DATING AN ABUSIVE WOMAN – TUNDE

Dear Mz Gidi,

The name is Tunde and no I am not a yoruba demon. I don’t usually comment on the blog but I wanted to share my experience with everyone of dating an abusive woman.

A lot of times when people talk about abuse in a relationship, it is always the man that is the abuser and the woman that is the victim. I am not denying that some men are abusers but we need to realise that some women are worse than the men that they portray abused them.

I have never hit a woman in my life but once I considered it because I was pushed to the limit by the woman I was with at the time. The truth is, she was abusive, she was an emotional bully and also verbally abusive. When I was with her, I lost all self-esteem and confidence in myself because with her nothing was ever good enough.

It wasn’t as bad when we first started out then again I think it is because I thought I loved her so I overlooked some of her behaviour and thought I could ‘tame’ her craziness…that was a great mistake.

She would criticise anything anybody does that is different than how she would have done it. She wanted to control me and often times resorted  to emotional intimidation to do it. She used verbal assaults and threats in order to get me to do what she wanted. It made her feel powerful and in the end I would feel bad.

No matter how hard I tried and how much I gave, it was never enough. She wanted more! One time I went out of my way to buy her a bag that cost me almost 100k and she didn’t accept it. She always expected me to drop whatever I was doing and attend to her needs. No matter the inconvenience, she must come first. She had an endless list of demands and there was no way I could fulfil all of them.

She was very good at name calling. One minute I was a pushover, the next minute I was spineless, sometimes I was not man enough. One incident I would never forget was when she told me ‘My friends from the past would be surprised that I am even dating a man like you’

We were always arguing, I used to celebrate 2 weeks of peace with her because every second was a potential havoc. These arguments were not small o, often heated and would end up with her throwing things. I am yet to replace my TV that she cracked from the argument that made us break up.

After a year of being with her, and making excuses I had to let her go. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was drained, I was messed up and I was scared of her.

Most men don’t want to admit that they’re in an abusive relationship. They describe the relationship and their girlfriend using other terms like crazy, emotional, controlling, bossy, domineering, constant conflict, or volatile. So my advice to any man out there, if you use words like this to describe your relationship, then most likely you are with an abusive woman and it is time for you to run.


Whoa! This is deep but I am glad someone opened up about this. If you are a guy and have been in an abusive relationship then please share your thoughts? 

Use the comment box below and let’s discuss.

If you want to reach out to me or share your own story on the blog, you can send an email to singleingidi@gmail.com or follow SingleinGidi on Facebook, twitter and instagram