AN EVENING WITH SINGLE IN GIDI

Are you 30 years of age or over? Would you like an evening of fun, Jazz music, having your favourite wine and of course a good conversation with other mature singles like yourself?

Well, this May, Single in Gidi is having its maiden edition of An Evening with Single in Gidi in Lagos tagged Jazz, Wine, and Conversation.

It is going to be an evening of fun, games, therapeutic sessions and of course mingling. There are only 30 slots available (15 of each gender) and the event is absolutely FREE.

If you would like to be a part of it, simply register below. Potential participants will be verified to ensure that information provided is genuine before further details are communicated.

Please note, you have to be registered before you can attend. 

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For further inquiry, email events@singleingidi.com or follow us on twitter; we would love to answer any questions you may have.

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RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE CLAIM

The article by Tunde on SIG last week on dating an abusive woman was quite enlightening and brave, but also put it in perspective that men like women can be abused in relationships, even though it is rarely talked about.  Well done Tunde, hopefully you encourage more men to talk about their issues and perspective on issues on the “hard journey” to marriage. I say “hard” because relationship issues are both ways and everyone has his or her own baggage to deal with.

Speaking of relationship baggage, once I passed the 27 age bracket with a failed engagement and seeing my friends getting married every other month, I made up my mind never to waste any moment of my life worrying and strategizing on how to manage a man with lots of baggage.  You know that phase in your life where you are desperately trying to impress a man but also trying so hard not to offend him by accepting his nonsense.

Remember my friend, Spice? the friend who I told you goes to her boyfriend’s house with her own pillow and bedsheet because she knows about his other women and isn’t worried because it not a particular woman, remember her? Yea her

Well Spice believes that a man will cheat even when he loves a woman as long as it is not a particular chick, it’s ok. Don’t ask me, me sef no understand that kain love but, yes babes really accept these behaviours from men in Lagos. As for Spice, this babe will make any excuse for the sorry ass she calls a man, the new one was one night he woke her up from sleep to talk, to say,

I think you should move one because I don’t think I can make you happy in a marriage. You see the men in my family are all impotent and being that you are now 34, you’d want a baby soon and I won’t be able to give you one.

No lie… super story material

First of all, if a man ever got to this point of having this sort of conversation then you know he has tried every trick possible and the babe has refused to get the hint. I mean, Spice has done mid-night prayers for the witches to leave him alone so they can marry, prayed against spiritual wives and strange women; I swear when she was telling me, I felt like I was watching a Yoruba movie.

The gist now is that last year Spice got pregnant.

Yes, she got pregnant to prove to her man that God can do anything but fail and that his fears of committing to her was nothing but just fear. At the back of her mind, it was meant to make everything better and they would be one happy family…jajajaja (I laugh in Spanish)

Since Spice got pregnant, her ‘boo’ started acting even worse. He rarely sees her these days, deleted her from his social media, put a girl’s picture as his DP and when she asked, he responded “how is that your business do I ask you the guys you put on your DP?” (meanwhile she has never put any guy, who born her?).

That’s how I went over to see her so I could help her, now that she is preggers and this babe had the audacity at night to say we should pray for the guy because someone told her the devil was trying to kill the guy by making them break up because she was his spiritual power. My people, no be movie plot, na real life story I dey narrate so!  I didn’t know when I started cussing as in actually swearing, pray for him? na God go punish the guy!

The way I see it, it’s her fault because she was hoping to be his messiah. This guy has never hidden his own baggage, and she has just refused to believe his reality and was forcing him to commit to her. My uncle used to say his wife was never his choice that she packed her load, moved into his house, started having kids, forcing him to be a husband and a father; a choice he neither made nor was prepared for.   A few decades later and it has now become a norm, babes like Spice forcing men into commitments and wondering why they won’t be faithful.

