AVOIDING TIME WASTERS

Stringing along is such a common thing in the Lagos dating scene. How can we truly differentiate between someone who is trying to get to know us and a time waster so we don’t waste our time or close the doors to other potentials just because we are hung on this guy or girl who is string us along many others to see if we can fight hard enough to earn our place as their “main”?

Well, I am NOT a relationship expert ooooh abeg, I am just sharing things my crazy mind has overtime picked up and assume to be a working formula and so far, works for me.

Ok. so, How do you know a timed-waster?

First of all, to be fair, I speak only for myself, I have been guilty of wasting someone’s time when I was hurt, but they always knew from the beginning because I told them, I wasn’t in a good place emotionally to even consider a relationship. That didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy having someone call me to see how work was or waking up to a text in the morning….. it feels good to have someone. So, I have done it, but it wasn’t intentional and eventually I had to admit to myself it was unfair to take a great guy’s attention knowing fully well my thoughts were blurry and we had ZERO chemistry to begin with. I wasn’t proud of it, my conscience didn’t let me rest…I apologised and moved on.

It happens often, men string women along, women string men along too for convenience or maybe the fear of being alone. Often times stringing along feeds the ego and satisfies that longing in men to get high on the thrill of the chase. Stringing along, completely disregards the lack of intentions of pursuing a relationship with the “bait”.

Identifying time wasters is easier than you think if you are a realistic person.

Some people are master-gamers and have a doctorate at what they do. So how do you know someone is wasting your time? Well, do they ever mention you and them in the context of “we” sometimes? Do they ever plan for a “real date” with you or is it “hanging out” “when are we seeing?” “when are you coming over?” or just texting and phone conversation type-situation? Do they make an effort to REALLY get to know you by wanting to know your background, present and past because getting to know someone is about collecting data, if they are not, then maybe they are just using you to pass time.

Do they disappear for days and then pop back up after a while? Do they have history that they are unwilling to share about past relationships? Does it feel right? I think I can stop here because I think you get the picture.

Avoiding time-wasters starts really by first knowing who you are as a person, what your values are, what values you can add in the life of another and what you are looking for in a mate. Sometimes, people don’t even know why they want in a boyfriend or a girlfriend other than the fact that it’s almost time to get married and they need to find that man or woman.

I feel it’s important to know, that way, you go into it with the right mindset and expectation and with the grace for the faults of another human being as no one is perfect. If you are just looking to hangout, hookup or whatever else they call it these days then you shouldn’t bother when your game meets someone’s game.

If you are looking for nourishing relationships like I am, then, you need to invest your time wisely by only giving people what they give back to you. For men, only pursue a woman who knows who she is and what she wants and make sure she can stand on her own.

I say that because a woman who doesn’t know herself could adjust temporarily to suit whatever you require of her, usually because there is an incentive; you represent something she lacks and is in need of. It’s very easy for a woman to pretend to love a man for the incentive (my taxi driver recently told me a story I can’t wait to share). For a man, if he is not making an effort, he is either newly hurt or not that into you, in other words, time-waster.

It doesn’t mean everything should turn into something serious, some people in the journey to finding love will be used as an experiment to see how it is..just make sure the lab rat is not you.

For example, last year I met this dude who chased life outta me, I just always thought he was too vague, so I put him on “watch and see/too good to be real list” and went into a lot of exploring data collection convos, eventually, this guy, popped out unknowingly saying “gosh is it true what they say? I can’t wait to experience what a Calabar girl feels like” well I dismissed the calabar part with “I’m not Calabar,I’m Ibibio and I am not a car and I will not be test-driven, sorry”. He cut his looses eventually on notice that ImaRose was bad-market.

Girls, until you have had that conversation of understanding the kind of relationship you both want and are currently pursuing, keep your legs closed!, unless of course you too are using the guy for sex or whatever (I don’t support it but I guess it’s a free world). Now that tinder has made it to Nigeria, trust me, to a guy, sex doesn’t mean he is serious so be wise.

