I WANT TO BE A SUGAR BABY

Timiebix: Yo, Mz Gidi!!

Mz Gidi: Sup?!

Timiebix: Have you ever tried googling sugar baby?

Mz Gidi: Why are you so random tho?

Timiebix: I’ve been thinking. I want to be a sugar baby, like a proper sugar baby in Lagos.

Mz Gidi: Why would you want to do that to your rep?

Timiebix: Who rep ‘epp? Think about it na, the average Nigerian does not earn enough to live a decent life. See, I’ve been struggling in this Lagos since I moved back so why would I reject someone who wants to shower me with attention, life of luxury and maybe smoh sugar??? I’ve even done my research and majority of Lagos agree with me.

Mz Gidi: Why did you lie it was for a new post when really you were just seeking validation from twitter?

Timiebix: That’s not the point, 67% agree with me. So it should be legal, a proper profession to be given credit for.

Mz Gidi: Out of only 21 votes…I’m not sure if that’s a proper sample size.

Timiebix: You have come again. I sha want to be a sugar baby.

Mz Gidi: Fine! So what will you be giving in return for all of this?

Timiebix: Companionship, someone to listen to them. You know these men are powerful men who tend to have busy lives and sometimes busy partners who cannot make time out for them. Moreover, they tend to marry women below their educational level, so trust me when I say my level of exposure is a plus to them.

Mz Gidi: Ummm I think you have it all mixed up o…you know companionship also comes with providing ‘smoh’ sugar on your part. That’s the whole point of being a Sugar baby… but who am I to judge? Me I can’t see myself being a sugar baby sha…

Timiebix: All the bags of sugar I’ve been dispensing without any dividends nko? A little sugar here and there makes the world remain on its axis, one has to practice the law of balance. There are a lot of girls that “give” sugar for little to nothing so why not go big and get maximum dividends for your sugar investments

Mz Gidi: It’s not only sugar investments. I just can’t see myself being with a man the age of my grandfather sha, whether single or married, there is something not just right with it. Is it that all the young men in Lagos have finished that you are now considering a Baba?

Timiebix: Most young boys that don’t know what they want. Today it’s a partner that will go Dutch on the rent and school fees, tomorrow it’s a stay at home wife, breeding children while barefoot and stirring a pot of egusi soup and don’t get me started on their wack sex game.

Mz Gidi: You didn’t just go there.

Timiebix: See, the thing people need to know is that sugar babying transcends age. The sugar daddy image has been revamped, they are not necessarily old, wrinkly and quarter to die. Yes, the older the better as your schedule as a sugar baby might not be as packed if he’s in his 70s or 80s but this doesn’t mean girls don’t go for the young guys in their early 40s as well. The most important criteria in choosing a sugar daddy is his net-worth and not necessarily age, as long as he has enough spare cash to sustain a sugar baby’s lifestyle, he’s good to go!

Mz Gidi: Soo in summary you just want to be a gold digger? Cause that’s what it sounds like to me.

Timiebix: Ah ah, who is talking about gold digging here? Gold digging is different, it involves the “gold-diggee” being oblivious to the gold digger’s plans or schemes. This is a mutual understanding between two adults. A symbiotic relationship if you want to go all biological, we both benefit something from each other. Some people might say the sugarbaby gets more in this relationship but I don’t think so.

Mz Gidi: Will the sugar baby be buying expensive gifts? Will they be buying autobiography range rovers abi range rover autobiography??

Timiebix: Er I thought I already explained what a sugar baby is now? Who will she be buying expensive gifts for? These men are used to the luxury life and mostly roll in a tight elite circle, it’s an insult to a sugar daddy’s status for his sugar baby to ride coach. That means you’re telling his clique that he’s not man enough biko his rep should not be dissed with poor people mentality. The car is just for convenience, the driver may not be always around to chauffeur her around so getting her a comfortable, safe and luxurious car is standard and not necessarily over the top.

Mz Gidi: Hmmm…you’ve really thought this through haven’t you. So what will you say is your profession now? I mean you can’t be living the luxurious life and not have a proper job.