These days, listening to the baggage claim is a necessity.  It can consist of anything, from a string of random women he claims won’t leave him alone, random Beckys and Edible Caterings, or just being a dead weight that is a burden to the other person. Girls and guys you have to do your homework and not overlook anything especially if you choose to spend the rest of your life with the ‘said person’. I am not saying that single people should be too picky and expect too much from the people we want to date, but, we have to be sure that whoever we like and are trying to date is willing to empty their baggage and create space for us in their lives.

It’s common sense to listen and pay great attention to where people are in their lives and know for sure that no matter how much a person likes you, you cannot override their reality, you can only make suggestions and leave the decision to them. Girls forcing men into commitment will make your life a perfect script for an award-winning Yoruba movie like my friend Spice.

 

LIKE RIDING A BICYCLE

After the phone conversation with Cynthia I called Maxine. I listened to her callback tune till the call dropped and then I sent her a message.

Guess who’s single again? Clue: you guys are best buds 😀

One hour later she calls me back.

“Hello Bobo, sorry I was in a meeting and my phone was on silent. How are you?”

“I’m good dear. At least I think I am, which is weird.”

“How so?” she asked.

“Well, for someone who just got dumped… chai! I got dumped sha.”

We laughed about that.

“But really, for someone whose relationship just ended, I am calm and it’s kinda scary.”

“There’s no question of whether you loved Cynthia, even the blind could see.” she said. “I guess in some way you already figured out things were over since December, and the month that passed before she told you probably prepared you mentally for the eventuality.”

“I guess…” I wasn’t sure that was it.

“See, I am in a very good place and can’t let you be in a funk yourself or drag me down with you. What are you doing this weekend?”

“What’s this week…” my insides lurched.

At the turn of the year I didn’t see myself spending Valentine’s alone, but that reality just hit home.

“I guess I’ll just stay home, away from all the lovers having a blast.”

“Don’t be like that. How about we go see Deadpool on Saturday?”

That cheered me up instantly.

“Why not?”

On Saturday I got to the cinema one hour before the showing time. I had planned for us to get a bite before the movie, but characteristically, Maxine was running late.

A girl’s gotta be fashionably late… even for her buddy.

She had sent when I sent her an *rme*.

I went over to the game station to kill the time with a few games of FIFA. I was standing there beside the escalators trying to get the attendant’s attention when someone tumbled off the steps and bumped into me.

“Sorry,” a voice said as hands held my shoulder and side for balance.

I turned around to see who it was.

She stood at about 5ft5 or 6, dressed in a v-neck t-shirt over blue jeans that hugged her around the hips. She had on a pair of red Converse sneakers. A long weave framed her oval face, her arched brows outlined in the way that has become popular.

“Usually I don’t meet girls like this, but for you I’ll bite.” I said, sticking out my hand.

There was a pause and I thought she didn’t get it, but then she put her hand in mine. Warm soft skin brushed briefly against my palm and then was gone.

“I’m Bobo,” I said steering her away.

“Pearl.”

What kind of name is Pearl?

“What movie are you here to see?” I asked as she walked with me towards the ticket stand.

“Ride Along 2, and you?”

“I’m here to see Deadpool.”

“Maybe I should see that…”

“Maybe you should. I’m waiting for a friend though.”

Why did I say that?

“Oh.” Her bright red lips formed a perfect O.

“What are you doing seeing a movie by yourself?” I asked her.

“It’s something I do to treat myself every weekend. Work is hectic Monday to Friday, so Saturday I get my hair and nails done, then catch a movie or do something fun.”

“Maybe I’ll see you next Saturday then, and be your plus one.” I looked away as I said that.

“I don’t normally come here, but I was in the neighbourhood and decided on this one.”

“Well then, if you give me your number I can call to find out where we’ll be seeing the movie next week.”

There was a moment when I thought she was going to say something nasty, but instead she held out her hand, palm up.

I didn’t need a second invitation. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and into her hand.

She punched in her digits and pressed call.

“I’ll run off to see my movie now. Have fun watching Deadpool, and maybe we’ll see next week.”

I watched her walk away, a smile on my lips.

