The Ghosts of Lagos

One of the things you notice in Lagos these days is the emergence of the roving ghosts by this I mean young men who walk around in white kaftans and drive range rovers (range rover sport in most cases). For some reason, the acquisition and constant ‘wearing’ of white kaftans and driving range rovers (and/or g-wagons) has become a status symbol representing new money and ‘arrival’ in Lagos.  The only problem is that in most cases (if not all) these ghosts are far from what they represent but simply an illusion.

A while back, I met a guy called Goke; he was a good-looking young man in his kaftan, tall, spoke very well with proper diction and drove a black Range Rover (I think the 2012 or 2013 not sure sha). It was an instant connection; he was educated, exposed and looked comfortable so as a young Gidi woman I was interested (abeg who no like better thing?). Anyway, after a few weeks of my new catch, I decided to tell Ada, a good friend, about him. If only you could see the look on her face when I recounted the ‘how we met story’ and the way she burst out laughing when I showed her Goke’s picture, it was official I was the fool in all of this because according to her, ‘I was definitely not his type’.

Goke had history; history with Ada and a lot of other women in Lagos that the mumu like me did not know. Apparently he was one of the ghosts of Lagos, constantly wearing a white kaftan appearing to be a Lagos big boy and drove around town (town being the Island) looking for his next victim. His victims usually range from the comfortable to rich women either by hard-work or by heritage, the type that lived the good life and all he had to do was spend a bit of money in the wooing stage before getting the money back with interest after she must have been smitten by him. As I am an ‘aka-gum’ when it comes to men, this automatically made me bad market for him…unfortunately for him, he didn’t know that.

To be honest, the signs were all there but somehow I ignored most of it because I was focused on the possibility of correct ‘broda’ as a toaster. From the beginning I noticed a few things like the constant wearing of the white kaftan, I remember teasing him about wearing this to the All Black Everything Party at Spice Bar in December, I got a few free tickets so I offered him one and Oga showed up in white to an all-black party, I was so irritated  because I had to wait for an additional hour in heels before the guards allowed us to get in, now that I think about it, I should have left his behind at the gate.

He said he lived in Lekki but somehow  I never got to see it because he was always at a friend’s place or some bar to hang out. Turned out that he had no place but stayed with different friends till they got tired of having him around.

He said he had a business, one minute it was oil servicing and the next it was estate surveying but he had a steady entertainment business to the side, and somehow had a lot of time to always be around me and be my ‘errand boy’ in the name of being there for me. I know that entrepreneurs control their own timing but at some point even they have situations that are beyond their control that needs to be sorted out before pleasure.

Back at the ABE party, dude was table crashing. You see, as a woman I am free to table crash but even I do not do that, I get pride small so I always buy my first bottle before going about looking for a friend that has a bottle of champagne to share. Goke on the other hand had no problem with table crashing from the moment he walked into the location, I just watched him as he wandered from one table to another hailing all the ‘celebrities’ and strategically placing himself next to their tables for free drinks. na wa!

He promised the world without my asking. AH! If you hear the kind of things he promised within a week of meeting me; trips to Seychelles, shopping sprees in Dubai, dinner at the eko hotel sky lounge sef. This dude had a lot of pending deals that he was going to get paid for ‘soon’ but as they say ‘the money na audio’, ordinary 10k I no see use pose.

He drove a Range Rover sport, yes I know this reason makes no sense but it’s kind of a coincidence that to rove means ‘ to travel constantly without a fixed destination’  and a wanderer Goke definitely was. According to Ada, his vehicle was his only ‘asset’ which was all part of his packaging that most women fell for.

Na God save me sha, I would have seen pepper in this Lagos but Ada never gave me her gist with him.. hmm