Timiebix: Did Kim Kardashian have a proper job when she started? How about Paris Hilton? Yes, I know some people will come at me with the “but they had rich daddies” line. This sugar baby business has to be done with sense, yes the life is luxurious but one can’t stupidly think the sugar daddy will be there forever, he might die (most likely), want to move on to something/someone else because you are getting old or just decide he wants out of this life. So one has to be strategic and ensure that the time spent with them leaves one with tangible assets and maybe a few businesses.

I remember reading about a sugar baby that was gifted a whole pub in Italy  by her sugar daddy, now that’s a sugar baby with a solid business sense. Or the one in Naija here, that her sugar daddy revamped her life with cosmetic surgery and she even started a cosmetic line on top, please you need sense for this business.

Mz Gidi: Sounds like a lot of work to me.

Timiebix: It’s a full-time job! Moreover, we’re in Nigeria, one can get away with attributing God and hard work to one’s success without giving any tangible facts or replicable methods.

Mz Gidi: I just can’t with you right now. You obviously seem very convinced and your survey of 21 people doesn’t help matters, so what’s the next step to being a fully employed sugar baby?

Timiebix: Ehen, that’s what you should have said since. I think the government should legalise sugar babying, make it into a law as it’s already prevalent in our society. I also believe this will help existing sugar babies become bold enough to share their stories and even go as far as sharing tips to help the budding sugar baby. I generally think doing this will be freeing as some people can finally publicly thank their sugar daddies for the gifts of oil wells, islands, and board members positions.

Mz Gidi: And then you can tell your mother with boldness that you are a sugar baby.

Timiebix: Every parent’s dream is to have happy, successful and well-rounded children so why not! It might take her a few minutes (read days or years) to adjust to my career choice and if she doesn’t, well I guess that’s one of the prices to pay for this life… Now to submit the motion to someone in power…Governor Rochas Okorocha maybe??

Mz Gidi: Yeeaaaaa…..my hand is not there, I should get back to work

Timiebix: Okay bye, I’ll let you know how it goes

Mz Gidi: Please don’t

SINGLE IN GIDI RETURNS TO STAGE THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

 

#singleingidi -instagram_revised

In June 2015, Gbagyichild Entertainment, producers of the brilliant psychotic play ‘Mistress of Wholesome’, the famous book ‘London Life, Lagos Living’, Colour Me Man amongst other amazing productions, brought to you the Single in Gidi, a blog-turned-stageplay which was nothing short of exciting, mind-blowing and of course entertaining.

Well guess what?

This weekend, by popular demand, Single in Gidi returns to stage with something even more exciting that the last one. If you stay in the colourful city of Lagos [nicknamed ‘GIDI’] or have had a taste of it, you would agree that Lagos is more than just a location, it is a lifestyle, and this lifestyle is expressed in this unique theatrical piece covering topics of dating, relationships and love, just like the blog it is created after.

Showing at ​​Terra Kulture, on Friday, December 4th and Saturday, December 5th 2015, is produced by Lydia Idakula Sobogun, directed by Kenneth Uphopho, the amazing director of Saro the Musical and features a stellar cast including Omoye Uzamere, Leelee Byoma Meg Otanwa, Austine Onuoha, Timi Charles-Fadipe and the guitar strings of Tosin Oguntayo.

Title of Play: Single in Gidi

Dat​e: Friday, December 4 2015 at 6:30pm and Saturday, December 5 2015 at 3pm and 6pm

Tickets: N3, 000​ (General); N5, 000 (Command performance for the last show)

Single in Gidi is brought to you by Gbagyichild Entertainment and Sheila Charles Ltd. and is supported by Baileys Nigeria.

If you think the blog is awesome? The stage play will be even ​’awesomer’! Don’t miss it.

Check out some photos from the shows held in June.

Miss Gidi’s Mingle Guide

We all know that meeting new people as a single professional in Lagos can be challenging. This is because you hardly find the time and when you do get that time, you can’t seem to find that event with the ‘right people’, right being people like you.

Many people who have tried internet dating or meeting people through social media have gotten very disappointed! That is why events like ProConnect are the best way to meet someone new face-to-face and have fun doing it!