“Who was that?” Max’s voice behind me startled me. I hadn’t heard her walk up to me.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“All I needed to hear.” We hugged each other and she brushed her lips against my cheek.

“Keep doing that,” I said, “and I won’t be responsible for whatever happens.”

“What will happen?”

“Let’s just say konji is worrying me and you’re not helping with your ashewo moves.”

“You’re such a razzite.”

We bought our tickets, popcorn and sodas and went to see our movie.

After the movie I dropped her off at her place and she invited me in.

She microwaved dinner and served it with a bottle of wine.

“Do you really have to go home?” Max asked after dinner.

“Yes, actually.” I said, “but I fear I might be too drunk to drive.” I giggled. I am a happy drunk.

We had polished off the first bottle of wine and were at the bottom of the second bottle. I emptied the bottle into my glass and took a swallow.

When that bottle was finished Max opened a third. We sat on the living room carpet talking about all sorts of stuff, watching TV and drinking wine.

I had a vague recollection of Max saying she was sleepy and I said I was too. She stretched out in front of the TV and I looked down at her sleeping form and wondered why we never took things to the next level. I tried to picture what it would feel like, but the shutters of my brain were coming down without my permission. I stretched out beside Max.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE DESPERATE

There comes a time in life when you want to ‘settle down’. I mean in a society like ours, that’s your singular purpose in life from the moment you could introduce yourself without the help of an older person *insert sarcasm*.

This ‘want’ and ‘need’ to be married soon becomes an ailment, a disease that follows you, a condition that makes your friends avoid you, a sickness that makes every relationship short-lived and potential friends become strangers.  The problem is that in all of this, the only person who is not aware of the severe Desperado Syndrome is you and when you are told that you’ve become that desperate single person, you often go into defense mode and then have this long speech to back up your points.

Here are a few ways to know if you have become that desperate single person:

  1. You talk about marriage a lot – you would not be a desperado if you didn’t do this. You eat, drink, sleep and breathe marriage; from the first conversation with complete strangers you are already dropping hints as to why you want to get married and the kind of man/woman you are searching for.
  2. You want a title too soon – It’s been barely 2 weeks that you’ve been talking to someone and you are already asking the question ‘so what are we?’ ‘am I your girlfriend?’ ‘where are we headed?’
  3. You make a lot excuses – You are constantly making excuses for yourself or the person you are trying to be with. For example, you make statements like – ‘he’s not that fine but he pays attention’, ‘he’s not that paid but he’s a nice guy’, ‘I’m not sure how I feel about him but I mean I am no longer 21’.….at the end of the day, we have one question for you… ‘Who ask you?’
  4. You try to make him become ‘the one’ – Even though you know the person you are with does not have the qualities you are searching for, you still go ahead with the relationship and then get frustrated with they do not become the person you want them to be.
  5. You are time conscious – and by this I do not mean hours and minutes, I am talking keeping tabs on how long you plan to talk to this person before he asks you out or he proposes. After all you don’t have the patience for anyone to waste your time
  6. You sabotage a lot of friendships – every single person is a potential boyfriend or husband. For clear reasons, you cannot define exactly what you are looking for in your partner and in most cases, you end up destroying possible life long relationships.
  7. You throw the cookie – there’s nothing like waiting to get to know the them better before you get to ‘know’ them intimately with you. I mean how else would they know you have marriage qualities on lock down.
  8. You live in an illusion-induced cinematic world – let’s be honest you don’t know if you will end up being together with this person or not, so try to not envision long-term. Think next date not when you will be walking down the aisle and changing your last name. This is not a Hollywood romcom so snap out of it and take it one day at a time.

I know sometimes, it seems like trying hard will give you a more likely chance of find love but everyone needs to know where to draw the line and not be desperate. You can probably think of a time when you met someone who reeked of desperation, at first it was cute but then you freaked out and ran as fast as you could.

I can hear you saying, “I don’t act desperate, okay.  I just want to settle down” and that is probably true.  I’m sure you are not the female version of who I just described but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t putting off that same kind of vibe.

