VACANCY: DATING ATTORNEY NEEDED

 

Thank you everyone for your honest advice, I really needed to see Mr F through the eyes of others without the bias of his broad shoulders and sweet words.

Long story short, he has been FRIEND ZONED but like most guys in denial, he keeps trying his luck and hoping I would give in, maybe out of loneliness or our of boredom… who knows really?

Every time we talk these days, I never fail to stress the fact that we are friends. Recently, he wanted me to cook one of his favourites, Afang, and I asked him to come get it from my office because I had some available. Imagine dude had the audacity to say he had to be there when I cook because he wanted to be sure I did not put any  “kopno-mi” inside (that means love portion for those who do not know) to which I responded, “My cooking is enough love-portion don’t worry, besides, I don’t want my friend falling in love with me” and as I expected, he replied “Ima, really? So I no fit come sit down your house, watch crime TV and watch you cook, I fit turn wheat sef make we eat”?

*raised eyebrow*

Naaa mate, the only man that can freely come into this single girl’s house is bae, Ima is not looking for male friends-with-benefit type-situation, I no dey house, mbok!

*sidenote*: what is it with Delta men, afang and draw-soup…Miss Gidi?

I no go lie, I’ve been a-tad-bored, sha. It’s either I am staying back late or running home to go cook and watch TV. I have watched Hustle, Empire and old house of cards, back to back. I am still trying to gather courage to watch GOT, it’s so bloody, and it scares me, but really want to watch it  as I have now become the only Jew in Jerusalem who hasn’t seen GOT.

Talking of TV shows, I hate to admit it but  “Baggage” has become my new guilty pleasure.  For anyone not familiar with it, Baggage is a dating show where contestants bring luggage bags symbolic of their ‘baggage’ that will be revealed. Each round has a larger bag (secret) they have to reveal, and the contestants are eliminated based on their baggage. Sadly, it stopped airing sometime in 2012 but hey, anything hosted by Jerry Springer, is drama and drama makes for good TV.

Never has anything of use come out of watching this show except that it builds this fantasy and expectation of what the perfect man and woman should be.

That all changed the other day though

Over the weekend, the episode I saw was ground-breaking; so this correct-looking-total-package-babe; very attractive, intelligent babe, who was one of the contestants opened one of her bags to reveal that she made her dates sign…*drumroll*…a pre-sex contract.

My first reaction was, isn’t this babe a bit too full of gorgeous self? But then, she brought out a sample. It was a couple of inches thick! Then I thought, wait oh, this is brilliant idea. Not because I think it will stop guys from running away after we let them get lucky. But, I rather, I think it will make both parties think about what is really going on; no unfounded expectations, no bae in my mind only, no trying to get pregnant to force a broda down to Ikoyi registry. Just a simple, we-all-know-where-we-stand AGREEMENT!

Okay, the one-night-stand or super-good looking man you throw on your DP to chase away the ex who won’t let you be in peace is an exception to this contract, so!

But how about the guy who could actually be ‘the one’.

I think this has potential to make him realize that I need to be respected in the dating process, and yes, I am not a fly who is just going to be hanging out for no reason, is there potential for a relationship here?. And that, yes, I actually love sex and want sex too, but only the exclusive kind, as long as there is a mutual agreement on this.

So, here is your chance to spell out all of these terms, just like a legal document, you both know what you expect from each other, and how it should be carried out. If one of you breaks the contract, the relationship is terminated, with no drama. But we all know what happens here right? You know like it was in 50 shades of grey, if you haven’t watched it, you have issues, lol!

Why can’t life and relationships be this simple?

And while we’re on this subject, I would like to propose the idea of relationship reviews, like, every three months, we go for a drink and review what is working or not working for us, as two grown adults. So you don’t get carried away by how fine they are looking that day, make pointer notes on your phone on things you want to discuss for reviewing session. What you like about the relationship, what you don’t like, what needs to be worked on in the upcoming year, and most importantly where the relationship is headed.

If there are any questions or blurred lines, we get to go back to the original contract, and if we are still unsure, we bring in the relationship attorneys.

No more fighting about the status of the relationship, no more hidden agendas and no more being taken advantage of (kissing and posting someone else’s man as my MCM on IG and the humiliation of deleting after oga madam calls him out when you tag him).

Girls, Lagos is hard for single girls who have no time for games, let’s figure out effective ways of weeding out all of the one-night-stands, game-players, and professional single-guys.

That being said, I’ll be spending the rest of my evening, looking for aso-ebi styles, I have three weddings lined up this year…

Love,

Imarose

THREE TYPES OF MEN EVERY WOMAN SHOULD DATE

Still trying to settle back into living on the island, haven’t gone on any date nor met any interesting guy yet. But, wow, the struggle to get a bae is so steep on this side of Lagos. Lately it has me praying “Dear Jesus, you know Ima is so laid back she is almost horizontal, fix it Jesus, bring a good man her way” *amen*

So this week, I am just going to look at 3 kinds of man every woman should date at least once.

  1. The Guy Who Has No Idea What The Hell He Wants

This is the average Lagos bachelor. He is professionally single. On the outside, he has it all together; nice job, his own place, a car, church boy, he is constantly on his buddy’s grooms men team. All his friends and family are hustling to hook him up. He gets invited to and attends all the singles-mingle and any events with potentials for him. But the problem is, dude is directionless when it comes to relationship. He tells everyone who cares to listen that he is “looking for something serious”. Yet when you meet him, he avoids talking about what he wants like a plague or he tells you that he’s afraid of commitment, he’s been hurt, he’s taking it slow, or he wants to see how it goes”.

Like Bobo Nkiti, men like this are exciting at first, because everything is so spontaneous and you never know what he will be up to next. But they have no depth to them, that’s why they float around; hopping from woman to woman.

So why should you date him? Knowing or engaging with a man like this can be draining and it’s very easy to fall into the trap of wanting to fix him by loving him back to real life. But eventually when you wake up and realise that you are not a special case and that their confusion has nothing to do with you, it can actually spur you to determine and narrow down exactly what it is that you want in a man. Then you leave him to play his stupid emotional games. I have known a guy like this, and every time he tries to creep back into my life, my experience reminds me that he is the opposite of what I want.

  1. The Guy Who Appears To Be EXACTLY What You Want

So now that what you don’t want has shaped your non-negotiable list of qualities in a man, you try to cross the road, whenever you see crazy coming make it your mission to only give your time to a guy who knows what he wants. This is the guy with Audu Maikori chocolate skin, 6 feet or taller, good sense of style, good teeth, educated, successful business owner or has a real job, goes to church, belongs in a brotherhood fellowship, will hustle you fuel during scarcity…you know, your dream man.