For the record, ProConnect is not a speed dating event, we have one too many of those in Lagos already. What we aim to achieve with ProConnect, is to bring upwardly mobile professionals looking to make new friends either for professional reasons or for social reasons. The point is, you get to have fun over good conversation, good music, good art and in the company of good people.

But this post is not entirely about ProConnect, this is about good behavior at a networking event or a party. I have been to quite a few events in Lagos and some of the recurring events include ladies being stuck to their phones and guys ending up talking to themselves.

I am not sure if this is because of the social media era but it’s about time we go back to the good old days of mingling etiquette:

  • Smile – Dear Ladies, ‘boning face’ or acting like something stinks is not the best way to attract people to you. This is the same for guys, a little smile before a hello goes a long way.
  • Compliment – Whether it be someone of the opposite sex or not, a nice compliment always makes someone’s day so why don’t you be the one to bring a smile to his/her face
  • Offer to get a drink – Yes guys! you should be a gentleman and offer the lady a drink. Ladies, this is 2015, so you are not exempt, feel free to offer that young man a drink, it’s not a marriage proposal….and oh we gat chu at ProConnect (unlimited non-alcoholic beverage is included in the bill)
  • Make the best of it – Whether you are looking for love or not, enjoy the night by having good conversation…and as much as possible, stay away from social media
  • Stop thinking about Mr or Mrs Right – The whole point of coming out is to meet new people, expand your network and ‘maybe’ find love. Walking around with a Mr or Mrs Right checklist is the easiest way to turn anyone off.

If you do click with a “special someone” at the event, do follow-up with a phone call or an email and would like to see them again! Not all people are mind-readers and stop with the forming abeg.

On that note, have you registered for ProConnect yet? Spaces are going o, don’t say I didn’t tell you

Love,

 

Amala, Abula and All the La La’s – FOODIE IN LAGOS

I have met people who will say something like ‘oh I’d rather go where I eat for cheaper and be fuller’ or ‘I am not really into all this mede mede and I will rather go to the Buka or Mama Putt’.. sounds familiar?

Well then, if you know such people or you are one of such, then this post might be of interest to you.  Lagos Island/Marina is gifted with so much food that it is so unfair really to our bodies and work productivity. For a very long time I had been going to this place where I always just refer to as ‘First Bank Amala’ or ‘Coca Cola’ just because it’s across the HQ of the Bank and its also branded heavily by Coca Cola and I was shocked to see that they actually had more than Amala there (lol).

I remember not loving Amala so much while growing up and I can not place what changed. Maybe it was the Amala ShittaI had or the Just Amala in Ikeja I had or was it Iya Eba? Yes clearly I have eaten Amala in a lot of different buka’s in the city of Lagos and constantly looking for more spots. Where are my Amala People??? I might just be tempted to do a post on Amala joints in Lagos.

Its so easy to get tired of rice for lunch and Amala was the first thing that came to my mind for lunch and I was inspired to do a post on this as these places are not that bad especially for those who are finicky about the environment for such meals. So First Bank Amala as its fondly called actually has a name which I only just realised – Defence Car Park Canteen.

Exterior

This place is usually busy during the week because its essentially in the business hub of Lagos. The layout is such that those who sell solids are at the entrance, the soups and stews are on another side and those who sell rice are also in another section of the space.

Soup, Meat, Fish and Everything Section

My heart usually jumps for joy when I watch as these hardworking women are turning and tossing their hot steaming solids – Amala, Eba, Pounded yam etc and I am like wow, that’s some muscle building right there!

Hot steaming amala

I can confidently spend N2,000 a week if I eat here alone and I feel N2,000 is too much for this place but hey… our appetites are different.

Variety  of Choices

When it comes to Amala, I’m a one-way street – Amala + Gbegiri + Ewedu = TKO! and maybe with some ‘assorted meat’ or goat meat or anything funky really but A+G+E = Abula is a must! Two servings of Amala which costs N50 a serving fills me up and the normal regular sized beef is about N50 each while the assorted meats are in the range of N200 and above depending on what you fancy.