BUDGET FRIENDLY LAGOS VALENTINE

We all know what February 14 is, there are so many offers available online; trips abroad, expensive dinners, hampers of various sizes and so one. However with the current economic situation of the country, there is something that is not as available as the options for an extravagant valentine which happens to be, the funds for it all.

If you’re worried that your bank account can’t stretch far enough to give your bae (we need to retire this word) a Valentine’s Day to remember, realize that the best experience on Valentine’s Day is having him/her know that they’re loved, cared about, and wanted.

Here are some of our SIG’s budget friendly valentine’s day ideas

Dinner at Freedom Park 

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If you really want to have dinner but on a budget then you should go to a few of the parks or beaches in Lagos. Personally, I recommend Freedom Park, which is in the heart of Lagos Island. Freedom park gives you great ambiance and good food, you should definitely try the grilled fish by Jagzee Chow.

And here’s a trick, if you want to make it even more romantic, grab your table and chairs to a secluded spot in the park, spread out your table-cloth and light up some candles. You may want to stay away from the fountain though, you know what they say about stagnant water

Brunch at Lekki Conservation Centre

lekki-1Lekki Conservation Centre has to be one of the most photographed places in Lagos, after the lekki-ikoyi bridge of course, which makes it a good location for a valentine’s brunch if you are on a budget. Simply pack up your picnic basket, grab a meal and then take a walk around the centre. If you have a board game then take it with you and make that moment your own.

Day Trip to Badagry Coconut Beach

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About 20 miles towards the border of Nigeria and the Republic of Benin, Coconut Beach is accessible through the ever busy Lagos-Badagry expressway. This beach is known for its beauty and breathtaking scenery views which makes it an ideal place to spend valentine’s day in Lagos to relax and unwind.

Dinner and Movie (Your way)

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Dinner and movie at home is always a win but instead of doing the traditional Nigerian meals e.g pepper-soup for starter, jollof rice and vanilla ice-cream, take it a step further and go for the unconventional because it shows that you put in the effort and didn’t just order from your local buka.

With DSTV Rental, Netflix and IrokoTV, you are spoilt for choice when it comes to deciding what movie. For the full cinema experience, get your microwavable popcorn, sprinkle some granulated sugar over it and you are good to go.

As our valentine’s gift to you, Chef Imoteda was nice enough to give us a 3 course valentine meal suggestion (menu pictured above) so if you have no clue on how to be unconventional then simply click here or the thumbnails below.

 

We hope this helps and remember you don’t have to break the bank to show you care, it’s the little things that count for those that truly love you.

GOODBYE

“Hey Bobo, everything okay?” Osime, my colleague asked.

“I’m good o, just a little tired.” I stretched and feigned a yawn.

“You’ve been acting strangely the last few weeks,” she said, “and these last few days you’ve worn a long face.”

“What are you now, the behaviour police?”

“Control yourself, my friend.”

“Don’t call me your friend, my friend.” I threw back, quoting someone from The Village Headmaster plays.

We laughed.

“So I’ve been thinking,” I said after a while.

“Bobo thinking? That can’t be good.” she teased.

“Olodo. Anyway, I was wondering what it meant if a girl suddenly stopped talking to her boyfriend.”

“Wait. What?” She swung her swivel chair to face me. “Cynthia stopped talking to you?”

“Why are you like this?” I asked. “It’s a hypothetical question jare.”

“Okay o,” the look on her face said she wasn’t buying it. “Suddenly stopped talking to him how? Did they fight? Did she catch him cheating?”

“Let us say he didn’t cheat,” I saw Osime raise a brow.

Idiot.

“He didn’t cheat, or do anything wrong as far as one can say while dealing with a woman…”

“What do you mean by ‘as far as one can say while dealing with a woman’?”

“You know how you women are, tackling a guy for not doing something, then tackling him for doing the same thing.” I said. “Aaanyway, she wouldn’t take his calls, then became unreachable, then blocked him on social media, then lost his number – or her phone, depending on who you ask.”