What else can you do to avoid time wasters when dating? Here are some more tips:

  • Be clear about your dating intentions and expectations
  • Be selective about who you talk to and date (just because they’re interested or they’re attractive doesn’t make them an ideal partner)
  • Give it time, true intentions are exposed with time
  • Some people are actually just busy, rather than assume, ask questions
  • Assess people on their actions and not their words (time wasters will promise the world and deliver nothing)
  • Pay attention to the frequency and quality of their contact with you (are they actually trying to get to know you in a real way?)
  • Are they more interested in getting in your panties?
  • Do they talk about other people they’re “talking to” in the same way as they’re talking to you?
  • Trust your instinct (it’s your spirit trying to WARN you of something)

Finally, LIVE! Don’t focus too much on the outcome, focus more on the experience in the dating process , every now and then, assess how you feel and only continue if you feel good, the rest will fall into place when it’s supposed to.

Right now, I don’t care if someone sends me a text and if I do get one I’d text back when I can and not wait five hours just for the heck of it.If I have a question, I will ask and I expect nothing in return.

Until then, I’m simply appreciating the experience of getting to know interesting people, whatever the outcome.

Love,

ImaRose

HOW TO WALK AWAY FROM THE BAD

I know what you’re thinking…don’t worry there is no Mr. D…yet.  I am at a great place right now; healed, cleansed from all the nonsense and becoming a better woman for that lucky man. Although I have met and I’m getting to know interesting guys, I have kissed one really cool dude whom I find very fun to be around, he’s intelligent and interesting; I learn a lot around him and that, I like that in a man. On the other hand,  I don’t know what’s going on there, he could have someone but who knows, whatever sha it’s ok with me, to me a man can come and go as he pleases, I just won’t be waiting around or chasing after him, he has a right to do whatever he wants. In the meantime, I am knowing the ones that are more forthcoming and ‘available’.

I read comments on all previous posts and common thread is “how to walk away from bullshit” so this week am going to share my kobo’s worth on how I survived and got out of all three, oh plus the unlucky guy… that’s four right?