So why should you date him?  I am sure, you are wondering where I am going with number two here, right? When you set out to find this PERFECT guy, you will see that he only exists in dream land or the guy who ticks all your boxes then find that, they are cocky as hell or you have zero chemistry with them. The challenge with having a list for a dream man is, it doesn’t take into account that love grows with time and most times it makes absolutely no sense at all.  In the last 12 months, I have met three guys who had every quality on my list, except of course for the height, but we had zero chemistry, and two of them were either in relationships and playing the field or emotionally unavailable. Moral of the guy number 2 story is, sometimes, dating your ideal man might teach you that sometimes ideals don’t match reality…and reality is raw and even better.

  1. The Guy Who Played You For a Fool

We’ve all been there before though, and most of us know how it feels to realize that the guy we thought was so great, the one we had such high hopes for was a total jerk.  Whether he slept with you and never called again, or you found out he was wasn’t single like the impression he created, or he disappeared on you, when cycles like these come to an end, it leaves us wondering why we allowed that nonsense go on in our lives. So recently, I found out a sister-friend of mine, had been on a roller-coaster ride with this guy, whom I happen to know. Although he had been trying to ask if she has mentioned anything to me, seeing our recently public display of affection on Facebook. So, I decided to torment him a little, behind her back by calling him out on some of the evil things he did to her. Dude, refused to admit to any wrong doing. What was crazy about this conversation was the narcissistic traits highlighted in our conversation. By the way, my friend is getting married soon, and I was trying to get him to reach out and apologize, but the arrogant son-of-a-gun didn’t see what he did wrong nor a need to apologize, if anything he thinks he is the victim.

So why should you date him? He teaches you that only weak, insecure, little boys hidden in a grown man’s body treat women as crap. As Miss Gidi would say ‘Children masquerading as adults all over the place’ …I need to stop quoting Miss Gidi sha

 

*Side note*: I am actually long overdue for a date, y’ll already know what I like, arrange something!

AGAINST THE FLOW

Single and very open to mingle? Yes! Single and willing to go with the flow or stuck in an emotional rut? No!! thanks. What I want is something meaningful. I want a man who is ready and willing to share his life as I am. Not making sense? Let me explain.

Most single people like me are all looking for that “happily ever after”, we all have in our heads an ideal about what our complete package should be and look like, but wahala dey; these days’ relationships aren’t defined the same way as they used to. Recently, my friend, on trying to defend his commitment phobia said “Ima, it’s so hard for us guys to commit these days, girls full everywhere and are too available, and so we don’t even know where to start from”. In other words, our generation has found new ways to accommodate the complexities of the new age-living; the alternative lifestyle by accepting the convenient in the midst of the available.

Last year, I was driving my mother’s car when some guy hit me and broke one of my lights. I didn’t know when I blocked him and ran out of the car to yell at him, maybe my confidence came from knowing I could easily call for help if he wanted to beat me up because I was close to my office… Lagos drivers can bring out the worst in someone sha. As I was yelling and beckoning the guy to come down, another guy parks and comes out to calm me down and find out what happened. I knew the guy that hit me won’t buy the headlight, but I wasn’t going to spend that kind of money without making trouble, hiss. So that was how I met Mr F.

Mr. F, was FINE  but too buff for my liking, most girls like buff guys with defined arms, six-packed hard as rock and all, but buff built is not my cup of tea. I find it scary and cannot imagine all of that on top of my small frame. Anyway, his chocolate skin, height and correct set of dentition more than made up for it. Mr F was intelligent. As a sure Lagos boy, he smooth-talked the hell out of me, wined and dined me, once took me to his church, attended his friend’s wedding with him, but in my mind I was like “he is probably doing this with like 3 other chics, so I didn’t even bother reading meanings to it. I mean look at our own Bobo Nkiti, steadily running a consistent game with Cynthia, Rolayo and Keme. Until a man has laid his cards on the table, I don’t read meanings to anything.

After like three months, I, of course wanted to know what Mr F wanted to do with me, as he was taking too much of my time and not allowing me focus on being available for other guys. I am the type of woman who will tell a man the truth if I am hanging out with other guys if the question arises. This was up and running for like three months, I needed to know if I should like him or  keep my options open.

I preferred having this conversation in person, so we had arrange to meet up for dinner after work, we went to Yellow Chilli and ordered our favourite starter and by the time the main course came, I had no space let. One of the things I really liked about Mr F was that he didn’t have an issue with me dipping into his plate, like most guys do so we would often order different dishes and share with one another…romantic too

After climaxing on seafood okro and garri, Mr F asked “you wanted to talk about something?”. I almost changed my mind about bringing up the topic, because, I knew such conversations, could mean the end of a friendship, and I liked his company a lot.

So I started off the conversation with such hesitancy but eventually, got it out. “I think you are a great guy, I like hanging out with you, enjoy your company, we hang out a lot, in last three months, you have become a big part of my routine and I will like to know, what you want us to do, and I want you to be honest with yourself, what are your plans and what do you want to do”?

As expected Mr F froze for a bit, fiddled with my hair and then goes “you are a great girl, I like you a lot but to be very honest, I initially had no definite plans but I don’t want to lie to you, so please give me a couple of days to think about this and get back to you, preferably over text, as having this conversation in person sort of threw me off-balance”. So the evening ended with me requesting the no contact rule from Mr F, I didn’t want to confuse nor influence his decision.

After 8 days, Mr F texted me on WhatsApp, saying to let him know when I could talk. I responded and we booked a WhatsApp chatting time for Friday evening when I got home. Yes booked, because, he used to get upset if I took time to respond to his messages. We chatted, I was sad, of course I liked the guy, but he decided that he wasn’t emotionally stable enough to give me want I wanted and didn’t want to let me down like he did his ex. So we un-dated and stopped going on dates. It was weird at first, I would hold my phone and wait for him to accidentally message me, even though I asked him not to, I still religiously scrolled through his WhatsApp, read old chats, zoomed in on new profile pictures but managed to avoid messaging him. After a while, I got over it.

So recently, I moved to the island and ran into Mr F at a car wash. At first it was a bit strange but then I remembered he lives in Osborne estate which isn’t so far. Anyway, since our ‘chance’ meeting, Mr F has  suddenly become interested, and has been calling and texting me every day like old times.