“There must have been a sign he either missed or refused to see.” Osime said. “People don’t do that kind of about-face. Especially not women. Did he try to talk with her?”

Not really.

“He tried, but it didn’t go far.”

“Well, I would advise the person – hypothetically of course – to call her and have it out with her. Sit with her and look her in the face while they try to hash things out.”

“Okay.” I said. “So what are your plans for Sunday?” I changed the subject.

“Sunday? Church nau.”

“And after church?”

“I dunno… get some rest and then prepare for work I guess.”

“No valentine plans?”

“Don’t I need a bobo for that?”

“Aha. You have a Bobo right here.” I leaned back in my chair.

“So someone will come and bathe me with acid, abi?”

***

“Hello, how are you?” I asked. I was trying to keep my voice cool, but my heart was racing. I cleared my throat and rubbed sweaty palm on my pants.

“I’m good Bobo, thank you. You?”

“I’ve been better. Before I dialled your number I had these things I wanted to say, and how I was going to say them. But I heard your voice and everything’s gone.” I chuckled, but it sounded too loud, and wrong. ”

Get a grip.

“Really?”

“You can’t say you haven’t noticed something is off between us. We used to be impatient to talk with each other, and then we’d talk for hours. Now we just manage to say a few words and that’s it.”

“I know what you mean, and to be honest it’s you not me.”

You won’t get any argument from me.

“When we started six months ago, in my head it was a friends with benefit type situation. You seemed to be on board with it. But lately I see the way you look at me, how your eyes linger as if you’re making memories to take with you until we see again. I hear the things you don’t say about a future together and it scares me. I’m not scared for me, I am scared and worried for you.

“I get a sense that you’re dipping all of you into me, but there’s no depth to me and you’ll wind up disappointed and maybe resentful. I don’t want that to happen to us.”

“So you’re saying…”

“Shhh… let me say this.” She cut me off. “I am not in the market for love, at least not just yet, and it would be selfish of me to let you give your love to me with nothing to give you in return. I tried to caution you a few times, but each time I opened my mouth to speak I saw how happy you were and I stopped my mouth. Kept my truth to myself. December – and the loss of my phone – presented me with a coward’s choice and I took it. Why wouldn’t you just go? Stay gone?”

The words she said flayed me and flayed me anew.

A part of me registered it must hurt her to bare herself to me this way, but another part reminded me of the time I lied about my genotype to get out of a relationship.

I held the girl’s face then, looked at her with such earnestness and lied about being AS. She was AS too, and although she wanted to take that chance with me, I let the twin pools that were my eyes convince her this was the best decision. She probably didn’t see past the murky brown depths of my pupils. She let me hold her, kiss her forehead and release her.

Whether I believed what she was saying or not, I stopped listening, waiting for her to finish.

I clenched my jaw and raked my fingers through my hair, the phone warm against my ear.

When she was done I told her I understood, thanked her for her honesty and assured her I valued our friendship that much too. We said goodbye, and I swear I could hear the finality in this one, and then I hung up.

CATCH KOREDE BELLO AND LIL KESH GO HEAD TO HEAD ON A STYLING BATTLE, AKAH AKA DR. LOVE SHARES LOVE TIPS AND LOADS OF GIVEAWAYS – THE SAUCE (VALENTINES EDITION)

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If you’re just discovering the sauce, then you’ve under a rock. Imagine if everything you missed on social media could be delivered to you in one place plus extra….The sauce is an online show that talks pop culture and current affairs, It’s not just hot it’s mad fun. Catch Seyitan and Switch every Fortnight as the Sauce Crew brings you a summary of all the notable News from politics, finance, and world news to entertainment as well as exciting packages.

The highs, the lows, the OMG Moments entangled with hilarious dialogue and skits that to satisfy your need for a totally exciting information package and maybe comedy cravings. Showing Fridays on Red TV.

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This valentine’s special features our usual key highlights and styling tips from our celebrity guests Lil Kesh and Korede Bello. In collaboration with Lost in Lagos we showcase some of our favorite chill spots with amazing food. And our in house love doctor, Dr. Akah Love (Akah Bants) who shares much need tips for the valentine season.