  1. Own your mistakes: often times, women love blaming the guy for their pain and never ever want to accept their own role in the pain they feel. In overcoming hurt, accepting responsibility for the roles you have played in the demise of any relationship or allowing yourself to be in that situation is key. I hate pity parties, no matter how horrible the unlucky man, A and B were to me I played a major role in what I chose to be a part of and allowed to go on in MY OWN life and even provoked some of this horrific reactions I got, these men are not evil, they are only immature, afraid and most importantly, a reflection of their upbringing or you can say our value systems differed a lot. So first step is, taking responsibility, if a man beat or treats you like shit and you are still there, it can’t be that you love him that much, ask yourself “what is it about me that makes me believe and accept this behavior”? Answering this is a huge step, I am not saying you can walk away immediately but just seeing the reality of such self-honesty will make that wrong guy irritate you, and that’s a great starting point.
  2. It’s okay to be broken: the best lesson I have learnt in last four years is that what will be will be. In the past, my first reaction was always to fix things, try to make it stand so it doesn’t fall apart, but it is in the falling apart that determines whether or not it is worth it, allows you to evaluate if you really want it, and determines the strength of such bond. After I found out my ex, whom I almost married was sleeping with a girl he told me was his cousin, my stupidity wanted to fix it, after all we had a wedding five months ahead; what would people say?, I suffered in silence, I couldn’t tell a soul until one day I passed out at work and was given a forced leave. I got home packed my bags and left, went somewhere to be alone and genuinely feel my hurt. I was frustrated, upset but still didn’t cry until one morning I was having breakfast alone at some cafe in a strange part of the world and a seemingly older guy approached me, chatted for a while and he was like “I like you, can I take your number?” stupidly I said that I was almost married and the man asked if he was good to me because I deserved the best; that was my ahhhh moment. Anyway he left and I went back to my hotel, got into the bathtub, lit candles, tried to deceive myself into reading psalms and the tearing flowed, I wept an ocean, because for the first time I realized I was getting less than what I deserved.  Most times, we deny the pain so much for the fear of people laughing at us or calling us weak. I don’t care if you are a man, if you feel hurt, cry, if you are ashamed of crying then do so in private, cry while taking a shower and go to bed; you feel better, trust me. Mourning the end of that relationship, is the quickest way to get over it, trust me.
  3. Tell yourself the truth: we try too hard to make something work that God Himself is trying to destroy, if you are trying too hard then that’s a sign. Mr. B taught me that the very fact that I was trying to make it work meant it wasn’t meant to work. Mr. B was a chief manipulator, I mean he manipulates professionally, the thing about manipulation is it gives so much power to the manipulator to blame the ‘manipulatee’ that everything wrong is their fault. Stupidly I kept trying, but the more I tried the more delusional I became, I was betraying myself by denying the reality, I mean, I saw condoms in a man’s travel bag, he can’t be playing Lagos monopoly with condoms na and No it’s not for his friend; he was having sex and cheating, period.  Listen if you ever get to the point where you hide what’s really going on from your real friends because you already know what they will say, then you already know the truth, you are just in denial. Like chemistry, it’s either there or it isn’t, it’s either working or it’s not, trying too hard should show you that it’s not supposed to be and you are forcing it.
  4. Compatibility is not a myth: look at your values, does it match theirs? Why I thought for the life of me I could have a good relationship with an occasional Christian remains a mystery to me. Mr B is still crawling on his knees but I’m like No thanks, I want a man who will tell me “No baby you cannot use your tithe to save up for a new handbag or in your holiday kitty, that’s God’s money” if your values don’t align and they can’t make you better person, that’s usually a sign. I know a guy whose girlfriend drains life out of him by smothering, caging and demanding too much attention…that is a sign (no man was designed to take the place of God in a woman’s life, your partner is not there to fill up the void, only God can). Tell yourself the truth, can you cope? I don’t care if it’s long distance; real love liberates, real love wants the best for you and real love respects your individuality.
  5. Sometimes, second chances don’t work: recently Mr B sent me a message that read “I will never forgive myself to know that a woman like you came my way and I didn’t treat you right, please all I want is another chance to try”. This is a nice bait dangling from the minister’s hill, No devil I am delivered!!!… But seriously, I believe the only time you should get back with someone is if in evaluating why it didn’t work previously you can ascertain that you were not dehumanized in the process. Miss Gidi would say “if you can forgive and forget the main reason you broke up then maybe a second chance is for you”. Weelll for me, I felt betrayed because I always told him it didn’t have to work as distance was already a barrier and if he was interested in seeing others, I was willing to walk away. So why lie, disrespect and then deceive me? I couldn’t believe it, I have forgiven him but I cannot forget and it will definitely affect a ‘second chance’. No matter how lonely I get or sad I feel on Valentine’s Day or my birthday or that I don’t get red roses from a man who I love, I still don’t want Mr B…not now…not ever.
  6. Throw away the baby with the bath water: I believe in completely cutting off all ties; you cannot keep valuable items from them or randomly call them sometimes. Mr. B bought me a nice car as a gift in my name and I returned it, in my opinion I can’t be telling a man there is no hope yet I have something of significance that remains me of him and somehow keeps him in my life. I could have sold it and kept the money but money means nothing to me, I’d choose my happiness and sanity instead of crying in a fancy car. At least now it’s justified, I pick his calls when I feel like and never feel obliged to respond to stupid messages. I may be wrong but seriously, throw the dang baby away with the bath water (sweep the water away sef), that’s if you are serious about moving forward.

In the end, nobody can make these decisions for you, but the day you do some honest soul-searching and decide to never look back then you’ll realized God has better plans you just have to wait like I am waiting and Miss Gidi waited.

Love,

ImaRose


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SINGLE IS NOT A BAD WORD

Like J.Lo while in the midst of one complication, I had an undiagnosed disease of not allowing myself to mourn. Between one of those nasty fights with Mr B came Mr. C. I was sad and told myself I needed to meet more people, yet I wasn’t emotionally available to allow myself be known by the people I was meeting.

One glorious work morning, I ran into a busy supermarket known for its morning breakfast. Here I was, a busy Lagosian, trying to restock my office food when I noticed this hot chocolate man, who was practically scanning me with his eyes. He followed me to my car, offered to open my car door for me and said “I know you won’t call so I am not letting you off until you give me your number”.