I liked this dude and as you can tell I was upset when he gave me that ‘line’ , the kind of line you give to someone you have assigned to the friendzone.I felt like he led me on and then backed out but I  am sorta curious to know much more about him…I don’t think Miss Gidi would be in support of this one.

So my people, ImaRose needs your advice oh, what would you do?

 

SELLING THE LAGOS FANTASY

I am no glamour puss, I wear makeup on special occasions like dates, weddings, church sometimes and to work only when I have important meetings. I am not exactly sure how tall I am nor do I care, a while back I told this guy I was 5’7″ and he laughed so I thought I needed to verify my height but haven’t been bothered to.

Recently, my boss sent me to meet this lady to review something and write recommendations for a federal government project. On getting to Oriental to introduce myself, the lady looked at me with a little disappointment, calls my oga and says you sent this little girl with natural afro to me? I was expecting someone older with the way you talk about her.

Surprised? Well not really, I get that a lot and I am used to it. By the end of the meeting, she was telling me of her nephew who was single and needed a girl like me. Almost immediately, she called her nephew and that my friends, was the beginning of the journey with Mr. E.

Mr E and I talked daily on Skype, FaceTime and WhatsApp for two weeks. As most guys, he wanted to see my pictures so I directed him to my Facebook and Instagram account.

After I returned from my usual trips away, he began planning our first meet/date. Mr E went all out (I mean till date, I am not sure how) but we had a private picnic at the Eko-Atlantic, formerly known as bar-beach. I remember my nerves rushing in as I was pulling off bar-beach road, trying to sort out the confusion of the boys hustling to park me.

Maybe I should’ve won a dress not jeans and plain tee. I checked my lipstick, ran my fingers through my afro and wore my 5 perfume mixture, (yes I use five different perfumes, don’t ask why, that’s just how I wear it) . I got to the entrance and there was a guy waiting to walk me to where Mr E was; seated facing the sea…what efizzy won’t we see in this Lagos.

And there he was, beautiful to the eyes as he stood up towing over me for a hug…he smelt so good so I held the hug a bit longer to keep sniffing him. There’s something about a man who smells good and how he brings me to my knees. Note to self – tall enough, dark-skinned, good set of teeth, just my physical type, a little underdressed and wore slipper, so I relaxed about wearing jeans and flat sandals.

Dinning style sitting for two, but asked if I wanted to seat on the floor, so we sat on the floor. There was laughter, great conversation and good eye contact. For a change, he was the one asking all the compatibility questions. He says he’s dating with a purpose, not just to be dating. In my mind, I was like “thank God not another GROWN man who doesn’t know what he wants, or wants to “go with the flow” and “doesn’t believe in titles.”

Then, he proceeded to showing me this cropped picture of my lip and said he had been obsessing about kissing it. I found it funny, but felt a bit weird about him asking to kiss; nothing is sexier than a kiss I didn’t see coming. As soon as he said that, I stood up from my initial laying position and sat, poured myself a drink while praying “God please let this glass of champagne make me tipsy”. I happen to be very light-headed.

Then it happened. He leaned in and we kissed passionately, I kept breaking in between to reaffirm my position “this will not go beyond a kiss”. He agrees but carries on (of course). Thankfully I got disrupted by my phone ringing, a wake up call to remind me of my vow to celibacy.

Attentions shifted from my lips to my hair when my call was over. He touched my hair with fascination, stretched it down my chin, tried measuring how long it was, smiled and then said “You’ll look more beautiful with straight hair, how about you relax it or wear Brazilian more often like in your pictures”. I smiled and asked so “you think I’d look better without the Afro?” to which he answered, “definitely!”. smh

Men never know that some questions are an opportunity to take back the stupid thing they said. Anyway, I was a little ticked-off and pondered if I should explain how I felt? Or just move on from it, after all, such conversation was too deep for first meeting.

Mr E never heard from me again and this is because I knew I would not be able to keep up with his subtle demands and suggestions on what he ‘thought’ made me ‘more beautiful’. I could have continued and gone out of my way with the weaves and all to look acceptable for Mr E but it wouldn’t have been long before he found out that ImaRose is a simple Ibibio woman who loves to cook, read, listen to unconventional gospel music, loves good old jazz and loves her hair in a bun.

This is why I believe, Lagos men are so easy to deceive, but they get what they deserve, there are plenty of women who fit “the Mr E look”, are Instagram famous but when you see them at Sari’s salon and spa, you’ll cry for their bald heads and acne rid-face which 6 bundles of Brazilian hair and professional makeup hides. In short I bow for these women…

Dear Lagos men-hustlers, changing who you are to get a man will NOT keep him but that’s gist for another day.

Side-note: Do you know that in Lagos, a girl who has been around the block, in a bid to start ‘afresh’, would develop an overnight water-tight Christianity, acquire new friends, cut old ones off, join a new church preferably one where there are eligible young men (most on the island and appealing to ijgbs), scope a potential, find out what he likes, manipulates him into a relationship, becomes who he likes and then turns back to her old ways when things don’t work out?

Like this chic I know that went natural because she was dating a guy who claimed didn’t like weaves and makeup only for her to go back to wearing her full makeup and weaves when he dumped her counterfeit ass for a better woman.

Dear Lagos men, stop buying fantasy, let real women be who they are and not what media tells you is the definition of beautiful.

ImaRose is a real woman; she’s not every guy’s cup of tea. She is vintage Chinese tea with an old soul. And she is waiting for the man who appreciates her just as she is.

THE PRICE FOR QUALITY

Funny how all my friends come to me for relationship and marriage advice, though I am the single one…sounds like something Miss Gidi would say.

Anyway, my friend, Mr D, 34 years old, had been dating this girl for four years, according to what he tells me he really wants to get married, but hasn’t felt that thing a man should feel for a woman he wants to his wife. This got me thinking about settling and how often people remain in unhappy situations simply because it’s easier than facing reality and starting over again. I believe in trying, when I am with a guy I will do anything possible to make it work, but at what point do you decide “I deserve happiness”? When is it OK to walk away?

I remember not feeling the excitement most women feel when a man proposes to them, I didn’t know how to react, it was so weird for me and I felt so bad for not feeling it. For months I didn’t tell anyone I was engaged, the unlucky guy was so upset. Once we started marriage counselling at his church, TPH, I always had excuses for not showing up for our sessions. One time someone from the church called me and said “are you sure you really want to marry this man, most women are excited about marriage counselling, and you seem too withdrawn”.