If you are one of those who love to use your hands to eat, hey there is alot of clean water to wash your hands when you are done and serviettes as well to ensure no spills leave with you (lol)

Abula-Fantastically-Awesome

The food here is great if this is what you like and they have everything! Its so popular in Marina and you can’t miss it as it is just opposite the big First Bank building.

Abula Conquered

*Shy face* I cleaned my plate nicely as thou shall not waste Abula. To be fair, they actually strive to maintain a clean and healthy environment and the cleaners are constantly making rounds to remove dirty plates and clean the tables. As far as I’m concerned, its pretty decent and even ‘Ajebutters’ can eat here 🙂 It really is one of the cleanest local places I have been to.


Foodie in Lagos is a food blog birthed as a result of the love and adventure for all things food and constant requests by friends for referrals on good places to eat depending on the occasion.

Feel free to check out Foodie in Lagos,  email themainfoodie@foodieinlagos.com and you can also connect with FIL on twitter: @Foodieinlagos Instagram: @Foodieinlagos

SURVIVING LAGOS AS AN INTROVERT

Being an introvert in a place like Lagos has got to be challenging. Lagos is this chaotic city where everyday driving requires that you yell or honk like it’s going out of style and to be in constant contact with people. I always considered myself to be an introvert until I realised that Nigeria required that I constantly had to get out of my comfort zone, so now I am an Extroverted Introvert (if that even makes sense)

In Nigeria, you are often told that in order to meet the ‘right’ people, you have to ‘go out’ often, go for parties or maybe crash weddings; which is okay if you are about that life but if you are not, you want to make sure that stepping out of your home is worth your time and can guarantee you meeting the ‘right people’.

Pretending to be extrovert never helps because people will be able to see through the facade and in a place like Lagos, you’d definitely end up with some drama while at it.

So how exactly do you survive as an introvert in Lagos?

  1. Be ready to step out ‘wisely’ – I know it’s not something you would like to do but the key to going out in Lagos is by being specific as to where you would like to be found. Luckily, you can find anything so instead of going for the noisy events or carnival weddings, look out for intimate events like open mics, art expos (if you are into that kind of stuff) or networking events.
  2. Ask questions – One of the ways I’ve been able to survive Lagos is by being the one to ask questions and not the one answering them. This way you don’t have to do most of the talking. Avoid being an interrogator though because no one really wants to feel like they are being questioned.
  3. Go out with a friend – Unlike popular Lagos belief that you need to be on your own to be noticed, going out with a friend helps. So if all else fails, there is someone to talk to and keep you company. At the same time, avoid being too clingy and be open to having a conversation with others, your friend is simply a fall back option.
  4. Use your circle – Just because you are an introvert does not mean you don’t have friends; you just tend to prefer to interact with them one-on-one or in small groups. Your friends can be one of your most valuable connection when it comes to meeting new people in a comfortable environment without the pressure of having to go out and approach strangers. Rather than asking to be hooked up or trying to force yourself to be more outgoing at a party,  try letting your friends know you’re interested in meeting some new people… so maybe they could bring another person or two they think you might get along with.
  5. Feel free to recharge – Regardless of whether you consider yourself an introvert or not, everyone has at least some part of them that cherishes their alone time especially after a crazy day in Lagos (which is almost everyday). If you find yourself craving some down time away from all the madness, then by all means do that, this way you won’t be cranky when you have to step out with a few friends.

On that note, I think I’m done for the night, time to go read a book or catch up on my nollywood flicks.

Love,

WHEN HISTORY COMES KNOCKING

Most people over the age of 25 have a dating history, for some it’s a few paragraphs long while for others it could be a television series split into seasons and episodes. Having a dating history also comes with possibly having a few people you would like to remain ‘history’ but in a city like Lagos where everyone is somehow connected to everyone else, the chances of running into ‘history’ is quite high.

Over the weekend, while having drinks with some friends, the whole talk on how to handle seeing someone you would like to forget came up. Nkem, now married, talked about how she ran into her ex, Toyin, and how her heart dropped at the sight of him. Nkem and Toyin had been together for about three years, she loved him and she believed he loved her as well until she found out via Facebook that he had gotten married to another young lady that his family had handpicked for him. As expected, the breakup was a painful one but she survived, met another man who adored her and got married.