Now, I rarely give out my number on first meeting, normally I will take numbers and only contact if my interest was sparked but here was Mr C putting a little bit effort unlike most Lagos men who want women to do all the work. I gave him my number and he called to make sure it rang while still holding my door.

I drove to the office with this happy feeling that accompanies begin recognized by a man especially, when one is hurting. I’m sure my ladies understand this feeling. He called the same day, we talked, then he did his homework; googled my full name, on finding we had common interests, he called me back and notified me of his snooping, and then we talked some more.

It wasn’t long before I noticed Mr C like me was in a hurry to get over the hurt he was going through by expecting me to fill the void in him that I was also looking to fill. My mother said, Ima, until you are whole you will only attract the reflection of your inner being. See, I knew only God could heal my broken heart but, but God takes too long sometimes, so Mr. C and I, two hurting people found each.

Mr. C was often upset I rarely called him; he soon came around the fact that I wasn’t a typical Lagos girl, who was going to chase after him, I am a woman, I want to be chased by a man and I will respond to that. I believe a man, a quality man even in this day and age of too many options, should chase the woman he really wants. If a man doesn’t, I take it that he is not that into me, I believe only little boys enjoy women chasing them, I won’t.

Going forward he called a lot and it encouraged me to call him too, but I noticed every time we hung out there was nothing there, like I’d sit there and wonder how to make excuses to run off, actually zero chemistry. I don’t know if it was mostly because, every time we hung out he was receiving calls which seemed uncomfortable and texting constantly; turned me off and sort of closed my mind to friend zone the guy.

I liked having him around though, but things just never took off, we talked about dating, he told me his recent sad experience which further made me shut down to the idea of dating, he seemed too negative for my liking. He was always cursing out his ex which made me quite uncomfortable around him, maybe it’s because I see everything as a learning curve so I don’t like folks who are stuck in their past.

Not even going to lie, between knowing Mr. C I kept going back and forth with Mr. B, you know how it is.

This made me so emotionally unavailable however, Mr C was also doing something else with his pain; womanizing. One day, on the final outburst with Mr. B, I called Mr. C. he took me out and somehow ended up in his house that was the first and only time we time we kissed and had sex, I didn’t want to be with him, he tried to make me stay over as it was weekend, I couldn’t, on getting into my car, I sat there and cried, I felt so bad. It was a mistake, a good mistake, but afterwards, I ran; stopped calling, answering or responding to his messages.

I believe sex is sacred and should only be within confines of marriage or at least someone I have feelings for as I only have sex with my emotions, but shit happens. I was a virgin for long and I didn’t want to count in one hand how many guys until marriage. I knew I had sex with Mr. C. because of what was going on with Mr. B. I just didn’t know how to manage the situation; I was disappointed at myself. Eventually Mr. C. gave up and stopped trying. I ran into him a lot in places and would hug him tight and wonder, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I like this guy?

Awhile, after I decided not to allow Mr. B keep running in and out of my life, I called Mr C in November apologized for my behavior and he offered meeting up for dinner after work. Oh boy was that therapeutic. We went to Yellow Chili for dinner. I noticed he was still fine, but still nothing there for me. Wasn’t long before he busted out upon the question how have you been, he goes “I’m expecting a child, and I’m practically married” I asked who and it turned out to be the same girl he told me was just there and he would only discard if I was serious, men sha, but I was happy for him, he looked happy. He told me he got tired of not knowing what to do with me and sort of accepted his fate because she was pregnant and since I knew Mr C, all he wanted was a baby.

We talked about why we never dated, things he felt I did wrong, how he felt when I cut him off after we had sex, and ended with him saying “ImaRose I would have given anything to keep you for myself but maybe we just never understood each other”, then he said “you have to learn how to ignore the presence of other women in a man’s life because if he wants you eventually he declutters” and he actually said “be willing to play the fool”.

For me, if we hangout more than once it means I like you and you knows where you stand with me, so why will I be ok with a man sleeping with others? Only women I can share a man with, are his sisters, mother and those girls that are JUST FRIENDS, otherwise I am selfish with my man.

But, yeah, I’m happy for him and for me, single is not a bad word is not a bad word after all.