My biggest fear in life is to end up in an unhappy marriage. Marriage requires so much I don’t know why people are in a hurry to run into it rather than spend time to work on personal growth and prepare for such commitment. Whenever I think of loving an imperfect being unconditionally, respecting him no matter how I feel, putting him above myself even when he is annoying, I begin to wonder why so many people remain in unhappy relationships, possibly transitioning to FOREVER.

In my confusion days, I listened to this message by Bishop Jakes and he said “some relationships were not designed to last forever, they were just supposed to take you to the point it got to, and how you know is in the struggle, when it’s right your heart will be at peace even in hard times. In it, Bishop said “stop drowning in shallow waters, it wasn’t supposed to be deeper than it is”. It made so much sense, yet, the guilt attached to leaving a long-term relationship makes many people stay at the expense of their own happiness. Starting over is scary but I did, and wouldn’t trade it for silver or gold; I can say that I know myself better as a woman and I know what I want in a man.

So what happens when you by chance meet someone who rocks your world, I mean chemistry is rock solid and they introduce you to things you didn’t even know you could find or like in a man or woman? In a perfect Hollywood movie, you run after such chances right? Wrong! Interestingly, such chances never come when one is necessarily looking for it, it’s usually by accident.

So was the fate of Mr. D, who wasn’t single by the way but he had met this woman at airport lounge. On getting to his destination, he called me raving about this incredible woman and how although he only just met her, he was certain she is what he has been looking for but didn’t really know it until that moment. He said sometimes a man doesn’t really know what he wants in a woman until she shows up and he realizes she is what he needed all along but couldn’t quite articulate”. Mr D, is a deep intellect, like most men he is attracted to the physical, but for him a woman has to be more than what meets the eye. His ex could hardly hold a meaningful conversation.

Before meeting this new babe, every time I asked him why he hadn’t proposed to his long-term girlfriend, his answer remained the same “something is missing, not sure what it is”.

Mr D and his ex, were the type of couple that you see and wonder how they came to be. My friend kept in touch with his new interest, seeing he really liked her, I encouraged him to pursue her. However, on several occasion kept running back to the comfort zone of a relationship he was hardly present in; babe of 4 years.

This happens a lot, sometimes it because we say we want something yet are not ready for it, sometimes we involve ourselves in complications and unable to come out of to embrace what we want when it shows up, sometimes it’s the right person but the timing is wrong. It could be many things, but at what point do you stop making excusing and go for it? Yes, there are too many options out there, but in reality; you will only meet a handful of people in your lifetime that are TRULY compatible and can connect to your soul in ways unimaginable.

Look at it this way, if you got a package from God that read “your man or woman will arrive in two weeks” will you be ready for them? It’s pointless to let “not good enough” occupy the space of what I am waiting for. Too many singles like the idea of having piece meal attentions here and there like it can satisfy them.

Everyone wants someone ‘quality’, but sometimes they themselves are not ready to accommodate it. I like to believe that quality deserves quality too, so daily, I strive to become the woman that the type of man I deserve will be proud to have.

So back to my friend, he eventually started making real efforts to pursue the woman of his dreams. At first he was scared that my advice could sabotage what he knew for sure for someone he just met. I encouraged him to be upfront but tell her the true situation of things, watch her response and how she handles it; if she agreed to share him with his girlfriend of four years then she wasn’t quality.

Mr D happens to be a good man who only wants one wife, so I believe he deserves quality. Well he took my advice and told the babe; she told him even though she liked him a lot,  she couldn’t share him and was willing to give him time to handle that situation and come back if he wanted.

In the end, Mr D broke up with his long-term girlfriend of four years and proposed to the woman of his dreams after knowing her for just 6 months.

Anything worth having will cost you something, be scared of the unknown but do it anyways.

ImaRose

SEX AS BAD AS JUNK FOOD

Last year I read an article on psychology, the writer took a more academic approach by exploring the difference and how the lack of intimacy makes causal sex worse than junk food. But first, let’s look at the urban dictionary’s thought provoking definition of junk sex. “Junk sex is like junk food – not bad enough to avoid, but definitely not good enough to make a steady diet of.” The Urban Dictionary

This definition of junk sex sums why the effect of junk sex includes outbreaks of unhealthy relationship patterns, feeds emotional unavailability, creates a void of emptiness, malnourished emotional and spiritual life and ultimately leads to formulation of self-destructive behavior and in the term a very lonely life. In Nigeria, men are more prone to habitual junk sex than women. In case you are a bit lost in my very academic expressions, junk-sex is casual sex. So is junk sex as bad as junk food and is junk sex the same as causal sex. Today, I shall use the word junk sex and casual sex interchangeable, just know I mean the same thing. As an advocate for sanctified and exclusive sex, the randomness of sex is what’s wrong with dating these days as the tendency to put sex before knowing the person, often makes men, wake up to reality of “I am not sure” while the women fall into a cloud of confusion and emotional stress when a man walks away after sex. But, so is junk sex as bad as junk food to us?

There is no denying that unhealthy food tastes amazing and comes with a certain high that accompanies doing what you shouldn’t. If you give me one scoop of ice-cream with almond, coconut and chocolate cookie crumble, I will eat the whole thing, no such thing at just a spoon, I am going all the way until that cone is empty. That’s reason why I don’t include junk food in my office groceries shopping, because, if I have to go out to domino’s pizza, the one next to a cold stone, every day to eat junk, I’ll have ample time to rethink my decisions. Not to mention, the extra thick cheesy domino’s pizza or super creamy pasta at Cactus. Wait, where were we again sef, oh yes, eating junk food is bad. I guess you get the picture, stuff that is bad to the body is extremely appealing, well so is junk sex.

The author of the article mentioned that “in comparing junk food to junk sex, intimacy is lacking the nutritional value of sex”. Intimacy being feelings of closeness and sense of belonging with no barriers, which is what makes for a healthy relationship and in return explosive sex.

Recently I had my friend tell me “you know ImaRose you may see me as a player but I am getting sick and tired of having sex with girls and not wanting to wake up next to them; after it’s done, I start plotting my exit strategy or how to get rid of them. I want to be intimate with a girl and not wake up wondering why she is laying next to me”

For those of us on a #fitfam movement, you know how it feels when you have what you are not supposed to. Like when we eat that big bowl of Cactus creamy mushroom pasta and down it with some bad ass monster calories dessert? We feel regret and more often than not wish it could be undone. It’s usually the “oh crap” feeling that haunts us for like two to three days. Same goes for junk sex, you get that instant gratification and of course the feeling of regret that accompanies it.

