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Hi, cool kids.

Haha, not you. Not if you haven’t followed everything here, and considering we are still on ‘F’, my darling heart, you have a veeeery long way to go.

Sweetlings, do you work out? Do you eat healthy? Do you count calories?

You do? Good.

Do you do all this without taking photos at the gym or out in the open like the infamous Lekki-Ikoyi bridge or without following those popular IG accounts like ask damz?

You don’t!?????

Sigh, you really don’t want to be cool, do you?

Okay, let’s work through this together.

  1. Gym: You have to choose the right gym. Not any kwe kwe gym oh. You need to be strategic in your choice of gyming. Proflex? Bodyline? Gym in Lekki? Yup. These are the top-tier ones. Please pay the membership fee and go religiously. Yeah, yeah, you might actually lose weight, but that’s not what we are here for. That’s a lucky plus please *yawn*. We need you to be here so you can prove to the world that you are actually a part of the #fitfam family.

Now, let’s think of your pockets. If you’re lucky enough to be signed by your office to a gym then please choose the most expensive one as this aids your cool status. *faux-whispers Bodyline*.

Oh, did you choose Bodyline? You are not only psychic, but halfway to becoming a cool kid!!

Bodyline is for the cool, rich kids/adults. Not only will you get fit and trim, but you will be killing 3 cool birds with one stone – gym, beautiful photos, and potential spouse. Oh yes, spouse. This is where you will find the coolest and wealthiest men.

**disclaimer – don’t think because he is not wearing ring that he is single oh. I will just delete this post and you will be on your own!**

*clears throat*, right. As I was saying, if you cannot afford Bodyline but you have some money to burn, then there’s Proflex. This is in the commercial hub that is Victoria Island, so you’ll get to meet the rich-working class men, uhm…oh, I’m sorry, you’ll get to work out and get fit. Fit fam *side eye*

Then there’s Gym in Lekki. I call this Gym in Lekki because, obviously, I do not know the name. What I do know, is this is THE gym to be. Everyone but everyone goes to this gym. It’s somewhere behind the old Elevation Church in Lekki and it’s so popular that it’s always fully booked. This is the place to work out. This is the place to find your man. This is the place to take beautiful photos. This is the place to show off. This is the place to become cool. Luckily, it’s very affordable.

This is the place, guys. Gym in Lekki!

Oh, and if you’re a posh totty and are a member of Ikoyi Club then please, by all means, utilize this membership. Nuff Said.

  1. Classes: Now, it’s one thing to gym and pound away at the treadmill without a personal trainer. You might just look stupid there because you don’t quite know what you’re doing. No point wasting money without being cool; join one of the numerous classes out there!

So there are countless spinning and zumba classes littering the island. Join, hashtag and drop those pounds…while gaining those icicles *chortle chortle*.

Then there are pole-dancing classes. Or burlesque classes. Oh yazzzzzz, child! SLAY! Not only will you be fit, but you’ll be flexible and sexy for that lucky man. And your cool status will soar like an eagle.

Boxing classes. Oh boxing classes. Just one session and you will be hooked, guys. Hot totty abound. Oops. I mean, you will have fun and tone up those muscles.

Of course…Only reason….I promise…..*pssst, enough fit guys there. FIT. Droooooool*

  1. Charity: No, I don’t mean carrying bags and bags to an orphanage (although that’s a good thing to be a part of). What I mean is the walking. Or running. Anything with a #somethingortheotherCharity5KMsomething.


There are the walks up and down the Lekki-Ikoyi toll bridge. Have you guys noticed that most of these charity walks/runs/cycles are always on this bridge? I guess…well, I need not say much. Become a part of the hashtag, guys. If the celebrities can do it, then why can’t you!?

  1. Food: Need. To. Eat. Healthy…

For the gram.

Okay, let’s be honest. This isn’t teeeechnically about you struggling through baby food and leaves. This is about you being cool. So honey boo chile’, you must spend money to look cool. Order from Simply Green. Get from The Daily Bread, order those greens! And hashtag #fitfam. I cannot overemphasize how important it is that you hashtag your healthy fitfam food. From a popular healthy blog.

For your own good, my dear.

  1. Outfit: This is crucial. You are not in some obscure shanty village fetching water. You are jogging in the gym/across the bridge/at that hotel boxing class *cough* Eko Hotel *cough*

You must be on fleek.

If you are already fit/toned, then by all means, wear that body-hugging shirt and leggings with pretty trainers. Sigh…reminiscing about the Sketcher days haha. If you are plus-size, don’t despair. You can still be on fleek. Just make sure your outfit isn’t so body-hugging.

Die-hards are free to wear waist-trainers too. Just…try not to faint. Or if you do, then delete this post from your bookmarks. Many thanks and God bless.

  1. Social Media: I need not remind you of the importance of social media. Please, everything must be on the gram. Every. Single. Thing. Instagram is your best friend. Snapchat is your lover. Twitter is your cousin, and Facebook, your great-grandmother.

Utilize your artillery.

Attain cool kid status.

  1. Make-up: Now, I have noticed a few unfortunate souls that think the gym is a wedding. Then they look so confused and hurt when sweat turns their faces into Jide Kosoko’s.