Win Big with the Sauce:

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Oh! Yes in the spirit of the season, we are giving out two tickets for a Venetian dinner at Insignia, and a 20k voucher for HardRock Café..

Watch the Sauce on Red TV today:

 

Produced by Suss Productions for Red TV.

5 RESOLUTIONS TO TURN UP YOUR DATING LIFE 

I know the new year hype is over but as we officially kickstart the week in Lagos here is some #SIGWISDOM to try out this 2016 and turn up your dating life.

5. Find your dating purpose. This is very important. What is your purpose for dating this 2016? Figure out what you want and stick to it. If you don’t want a long-term relationship, be clear about that from day one. If you want a long-term relationship, be clear about that, too. No need forming or pretending and acting surprised when the person in question does not match up. Also make sure you figure out the qualities you think are most important to you in a partner. If sense of humor is vital to you don’t ask for a second date with someone who doesn’t make you laugh, if it is financial stability then focus on that.

4. Don’t forget your single friends. Believe it or not, your single friends are NOT your enemy. Be open and honest about your dating experience and resolve to listen to others be open and honest about theirs. You’d be surprised the things you learn just from speaking up. Become a better listener, a better friend and a better person all at the same time. Learning how to talk about emotions with others will, in fact, eventually make you a better person to be with.

3. Let go of the past. If you have any issues from your past, like an ex you never got over or someone you are still upset with, now is the time to let it go. That means letting go of the things in your life that remind you of a retired relationship. It means hiding them from your Facebook feed and taking a vow to stop stalking them online. I’m not saying you need to throw people out of your life, but you do need to give yourself the time to grow without them for a while. Only then will you be in a position to let someone else in.

2. Set realistic dates and keep them. The kind of dates you go for define the potential partners you meet. We all love to turnup but sometimes turning up means going low key. Lagos has a variety of things to do on a weekly basis so feel free to try new things. Don’t change your mind last minute on a potential date because you’re tired or you are all of a sudden not feeling them. If you want to meet someone thoughtful and considerate, you have to be thoughtful and considerate, too…always remember there’s this thing called karma

1. Be present at events. And by that I Mean drop your phone. As much as I love social media, I hate that these days people aren’t giving themselves to be approachable because they spend too much time instagraming or snapchating, I feel like you get to know more about people from their social media feeds than in person. No one wants to feel like they are competing for your attention with your cell phone and 500 followers. Take your life offline for a minute and experience life around you.

IDENTIFYING WHO TO DATE IN 2016

Happy new year Family!!! Yes it’s me again, Imarose and I know I have been MIA for a bit but don’t worry, it’s a new year and I will attempt to be better.

Have you ever been to a single-and-mingle event in Lagos? I have and I can tell you Lagos is full of some many single women, while every guy in Lagos is single; married-single and in-relationships-single, all men in Lagos always claim singleton. So much so that, Iranian, South African, Zimbabwean, Moroccans and Kenyans women full Lagos this festive season, all of them booked that hotel that has now turned runs-girls hostel Raddison Blue looking for these single men.

The other day, this Zimbabwean chick I went to school with came all the way from New York to mingle on account of, “God told her she will marry a wealthy Nigerian and because she happens to know the wealthiest woman in Africa, she brought herself here to try to mingle with one of her single sons or their cousins” *takes a deep breath*

The funny thing was we all hung out and her mark paid her no attention while her friend this other SA chick engaged to a Lagos boy was getting upset because her boo was too engrossed in a conversation with me about the declining Nigerian economy even though we just met. In my head I was like, see these foreigners o, we Lagosians never find our own husband finish and you are just going to come and in 10 days pick up yours from the streets of Lagos, just like that…wonders shall never cease

Back to the matter, jare…..

Most people who are dating are looking for the ideal partner, but why are so many of them having such a hard time in a city full of “single” people? That’s easy to answer. It’s because finding the ideal partner requires selective dating which a lot of people do not practice.