ImaRose


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CRAZY MEN AND PACKED BAGS

Fast forward to the Future …I have been in strong like, infatuation, stupidity, but I have not had that man I can say I really loved…yet, maybe high emotions, but definitely not love. To me, the man I will love will be my boo-for life, my ride or die, we’ll be bonnie and clyde…you know what I mean right?

On the journey of being found by my true love and after a failed engagement and Mr. A (the rebound guy) I ran into Mr. B and in between Mr. B was Mr. C…*sigh*

You know how they say about searching for what was missing in your previous relationship? Well they say you end up looking for it in the next. For my first relationship (not Mr. A, that was a situationship) but the unlucky guy, the one I had zero chemistry with. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to do, I was just supposed to marry the guy, my sister used to laugh at me because the longest conversation I had with a guy I almost married was during a fight. So of course, it was chemistry that drive me wild with Mr.B, I felt like finally a guy I can fall asleep talking to, he was my Gee.

Mr. B.  He was this “ex” I don’t know If I can really refer to him as an ex, since the whole thing was a big mess ; every time we had issues, he’d say we were not officially dating, we were just getting to know each other, what does that even mean?. Mr B and I were about the same age, actually we were so I should have known better, but that’s not to say younger guys don’t know what they want, but most of them don’t.

I learnt a lot about myself with Mr. B, most important lesson I learnt with him was, people will not necessarily treat you how you treat them and everyone’s understanding of what love is, is a reality of how they see life, also people are just people.

Mr B was my kind of handsome, oh and that Hausa-accent, chei! He had a job, was a typical trust-fund baby, a total “alpha” male except that he was very childish.  In the beginning, he put his best foot forward so I thought he was the coolest thing EVER; focused and knew what he wanted. It happened to be long distance, I know what you are thinking, me and long distance abi? but you can’t blame a sister because this our Lagos can be tough and I spent a good amount of time living outside Lagos so I don’t really know how to fully adjust to the ‘gidi’ dating scene.

Anyway, Mr B and I went to school together, as most new couples, we spoke daily, I slept and woke up with Mr. B on speed dial, and everything was perfect.  He promised me the world and talked about the future every chance he got.  At the beginning, I didn’t pay him any attention, I thought he was young for my liking, it was long distance and I just never saw him as someone who was ready for anything serious at that age.

Eventually, in order to get over Mr. A, I decided to distract myself by entertaining Mr B. With time, I started liking him; of course it was normal, he was pretty much a part of my day-to-day life. I noticed he was consistent and won’t leave me alone even when I didn’t pay him much attention and we started talking right in the middle of Mr. A’s escapades.

After he saw that I was beginning to really let my guard down, he started being himself; very childish, mean, and selfish. The age began to show, but I already liked him so much that I started looking for the good that wasn’t present. Typically Mr B. became distant, suddenly so busy, upset if I asked for a little attention, he did keep malice 4 weeks to a maximum of 3 months, and I’d always try reaching out, but he only always came around whenever he was ready to talk, never before, so it was obvious, I was now an option not the main one.

Mr. B. had no idea what it meant to compromise or apologize. Ladies, never, ever, convince yourself to make excuses for a man’s bad behavior. I really didn’t think much of the ill behavior Mr. B displayed until he went on some demonic, ruthless name calling fight, even threatening to send some pictures he begged me for at some point to bloggers all because I said, I was done. This was when I started re-assessing what possibly could have attracted me to this person. In my entire life, I had never been called names, I don’t know how to fight dirty nor understand how that equates to love, and I was shocked. I went from sadness and hurt to hatred and full circle back to pity for him. It was devastating, particularly because, I don’t know how to fight dirty and engage in name calling, no matter how upset I may be, but to be called the ‘B word’ by a man I had supposed feelings for brought me back to reality, to actually see Mr. B. for who he really was.

We finally reconnected and had a proper conversation, he apologized, begged, sent mutual friends to beg, promised to make an effort, plan trips, respect me, but it was all in that moment, I knew Mr. B was exactly the man I didn’t want, not that I didn’t always know, but it finally sunk in, and suddenly I was okay to wait for a man who would treat me exactly how I treat them with kindness, love and respect.

I have finally realized that when a man is not ready for commitment and/or he is in between several women, he could genuinely like you yet he may be unable to treat you right.