Many years have passed since she last saw Toyin and from what she hears the marriage to the handpicked bride collapsed but seeing him again after so many years brought back that anger that she once had each time she thought of him.

Kunle on the other hand is the cliché Lagos heartbreaker, with the smooth talking lips and breath-taking looks to go, he always has a way to woo even the toughest of the women. To be honest, if I didn’t know better, I would have fallen for one of his smooth talking antics but mehnnn Baba God won’t allow bad tin to happen to mei n this life. His problem though is running into the women he had played games with the past, especially the good ones. Recently he found out that some lady that he really wanted to start a serious relationship with was related and close to another that he had hurt in the past. Well, they no longer speak to each other but let’s just say the damage was done and now Kunle has to face the fact that his reputation precedes him in this Lagos. He is usually very happy when he meets single ladies who have heard nothing of the famous ‘Kunle Jones’.

Nkem and Kunle are on different sides of this issue and even though they do not agree on other things, one thing is for sure and that is, they both wish some parts of their lives could be erased especially when those people/things come knocking. I for one know that there are certain people who I avoid when I see in public because now I know better to stay away from such people than I did before.

So today my questions are, are there situations in your life or people you dated that you wish you could disown? And when history comes knocking, how exactly do you handle it? Do you get upset like Nkem or maybe like me you pretend not to remember who they are and move on quickly? 

Let’s talk about this

Love

 

 

P.S – Applications are open for a worthy valentine o 🙂

 

S.A.S: I have never done this before

It’s been less than 24 hours since I made the announcement of Single and Searching and we’ve already received quite a number of profiles from singles living in Lagos, it’s good to know that there are people out there who are willing to meet new people in Lagos.

Before I post today’s profile, here are some things you must know about Single and Searching:

  • New profiles will be posted every Tuesday and Thursday
  • Profiles will be live on the blog until the person informs us to take it down
  • Finally, we are single, we are Lagosians, we are plenty and we are busy (I know!), so Single and Searching is just a meet and greet space for singles like us. Consider this our way of helping with all the chance meeting- like a mall, the cinema, market, streets of Lagos or even church, therefore what you do with the opportunity outside of SIG is entirely up to you. It is important that you do your due diligence in addition to having an open mind, and who knows this might just get you off the shelf .

Now that we have that out-of-the-way, I would like to introduce our first profile (yayyyy!!!)

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If you are interested in meeting this amazing young lady who is obviously trying new things, simply fill out the form below and your details will be forwarded to her.

Too Many Crazies

I listened in horror as Max gave out my number on air.

‘So ladies,’ she said, ‘if you’re ready for a roller coaster ride, give Mr. Bond a call.’

What did you just do? I asked her.

Relax. Came her reply. It’s just something to take your mind off your situation.

‘Perhaps not a lot of people listen to the program.’ I told myself. ‘Definitely not a lot of people take these things too seriou…’

My thoughts were broken by notification sounds as messages came flooding onto my phone. The text messages were coming in faster than I could read them. And there were a few phone calls and some flashes too.

‘Who flashes with a strange number? Am I supposed to call back? Na wa o.’

The nervousness I felt with the first few messages soon gave way to some excitement, but that soon changed to apprehension when I read some of the messages.

Hi Mr. Bond. My name is Ada n am 28yrs. I wnt go on ur rolacosta. Pick me.

Mr. Bond, am a real vampire. Come let me tak u 2 our leaders so u can bcom 1 of us.

Hi Mr. Bond, I listened to your profile by Maxine and I think I’m the girl for you. Can I call you?

I like blood and danger and adventure. Can you assure me of these things?

‘sup. I tink am the woman for u. Where can we mt up?

Different variations of those messages came pouring in. At some point I set my message notifications to silent, but the red light kept flashing, calling me back from the brink of sleep to the phone.

Hey Max, see set up! I didn’t think people took these things seriously. My phone battery is almost flat and the phone is hot, and still the messages are coming in.

Honi, enjoy it. Too many single and lonely people out there.

Too many crazy people you mean. Some people have promised to take me to the bottom of the Atlantic to meet their queen. Even guys have called and sms’d me. Too many crazy people, I tell you Max.