Selective dating is about identifying the type of person you date. It doesn’t mean being picky, it means not compromising on the things that are important to you, it means not compromising on your values and it especially means not compromising on your self-worth. Sounds easy enough, right? Not so much. Sometimes, single women will let important things slide and settle for the sake of having someone around or whiling away time while trying to keep that option open. If you are like me, seeing someone and keep options open is nearly impossible.

Today, after seven months trial of this experiment that yielded a positive result for me, I am here to say if you are really serious about finding love, be selective about who you date … here’s why;

So what ARE the best traits to look for in a partner? Well, luckily someone has done the thinking for us. I was reading an article from Samantha Joel that stressed the importance of responsiveness in a relationship. What does that mean? Well, the author defined it as “someone who makes you feel understood, validated, and cared for ” because “it’s easier to work out relationship issues, big and small, with a partner who’s more responsive rather than less“.

She goes on to characterize a responsive partner with three important traits: Understanding, Validating, and Caring. Understanding partners are partners understand that feelings are not right or wrong, they are just feelings and everyone has a right to theirs. They also Validate your point of view by making you feel respected and important to them (even when they don’t agree with you).

Lastly, a responsive partner is Caring – they are concerned for your well-being, communicate with you and express affection. These traits ultimately are what keep relationships going in the longer term. Remember Mr October? I kept waiting for him to change, disappoint me, disappear or minimize contact, yet it keeps getting strong, I can’t chase Mr October away, so I have committed it into God’s hands. Recently, we had our first fight and he was still caring and considerate of my crazy-ass even though his stubborn behind didn’t agree with me and I was like finally, so this is what this should feel like

They also ensure that you will always resolve disagreements with ease and no fear of staying in your feelings and feeling the heck out of them even when they don’t make sense. .

What does that have to do with dating? Miss Gidi just got married ask her! I feel happily ever after and forever has everything to do with your choice in partner. When you choose right, you typically end up in a better place. That’s true for everything in your life. It’s all about quality. Problem is that we’re too anxious and in a hurry to end the singleton disease, hence, we lose sight of the true end goal; happiness.

We tend to forget what really makes us happy. What’s the solution? You need to practice selective dating which means:

  • being happily single
  • enjoying the process and forgetting the outcome
  • being aware of red flags
  • listening to your gut instincts about someone
  • being true to you

So there you have it. Something to think about this new year.

Everyone deserves an ideal partner.

 

Love,

ImaRose

LANDING THE RIGHT MAN

Guys I apologise for being consistently inconsistent these days, truth is, I am working on a lot of things even while on vacation, it almost feels like I am biting more than I can chew but when one is a budding policy-maker, one is everyone’s go-to house-girl for policy/research related issues, most of the time, for free, but in Nigeria, we call it “sowing seeds for your future”. Not even going to lie, Ima is really enjoying this her time away from a 9-5, vacation where she no run go ‘the abroad’ to spend money, I still wake up to my alarm clock, roll over and continue sleeping or go and exercise if I had enough sleep. I cook, a lot these days, until you have had my unripe plantain porridge, you haven’t had a good one, yes I am actually boasting!

It’s funny how my friends are more worried about my single status than I am, sometimes I actually forget that I am no longer a spring-chicken. You know they say ‘Gemini’ are externally kids and in my case, that won’t be a lie, I mean one is the big 3.0 next year, and still sulks when a date rain checks on one. I just learnt what rain check meant two days ago, lol! I am proud of myself.

Recently, our very own Miss Gidi, played a fast one on me with an arrangee that took me a while to figure out for what it was. It was very pleasant, sweet and pleasing to the eyes and I am still blushing from it, that’s all y’all need to know, lol!…in her defence, I harassed her into introducing me to someone since she is too busy with wedding planning.