I believe this is the reason why a lot of men in Lagos are professionally single, let’s face it, the convenience of junk sex drives their emotions into unavailability and traps them in ‘singlehood’ for a very long time, if not forever. Some of them become addicted to the adrenaline of junk sex that they continue this bad behaviour even after a delayed marriage.

On the other hand, some men fall into the junk sex experience so much so that like junk food, they become unable to enter into healthy romantic relationships. Not because they don’t want to, but because, they have become conditioned to being unable to give what is required in a healthy relationship. Don’t get me wrong, casual sex is a means to an end with full disclosure of intentions and expectations from parties involved, but let’s be real, how many woman can really stick to such terms and conditions? and for men, how many men can easily switch to a healthy state of mind once they meet a potential girlfriend?

I empathize with men whose means to an end is junk sex, but it can become a long life addiction, which like every addiction leaves participants still empty and always searching for more. Like my friend who is 43 and genuinely wants to ‘settle down’ but no woman is ever good enough, even when he is dating a girl he likes, he still goes about saying  he is available because to him that his way of making sure he is not settling when he could get a better deal. Men like my friend almost never find a good woman and end up settling for the most manipulative woman who would have trapped them somehow

I had no idea what good sex was when I was with the unlucky guy and that’s because there was a lot missing. When there are feelings involved, there is room for unselfish mutual satisfaction which leads to great sex, in my opinion.

In the end, you should know what works for you, would you rather intimacy filled with love and a deep connection or do you prefer instant gratification like our ‘fast foods’?

I for one, avoid rushed intimacy like a plague and that’s because my heart is not designed for emotional detachment so I choose to always make healthy choices, from the food I eat to the type of intimacy I experience.

Love,

ImaRose

LESSONS FROM BEING SINGLE

May 2015 officially marked my one year of singleton and celibacy. Hoo-ray!!!. Even though getting to know a few guys in Lagos has been fairly discouraging; a lot of shallows, sex-focused, emotionally unavailable, too many-options-confused men about town, but I am hopeful.

I have learnt interesting lessons and made two very solid friends from guys I went on dates with. Usually, I would only go on a second date with a guy if I liked him and he too seemed interested in me. Anyway, I met two really cool-guys who texted after the first date and were polite, I had to want to see them again even though there were no potentials in sight. First guy was like “You are a cool girl, I like your company, a lot and even though I feel the attraction is one-sided, would love for us to be friend just to keep your energy around””. The second guy was cool enough to tell me, he is not a good place emotionally as he just got out of a failed marriage and has ongoing drama which he doesn’t want to involve me, I texted him back saying I respected honesty in a man, thanked him for telling me and told him feel free to reach me whenever he wanted. Today we are really good friends.

Besides these two cool guys I have learnt met a lot of not so cool one and learnt the following interesting lessons;

  1. When you reach a particular maturity level, it becomes harder to meet men who match that in Lagos…maturity has nothing to do with age here
  1. Integrity is a rare commodity in Lagos men
  1. To a typical Lagos man, single means I am not married, but there is someone…in some cases, more than one.
  1. Quickly you see that the average Lagos man rotates his interest between several ladies, hence, they take hours to respond to your text, then show up after you fail to notice they disappeared, with the “you fashied me” line; Makes total sense, right? No? I don’t get it either. Le sigh.
  1. Obsessing is an exercise in futility. Never worry about why he hasn’t called in days, a man who wants to know you will NOT be vague.
  1. Looking for love from a position of fear is a longer and a more stressful journey; enjoy the process, but don’t be aloof and take nothing personal – Miss Gidi
  1. There is nothing sexier than a guy who knows what he wants. Alternatively, there is nothing less attractive than an indecisive, emotionally unavailable guy.
  1. Bad dates make for a good story. Take notes. But, always try to not make it too obvious, it took the guy a lot to even ask you to go out. Be nice you owe him that much…then you can be like me and write for Single in Gidi
  1. Don’t have sex with a man until he knows what he wants to do with you and has communicated that to you, a time waster will see you as bad market and stop calling and replying your text.
  1. Realize when he’s just not that into you and bow out gracefully. Don’t make excuses for him, don’t call him if doesn’t call, don’t ask for an explanation, he owes you nothing. Once he starts drifting away, rip that band-aid off as quickly as you can and bury the attraction, a man always shows interest if he is into you.
  1. It’s okay for a man not to want you, don’t worry about why, give people the freedom to choose whether or not to be in your company
  1. You should get to ask for what you want in a relationship, it doesn’t mean he can give it to you but ask anyway; men don’t read minds. If you prefer to be called as opposed to being e-maintained via Whatsapp and BBM then say so, a man who wants to be with you will try.
  1. Don’t fall for a potential; he better is a good enough man as he has shown himself to be to you.
  1. Manscaping will never go unappreciated. Lots of good-looking men around Lagos, pay a compliment often, but not with the intent of anything in return, men love it too.
  1. There’s a lot to choose from, but there are a lot of damaged goods: He’s a commitment-phobia; he’s not over his ex; he has no intention of dating you but will never tell you, he is used to being chased, he has minimal respect for women; he can’t tell you exactly what he does for a living.
  1. If the first few conversations are about you do for a living, RUN, he is looking for a meal-ticket, and will propose in a short while if you earn a nice Short-story, this guy that is almost married to my friend now, saw me at one of those fancy wine tasting events and was trying to chat me up. Unfortunately for him, I already knew who he was because I had seen a few pics of him. Somehow the conversation, went to so what do you do because your handbag is expensive” and the conversation progressed into knowing my investment value e.t.c. Unknown to him I was carrying my mum’s high-valve brand-name purse, but he saw that as a ticket to continue flirting before giving me his card because I didn’t give him my number. Dude was dating my friend and was trying to get with me too!, Lagos men, SMH. Did I tell my friend? Well that’s story for another post.
  1. For men who are more upfront, be prepared to hear a lot of “let’s see how it goes” never fall for it, usually what he means join my cue and compete while I decide who I want. Yet, no man has ever successfully chosen a quality woman with this little-boy scheme.
  1. For the men who say nothing, watch their actions, it has ways of telling what they are not bold or honest enough to say.
  1. Stay away from guys with girlfriends and wives. No matter how unhappy he tells you he is, that is none of your business. Seriously, run the other way as if zombies were chasing you. One married guy tried me, I was so upset on finding out he was married, and I almost jammed his hands in my car door. I grew up listening to my mother pray against strange women, you want someone to pray like that for me? Abeg acid is real.
  1. One of my favourite Miss Gidi nuggets “If he really likes you, he’ll try to be in your thoughts as often as possible, even the president can spare 2 minutes call people he really wants to talk to” Don’t fool yourself into thinking he is too busy, if you haven’t heard from him in a few days and over weeks, he has told you what you need to know through his actions.
  1. If you suggested the date or have dated regularly for a few weeks, offer to split the bill, some guys won’t mind but do it nicely, not like you are trying to prove a point
  1. Don’t let every douche canoe who’s used you or strung you along ruin it for the rest of them. Never punish a man for the sins of another. When I was hurt, I actually used to second guess and read every message before I sent. One guy tried to dump his baggage on me I told him politely “I have been hurt too you don’t need to punish me for what she did to you”
  1. Another Miss Gidi nugget: “Don’t let the disappointment from dating make you jaded and bitter. Dating is draining and it will continue to be until you find real love but know that somewhere out there, there’s an amazing guy experiencing the same frustrations as you and can’t wait to meet you”.
  1. One day, love would find you both and you’d laugh at all the frogs you had to kiss to get there but most of all, you’d have peace and learn to appreciate “normal” when you finally meet him. – yet another Miss Gidi nugget, I think I have been hanging around her too much)