Looking back, I don’t feel Mr B. is evil, I just feel bad for the woman who ends up with him. He will grow up someday, maybe treat the woman he really wants well…all I know is, I definitely won’t ever consider him again.

At least now I know if I ever see crazy coming, I wouldn’t stand there and try to argue with their reality or deceive myself into fixing the situation, I’ll simply pack my bags and run.

On to bigger and better

ImaRose

BEGINNING OF THE END

Hiya! Thanks for coming back!

So, let’s start from the beginning … because I really want to share real life experiences both mine and other people’s, I would like things to remain private for obvious reason and I thought of innovative methods to share these adventures.  I might even go through all the letters of the alphabet.  Hopefully before I get to “Mr. Z” I would have found my ideal man!  but…Just who is my ideal man?

Well first of all, I prefer dark-skinned black men; be dark-chocolate or be white, I sha prefer dark chocolate anyway, be attractive; this is relative, I love weird, not into pretty boys, have a job (very important), be passionate about something (preferably legal and of God), anything, but be passionate. If you do your own business; what exactly? No time for yahoo-boys claiming to be oil and gas and oh! I love me an alpha male.

Ok back to the business of the day, there was this guy, Mr. A.  He was my first situationship after my breakup with the only man I had known and almost married in 2012. Mr.  A was actually a friend, someone I admired professionally, we had this connection, we could talk for hours about everything, from politics to economics to religion, name it.

Seriously, on a good day, this was not even a man I should have ever considered, but then, what did I know sef, I was a newbie at 25 navigating the dating game, I had no idea what to want in a man, but then looking back I see why; I was vulnerable, hurt, scared of the dating scene and most importantly needed a friend and he happened to be right there.  He first said he was quite hesitant to try anything with me for fear of spoiling our friendship, he said “I usually don’t do this” but that he thought it was so hard not to want to try it even if it fails. For me, I thought it was convenient because Mr. A was doing a program at abroad and I was in Lagos, distance would slow down the pace and allow room for us to figure the “situation” out.

Sex was a no-no at the time, yes I believe in getting to know people before engaging in sex, but for real though, Christian girl aside, I believe sex awakens emotions too soon and sometimes blindly, so the distance worked perfectly for me. I liked the guy, I needed someone but from a distance.

At first, we had no problems with communicating until he started doing that thing most men do after a while; withdraw. Because of the distance, I didn’t feel good; I became uncertain, mostly because I never summoned up courage to define the ‘situation’….you know nau, I didn’t want to come off as needy or desperate, and he was someone I respected, I just didn’t know what to do at the time.

Of course, the danger of no title in “situationships” is you start wanting to social-media monitor them. As he was a big twitter freak, I found myself unconsciously checking all his tweets, and everyone who mentioned him that wasn’t private, I’d actually be upset if I checked someone’s profiles that followed him and was private, particularly if it was female.

Well it wasn’t long before the drama started; I noticed out of the blue, this East African girl from out-of-town constantly retweet-ing my tweets, then she followed me and always had something to say about anything I tweeted, surprisingly she was nice so I didn’t see anything to it. Now I know she did that to get his attention to notice that she was going to expose him to me because she too was hurting and knew Mr. A was flaunting me (his new project).  Once I remember him asking me if I knew the girl as we had developed some sort of e-friendship, being so aloof, I thought nothing of it…I digress

Eight months into it, I finally agreed to go on vacation with Mr. A, to be very honest I was curious to know what  sex with another man might be like, I had only known one guy so, yeah, It clouded my thought. Mr. A had planned a trip to some exotic destination, oh was I ecstatic, unknown to me that was beginning of the end.

While having breakfast on the second day on the trip, an unknown girl creeps into my mention asking me to follow her as she needed to tell me something and the account she had been following me from was blocked; I wondered how I could block someone I didn’t know. Turns out Mr. A had gotten hold of my phone and blocked the girl (I am naïve like that, I rarely lock my phone).