On another note, I have this friend (we’ll call her Spice) that’s  been trying to hook me up with her boyfriend’s friend for a while now. I declined the offer, and months ago she said, she was too concerned for me and that her boyfriend who proposed without a ring, had said once they get married she would not hang around single ladies again. In my sarcastic manner, I told her my lawyers would contact be in touch soon to process our no-hard-feelings-unfriendship.

So in order to avoid this unfriendship, she decided it was time to urge me on to consider her bae’s friend. According to her, he was every inch a potential husband and he was actively looking for a wife not dating around. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and but she kept insisting, so I told her the light version of why not her bae’s friend which is ‘we just don’t click, maybe it’s me’, but here’s the raw version.

Usually, I am very weary of who wants to hook me up especially when your relationship is not working, no thanks! Any man who behaves like Spice’s boyfriend will not have the kind of man I like as friends, birds of a feather flock together, true story.

Spice’s boyfriend will be out with Spice and some random chick will walk up to him and say, you never called me back and he won’t remember how and where he met her, but he will tell Spice, she must be some chick he has had sex with, he managed to convince her that he loves her, but his nature is a more prevalent force he cannot control, to Spice, love doesn’t negate cheating. Spice is the kind of girl that goes to her boyfriend’s house with her own pillow, sheets, and duvet cover, because she doesn’t want to sleep on sex sweat from side-pieces. Spice said, a man sleeping with random chics is nothing to worry about, but when it is a particular girl, there is reason to pray and fast against strange women.  Don’t ask me mbok, I don’t understand it too, but how about respect? I wish a n*** would, rubbish!

Fast and pray ko, my mates are finding solutions to their immediate world’s problem, I should pray and fast for a man not to leave me for another? Abasi akan (God forbid). God doesn’t answer those kinds of prayers; God is too busy to focus on manipulation.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, I am talking to my oyinbo friend who called me for some girl talk on something she was going through in her marriage. As my therapy session, I mean, girl-chat ended, Spice broke down crying, saying, her bae, the same one who proposed without a ring, keeps breaking up with her, saying, he doesn’t think he is good enough for her, how she deserves better, and could do way better than him. Dude even said he fears, he might run away and leave her one day should they go ahead with the marriage that has no plan, details or anything fixed.

I wasn’t surprised, in my mind, I was like any man who proposes without a ring, is as unserious as unserious can be, maybe it was in the heat of some mind-blowing sex, because why else will a man propose without ring?

As I probed further to find out why she didn’t ask for a ring or want to know when this wedding shall be, Spice, wailed. And then said, he said he didn’t want to draw attention until he had saved up enough money to give her a befitting ring and grand dream wedding ceremony.

Worse load of ish I have heard in my entire life. What is a dream wedding, sef? My own dream wedding is 50 close friends and family at the court, dinner for 100 later followed by thanksgiving in church, and then we can honeymoon for 4 weeks and have amazing sex in some exotic locations around the world, what could be better than that?. Spending excessively on a lavished ceremony is waste of resources…Miss Gidi wait oh! we still plan to turn up for yours so don’t cut down, DJ Xclusive maybe?

So Spice ended the conversation with, ‘he benefits more from this relationship than I do from him’, when I pressed further, it turned out that she bought him a piece of land,  paid for the survey and planning, and apparently, this was the same time, the deadbeat pulled the ring-less spur of the moment engagement stunt…shebi I talk am…there had to be some motivation for that nonsense.

Now she’s back at square one, crying a river, if I talk now, they will say I don’t understand because I don’t have a man so this time I have absolutely nothing to say

But my fellow single ladies, if a man lives in Egbeda and you love him, live there with him until he is able to come up with an upgrade, only ever, contribute or plan with a man who is your husband, not a boyfriend, not even fiance mbok. Some men are wired to derive joy and ego from being heads and leaders, if you buy land for a man, he will take it as he should and build a life with a woman who accepts his present state in life and allows him to be a man.

If a man wants to be with you, no ex, side babes, friends with benefits, friends having hope, can keep him away, if he doesn’t, there is nothing you can do to keep him…not even 10 plots in Banana Island

I rest my case

Imarose