So as I continue to celebrate one year of being single and celibate, I can say I am still committed to loving as though I have never been hurt before until the day my love finds me.

Love,

ImaRose

THE COMMON FACTOR

Recently, the not so single Miss Gidi and I had an interesting conversation about self and the effects of relationships on you as a person. That conversation made me go back to the self-reflective notes my therapist made me write when I was in counselling. I know what you think; seeing a therapist is such an oyibo behavior abi? Eh, well when I kept getting involved with men that had no respect for me, I had to look within, and maybe the fault was mine because the common factor in all of this was me.

Can you believe, the day I  returned the unlucky guy’s ring, was the same day he proposed to a girl he lied about for two years with the same ring and plastered the pictures all over social media. I swear, I almost went crazy, this is someone I gave my life and to think he had another option on standby was what even upset me the most. He had given me the keys to his house, but out of respect (after all it’s his house), I sent him a text that I was coming to get my things. On getting there, I found my things outside and he also changed the locks of his house.

That was the lowest point of my life, I was ashamed but didn’t want people to see me falling apart. See, I grew up with this bloated self-esteem thanks to my grandparents filling my head with how great I was and how I could achieve anything I wanted in life. So as an adult, I have this positivity that is almost delusional; no matter gloomy things may appear, ImaRose believes tomorrow will be a better day. It’s a good thing right? but when you have such mentality, handling failure is a huge struggle. My exterior may show this confident opinionated talkative woman, but on the inside, I’m shy and is often quiet in the mornings, when I’m upset, feel insecure or maybe when I feel inadequate.

Pardon, my scattered thought processes, today I really just want to reflect on myself.

Mind you this was at the peak of the rainy season and he lived in Lekki, so imagine meeting your things outside like a refugee who got kicked out of an asylum shelter. This was a guy I had a joint savings account with, don’t blame me, we were almost married, even that house, I looked for it with him, I am not ashamed to say I added money to the rent and we even did up the place together, after all we were getting married. I believe in financial accountability between significant others so I still don’t see anything wrong with that. Besides, I know married guys with no savings because their working wives do nothing to help and they kill themselves to provide, sometimes refunding her when she does stuff with her money for their own home, to me that is absolute rubbish. It shouldn’t matter how much a man earns, a woman should contribute to anything no matter how little, if she is earning an income.

His neighbours looked at me with pity as I sat on wet floor looking lost and confused. So I tried to move on, by then Mr A was my emotional support, see how easy it was for a baseless relationship to develop? The unlucky guy had always suspected me of liking  Mr A, but really he was just that guy I could talk to, he listened to me, talked to me not at me; everything the unlucky guy wasn’t. After Mr A’s mess, Mr B was next in line as the transition guy, with only difference being Mr B was a good friend of over 12 years. Because of the friendship, walking away was so hard even when it wasn’t working. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in burning bridges, but it’s harder with someone who was your friend before being your romantic interest.

Because men are creatures of habit, Mr B always reappeared every now and then with things like “I miss you” or  “The day you have sex with another man, I will kill you”, followed by “I’m sorry, you are frustrating me” then to “I just can’t believe you sometimes, that you loved me yet moved on already acting so cold”.  He used to abuse me, and I would say nothing because I am the “whatever girl”, I don’t trade insults, it’s too low and I am too old for that nonsense. Whenever any of his friends got married he would send a text saying “I really wanted to marry before 30, now you are messing up my plan” or say “all my friends will laugh at me, if you are serious about this thing, reconsider” Mr B is the height of a toxic man; nothing is his fault, everything is an attack, proud, condescending and entitled, then whenever he is ignored, he acts like world is coming to an end, toxic. By the way, when he eventually said “we are not dating”, it was his way to make sure I don’t feel big-headed, imagine that?

Did I ever say I studied psychology for my first degree and forensic science was one of my favourite module?  A good detective will tell you to keep surveillance of the crime scene because guilty criminals always return there. Their crime scene feeds their ego and is an avenue for them to control and make sure you don’t move on. More often than not, people come back because they realised it’s a wicked world out there and you are a safe haven. Interestingly, ALL my exes always come back begging, but, I lock them out, criminals are selfish and love the attention, you have to starve them of it, it’s the only healthy way.

Once he called me persistently , said he was struggling to sleep if I could come with him to therapy. At some point, communication between us became war; he threw daggers and I threw some right back. Eventually I agreed to go; this person was my friend, so it was hard to see him suffering even though I too was in pain. He offered to buy my ticket, I declined, even though I was broke at the time, I bought my own ticket and stayed with friends for accountability.

When I got there, I realized he had booked a relationship counsellor with the hopes that we could fix things. See, if something is broken, a micro-wave quick-fix won’t do. So to his surprise, after much yelling and tears, from Mr B and I, the therapist goes, “my only job here is to help both of you communicate your feelings without fear (on my part) and as adults, but on repairing this, I will have individual sessions with you on personal growth and how respect and co-dependency works in relationships, at the end of the sessions, one of two things will happen; both of you will either see that you really want to be together or one person will outgrow the relationship and not want to continue”.

