to all women. For instance, if Steve Harvey met some Naija boys, he would know that the 90 day rule does not apply to us because the men here will wait for 365 days, get the cookie and still walk away. Let’s not even bring up the short and long-term goals question because in a place like Lagos where hustling is a must, we know how to give those answers on the spot without batting an eyelid; so if you are a young lady roaming the streets of Lagos asking guys ‘What are your short and long-term goals?’ then I sorry for you.

I have tried understanding why women like to front or play hard to get and the reasons I got included

  • Wanting to feel desired – so she will make herself scarce and make the man put in more effort to get her attention either through constant calls or gifts (in Lagos, it’s usually gifts sha)
  • Not looking easy – so she won’t accept the first offer for a date, if she accepts too quick then the guy would think she is easy, desperate and jobless.
  • Men like the chase –   most Nigerian men have huge egos so making them work hard for the lady’s attention gives them the false sense of victory when she finally agrees to spend time with them.

Even with the above reasons, I still do not get it…what’s wrong with being you and not having to pretend? So once more I ask the ladies, ‘Why do women like to ‘front’?’  and for the men ‘Do you prefer a woman who fronts over one who is straight forward?’