I normally won’t bother but for strange reasons I followed her. She then sent me a DM notifying me that Mr. A whom she referred to as “pathological liar” was her boyfriend and wanted to know if I had anything to do with him. Sitting next to him, I showed him the messages; at first he said nothing, then he said she was a stalker whom he knew a while ago and she would not leave “him alone”.  I responded to her, said I had no idea she was seeing him and that I was sorry for how she felt but that Mr. A is saying she is an intruder. Of course I was upset, but me being myself, I walked away, he tried to explain, tried to convince me but we kept going back and forth, nothing changed.

Interestingly, soon after that incident, my new East African friend and I grew closer, we exchanged BB-pins shortly after I returned from my drama filled vacation. On my part, I tried to move forward and believed that girl was Mr. A’s stalker indeed and he was just a nice guy whose kindness, a girl was exploiting.

Eventually, when it began to feel like I was in competition with a girl I didn’t know for a man whose character was nothing I should want, I excused myself. Of course it was hard to but I did, I couldn’t handle it, I don’t like crowded relationship.

One faithful evening, my new friend and I were BB-chatting about love and relationships, you know how easy it is to talk to strangers sometimes, I opened up to her about my ‘situation’; to cut the long story short, she also knew Mr. A and was having a situationship with him at the same time as me; turned out she had been with him almost four years and knew about the crazy girl whom he referred to as his stalker.

To make me believe her interesting story, she introduced me to other women whom she became friends with that Mr. A had played exact same game with and they all met along the line, turned out all of them knew the crazy lady…I bet you want to know who the crazy lady is…

LOL … see ladies, ALWAYS listen to your intuition!

Well that’s it for today 🙂 I have lots more stories but obviously I can’t say them all in one post so see you soon!

ImaRose

IMAROSE IS BACK ON THE MARKET

Before I begin, I would like to welcome you to my column on SIG blog, the SIG team put out an ad on Facebook for additional writers and so here I am, ready to share my story to the world,  hopefully this won’t out me in trouble but who cares..

Just over six months ago I was propelled back into the dating scene after I finally put a stop to a “situationship” I allowed to carry on for too long. I can finally say I am single without that thought in my mind of “what if” he really isn’t as bad. Yes I am almost 29 and I am single.  Yikes!  Never thought at 29 I would have ended up single again.  You know how when you are younger you have this laid out plan of getting married at 24, having all your kids before 30, and how 30 was such an old age? Well I’m literally a year and 7 months away from that scary age 30, and suddenly I don’t feel as old as I anticipated. It’s called life and it has a way of making you know that you can plan all you won’t but life happens, right?

I have been told I am an unusual beauty, could pass for attractive and sexy and “don’t look my age”, I am well-educated and somewhat don’t need a sponsor; a classic word for sugar-daddy, as I can pay my own bills and save for that handbag if I really want it, in simple English; financially independent … so finding a datable man in Lagos should be easy, right? Welllll……not quite

I quickly learned that being single in a Nigerian big city in your late 20s’ was a totally different ball game (no pun intended, well maybe just a little).  You’re not quite a “cougar” but society labels you as ‘desperate’ who should accept anything who looks like a man with two legs and a pair of hands! Well then, let’s look at what is typically available to us single girls in our late 20s:

  • The Superficial – for example players only wanting friends with ‘benefits’ and those who think they are too hot to date any lady over 25
  • The Rejects – these are the remaining ones no one wants i.e. weird, unemployed, unattractive, creepy
  • The Hurting – Hurt and bitter men still hung on the ex
  • The Baby Daddy – with a whole lot of baby mama drama
  • The Toy-boys – Men in their early 20’s who could adore you, (not a bad idea if you are looking for a temp)
  • Adonis in their-mind-type- men who stare at you and wait for you to make the first move so that they have the advantage (wait that’s most guys in Lagos these days right!)

So here I am single, happy and very much into the idea of true love, marriage and the whole nine-yards. Meaning the adventure in this meat market called dating in a big city continues.

On this column I will be exploring my dating adventures as well as other people’s, past and present and the lessons I have had to learn along the way, as we learn together.  I welcome your input and stories! C’mon lets figure this finding “the one” thing together, the journey is more valuable when sharing, learning, and disagreeing on love myths and dating theories together!

Looking forward to sharing and learning together with you 🙂

Sincerely

ImaRose