To be honest up until that therapy session, the part of me that loved still wanted to make it work if he tried and was serious. I watched Mr B cry after every session, it was so hard, but, heck, I cried daily for four months.  In the end, I became aware of the patterns I had developed since unlucky guy’s rejection that made me make terrible choices. I was the common factor, I made those choices, I had let my previous experience affect who I was, my positive outlook on life and almost destroy my self-esteem. I had become needy, moving from one relationship to another, not giving myself the chance to heal and love again.

True to what the therapist said, I knew Mr B was not for me so I thanked him for the free therapy session and returned home with a better outlook and plan towards my life.

I believe it was Oprah who said “once we understand that we all go into relationships with certain level of brokenness, we will handle each other with care, love, kindness and grace; because the people we choose, may represent something we have been looking for and vis-visa, so help each other heal”.

While talking listening to Miss Gidi talk about her experience and its effect on her, she said “I have learnt that the consequences of having a large heart is people will take advantage of you but you must NOT change who you are; you must continue to be yourself, God rewards a large heart with greater and a more superior love with time”.

Can I hear an AMEN, church?!

Love Always,

ImaRose


 

WHO DO YOU SAY I AM?

As a single woman in the dating scene, the goal is to find that man that I connect with spiritually, emotionally, mentally and of course sexually, yes I’m the one that said it. The challenge remains navigating the period between when you meet someone and what happens after.

So how long should it be before a man declares intentions? I feel like one-three months is enough time sometimes shorter for people who see or communicate on a deeper level. I totally believe it should be a man that makes this decision to be exclusive and he shouldn’t be manipulated or guilt-tripped into deciding or choosing a particular woman. Pursuit is evident of desire, if he doesn’t, why try to fit a square peg into a round hole?

This is why I could fancy a man yet only ever following his rhythm. I believe in getting to know a man, my only job as a woman, is to be my authentic self and create the space for him to come in without forcing it. Having said that, ladies, never, ever, wait for a man to be ready to make a choice between you and all the others, oh of course; there are other women even though he is talking to you, he is rotating the attention. Do other things, get to know yourself better, meet other men as well, don’t sleep with them and only ever say I have a boyfriend, when the man (you are sure of) has asked you to be his. Just like you can’t force chemistry you cannot force lasting exclusivity with a man, don’t believe me ask Toke (fix it Jesus!). For me, if a man I like stayed too long at the undefined stage I would slowly forget about him, living in grey areas is certainly not me, I thrive on stability. Defining a relationship acts as a road-map to enable both parties settle in, grow and enjoy each other.

These days, men are complacent so women are assuming the lead and it’s feeding the whole confusion of who should do what. The reason I don’t believe in manipulating a man into commitment is, I acknowledge as a woman, I am the more of an illogical emotional being; we tend to define relationships based on how we feel towards him, without necessarily paying attention to his pace and his feelings. We naturally assume that because we feel something, he must feel it too or we try to make him feel it. I believe our passion for making something happen can disrespect the man’s feelings or a right to not reciprocate our feeling. It’s unfair.

For us, once we have sex, it’s a relationship, for a man it’s a completely different experience. I sha don’t want to have sex with a man then dude afterwards leaves with his common-sense activated, but takes my heart with him unintentionally.  I want a man who wants to be with me as much as I want him and, I want him to take the lead, after which we can both explore and figure the goodness of sex out (preferably after marriage sef). A man has to know what he wants, I don’t to help him make up his mind or become his emotional/sexual clutch.

The growing hook-up culture is making men view courtship as stress, when really the falling in love aspect for some women happens in the courtship stage. I mean, I love flowers, you can rob my back during that time of the month, cook me dinner sometimes (even if the wheat is too hard to swallow, I’d still appreciate it), go for long walks and just gist, be kind, take me out and teach me how to dance while listening to loud music, watch your favourite TV show with me, is this too much to ask?

But no, Lagos men couldn’t be bothered, while most women resolve to manipulation; getting off the pill without his knowledge and get pregnant to trap him, move in and off to Ikoyi registry. If this is my only option, I will have some designer babies via a willing donor when I get to 35 and still single, have 2 kids and be the hottest single mother-ever, I am serious. Thank God, my mum already has three-grand-babies, although she would love for me to get married, she told me during the unlucky guy saga and even crazy Mr B “Adiahia, speed is not progress, take your time and choose happiness, your morning is whenever you wake-up”. Yes daughter of Zion is cool like that; oh that’s what I call my mum; I am Ibibio and we thrive on pet names – Ima, Ufan, Uko, Ete, Da-owo, Uyai-Abasi.

Ok, I digress, now Facebook is ‘making a new option just a friend-request-away’, tinder takes it a step further to “it’s not cheating” Instagram has been burying relationships since it came. I have a friend who recently quit Instagram for guilt of cheating on his girlfriend, he confessed to me and was like “ImaRose these girls are killing me, even if you don’t want they have a way of roping you in and before you know it you are in a mess”.

Men giving women nothing to submit to, women giving men nothing to respect; unashamedly chasing men and forcing them into marriage then wonder why they cheat. Can’t turn an irresponsible man into a husband, marriages changes nothing, rather it highlights who we really are that we try so hard to suppress. I hate when people say she got pregnant and I had to marry her, dude, you are not helpless, you better marry a woman who does it for you and forget that I had no choice situation, only love, real love sustains.

Remember Mr C? I once blocked his access to me as he wasn’t respecting my boundaries of no flirting or trying to tell me how unhappy he is with his wife, wetin concern me? I have ZERO sympathy for men that marry women they are not attracted to, zero. If you are having sex with a woman, chances of pregnancy are high, what was the plan? Undefined relationships allow room for such, these days men have this mentality of why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free from variety of cows. Then get uncomfortable when women like us say “I don’t have noncommittal sex”. Recently, one guy said I am a wasting my body, I told him my body is a temple of worship for God and Ima, not for LGAs in Lagos.

I tell my male friends that too many options confuses men, they never listen until the girl they really connect with gets tired and moves on, and by the time they realise she was the catch but she moved on and found a REAL man who knows exactly what he wants.

Recently, my friend Nasir was talking about this girl he liked and was spending time with including other girls but he preferred her. I asked him if she was his girlfriend and his response was ‘do people still use titles?’ Anyways, I told him I was certain she knew she was sharing his attention, he denied it; men don’t get it, a woman always knows, she may not say anything, but she knows, trust me. In the end, the girl found and started seeing a more forthcoming guy and he is still obsessing over her and how he lost her… men never see this coming, do they?