LMFAO

-__-

I woke up the next day to find thirty-four text messages and more missed calls. A groan passed my lips.

I was going through the messages when I noticed a WhatsApp message.

‘Sup. Are you there? Or on your way to work?

I didn’t recognise the number, but there was a familiar quality to the message so I replied.

Hey. I’m still home. Should leave in a bit. You?

I’m okay. Are you in Lagos?

I didn’t think anything of this because I had recently come back from a trip out-of-town.

Yes, I am. How’re you and work?

Work? I do business. Work has plenty wahala. Where do you leave?

That question woke me up, not just because of the misuse of leave. I tried to view her avi but I had to save her number first. Damned WhatsApp. I didn’t recognise the lady in the picture.

Lagos. You?

Lekki.

I’m sorry, but how do I know you? I asked.

U don’t know me. Maybe I should send u photo?

I was still contemplating the question when I received two pictures. One was of a girl walking down some steps holding the balustrade, the other was of the same girl lying in bed face down. The picture was taken to accentuate her curves and there was something feline about her lying like that.

I didn’t recognise her from the photos and I told her so.

Are u save with me now? So, where do u leave?

Are you familiar with Lagos? I asked.

Yea.

And I told her.

So do u want me 2 come?

Come? You don’t even know if I’m a serial killer 😮 I joked.

 I can come holy if u can Driver to down to my place o. Not mainland. Lekki.

Sorry?

I kill pple too, so stay where u are.

Really?

Yeah

I closed the chat. At least I could not say she did not warn me.

‘Too many crazy people in this town.’

I opened the next message, saw who it was from and my breath caught in my throat.

Royal…

Love and Running Shoes

I strongly believe that Lagos must have the highest number of potbellied ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These potbellied runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, dressed in their matching gear (some with face caps) and all have the arm bands showcasing their variety of expensive fitness gadgets.

Lagos also has a high number of bra-less ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These bra-less runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, sporting the lightest possible tights and tops and are usually eager to hop jog a few kilometres, showcasing the variety of ‘cup’ sizes and sensitivity to the windy environment.

Welcome to Lagos, where everything is another way to get hitched!

I’ve been told I need to go out more in order to meet potential suitors. If you’ve ever lived in Nigeria, you would know that as a single woman, your mission when you step out of your house is to meet a potential husband (I’m only being sarcastic by the way). Not once did I ever think that working out would be another way to ‘spouse hunt’.

For the record, I’m not a fitness junkie, I run power walk daily to keep fit because I tend to sit for long hours during the day. I prefer power walking outside because walking on a treadmill looks lazy and my naturally competitive self is slightly irritated by the random skinny chic who decides to ‘fly’ on the treadmill right next to mine. I mean why abandon all the other equipment and come next to someone who is clearly struggling with anything more than a powerwalk on a treadmill? WHY? What’s your point? So you think you can fly? … *deep breaths Miss Gidi, deep breaths*

Anyway, being fit has become one of the most popular trends in Lagos, from celebrity personal trainers to Shaun T’s insanity routine, everyone who is anyone wants to be fit and/or have that bikini body even though most of us don’t wear bikinis to the beach and are subconsciously  addicted to jollof rice and eba.

Although this has become a city-wide trend, some parts of the city (*cough* Lekki), have taken it a bit too far by turning it into an avenue to meet their potential partners with  the newly constructed suspension bridge being the perfect location for such matchmaking. I guess the idea of 1.36km (0.85miles) of potential suitors excites them.

As most things Nigerian, there is always someone who has a story of how they got hitched and the story of meeting someone on the suspension bridge is fast becoming a trending topic. I always thought they were stories that could never be true until my size 6 friend who resides in Phase 1 said she only goes for a ‘run’ on Saturday mornings because that’s when the big boys come out to play. Of course, as the curious cat that I am, I decided I was going to experience this lekki bridge transit dating.

My friend and I agreed to meet up at about 9am at the Lekki end of the bridge. Upon arrival,I noticed she had matching gear from top to bottom hugging her well-proportioned curves while I, well I had on an over-sized slight faded t-shirt covering the folds from the twix bars I won’t let go of  and a scarf to put my weave in place. As I walked towards her, I subconsciously prepared myself to be scolded for my nonchalance as I clearing missed the memo on dressing etiquette while working out in Lekki.