Errr, in the words of Rihanna, ‘nigga is you blind!?’

Please don’t disgrace yourself and sweat away your make-up oh. Don’t be deceived by Toke Makinwa who spritzes her face with water and the make-up is still rock-solid. She wasn’t running up that proverbial hill. She was standing somewhere looking pretty. Don’t be fooled, children!

HOWEVER, if you know that your face without make-up is like one of those poor, exploited souls on MUA IG accounts that are hideously hideous in the before photo, then please learn how to apply the ‘barely-there’ make-up….

…Then stick to jogging on the bridge at night.

Seriously. That’s the only way I can help you -__-

  1. At home: This is not advisable. You won’t be cool. You will get toned and fit and all of that. But you won’t be cool. Sorry, guys.Then again if social media is involved maybe you can make it otherwise nah!

And that’s it, folks. Go forth and achieve coolness!

See you on the bridge tomorrow 🙂

Love and Running Shoes

I strongly believe that Lagos must have the highest number of potbellied ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These potbellied runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, dressed in their matching gear (some with face caps) and all have the arm bands showcasing their variety of expensive fitness gadgets.

Lagos also has a high number of bra-less ‘runners’, most of which you will find on the famous Lekki-Ikoyi suspension bridge on a Saturday morning. These bra-less runners are usually soaked in their best fragrance, sporting the lightest possible tights and tops and are usually eager to hop jog a few kilometres, showcasing the variety of ‘cup’ sizes and sensitivity to the windy environment.

Welcome to Lagos, where everything is another way to get hitched!

I’ve been told I need to go out more in order to meet potential suitors. If you’ve ever lived in Nigeria, you would know that as a single woman, your mission when you step out of your house is to meet a potential husband (I’m only being sarcastic by the way). Not once did I ever think that working out would be another way to ‘spouse hunt’.

For the record, I’m not a fitness junkie, I run power walk daily to keep fit because I tend to sit for long hours during the day. I prefer power walking outside because walking on a treadmill looks lazy and my naturally competitive self is slightly irritated by the random skinny chic who decides to ‘fly’ on the treadmill right next to mine. I mean why abandon all the other equipment and come next to someone who is clearly struggling with anything more than a powerwalk on a treadmill? WHY? What’s your point? So you think you can fly? … *deep breaths Miss Gidi, deep breaths*

Anyway, being fit has become one of the most popular trends in Lagos, from celebrity personal trainers to Shaun T’s insanity routine, everyone who is anyone wants to be fit and/or have that bikini body even though most of us don’t wear bikinis to the beach and are subconsciously  addicted to jollof rice and eba.

Although this has become a city-wide trend, some parts of the city (*cough* Lekki), have taken it a bit too far by turning it into an avenue to meet their potential partners with  the newly constructed suspension bridge being the perfect location for such matchmaking. I guess the idea of 1.36km (0.85miles) of potential suitors excites them.

As most things Nigerian, there is always someone who has a story of how they got hitched and the story of meeting someone on the suspension bridge is fast becoming a trending topic. I always thought they were stories that could never be true until my size 6 friend who resides in Phase 1 said she only goes for a ‘run’ on Saturday mornings because that’s when the big boys come out to play. Of course, as the curious cat that I am, I decided I was going to experience this lekki bridge transit dating.

My friend and I agreed to meet up at about 9am at the Lekki end of the bridge. Upon arrival,I noticed she had matching gear from top to bottom hugging her well-proportioned curves while I, well I had on an over-sized slight faded t-shirt covering the folds from the twix bars I won’t let go of  and a scarf to put my weave in place. As I walked towards her, I subconsciously prepared myself to be scolded for my nonchalance as I clearing missed the memo on dressing etiquette while working out in Lekki.

After a few minutes of stretching, we decided to start slow before increasing our pace. The bridge was packed as expected with people of all shapes, sizes and fitness levels not to forget the cyclists with top of the line bicycles and all the fancy gadgets. To be honest, it was a sight to behold, seeing so many Nigerians being health conscious or so it seemed.

While some were running the full length of the bridge, others were exercising their eyes on the variety the bridge had to offer. I couldn’t help but notice the occasional pot-bellied runners walking in pairs and smiling at every good-looking lady that walked pass or the bra-less runners passing by in what seemed like hopping instead of jogging; I almost tripped watching a pair of Double Ds have a life of their own while their owner hopped ran towards me.

At the other side of the bridge, there were certain newly acquainted couples who were taking out time to get to know each other while pretending to brisk walk across the bridge. You could tell they weren’t talking about fitness because I am certain  a conversation on sweat, miles and pain is not enough to make a young lady laugh flirtatiously while tucking back the strand of South American hair the wind keeps blowing in her face…or maybe it’s just me.

I noticed my friend had picked up her pace so I got out of my state of shock and focused on burning the twix bar folds I had accumulated. I was only a few minutes into my increased pace when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard my friend say

‘Abeg slow down! How do you expect to get a toaster when you are running?

*sigh* What can I say?  #girlsarenotsmiling