Most Naija men are quick to refer to “power, position and gender role as a man when it’s something the woman has to do, but when it’s their responsibility they resort to “this is 2015 a woman can ask a man out or let’s go with the flow”. Anything that is not growing dies, it’s a natural law and only dead fishes go with the flow.

My grandma told me a story about sex that I live by. She said there is scientific proof that once you have sex with someone you take on their aura, spirituality, emptiness or richness of their soul, joy, overflow, and emotional baggage. Sex is more than what meets the eyes, it was designed by God for marriage, but since instant gratification is killing us these days, I’d rather we know each other and are committed before navigating that route.

I plan to tell my children that story to scare them and keep their numbers LOW, lol.

In the end, if a man who cannot step up and make his intentions known and makes sure I have ‘the title’, then he is not worth sharing my soul with; my soul is NOT who-so-ever’s.

ImaRose

To date or not to date an Oyibo?

Anyone notice how white sportsmen get married early and start life on time? Meanwhile our black men see marriage as a disadvantage, living promiscuous lifestyles and at 40 they are still single and eventually broke at retirement?

Wanye Rooney married at 22; David Beckham, 25, Andy Murray, 27, Novak Djokovic, 26 and I could go on. While over here, a typical Naija man thinks romance means having sex. It’s so bad that even the average naija lady just assumes a man wants sex the moment he starts being nice to her. Oh but, two days ago, this dark-hot-chocolate-interesting man, made me lunch in his house without expecting anything, I was so impressed and almost emotional; we talked, he robbed my feet and we fell asleep talking; SWEETEST thing EVER, will never forget it, I was so nervous, hopefully he didn’t notice…and hopefully he calls back.

Anyways,

So recently, my friend and I ‘in the abroad’ went to visit her sister who is engaged to an oyibo. (Caucasian for those who don’t know). We stayed with them for two nights and of course as women, we had our rounds of late night gossips especially on the topic of the difference between dating a broda and an oyibo.

In my younger days, I kind of dated an oyibo; dude treated me like a queen, I felt secure and never had to wonder whether I was the only one, the one everyone knew or him never publicly claiming me as his woman. I mean that alone was enough because the average Naija guy will not claim you then pow! one day he has proposed to another chic. I remember, one Naija celeb, that was playing two ladies that I happen to know; he got engaged to a totally different chic recently and in typical defence, he said to the other two ladies “we were not dating”.

Me sha, I cannot be anyone’s secret, I love privacy in a relationship but will NEVER be the girlfriend a man will post along another randomness on Instagram saying “happy birthday darling”; if he calls other girls darling on his page, then mine can’t be vague, it has to be obvious that you are my ‘Ima’, YES, I said it.

Back to the oyibo-experience, the culture made a world of difference and that just made everything less desirable for me, maybe because I was younger and sort of naïve. But forget grammar o, I am a Naija woman, I lived with my grandparents during my formative years so I am too traditional for my own good. I love cooking Naija-food, as in I cannot imagine not eating Afang, Egusi and Oha soup, and there is something about eating with ‘Ima’ and just making fun of each other the Naija way that an Oyibo cannot get and that vibe cannot be learned no matter how hard you try.

In defense for dating an oyibo man , my friend’s sister made some valid great points on the difference between dating an oyibo or a broda, which are:

EMOTIONAL SECURITY: I am not interested in caging a man, or trying to constraint his freedom and individuality. However, it is emotional security that comes with knowing that my man is my man and that keeps me carefree. I am the sort of girlfriend who won’t want to tag along everywhere ‘Ima’ goes, I like him to have his time with his own friends and I also love my bae-cation but I also want to be able to have my girls-cation and he will have nothing to worry about because for all the tea in China (and I love tea), all the money in the world, ImaRose will NEVER consider cheating, NEVER!.

I believe it’s important to maintain your individuality within a relationship. However, the lack of emotional security can make us become paranoid. As a woman, I am naturally insecure; maybe my ass is not big enough, maybe I am not thin enough, maybe my boobs are too small, or maybe he prefers light-skinned girls, whatever the case, I don’t need the insecurity caused by not knowing if I am bae or not. Since the drama of Mr A, I made a covenant with myself to NEVER consider a man who cannot give me emotional security, it’s not an option for me.

A Naija man acts like it’s a crime to make a woman emotionally secure, so they remain vague in the name of privacy, be wise women, privacy and secrecy are two very different things.

LIES: An oyibo will most likely tell you the truth; if you a side, you will know, if he likes you but is hurt and may not be ready for a relationship, you will know, if he just wants no strings attached, you will know. BUT my Naija-men will lie so much that it’s scary.

That is how one guy thought I was a fool, because he saw how difficult it was looking to get me in bed, he tried everything, carried me to his sisters, family house (not to sound tribalistic but certain tribes lack integrity, even the family go follow play you like community football). If a man won’t talk about his most recent relationship and why it failed then I won’t trust him or be free with him, it’s either he is still emotionally attached, still having sex or it’s not over.

That’s how I found out that this guy got married three months after I verbally told him it wasn’t happening because I felt uncomfortable with his refusal to talk about his most recent relationship, which he claimed was over. I mean, his wedding pictures till today are not on his Facebook and he still tried to flirt with me after I sent him pictures of his wedding as featured on BellaNaija.

Some ladies are fine with being side chics but abeg give those of us who aren’t into man-sharing the option of deciding whether we want drama or not. I feel like this issue is really a value system challenge, our society has no penalty for lies, our society makes look like it’s okay (or normal) for men to lie, hence most of our men lack integrity.

DRAMA: My friend’s sister said being with an oyibo is drama free, in her words; she doesn’t have to deal with his exs and so-called friends he had sex or emotional connections with while most Naija-men will drag you into all that mess because they equate drama with love (as in, I don’t get it!). My mum always says “no man is completely single when he meets you, so give him grace to clear his mess”

Which brings me to this,

Dear future bae,

Sadly I am only attracted to Naija men, so, if there are any “fillers” before you decide to go on an adventure with me, please remember to tell them that you have met someone and the party is over because this Madam will give up on you easily than involve herself in any drama. I don’t plan to clean up your mess and giving up on you may look like I don’t love or care about you…. The truth is, I probably will love you and care but more importantly I AVOID DRAMA like a plague so don’t involve me …don’t even try… PLEASE!.

Thank you and I love you in advance.

Yours truly,

ImaRose

P.S – Future Bae, you should also see the Single in Gidi play on Sunday

SIG_IG (2)