After a few minutes of stretching, we decided to start slow before increasing our pace. The bridge was packed as expected with people of all shapes, sizes and fitness levels not to forget the cyclists with top of the line bicycles and all the fancy gadgets. To be honest, it was a sight to behold, seeing so many Nigerians being health conscious or so it seemed.

While some were running the full length of the bridge, others were exercising their eyes on the variety the bridge had to offer. I couldn’t help but notice the occasional pot-bellied runners walking in pairs and smiling at every good-looking lady that walked pass or the bra-less runners passing by in what seemed like hopping instead of jogging; I almost tripped watching a pair of Double Ds have a life of their own while their owner hopped ran towards me.

At the other side of the bridge, there were certain newly acquainted couples who were taking out time to get to know each other while pretending to brisk walk across the bridge. You could tell they weren’t talking about fitness because I am certain  a conversation on sweat, miles and pain is not enough to make a young lady laugh flirtatiously while tucking back the strand of South American hair the wind keeps blowing in her face…or maybe it’s just me.

I noticed my friend had picked up her pace so I got out of my state of shock and focused on burning the twix bar folds I had accumulated. I was only a few minutes into my increased pace when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard my friend say

‘Abeg slow down! How do you expect to get a toaster when you are running?

*sigh* What can I say?  #girlsarenotsmiling

DEALING WITH WHAT NEVER WAS

I believe I met the love of my life about a year ago, he was everything I wanted in a man, he was smart, funny in a nerdy way, loved good music and had the fear of the Lord in his heart. We fell in love, got married and were going to live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

That was all in my head

What really happened was that I met a guy via social media (we’re in 2014 so don’t judge), we connected in many ways that made me wonder where he had been all my life. He was a Lagos boy as well so we had a lot of Lagos childhood memories to share and laugh about. To be honest, no other man at the time was able to have my attention the way he did. Sadly, it was a long distance thing so we spent hours getting to know each other through phone calls and Skype dates. There was a connection, one I could not understand, like we were meant to be soul mates, you know the kind of stuff that you see in Hollywood movies.

Then I got to finally meet him in person, he was visiting for 10 days and I was determined to spend every day with him and that we did. Our connection was much stronger in person and we enjoyed every moment we had together until his last day. He possessed everything I could imagine in a man, I mean how else do you want a man to look at you? Talk to you? And treat you? With him I forgot all about my insecurities as he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

In reality we spent 9 days together because on his last day he became distant as he remembered he had to go back to his base, to the girl he left behind who loved him as much as I did. Oh yea he had a girlfriend and I had become the accidental side chic, like a cyber-mistress that was too good to be true. So slowly we drifted apart, the phone calls and Skype dates disappeared; we became strangers on the internet with the occasional hellos as our way to say ‘I still have you in my thoughts’

This is not my story but that of a friend, Hadiza’, who told me about a certain guy she thought would be ‘the one’. She, like many others had gotten too close to a guy and started something which she shouldn’t have in the first place. It wouldn’t be her first and I could totally relate with her because I have been there too. Often times in the course of life, we meet people that we believe are our possible soul mates and end up being hurt when it never works out quite as planned or dreamed.

After each breakup of a non-relationship, we find ourselves in a state of ‘what ifs?’ What if we were together? What if he/she is actually the other half of me that I have been searching for all my life? As Hadiza recounted her story I could sense the anger and hurt from the tone of her voice. Even though she was hurt, she often wondered what it would be like if they actually were together and a part of her hopes he will come back to her because what they felt/feel for each other was stronger than what anyone could understand (women and our wahala sha!)

What amazes me though is not the dynamics of a non-relationship but the ‘breakup’ and the impact it has on the person/people involved. In all fairness, do we really have control over the people that we get close to? How do you stop yourself from getting into such compromising situations or maybe dealing with a relationship that was never labelled as one in the first? Is the person involved now an ex or a former friend?

I could go on and on but at the end of the day, if it was never a relationship then what was it?